Some years ago, I witnessed
a local match organized
between my neighborhood and
another hood. A local councilor
had organized the match as
part of his Youth
Empowerment Programme. All
these politicians sef; wetin
concern youth empowerment
and football match? Anyway,
everyone looked forward to the
D-day when the two hoods
would clash. It would be a
clash of the titans!
I volunteered to be on the
coaching team of my hood. We
gave our team a worthy name
– The Indomitable Rabbits. Some
of the players felt the name
was demeaning but we finally
decided to stick with it. I
mean, C’mon, who cared
whether we were called
rabbits, squirrels or
earthworms. What mattered
was winning the match by any
means necessary and getting
the 100 thousand Naira grand
prize.
So we started preparations.
We went from house to house
requesting for players. Kalu
accepted the invitation; he just
came back from a trial at
Rangers FC. We also invited
the hood weed dealer, Okwe
for training. He was stocky and
about 5ft 8inches tall. We
decided he would be the best
guy to marshal the defence.
We also invited Sammy, the
fox. We called him the fox
because his speed was out of
this world and he could
maneuver his way around any
defence. Drogba, the Chelsea
fan sold cement at a shop in
the neighborhood and we
invited him to partner Kalu up
front in the attack. Emeka, the
chemist was going to partner
Alibo, the barber in midfield.
We invited a total of 14 people
and training commenced –
serious and intensive training
three times in a week. After
two weeks of rigorous training,
we were ready for the match.
On the D-day, we arrived at
the Layout, where we would
play the match. Many people
from our neighborhood came
to cheer us; Mama Nkiru
prepared moi-moi and akamu
for our players while Theresa
bought ice cream and pure
water for the team. The other
team was ready too –burly
men wey no dey laff at all.
Men paa ji na okpa !
By 3:30 p.m., the councilor
declared the event open. The
referee was a man we knew –
he ran a brothel not far from
our neighborhood. Two of his
friends would perform the
duties of the linesmen while
the fourth official was the
councilor’s driver. By 4 p.m. on
the dot, the referee blew the
whistle to signal the first half
had begun. Kalu raced towards
the enemy’s goalpost and took
a shot which deflected off the
defender and we had the first
corner. Everyone cheered our
players. A couple of minutes
later, Kalu was at the heart of
our attack once more and he
combined effectively with
Drogba who took a shot outside
the 18 yard box and we scored
the first goal. There was
jubilation everywhere. A lady
ran up to Drogba and planted a
kiss on his cheek. The game
resumed afterwards and we
kept shooting from every
angle. Shouts of ‘ mercenary ’
and ‘ meeshii ’ filled the air.
The opponent’s coach was
visibly angry at his players and
the councilor seemed to be
having fun. By the time the
first half was over, we were 3
goals up while our opponents
didn’t have any shots on
target. We were happy.
The referee signaled the end
of the first half. We were
already basking in the
euphoria and joy of going home
with 100 grand. I turned
around to check on our
opponents but they were
nowhere to be found. I only
saw their coach talking to the
referee in a friendly manner.
Anyway, that one no concern
me sha.
Later, the second half was
about to resume. Our players
were back on the field but yet,
the opponents were nowhere
to be found. The referee
threatened to end the game
and award the win to us if
they didn’t show up in the
next 10 minutes. All of a
sudden, we saw them
emerging from the nearby
bushes, jumping up high in the
air and shouting on top of
their voices. Smell of weed and
skunk filled the air. Their eyes
were bloodshot red and it
became evident that they were
busy getting high during the
half-time break. A few minutes
after the restart, Kalu was
hacked down from behind by a
defender on the other side.
Chaos erupted and the referee
didn’t issue any cards. Soon
the opponents scored a goal; a
player visibly pushed our
defender out of the way and
took a shot. The referee
allowed the goal to stand
instead of awarding a free kick
against them.
Frantically, I looked at my
watch; we still had about 2o
minutes left. No problem sha,
we could still hang on till the
end. But the referee and the
opponents had other ideas and
evil plans. It was clear the
player on the opposing team
scored their second goal with
his hand but the referee yet
again allowed a dubious goal to
stand. About 5 minutes to the
end of the second half, Drogba
was unable to continue
playing. Two of the opponents
intentionally went for his legs
and succeeded in crippling him
for the time being. Yet again,
no cards were issued to the
culprits. In the extra time, the
referee awarded two quick
penalties against us and the
opponents won the match. It
was 4 – 3!
The councilor handed the
cheque of a 100 grand to the
opponents amidst joys and
celebrations. Unsurprisingly,
the referee was also rejoicing
with them; he had murdered
the game for a fee. He was
Judas! He sold the match. But
we had other plans for the
referee. After the opponents
had entered their bus and left,
the councilor did same and the
referee left too. We traced him
to his compound that evening
from the field and gave him
the beating of a life time. We
also carted away with some
valuable property which we
sold and got some cash for. It
wasn’t up to 100 grand but at
least, it was compensation
money.
Throughout history, the
outcomes of a lot of football
(soccer) matches have been
decided by the incompetency
of referees. Just last year, I sat
watching Manchester United
and Liverpool play and Mark
Clattenburg was really making
wrong calls. I wished I could
be able to magically land at the
field at that moment and
knock the referee out. It was that horrible and
my beloved club lost that
match.
Just this weekend, Africa
witnessed another daylight
robbery on the football pitch.
The referee who was in charge
of the match between Tunisia
and Equatorial Guinea at the
ongoing African Cup of Nations
awarded a doubtful penalty in
favor of the hosts and another
unsympathetic free kick. The
hosts eventually won the
match and advanced to the
semi-finals. There I was at the
bar watching the match and
wishing the Tunisian players
would gang up and beat the
hell out of the referee.
Inglorious ones!
It is high time FIFA and
other continental soccer bodies
established sets of rules and
punishments for referees that
don’t do their duties
effectively. And I suggest the
punishment for awarding a
dubious penalty would be
stoning the referee from behind by
the affected team. Ouch, that
was harsh!

Hmmmm.... I no know wetin to use comment o.

Nice story anyway!

@DeHero1...na so...GRATITUDE