sync428:
,

Am 29 & she is 32 ..............We have been together for 2 yes but got to know of her age recently.
Reason was that I was not really interested in her age cos she actually looks younger than that

Babyosisi said it all. There was no problem until you knew (pschology), the reason i asked about the relationship duration. I know while growing up you heard friends, guys wont do it but dude tell yourself you are you and not anybody else, there are so many doing it now, you may have even seen one without you knowing afterall they didnt tell you their age so do same. Since she is good for you, respects you and have no problem with it, work on yourself till you reach a point where whenever the age thing comes up, you wont give a damn. Be secured enough not to judge her future actions with the age. I still say lucky you because you are barely agemates and its not noticeable or would you prefare a younger girl not as good as her or you dont love and be looking back at lost chance? it aiit worth it.

[quote author=gleatz post=33214697][/quote]Good. I'm good too.

Floodgater:
Girl you are seeing the signs and you still coat it strict. You are not yet married and he is ruling you like a dictator out of his insecurities, when you marry him, he will ask you not to work, dictate everything to you and should you refuse, he will threaten divorce, carry you back to your mum's or even beat you to comply. You mean at your age you'v refuse to tell yourself the fact that people will talk till you go and marry an abuser, then talk you to stay to death because by then the talkings will be wearing some rights and continue talking about the next person. Will these persons live with you and the man, btw how did your life become so public that "people" aside your mum now decide how you live? If you desire what's good for you, use this opportunity he has offered to close that door permanently. The closing and opening itself is bad enough sign. If you fool yourself and end up with that man, you will in addition to other things pay for the times you "disrespected" him.

am rily gr8ful for your contribution.........I dnt usually discuss ma relationship with people but had to bring this here bcoz I felt I was doing smfing wrongly.......wanted to b sure the fault wasnt mine......trust me wen I tell u I ve taken to ma heels more times dat I cn remember but I always come bk coz I most times feel itz ma fault bt nw I knw bera......ma mum especially will tell me itz hardwork....I shldnt make it look like her life influenced mine like d hell it did....coz I want to get married doesnt mean I shld donate my brain to a kindergarten lab(if therez anyfing like dat)..datz d part d dont understand.......she feels am being to rigid....

babyosisi:


A man that you are not yet married to is dictating whether you should stay home or get a job?
And wants to call off the engagement because you went ahead to get a job
My dear go ahead and take that job and sign on the dotted lines
Let him call off the engagement and get the type of woman he desires
Obviously he is not your type of man so allow him to leave
There are tons of men out there who are not intimidated by a woman that works
You don't try to mend an engagement,you disengage when it's not working out
That is the purpose of courtship
You only mend marriages not engagements
He has already shown you a shadow of what is to come in the marriage,use your head nne

exactly my point..........Anty Osisi I had signed d papers already o'jare...used my best handwritting...I never knew d cud b so beautiful..looolll....


@Babyosisi and floodgate, una jst buy me usain bolt shoes.bfor na snickers wey abo.ki patch patch evrywia I d take run n d thing d fall my hands anyhw anyhw....God will richly bless you....U jst saved anoda sister

Floodgater:
Babyosisi said it all. There was no problem until you knew (pschology), the reason i asked about the relationship duration. I know while growing up you heard friends, guys wont do it but dude tell yourself you are you and not anybody else, there are so many doing it now, you may have even seen one without you knowing afterall they didnt tell you their age so do same. Since she is good for you, respects you and have no problem with it, work on yourself till you reach a point where whenever the age thing comes up, you wont give a damn. Be secured enough not to judge her future actions with the age. I still say lucky you because you are barely agemates and its not noticeable or would you prefare a younger girl not as good as her or you dont love and be looking back at lost chance? it aiit worth it.

Exactly my thought all these while
Thanks alot

babyosisi:


So the problem is actually you
She is thinking you will leave her because you have expressed doubts in the relationship because of her age no be so?
I don't think there is anything wrong with a 3 year gap
You are within the same age bracket and no one will know unless you told them
It's nobody's business but yours and if you are comfortable with it,it shouldn't matter
But I have a feeling you are not a ok with it
True love is hard to find,don't allow something as flimsy as this make you lose out on a good woman
I will say the same if you were my brother

Thanks for this and God bless

Oya Madam Osisi report here . . . I need help ooh.

How does one handle h/her spouse's past?

Especially when you live in the same town you lived as a single girl/man. your husband/wife is bound to run into 1 (plus infinity ) ex's.

How do you cope with it, knowing that the whole town/world knows your husband/wife was sleeping with Mr./Miss X in the past

Ordinarily, this shouldn't be an issue, but what if it is a very very BIG issue.

PearlO:
Goodevening everyone...........I once posted and wished I could share my problems, the ones I ve not been able to handle yet from d various solutions discussed here......One of them jst happened recently...

First, am engaged to this very strict person. Therez no harm in being strict but not when itz extreme.....Tho I was raised by a very strict mum (single parent) it never got to dz extreme....I was allowed to air my views

I jst graduated waiting for service....I decided to do smfing in the interim sinz d usual allowance isnt forthcoming anymore

Nw this happen to be my crime......He wants me to stay home all day...or work where he wants me to

I applied smwhere and I was lucky enough to be taken...D pay aint rily d issue but atleast I have where to out to evryday and b useful to myself and d society bt dat is a big issue to my darling fiance coz I jst became a disrespectful wife-to-be

Meanwhile I have on countless times called or threatened to call off d whole engagement drama because of his attitude towards things bt evrybody is always blaming me coz d all feel am too impatient....They all say I shldnt try to measure up with him bt I am nt. am just trying to have a voice....I want to b heard to bcoz I feel I have dat right......

Now he is threatening to call it off jst because I refused to heed to his instructions and went ahead to take up d job..
As for me I dnt care if he does dat or not bt I will really love to knw if I did the right thing or am jst being disrespectful as he claims

if he is right I would go ahead and apologize to him and drop evrything that has to do with the job


I would really love to hear from d men's point of view as well as evrybodyz opinion as well


please forgive my typing
Anything you dnt understand ask questions I will answer
Am not in a very kul mood but I bliv in all ve typed, ve been able to make sense....
Thank you so much and am very sorry for the long epistle

In one word..... Leave!!!!!

Wedon:
Oya Madam Osisi report here . . . I need help ooh.

How does one handle h/her spouse's past?

Especially when you live in the same town you lived as a single girl/man. your husband/wife is bound to run into 1 (plus infinity ) ex's.

How do you cope with it, knowing that the whole town/world knows your husband/wife was sleeping with Mr./Miss X in the past

Ordinarily, this shouldn't be an issue, but what if it is a very very BIG issue.

As long as they are not sleeping together anymore ,it shouldn't be a problem.
What will bother me is if they strike up a relationship again or become close friends ,that will be disrespectful.
Exes should stay exes and part of our past
If I ran into anyone from my past,it is up to me to acknowledge or totally ignore the person and in acknowledgement it will be strictly official with a handshake and a smile,that is all I owe the person,that faze is over and that is what I expect my hubby to do to his.

Evina:
@geekybabe: I know most of the responses you got to your predicament are from mature and married posters.

I just want to give my suggestion based on my personal experience.

I will be getting married in May. It ought to have being on the 28th of March, but elections in Nigeria made us move the date.

My fiance and I started dating in 2006. I already had my first degree then and preparing for NYSC, while he was studying to be an engineer. By the time he had his B.Sc, I already had a few years work experience.

Like you, I am very driven. I started a business at 20. I am one of those people that can start 5 projects, run a business at the side while holding down a job and still think of fresh new opportunities to explore. He was laid back, I had to push him to always go for more.

In fact, I did not have a problem with being the bread winner until the Holy Spirit convicted me and told me I was subtly placing a curse on my intended. I mean it is NOT the place of a woman to be the SOLE provider. She is the helpmeet, the support system. The bible says a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel!

When I got that understanding, I revamped my mindset. I showed him the scripture, and told him. You know me. You know how driven I am and you know I will not let myself be limited by a man. I will not soft pedal on achieving my dreams because I don't want you to feel inadequate, so you need to sit up.

Then, I began to find ways to push him towards accomplishing his goals. While he was awaiting NYSC, I was the PR manager in a school. I organized the annual Christmas party, which was unlike any the school ever had. We had sponsors and media coverage. He is a great dancer and had a group in school, so I suggested he should consider training the students in dance;salsa, ballet etc. He was excited. I proposed the idea to the board and he was hired as the choreographer. He did an EXCELLENT job!

Next, I had an idea for weddings, talked to him about it and we made business cards. He was the MD and I Business development manager. Our biggest client was from him. (An aunt of his).

Shortly, he went for NYSC and I secured another job in another city. I developed his resume and would check for jobs online, write cover letter and apply on his behalf.

Now, several years after. I am AMAZED at the man he has become! I am soo proud of him. He is a sales Engineer, confident, driven and dedicated. He once told me he used to think he couldn't get a job without connections. But now, he doesn't think there's any interview he'll go for that he wouldn't scale through. I remember, I used to prep him for interviews back then.

I asked him recently, where that unmotivated, timid guy was, and he gave me one kind look. LOL. Now, I don't have to do any of those work I used to do because he is on top of his game.

I really thank God because even his mum, turned around and loved me when she saw the direction her son's life was headed and realized he was at his best with me in his life.

In summary, I just want to say, we should endeavor to make an impact in the lives of people we encounter. 9months is too short to give up on him. Give it your best, if it means finding time to search for jobs with him and even applying on his behalf, do it. His seeming controlling nature may just be because he feels insecure. Help him get past the insecurities. I believe the role of a woman is to build up her man, to help him reach his full potentials. That is why there is no end to how high a man can rise if he's got a good woman by his side.

That laid back dude today can become a driven, goal oriented man tomorrow. Mine is a living proof. he is not just an Engineer, he got certified in HSE and picked up great designing skills. I once got a contract to supply table top calendars. He designed it and managed the printing process. I would have spent 100k, paying a designer for the designs. He stays dedicated to tasks and wouldn't give up until he has seen it through. I didn't see these qualities in him before and wouldn't have known it was in there if I gave up on him.

All the best gurl.

I have been on this thread too off and on
But your story is so unique that i can't seem to let go.

Now, your blessing from ABOVE has made you rich in various ways and vice-versa.

My question is, how do you push someone who isn't even ready
Someone who thinks he can't do it except God says "MY SON, DO THIS"
Someone who actually thinks you're pushing too hard.

Well, all i can say is it is relative..........................what applies to the goose may not always go down well with the gander.

Would like your views though, I really don't mind

PearlO:



exactly my point..........Anty Osisi I had signed d papers already o'jare...used my best handwritting...I never knew d cud b so beautiful..looolll....


@Babyosisi and floodgate, una jst buy me usain bolt shoes.bfor na snickers wey abo.ki patch patch evrywia I d take run n d thing d fall my hands anyhw anyhw....God will richly bless you....U jst saved anoda sister

He's not your father(fathers shouldn't even be doing this at your age)and yet he wants that much control?This kind of guy will make you a housewife so he can have total control after marriage.

It's good you know what to do now.

GoldenDr:
In one word..... Leave!!!!!

Thank u very much bt I fink u came late coz I had long left n ve arrived ma new destination......

thorpido:
He's not your father(fathers shouldn't even be doing this at your age)and yet he wants that much control?This kind of guy will make you a housewife so he can have total control after marriage.

It's good you know what to do now.

Thank you very much....am really gr8ful
Hu wantz to b a glorified houzmaid dz days...?

PearlO:
U re funny my dear. Some guys can be so annoying at times. Am not married to you and you wanna rule my life, hmmmmm that one go hard

My ex once told me to go make some withdrwals from a certain investment so that he can use it for his house rents. I refused ooo cos you can't tell me to do such when ve got bigger prohects in view. The matter was big, anything he talks about support, he always make mention of that scenerio. I would just laugh. The once I borrowed and gave out willingly, till this seconds, he has not paid back.

That's called good radiance to bad rubbisish. Let him go find his match and see how it goes. Congrats dearie for that massive deliverance and freedom.

gleatz:
PearlO:
U re funny my dear. Some guys can be so annoying at times. Am not married to you and you wanna rule my life, hmmmmm that one go hard

My ex once told me to go make some withdrwals from a certain investment so that he can use it for his house rents. I refused ooo cos you can't tell me to do such when ve got bigger prohects in view. The matter was big, anything he talks about support, he always make mention of that scenerio. I would just laugh. The once I borrowed and gave out willingly, till this seconds, he has not paid back.

That's called good radiance to bad rubbisish. Let him go find his match and see how it goes. Congrats dearie for that massive deliverance and freedom.

Good girl
Never ever fall for that 419 scam

babyosisi:


Good girl
Never ever fall for that 419 scam

Aunty BabyOsisi, no be small thing oooooooo. I can never fall for such scam in my life again by God's grace, not after all ve read here, on other threads and life experience. When dem babalawo no dey dance palango+etighi+azonto+shoki on top my destiny.
Will heaven fall if a guy too spend for me like ve done in the past?

the problem is that my bf dat we av bin 2geda 4 3yrs broke up with me november last yr and during my nysc 2013 precisely on POP met a guy who has bin a grt friend even though i saw him 4 d 1st nd last tym dat day. along d line b4 me nd my ex broke up he asked me out but i said no but after i told him i broke up wit my ex he kept pestering me until i said yes february due to d fear of nt getting someone like my ex again. but wat surprised me was dat d day i went to his house for d 1st tym he asked for sex nd i said no and he didnt call me again only if i call. pls fellow pple is he trying to take advantage or it is love? do i ever get som1 like my ex

[quote author=omowumi19 post=33277327]

Babe first thing first, remove the notion that you won't see someone like your ex again. There are other 1001 guys out there and they re wonderful in their own unique way. So Chill, that he left is cos he's not the best for you.

Now is not the time for rebound rship all because you want someone like your ex. Babe, take your time, analyse your self and your prospective hubby to be. You don't need just any Tom, Dick & Harry for a rship. Look inwardly, be happy, don't go about looking for who to love you.

As for that guy, I cnt say its love or not for asking for sex but his actions afterwards says so much. Meaning, he does not want you for who you are but for sex, that's not too good. If I may say, pls stop calling him, if he is serious and needs you badly, he would come look for you. You are not desperate for a rship so don't allow any uncircumsized phillistine use you shine for broad day light.

Go out and engage in activities that makes you happy & brings out the best in you. Soonest dearie, true love will find you.

tanx a lot gleats... really aprci8 ur comment

This is sooooo annoying.
Will you kindly kick his assss to the curb?

I wonder why parents even bother to train their daughters since after all that, one man from somewhere will be the one to decide if she gets to have a life or not.
Mtchew.


Modified. I see you made your decision. Way to go

PearlO:
Goodevening everyone...........I once posted and wished I could share my problems, the ones I ve not been able to handle yet from d various solutions discussed here......One of them jst happened recently...

First, am engaged to this very strict person. Therez no harm in being strict but not when itz extreme.....Tho I was raised by a very strict mum (single parent) it never got to dz extreme....I was allowed to air my views

I jst graduated waiting for service....I decided to do smfing in the interim sinz d usual allowance isnt forthcoming anymore

Nw this happen to be my crime......He wants me to stay home all day...or work where he wants me to

I applied smwhere and I was lucky enough to be taken...D pay aint rily d issue but atleast I have where to out to evryday and b useful to myself and d society bt dat is a big issue to my darling fiance coz I jst became a disrespectful wife-to-be

Meanwhile I have on countless times called or threatened to call off d whole engagement drama because of his attitude towards things bt evrybody is always blaming me coz d all feel am too impatient....They all say I shldnt try to measure up with him bt I am nt. am just trying to have a voice....I want to b heard to bcoz I feel I have dat right......

Now he is threatening to call it off jst because I refused to heed to his instructions and went ahead to take up d job..
As for me I dnt care if he does dat or not bt I will really love to knw if I did the right thing or am jst being disrespectful as he claims

if he is right I would go ahead and apologize to him and drop evrything that has to do with the job


I would really love to hear from d men's point of view as well as evrybodyz opinion as well


please forgive my typing
Anything you dnt understand ask questions I will answer
Am not in a very kul mood but I bliv in all ve typed, ve been able to make sense....
Thank you so much and am very sorry for the long epistle

omowumi19:
the problem is that my bf dat we av bin 2geda 4 3yrs broke up with me november last yr and during my nysc 2013 precisely on POP met a guy who has bin a grt friend even though i saw him 4 d 1st nd last tym dat day. along d line b4 me nd my ex broke up he asked me out but i said no but after i told him i broke up wit my ex he kept pestering me until i said yes february due to d fear of nt getting someone like my ex again. but wat surprised me was dat d day i went to his house for d 1st tym he asked for sex nd i said no and he didnt call me again only if i call. pls fellow pple is he trying to take advantage or it is love? do i ever get som1 like my ex

First and foremost, never compare your ex. with the new guy that is coming.
Secondly, you should stop calling him.... I repeat stop calking him, why? You are acting desperate and the brother knows it.
Finally, they say, why pay for the milk when you can get the cow for free, however, most relationship these days sex cannot be excluded just like the poster above me said, his action after that "action" would speak volume. Get something doing that will keep you actively engaged. If you are in Lagos, listen to Radio continental 102.3fm 12.00am today.. In fact you can listen to them on net.... All the best.

[quote author=omowumi19 post=33278485][/quote]Will i be wasting my time if i tell you to close all chapters you opened for this guy permanently? I think you said or carried yourself worthlessly for him to demand sex like that. Note this, when you stop calling, he might come back again to apologize, tell lies, even play along without demanding sex immediately just to take a bigger advantage this time because that is his only mission. Please love and seek ways to carry yourself with worth so that you dont attract another worthless guy. Finally, stop praying to have a man whose presence will erode your esteem even after he is gone and could not spare a thought for empathy by breaking up with you on a celebration moment of your pop like your ex.

For new couple or intended couples to look more healthy and been appreciated is to have the knowledge and how to reduce excess fat that disfigure either by a pot belly for a man or just to fatness in woman body, This is one of the best fat burner
used by body builders and female
to reduce fat concentration in their
system and look more healthy
http://www.t5fatburners.com.ng/?t_id=SaheedUthman

Hello ma, good evening. Please ma, I just sent you a PM. Thanks

babyosisi:


Good girl
Never ever fall for that 419 scam

veave:
Chinum & iwatch. I'm seeing both of you in 3D...

lol... what did you see?

PearlO:
Goodevening everyone...........I once posted and wished I could share my problems, the ones I ve not been able to handle yet from d various solutions discussed here......One of them jst happened recently...

First, am engaged to this very strict person. Therez no harm in being strict but not when itz extreme.....Tho I was raised by a very strict mum (single parent) it never got to dz extreme....I was allowed to air my views

I jst graduated waiting for service....I decided to do smfing in the interim sinz d usual allowance isnt forthcoming anymore

Nw this happen to be my crime......He wants me to stay home all day...or work where he wants me to

I applied smwhere and I was lucky enough to be taken...D pay aint rily d issue but atleast I have where to out to evryday and b useful to myself and d society bt dat is a big issue to my darling fiance coz I jst became a disrespectful wife-to-be

Meanwhile I have on countless times called or threatened to call off d whole engagement drama because of his attitude towards things bt evrybody is always blaming me coz d all feel am too impatient....They all say I shldnt try to measure up with him bt I am nt. am just trying to have a voice....I want to b heard to bcoz I feel I have dat right......

Now he is threatening to call it off jst because I refused to heed to his instructions and went ahead to take up d job..
As for me I dnt care if he does dat or not bt I will really love to knw if I did the right thing or am jst being disrespectful as he claims

if he is right I would go ahead and apologize to him and drop evrything that has to do with the job


I would really love to hear from d men's point of view as well as evrybodyz opinion as well


please forgive my typing
Anything you dnt understand ask questions I will answer
Am not in a very kul mood but I bliv in all ve typed, ve been able to make sense....
Thank you so much and am very sorry for the long epistle

I think Nigerian men need to be a little bit flexible in their demands. Personally, I like a woman with an independent mind, one who does not believe she needs a man to give her money, one who believes she can achieve something no matter how small. if I were your boyfriend, I would let you work where you want. I think where the problem may lie is TRUST and past experiences. You may need to let him trust you, if you haven't tried that.

I shared my story how I let my past ruined my chance to be with a woman that fits my ideals. One thing I love about the said lady is her independency and her consistent trials to get a better placement in life. It saddens me when I think about it, honestly.

I have come to realise that who will stay with you will stay and who won't stay won't stay no matter what you do. I dropped the attitude of snooping or spying on who I date long ago or trying to control their life. Seriously, you don't know what people do in your absence so wtf are you trying to control their life for?

Stand your ground ma'am!

babygirlfl:
@ iwatch,

Most of what you have said is true but I will complement your truth with some more truth(hope I am allowed?). Evina is a lovely girl who put a lot of into her man but her man equally deserve a lot of praise. He is a good man that deserved everything Evina put in. Do you think she would do the same if she had seen him with two other women? or if he beats her up or if he treats her shabbily?Do you think she would have succeded if he did not want to change. They both complemented each other. When you are looking for the right partner, make yourself the right partner also. There are as many horrible women as there are many horrible men. When a reasonable woman knows that she is the only one the man loves and wants she will do her best for the man. Treat a reasonable girl like a queen and you will see that she will treat you like a king.

hmmm... The emboldened is more reason why I was so angry with myself for missing a lady a while back and my fear to even want to try someone else... I know we would complement EVERYTHING in each other. I will keep praying!

iwatch:
hmmm... The emboldened is more reason why I was so angry with myself for missing a lady a while back and my fear to even want to try someone else... I know we would complement EVERYTHING in each other. I will keep praying!

Please you have to forgive yourself and move on. Don't get too angry at yourself. We all make mistakes and learn from them.I understand your fear but they are many good women too. First be a good partner and look for a woman to compliment you. I am sure you will get one soon.

babygirlfl:


Please you have to forgive yourself and move on. Don't get too angry at yourself. We all make mistakes and learn from them.I understand your fear but they are many good women too. First be a good partner and look for a woman to compliment you. I am sure you will get one soon.

Amen.

Sometimes i just wonder why folks have troubled relationships. How on earth can u go into a relationship with a guy/lady u know nothing about?

iwatch:
hmmm... The emboldened is more reason why I was so angry with myself for missing a lady a while back and my fear to even want to try someone else... I know we would complement EVERYTHING in each other. I will keep praying!

Do not let the shadows of your past to darken the doorstep of your future. There are as many adorable angels without wings as there are many horrible ladies around.

Ma'am Floodgater,pls I need to speak with you. I sent you a pm yesterday. How do I reach you? An email will do.