Growing up, I’ve always vowed to never give my heart away. I liked, but wouldn’t dare to love. However, all of that changed once I got to college. I met my then Prince Charming my first semester, fell deeply in love, and threw out all of my “player’s cards”. When I found him, I lost me.
He was the center of my
world. I was one of those
women who “took care” of
their man–I did everything
for him. I treated him like
he was my husband; after all
I JUST KNEW we were going
to get married one day, so I
didn’t mind giving it all
away. I cooked, cleaned,
always looked attractive for
him. I was his biggest
cheerleader, as well as his
little freak. I tried to be the
“perfect” woman. I was not
going to give him any reason
to seek anything from
another woman.
Despite me being his “every
woman”, he still did his
thing on the side and our
relationship became
unhealthy and unstable. We
would break up to make up.
From losing weight to my
hair shedding, I could not
“function” without him.
Queens, your King should be
an added value to your life,
not the completion of it. This
“void” and feeling of
loneliness that I felt was not
love; it was an unhealthy
attachment . Don’t be afraid
to rule on your throne alone
for a period of time. Your
purpose goes beyond having
a King.
A common mistake I notice
most women make is that we
stop loving ourselves when
we start loving a man. I
poured all of my love into
him and none into myself. I
wanted that relationship to
work out so bad to the point
that I disregarded my
standards, esteem, and
value. Nothing mattered as
long as I had him– so I kept
going back to him.
Every time I made up with
my ex, I thought he was
changed. He would act right
for a period of time, but in
the end he always reverted
back to his previous
behavior.
Reality check: There comes a
point in time where you must
accept a man for who he
really is. When he shows
you his true colors believe
him. I wish I could tell my
younger self that no matter
how much I tried to be “Miss
Perfect Patty”, he was still
going to do what he wanted
to do. Why? Because his
actions were a reflection of
who he really was and there
was nothing that I could do
to change him. Too often,
when a man mistreats us, we
run off trying to fix
ourselves as if we are the
root of the problem. Don’t
blame yourself for his
insecurities and immaturity.
At this point I faced two
options:

1. Stay in the relationship by
loving and accepting his
flaws and mistreatment

2. Love myself more by
leaving the relationship and
moving on
I made the latter of the two
options because I refused to
stay in an expired
relationship that gave me
more pain than joy.
So how in the HELL did I
move on?!

1. I faced my emotions and
took time to heal. I had to
realize that it was okay for
me to be sad. It’s okay to cry
sometimes. It’s okay for me
to love him at a distance . I
had to let go of the guilt in
me for leaving my ex-
boyfriend for good and not
taking him back when he
came back around. I had to
tell myself that not being in
a relationship with him
didn’t make me this
heartless, cold person. It
certainly did not mean that I
didn’t love him; it just
showed that I love myself
more . I had to accept that it
was okay for me to choose
me. Queens, take time to
sort through your emotions.
By no means sit in the house
for consecutive weeks
crying, but please take time
to heal. Don’t try to start a
new chapter before turning
the page. That pain and hurt
will only roll over into the
next relationship, and then
you will really be a mess.

2. I had to surrender my will
to God’s will and stick with
it . I had to accept that this
relationship was not God’s
best and that He had
someone better for me. I was
attached to a man who only
meant to serve a seasonal
purpose, not a lifetime one.
It was hard for me to accept
this because I was in a
constant control battle with
God. My prayers consisted of
me telling God what I wanted
instead of asking Him what
he wanted from me. In order
to get something you never
had, you have to do
something you’ve never
done. Some of you may have
been dealing with the same
mess, lies, excuses, heart
break OVER AND OVER AND
OVER AGAIN… and you’re
still there . How much more
heartache do you need until
you’re willing to surrender
your plans to God?
Remember, insanity is doing
the same thing over and
over, while expecting
different results. Don’t be
insanely in love , Queen.
Some of you may be
thinking, “I’m not insane. I
have let him go and tried to
move on. But somehow,
someway, we always found
our way back to each other.”
Stop trying to manipulate
God’s will into your own. I
used to believe “If you love
something let it go, if it
comes back then it’s meant.”
Now that I’m older and
wiser, I realize this way of
thinking isn’t always true.
That way of thinking can be
compared to me saying “If
it’s meant for me to wear a
bikini, I won’t gain 5
pounds.” I had to understand
that God gives us free will.
Just like I have a choice to
choose between a salad and
burger, I had a choice to get
back with my ex. Don’t
become a victim into Satan’s
trap.

3. Last but not least, I had to
see my worth as a Queen.
What you’re willing to accept
from others is a reflection of
how you view yourself. Based
on the treatment I used to
allow, I viewed myself as a
peasant, not a Queen.
Proverbs 31:10 says “Who
can find a virtuous and
capable wife? She is more
precious than rubies.”
Queens, we are more
precious than rubies! Yet, we
settle for the treatment of a
cubic zirconia . Everyday, I
went in my mirror and
talked to myself. I told
myself that I was beautiful,
intelligent, and a child of the
most High. I would pick out
features that I loved about
myself, write them down,
and paste them on my
mirror. Each day, I posted
new characteristics about
myself that made me a
wonderful person and would
read them out loud to
myself. After a while, I
began to believe everything I
was saying.
Proverbs 18:21 says “The
tongue can bring death or
life; those who love to talk
will reap the consequences.”
Some of you have been
speaking death and
negativity over your life– “I’ll
never find anyone better than
him. No one is going to want
me. I have no other options;
he’s the only one. I will never
find love again.” I am very
guilty of putting men that I
like on pedestals. When it
doesn’t work out, I think it’s
the end of the world. That’s
no one but the devil who
wants you to believe that
because even he knows God
has a marvelous King in
store for you. However, the
devil knows if he can stop
your mind from believing,
then it’s much easier for
him to block you from
achieving. Stop limiting God
with your own thinking. He
can do ALL things.
Queens, from here on out, I
want you to speak positivity,
life, and excellence over
yourself. Go into that mirror
and speak your blessings
into existence. No more
moping around because the
guy at the club won’t give
you any attention. No more
wearing those 5 year old,
raggedy sweatpants because
you feel as if you have no
one to dress up for. No more
stalking his social media
because you want to know
who he is currently talking
to or what he is doing. Start
doing things for YOU. Take
pride in yourself. Love
yourself in a way that no
man would even dare to
disrespect you.
When I finally let go of my
toxic relationship, I began to
flourish. I became a member
of my sorority so I was able
to get out and involved on
my campus like never
before. I did things I always
dreamed of like competing
in a beauty pageant–and I
won! I interned at a fortune
150 company. Eventually I
did return to the dating
scene and saw that it was
actually men out in the
world who would not
constantly disrespect me.
When I left him, I saw that
there was so much more to
life than what I was holding
on to. Don’t let you or that
peasant be the reason why
you’re not flourishing to
your fullest ability in 2015.
Sincerely,
KING