Once upon a time in a land far far away where people travelled on camels and carried their wealth not in plastic cards or paper checks but in actual precious metal and pearls, livestock and people, there was an extremely wealthy man in everything, even in land.

The man needed to get married. And it was imperative that he have a really good reliable girl. What was he going to do?

He had a very wise dad who had a very wise and reliable servant too. His dad knew his predicament and called the sort-of butler guy and asked him to travel to his home town and find a girl for his son.

Both these men (dad and servant) were old men. That probably explains their weird thinking patterns.

Dad probably thought that only his people were good people. And I'm about to tell you what the weird servant did.

The old dude took several camels and a bunch of gold, silver and cute precious stuff like that too. Whether he took other servants who doubled as soldiers (they used to in those days) or he didn't we don't know. But when he arrived at his boss's hometown probably tired, hungry, thirsty and ready for a good shower and soft bed he decided that he'd find the girl first.

Now guess what the crazy dude decided to do. I can bet you good money you can't.

The dude decided to sit near a well and wait until any girl he asked for a drink decided to fetch water not only for him to drink but also for his camels to drink.

Now you're probably thinking, kini big deal? Se na just water? Abi anoda tin de inside?

Well, you'd say that because you only know about iPods, iPads, airplanes, bullet trains and Ferraris (you wish). Camels are water guzzlers. Like American SUVs are gas-guzzlers, only worse. Seriously if you've ever paid for gas for an SUV, you'll have a small idea what watering camels is about. The crazy dude actually decided that the measure of wife material he wanted for his boss's son was that she'd be, what, some kind of slave or something. Who the hell did he think he or his boss or his boss's son was anyway? Don't worry, we'll see if that was idiocy or genius soon enough.

So the dude sits at the well and waits for the maid. A very pretty one shows up to fetch water from the well. And this dude actually asks her to give him some water to drink. She does. But goes on to do something UBER-WEIRD. She actually offers to water his camels for him. Seriously! I kid you not. She had to be one of those girls who think the meaning of womanhood is kitchen and waiting tables. Mehn!

Well, she does. And he is so impressed that he fetches a bunch of those precious preciousnesses he was carrying around and decked her out mehn! Then he asked who she was and found out that she came from the boss's extended family which was way cool.

Shortly after he made the proxy proposal and she accepted. He took her home to her new husband and they lived happily ever after.


The Moral

Yes, there are a few.

1. It's not that women are meant to wait tables and cook and clean. Sure, there's that but that's because they value people and have a healthy sense of respect.

The lady must have stared at the dust-covered, weary-looking old dude and thought to herself that he looked all in and could hardly help himself much less his camels. And the special milk of human kindness that women peculiarly have and which this girl must have got quite used to dispensing was aroused. So she went to work to help make his life easier. Like it was her job. Only it was no imposition on her at all.

A woman who is capable of love is like that. They look to ease you up. To take away the world-weariness and replace it with cheer.

2. The lady did not ask what's in it for her to give an old man a drink. For her apparently this was not a request that was out of place. It was one human seeking help and kindness from another and she responded with kindness not with an eye to exploiting weakness.

A woman capable of love would be looking to help out even without any sign of benefit for herself.

3. The old dude never showed the jewels until the girl had exceeded ordinary human kindness.

Bro, flashing money and swag attracts only certain kinds of ladies. They will swarm like wild dogs that scented blood.

Ladies, flashing your curves and poshness will only send one type of call out. They will swarm like sharks that scented blood.

Everyone, try to define yourself by more than your looks and your money or connections. Matter of fact, put your worst foot forward. You get keepers that way. Everyone's scared of work sometimes but something about some pieces of work keep us sticking around even when we'd rather run.

4. Love ain't that woozy mad raging feeling people have that makes them behave like total idîots. It's more. It's a willingness to carry somebody else like they're your business.

I didn't tell you this. When the lady up there met her husband for the first time, as far as we know, she wasn't gaga about him but he fell madly in love with her right after their first walk together. For twenty years afterward she was childless but he never even had a mistress for a minute. He took her barenness like it was his business and kept fighting for her until she had twins. It probably never occurred to him that as rich as he was he could have however many wives he wanted.

That's love, guys. Sticking with someone because you want to. Sometimes you won't feel like it. Sometimes you'll actually feel like not doing it at all but they're your person so you stick with them anyway.

But there's a reason for that, people. Everytime. There always is.

5. Guys, they said you should make your money first before looking for love. I say, whether you've got money or you haven't, love is one heck of a headache. When you haven't got it, you think you're too unattractive to get or keep a good girl. When you've got it it's gold-diggers that make you sweat.

Take the old dude's example. Whether you've got or you haven't, let the lady see you've got work to do. If she immediately takes to it () or she warms up to it (more likely), she's a keeper. If she takes off, she isn't.

6. Finally, sex is like alcohol. Kills off very important brain cells you need for making sensible life choices like the right guy/girl to trust with your life and those of your unborn children. Try to avoid it until you know that this here person is the one.

It was a proxy marriage, damn it. They had no cameras and Internet back then. The husband could have been a cripple, for crying out loud. But we hear that he was a tiger in the sack later on. And she was no slacker either.

Sex is not overrated, it's just abused. And it messes up your mind so that you start to excuse the inexcusable. Really, people, reel it in. Go at love with a little more sense and a little less sex and you'll know that true love exists.

And it can be the coolest thing ever.


7. Oh, before I forget. Just ask for a drink, don't ask him or her to water your camels. Let him/her decide to do more than give you a drink, if you take my meaning. That's hard, I know. But it's better to let them make you their problem than foist yourself upon them. I promise you that.

8. And do it at the well, people. Not at the bar. Make it a serious thing, not entertainment. Now don't go getting all dour and sombre. Of course be friendly company. Relax, have fun. But if you're gonna be doing life with someone you better make sure that they know that life is serious business. Bills don't always make you laugh. Kids running high fevers in the middle of the night is not generally hilarious stuff, you know. And all that.




Ok. Have a good think there.




Edit: I should point out that EVERYTHING I've said works for BOTH genders.

MizMyColi:
I'm typing now

It's your thread, I want to be FTC.

So you sabi play like this
*****modified*****

seriously, all these search for love LIFE PARTNERS is highly overrated. Peeps these days make sound like there can be no happiness being old and single.
Just my opinion though

All these long long stories.

Go and live life And stop looking for love
Love will find you.

...*yawns*akuko!..you go fear thesis na..

MizMyColi:
I'm typing now

It's your thread, I want to be FTC.

So you can play like this?

Ichiato:

So you sabi play like this
*****modified*****

seriously, all these search for love LIFE PARTNERS is highly overrated. Peeps these days make sound like there can be no happiness being old and single.
Just my opinion though

You should have read past the title. The article was written to respond to a lot of the complaints people make about finding love. If it isn't that women are gold-diggers, it is that men want women for sex and nothing else.

The article does not attempt to deal with a choice between getting married aand staying single. I'm sure both are legitimate.

Hmmm, what a lovely story. It worked well then when the world had only one shade of grey. Today, there are over sixty shades and still counting...

Heavens know that that same girl will refuse with all vehemence if a total stranger brings her a proxy proposal...say wetin nau. Marriage no be wetin you go telegraph to another anymore o. Even those who absolutely got to know each other before hand got a lot of unpleasant surprises afterwards. Besides, it's no longer enough that he sees her and falls inlove, she nko? A tango is a dance for two...

Chillisauce:
All these long long stories.

Go and live life And stop looking for love
Love will find you.

And then some women commit suicide at 30 because they're not getting found. I'm sure it is not all 100% orchestrated but there's nothing you can say against being prepared for the happy accidents that make love happen.

Ngokafor:

...*yawns*akuko!..you go fear thesis na..

Lol. Like my very monicker is not warning enough.

ihedinobi2:

Lol. Like my very monicker is not warning enough.

.. abioo!,I guess I should have seen it coming..

Anyway

moreeni:
Hmmm, what a lovely story. It worked well then when the world had only one shade of grey. Today, there are over sixty shades and still counting...

Heavens know that that same girl will refuse with all vehemence if a total stranger brings her a proxy proposal...say wetin nau. Marriage no be wetin you go telegraph to another anymore o. Even those who absolutely got to know each other before hand got a lot of unpleasant surprises afterwards. Besides, it's no longer enough that he sees her and falls inlove, she nko? A tango is a dance for two...

You make very important points.

The world has always had more than one shade of gray, actually. But notwithstanding it's truly a more complex world today than it was then. But is this story thus useless to us?

Marriage by proxy. While it can work there's no reason not to try and make it up close and personal. We have everything to help with that. It has never been a rule. Even that man's dad back then married his own sweetheart right from his own village. By himself.

Surprises. That's why I advocated celibacy. Take your time. Get to know who you're dealing with and how they think. One other moral from that story is that you should find a person that is like you. That's what the finding a girl from dad's hometown part is about.

Falling in Love. Both fell in Love with each other. She was ripe for it. He simply led the way.

Good write up. Well done.

ihedinobi2:

You should have read past the title. The article was written to respond to a lot of the complaints people make about finding love. If it isn't that women are gold-diggers, it is that men want women for sex and nothing else.

The article does not attempt to deal with a choice between getting married aand staying single. I'm sure both are legitimate.

I did read the entire article and am in agreement with you in some ways. Just that I feel that the many of those who make these complaints have totally unnecessary expectations. Now are you trying to tell me that any girl who keeps and sticks to the virtues of the maid will definitely find true love?

Ichiato:

I did read the entire article and am in agreement with you in some ways. Just that I feel that the many of those who make these complaints have totally unnecessary expectations. Now are you trying to tell me that any girl who keeps and sticks to the virtues of the maid will definitely find true love?

I dunno, bro. Is it unnecessary to expect your girl to stick with you whether you have money or your job or business goes kaput? I think not. I think too that women are right to wish that men could value them beyond their bodies. A woman whose only hold on her man is her sex knows that it's slippery at best.

To your question, however. This question is rather beside the point. I'm not telling people what to do to find true love. I'm telling them how to know it when it shows up. A woman who has a guy throwing money at her from the get-go is right to be suspicious. A man whose ex from his "Suru" days suddenly starts calling him after he has "hammered" is right to wonder if it's his money she's after.

The point is not that if you're a kind, humane person you'll definitely find true love. It's that true love does not telling travel outside of kind, humane circles. In my opinion, you'll find true love if you stay in those circles even if it takes a while. But that, like I said, is beside the point. To stretch it a little further, you know why girls appear to change from being wild and rascally when they start getting into their late twenties and are still unmarried, don't you? Everyone says it's maturity. Never mind what I say.

ihedinobi2:

I dunno, bro. Is it unnecessary to expect your girl to stick with you whether you have money or your job or business goes kaput? I think not. I think too that women are right to wish that men could value them beyond their bodies. A woman whose only hold on her man is her sex knows that it's slippery at best.

To your question, however. This question is rather beside the point. I'm not telling people what to do to find true love. I'm telling them how to know it when it shows up. A woman who has a guy throwing money at her from the get-go is right to be suspicious. A man whose ex from his "Suru" days suddenly starts calling him after he has "hammered" is right to wonder if it's his money she's after.

The point is not that if you're a kind, humane person you'll definitely find true love. It's that true love does not telling travel outside of kind, humane circles. In my opinion, you'll find true love if you stay in those circles even if it takes a while. But that, like I said, is beside the point. To stretch it a little further, you know why girls appear to change from being wild and rascally when they start getting into their late twenties and are still unmarried, don't you? Everyone says it's maturity. Never mind what I say.

OK, I see your point

MizMyColi:


You have spoken well @Ihe
Save for the emboldened and its likes.

Assuming, assuming o

I have some one I really like, and he's viewing this thread now. He sees the emboldened.
I see it too.

We both decide to act on it.

We won't be keeping eachother, We'd be loosers!
Or don't you think?

You know what I think. I think that when two people are willing to be nakèd with one each other they're ready to be with each other. Love works by filling the cracks of our imperfection.

My curiosity is why you think putting yourself out there ends up making you a loser.

MizMyColi:


(sigh)
You haven't gotten my point just yet.

You said something about putting my worst foot forward. Let's say I dig a guy who by happenstance reads this, and he decides to put his worst foot forward too.

That makes two people who are well aware their hearts beat as one, putting their worst foot(s) forward, especially seeing as they came into each other's life with some baggage of hurts.

Ultimately, they'd loose each other to emotional cowardice!

Between what is said and not meant and what is meant and not said (all in a bid to put the worst foot forward to attract a keeper), love is lost.

Do you get my point now?

I'm not sure I do. I'm feeling as though you didn't quite get what my "put your worst foot forward" meant.

Your worst foot is the you that you are when you're vulnerable. When you take down those defenses and are not trying to look good and presentable, that's when you're putting your worst foot forward. That person is the person you protect with your more attractive qualities. And that person is the person you give when you open your heart to loving someone.

Predators typically take off when they see that person because that person is work to protect and make better.

So when the dude decides to open up to you and you decide to do the same, you're on the road to something real and lasting.

MizMyColi:


Okay, clarified.

I apparently misunderstood you earlier.

Out of curiosity though, what did you think I meant?

ihedinobi2....

Love nwantintin

How was vals? let's start with that

@OP nice, however I doubt its application in today's world

MizMyColi:


By "worst foot forward", I thought you meant both parties withholding affection, masking their feelings and giving the other the impression that they're not loved as much, when in fact they are.

Talk of controlling and manipulative tendencies.

I see. It's weird though. Because there is an idiom: "to put one's best foot forward" which actually means to make the best impression one can. Its opposite would be to be not your best self but the self that you protect from other people for fear of rejection.

bukatyne:
ihedinobi2....

Love nwantintin

How was vals? let's start with that

@OP nice, however I doubt its application in today's world

Hey you!

It was quiet. I'm sure hubby made it the best ever for you. Did he rub your feet? Bring you breakfast in bed with a bunch of roses (or do you prefer hibiscuses)? Knock your socks off with dinner for two at the top of a waterfall?

What's the doubt? That we can't ride camels today? Or we can't drink from wells anymore?

joeanointing:
Good write up. Well done.

Thank you prefer

ihedinobi2:

Hey you!

It was quiet. I'm sure hubby made it the best ever for you. Did he rub your feet? Bring you breakfast in bed with a bunch of roses (or do you prefer hibiscuses)? Knock your socks off with dinner for two at the top of a waterfall?

What's the doubt? That we can't ride camels today? Or we can't drink from wells anymore?

Romantic ihe...

I pray God gives you the kind of wife and home you desire...

Might not agree with all your views, but I sure like your e-personality and like the fact you say it as you see it

You might be one wife tormentor like that

My Saturday was stressful... organized a Vals program in Church and was one of the speakers

Doubt: I do not think blind dates/proxy marriages are wise today (If fact, only Issac seemed to go that route in the Bible).

I would STRONGLY advise against it

Check out a topic on my profile:

[url]The Woman: Her Destiny, Her Dreams, Her Talents And Her Man[/url]