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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. (19560 Views)
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Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by kikelomojessy(f): 8:40pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
weda U̶̲̥̅̊ ar frm a broken home or not dosnt stop U̶̲̥̅̊ from getting married.Ask ur dis question, dnt people from an unbroken home get divorced? Everytin is all abt ur attitude and how U̶̲̥̅̊ can take pressure. Arranged marriage can work and has bEen workin since time past, its all abt them getting to know each other and try working tins out. Also know that there is neva a time U̶̲̥̅̊ will totally know sombody cos people change. Just relax and pray dat God send U̶̲̥̅̊ a man dat will look beyond all dis and take U̶̲̥̅̊ as wife. |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Opiosko: 8:41pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
jomoh:You are wrong bro. One can forgive and forget.. To forgive nd forget does not mean that ur memory will go blank, it mean u will not jugde him/her future action by the past. Bless u. |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by agobentim: 8:42pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
I am force to comment on this topic because it really touched me. I also grew up from a broken home at age 4 but mine is worse than all that have been mentioned. My parents broke up because mum was having only boys, 4 of us in number but my grand mum needed girls because she doesn't have any and this led her to always pressure my mum. This incidence give our housemaid the chance to come in by using charm.Later dad marry our housemaid and mum remarry. We were taken to our grandmas place without any assistance from dad. We had to fend for ourselves in the street to survive. Mum and died before I got to age 16. Recently the only girl I have known and plan to marry, disorganized me. Because I am emotional and she knows I loved her,she started Sleeping around, I forgave up to 5 times some she will confess when I have caught her others I discovered. She was doing all these because her mum told her that guys from broken home are not nice, I wnated to prove her wrong but she cheated again twice and the 3yrs relationship I started in my 300Level ended with a fight and insult from her. Infact I was arrested and slept in cell because she destroyed my office property to set me up that I was trying to rape her. BOTTOM LINE Anyone who act base on the things his or her parents tell him or her is not worthy to be a good spouse. She will also do same after marriage. Always wanting parents to have a say in their marriage. 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by austine4real(m): 8:44pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
Wipes sweats 4rm 4head. U nid 2 do self discovery,i knw u'r desperate 2 marry, dnt b anger&kip prayin 4 ur dad dats hw u'r goin 2 b healed cos 4givnez dnt com easily. Stat prayin 4 d rghtman&mind d way u kari ursef around. Tis well |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Truckpusher(m): 8:44pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
rofemiguwa:Op needs to forgive her Dad, just like someone rightly said. You do not pay your Dad back for crimes they committed against you and your Mom in the last 20 yrs instead you should create a bond between them and let peace radiate in the house.Everyone of us has a story and the only way you can even right the wrongs of your parents is to bring them back together in and assure them that everything is now ok.She should accept her Dad back wholeheartedly and watch the things change after all you do not hold people down in your innermost heart and expect to be free - You can't because you're still a slave and a prisoner to your conscience. |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Nobody: 8:45pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
My advise is that watch and change how you treat the men that come to you for marriage cus its like you use what happened btw ur mom and dad to treat them badly. Most women from broken homes are very mean and wicked. And for your dad, forgive him cus u might not know the pressure ur mom put on him to make him run to another woman for peace. God will bring your husband soon. You can mail me on sales@yinkslinks.com and I will tell u what to do. Thanks |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by snowprince59(m): 8:47pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
Ya! I strongly agree with you that arranged marriage doesn't last. I personally detest it. Dats y I prefer lovers dating and courting 4 years b4 walking down d isle to enhance acquaintancy. Now! To your issue, I'd advice you 4give your dad (ofcuz its nat easy) and seek 4 his blessings. Let him move on with his oda family and leave yu guys alone. Also pray and invite God to intervene, I strongly believe all wud be ok within a twinkle of an eye. |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Nobody: 8:47pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
neoapocalypse: How can she be that stupid not to realize that the guys that dumped her over such a trivial issue do not love her, and she was even contemplating committing suicide. I am a female and will hate to be classified in such a category as she. Let her commit suicide fast. We do not need such stupidity. |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Aitee1: 8:47pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
voltron: Best advice so far have read here kudos sir, but then how does she look for such men remember she's a woman, what if such men don't come her way |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Nobody: 8:50pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
ToroJah:oh that means we can hook because am same as u,am from broken home too |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Samoranopapa(m): 8:51pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
You shouldn't have been telling people that your father is dead,the fact that he abandoned you guys doesn't mean you should not wish him well, he is still your father and it is only you and your siblings that can unite the family so that you can also have a relationship that will lead to marriage,because if u don't do so,you might also meet another guy that his family will be saying the same thing.so please forgive your dad because I want you to know that forgiveness is the final form of love.Forgive others not because they deserve it but because you deserve peace. |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Truckpusher(m): 8:51pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
neoapocalypse:In a close knit family circle where love and loyalty is sacred you do not need a soothsayer to tell you that you need the blessings of everyone to move on and their no blessings attitude doesn't necessarily means that they will force you out of the would be union...... The watch word is: where there is love and loyalty Besides I never said you should leave your partner and I believe you read where I mentioned that you should have done your home work properly before the introduction. FYI: When you reply me try and keep it plain,clean and do not use vulgar words on me, I have zero tolerance and I usually retaliate and I also fight dirty.Just ask around. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by pring: 8:56pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
mutter:I need to have a chart with u. Its private. |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by ATTAHDYE(m): 8:59pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
in 2003 when Obj was running for reelection, people told him that all elections held in the year that end with '3' always end in a disaster. He said that "because my grandfather die in a car accident, and my father died in a car accident, it does not mean that I will also die in a car accident. My sister, your story is different, any man that turns you down because of your parents.misfortune is not serious and doesn't deserve you. I have been there! |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by kpolli(m): 9:03pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
I am not one to believe products of broken homes end up being one... On the contrary, I believe one from such homes know the experience and would do anything not to toil that line again.... So please poster, when you meet your next family... Check his level of wisdom, knowledge and understanding.... Only an unwise kid would have thought such |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Opiosko: 9:03pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
kmcutez:Miss pls stop saying what u dnt know. Those who have their palm kernel cracked for them by benevolent spirit shoud not laugh at the misfortune of others. |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Nobody: 9:05pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
ToroJah:C yea, I fink u should ignore comments bout u accepting ur dad back. Imagine if ur dad wasn't experiencing poverty with his new family do u think he'll ever come begging for forgiveness? That's humans for u, they'll only want ur help when they need something from u and when they are not in need, they act like u don't exist. His case isn't ur worry, that should be God punishing him for leaving u at that tender age. Back to the main crux of the matter, av u ever prayed before? Or put ur needs before God? If u avnt tried dat, go do that, trust me after uve done that, u'll meet d man of ur dreams whose parents will accept u just the way u are. Don't go searchn 4 jst any guy u see, tell God what u want and he will make it happen. Let the holyspirit guide u. 2 Likes |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by obailala(m): 9:11pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
ToroJah:It wouldnt cost you so much to forgive your father. After all, forgiving him doesnt necessarily mean you have to go and live under his roof as you are already grown up. Just try and forgive your father and see how your life would be automatically transformed. |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by doveJfj(f): 9:19pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
ToroJah: Ma'am ,pls forgive your dad. You will also be a parent one day. Don't tell the nxt guy that yr fada z dead o.Lies!!! Don't be desperate,your husband will come #my2kobo |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Nobody: 9:22pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
Aitee1: Nigeria is a Male-dominated Society and women who are forward in most aspects of their lives tend to be withdrawn in the social aspects because they feel that Men do not like Women who look like they want to be the head not the tail. I can assure you that there are a crop of young ambitious and successful men who respect african culture and family values but are not enslaved by Tradition. As a woman, you do not go looking for a Man.. I know it sounds anti-liber but look around you from; the smallest fish in the sea to the wildest animals in the forest.. all the female has to do is display her talents and the males will come rushing in.. you can pick and choose. A desperately harsh economy like Nigeria has made most of our men timid, selfish and short-term in reasoning. all they want is you under their thumb. Unfortunately Nigeria does not offer the kind of knowledge and exposure that is available in many societies that have recognized the limits of tradition and evolved. coming from a broken home helped me in life. i recognized that in the end, nobody really cares, everyone just has to put in their opinions even if they do not truly believe in it. 1: Focus on Self-improvement, health n Fitness and Career Development - do not be afraid to be ambitious in a sea of male competitors 2: Do not allow success make you forget that you live in Africa - you still need to remain humble and mindful of the Male-ego (pamper it, not crush it) 3: Nothing is as attractive as a successful woman who is down2earth and humble.. - don't women say the same thing about successful men? 4: Know your worth, do not become a popular item in the market-place - do not court every tom dick and harry you feel deserves a beat. 5: Do not be tempted to get down with men whose parents are wealthy and are benefactors of their children's success. such men are usually tied to their aprons - Leave them be.. they always ask for Family Background like PDP asks for Buhari's Certificate. Men are attracted to Good things - become one 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by AreaFada2: 9:23pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
Sorry for your experience growing up. Note the following: Be grateful to God for your life against the odds. Be proud of the young lady you have become. Be grateful to mum for her struggle, the frustration, confusion & managing to keep head above water, all alone. Be grateful for NOT having a violent & abusive father at home to brutalise you all out of frustration. Keep in mind that the environment you grew up in is not your making. Know that for every person, there's a God-chosen spouse, you will get yours. Do your best to be a good parent, ask God for wisdom & strength. 1 Like |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by mutter(f): 9:28pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
pring:I have replied. |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by FOREXMARTS: 9:30pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
ToroJah:Could u send me a pm? I want to talk to u, you won't regret it. |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Nobody: 9:32pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
Truckpusher: love and loyalty you say , no amount of love or loyalty will make me disapprove of a human like myself. If my kith and kin can not give me a good reason to leave my partner then they can kiss my natural black arse ( it just strikes me as a Nigerian thing ). Don't get me wrong , I love my family but I'll stick with a total stranger if they don't give me a good reason to disapprove of that person , note also here the key word is "good". I totally understand if you do not see the point in my post , I'm not your typical religious or traditional Nigerian. About using vulgar words , I come out as blunt but I really don't mean it in that way , for that I apologise. Do have a great night 2 Likes |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Nobody: 9:37pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
kmcutez: Now that you put it like this , I see your point , I still think your initial post was too harsh on her |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by readone1(m): 9:39pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
my sister take heart in my own opinion, for the man you love to leave you because you are from a broken home is a blessing in disguise, if he loves you he won't let you go Develop yourself trust yourself believe in yourself the right man will come and he will love you irrespective of the home you come from since you are caring loving and of good character I don't know why some family think that humble men must come from humble background forgive your father and thank God for being there for you and your mum, if you tell your boyfriend that your father is dead you will hurt him more if he knows you lied to him |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Nobody: 9:45pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
mutter: Is this for real What nonsense 1 Like |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by ToroJah: 9:48pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
readone1: Thanks I'm grateful! |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by ToroJah: 9:51pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
Thanks everyone once again I really appreciate your help and will stick to the advice given so far I'm grateful and honoured to have y'all listen to me 1 Like |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by Nobody: 10:03pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
ToroJah: None of those two men loved you enough A man who loves you truly will stay even if you told him you were doing ashawo previously. When I met my husband,I lied to him that I had a baby as a naive teenager just to watch his reaction You could see the sad reaction on his face not towards me being a worthy wife but towards the animal that must have taken advantage of me. He asked how this happened and I narrated a made up but believable story to him Eventually when I told him it was all a lie I asked if that swayed him and he said emphatically no He told me that it made him have great admiration for me and whoever my parents were for not allowing that stop me from achieving my dreams. A man who loves you will stick with you no matter what past or what garbage you come with That is the summary of my little story. So don't define men by the actions of these two men This might just be their reason to back down from a relationship they didn't rate as highly as you did If you lie that your dad is dead ,you will be starting a marriage on lies and will need many more lies to support that initial lie and eventually the truth will surface and your spouse will wonder what other lies you may be hiding. The right man hasn't come yet When he comes you will know. Now, about your runaway dad,forgive him and keep him at arm's length Fathers don't abandon their children to set up a new family,he is not a father,the holy bible even calls him an infidel Bear no animosity towards him but take him for who he is,a heartless man who will abandon innocent ,helpless children and don't fall for what he claims to be now that he is out on his luck. Don't give him an opportunity to use you manipulate you or hurt you again That is wisdom. 1 Like |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by sinorte: 10:06pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
ToroJah: I stand to be corrected but I don't think your inability to get a suitable partner is only a product of the 'broken' home you are from. My sister, for crying out loud, you're the woman here. And from your story, your broken home arose from the fact that your dad wasn't man enough to weather the tough conditions for the family. He quit! Your mother never did. So how could your fiances be fearful that there could be a repeat in your own marriage...unless of course the women in your lineage carry some kind of destiny. To let you understand my point, I'm also from a broken home. In fact, my dad sent my mother packing when I was just few months on this earth. I can't just load you with epistle, but the journey was kind of rough. At a time, I was being tossed between two homes. And not only me, my brothers inclusive. But lo and behold my sister, when it was time for us to get married, there was never a time the issue of the likelihood of us having a broken home arose. And we are the men here! It could have been assumed that we would easily take after my dad, but that never happened. My parthian shaft; while you could be right that your men are looking at your parents' broken marriage and are becoming fearful that yours could toe that same line, thus backing away, I suggest you look again, inwardly and outwardly, to find out if there are any other reasons that could be delaying your marriage. 1 Like |
Re: Dear Family, A Depressed Soul Needs Your Advice. by obowunmi(m): 10:11pm On Jan 28, 2015 |
I be had to forgive my father too. He is a control freak and very violent. He hides his mutated behavior under religion. 2 Likes |
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