Many wannabe Mothers and fathers mist have been wondering how they going to deal with sex once the baby arrive. But dealing with it takes a lot in order to lost the spark and romance during this stage cos it matters to both factors. Here are some common questions that run through our heads on this issue and how to deal with them with ease.

When is it safe to have sex after giving birth?
You should wait until any bleeding after the birth (lochia) has stopped, which should be by about three weeks after your baby's birth. This is because the wound left in your uterus (womb) by the placenta coming out is still healing. If you have sex before the bleeding has stopped, you may get an infection.

When will I feel like having sex after the birth?
Everyone is different. There's no norm, or set time, when you should aim to have sex by. The most important thing is to wait until you are physically and emotionally ready.

A small number of couples start having sex within the first month after the birth, but about half wait until at least six weeks, as do most women who have had a tear or episiotomy. By three months, most couples have tried sex again, though some couples prefer to wait until after six months.

If you both feel ready to have sex before your postnatal check at about six weeks after the birth, you can go ahead if you want to. Some health professionals suggest trying sex with your partner before your postnatal check, if you both feel ready, so they can address any problems at your appointment.

You'll need to consider contraception when you do start to have sex again. Even if you are still breastfeeding and your periods haven't returned, you may still get pregnant again.

If you're not yet ready to have sex, continue with kissing and touching and being physically close to each other. Try to do this, even if it seems a lot of effort when you're tired and preoccupied with your new baby. Returning to sex will then feel less daunting and more like a natural progression.

Why don't I feel like having sex after the birth?
It's very common not to feel like having sex in the first few weeks or months after having a baby. For a start, you're probably feeling exhausted due to lack of sleep, not to mention overwhelmed by the demands of being a mum. If you are breastfeeding, the hormone prolactin can reduce your desire to have sex, too.

Feeling low, or suffering from postnatal depression, will make you feel less like having sex. Talk to your GP, midwife or health visitor if you think this is a problem for you.

You may also be feeling sore from a tear, episiotomy or stitches. If you had a tear, or if your baby was born with instruments, it may take you a little longer to feel like having sex again. This is perfectly normal, and you should give yourself time to recover. If you had a caesarean, you will still be recovering from a major operation.

The soreness may go away relatively quickly, though the pain of stitches or a severe tear may take a while longer to heal. Stitches may be painful for a few days or weeks. Let the wound heal, and any stitches dissolve, before you have sex again.

Even if you haven't had an episiotomy or a tear, the perineal area can feel bruised and sensitive for some time.

If you had a caesarean, the scar should have healed by the time your stitches come out. If it still feels sensitive, you and your partner could try to find positions that don't put pressure on the scar. Starting with pre-intimacy will help to reduce any fear you may have of your scar being painful.

If you are anxious, your tummy will tense around your scar, and this will feel uncomfortable. You could place a small, soft cushion between your tummy and your partner. This may relax you and help to protect your sensitive scar. Or you could position yourself on top, while gently cradling your tummy. This will help to prevent the movements from making your scar uncomfortable.

Your perception of your own body may have changed. You may feel that your body is so changed by pregnancy and birth that you need time for it to recover before you feel like yourself again. You may feel proud of the changes that pregnancy has made to your body, or find it hard to deal with these changes. All of these feelings are understandable and normal.

Many women worry that their partner won't find them attractive any more, but when they explain their concerns, realise that this is far from being the case.

What if my partner wants sex before I do?
Talk to each other about how you are feeling, and keep the channels of communication open. Your partner might feel rejected if you don't want sex and he does, but you shouldn't feel pressured to have sex again before you are ready. Sex should be a pleasure, not a chore.

Sex doesn't have to mean full penetration. The stimulation of touch alone can be highly pleasurable. Words and cuddles can do much to convey affection and emotion. You will both benefit from this closeness, until you are both ready to have sex again.

Your partner may feel uncertain about having sex after seeing the birth. He may worry that sex will be painful for you, or be unsure about his own feelings. Talk about concerns that either of you have. By sharing the problem, and being honest with each other, you can work through it together.

Are there any self-help tips for sex after the birth?
•Try just cuddling and being intimate at first, so you gradually become used to being touched in a sexual way again.
•Take it slowly. Enjoy each other's bodies, and plenty of pre-intimacy, without expecting it to lead to penetrative sex.
•If you are anxious or tense, or worried that it will hurt, you won't become aroused. Sex may then be uncomfortable because your vagina won't be lubricated, or have softened.
•Try using a lubricating jelly if your perineal area is feeling sensitive, as this can make sex much more comfortable. Don't use an oil-based lubricant if you use condoms, as this may cause them to leak. The lubrication will also help with any vaginal dryness you may be feeling, which is common if you are breastfeeding.
•When you do feel ready, try not to rush things. It should feel natural, and you should both feel ready and fully aroused. Try a position that doesn't put too much pressure on wherever you are feeling sensitive. Beginning with you on top means that you can control the rate and depth of penetration.
•If things become sensitive or uncomfortable, ask your partner to stop for a while. He could instead try gently touching your clitoris. Once you do feel aroused, you can try again.
•If tiredness is your biggest barrier, try making love during your baby's nap time, so you are not too exhausted to enjoy it. Your baby is bound to wake up at the most inconvenient time, but just try to laugh it off and wait until the next opportunity presents itself. Be patient, as things will get easier when your baby starts sleeping through the night.
•Keep doing pelvic floor exercises, to help bring back muscular tone to your vagina. This will help to increase your enjoyment of sex.
•Eat well, drink plenty of fluids, and rest whenever you can. Looking after a new baby is extremely demanding. To have energy left, you also need to look after yourself.

What problems should I look out for?
If sex continues to be painful, despite going about it carefully and gently, talk to your health visitor or GP. Occasionally, the way a tear or an episiotomy is stitched can cause long-term discomfort, which further surgery can put right.

If you have vaginal discharge that smells unpleasant, you could have an infection that requires medical attention. If you are still losing blood from your vagina after four weeks, or have a sudden increase in blood loss, see your doctor.

Just over 80 per cent of women experience some problems with their sex life at around three months after the birth of their baby. This may just be down to a lack of desire, but it can also be because of discomfort or pain.

The important thing is to seek help as soon as you can. Talk to your GP, who can then refer you to a women's health physiotherapist. Sometimes, just talking about how are you feeling can help things to improve, without any need for further treatment.



http://www.babycentre.co.uk/

very interesting.