So my neighbor came to judge matter with me this early morning. I really felt for the guy cos I like the couple and the way they seem to relate outside. I decided to bring the matter here to see if I can possibly get some mature advice.

The man and his wife have been married for four years now and have two beautiful kids. Both husband and wife are working. I see the guy as the quiet but deep partner while the wife is more outgoing.
At the end of last month they had an argument that ended badly. Husband wanted to watch something on TV and wifey refused that she was watching her regular program. Husband explained that this was a one time thing and was happening live. Wife finally agreed with much grumbling which he didn't take kindly to. He told her he rarely watches TV that she shouldn't grumble so much. Simple enough but them things escalated with wife turning off the television and telling the husband that there was no way he was going to watch that program. He lost his temper and a scuffle ensued in which he slapped her. He said they were both shocked because he has never been physical with her throughout their 4yrs marriage. He left her alone in the house and drove off, came back close to midnight to find the kids asleep and the wife waiting on the couch. He apologised and she apologised too and he felt that was the end of it.

The next morning he was still feeling bad so he asked her jokingly if there was anything he could do to make up for it. The wife said that since he was shouting that the tv belonged to him then she wanted her own things too. She also wants to start buying properties in the house for herself so she wont be 'caught unawares'. He reassured her that he was angry at the time and didn't mean half of what he said and she said some mean things too. She still insisted on her own TV and finally the husband agreed.

The issue now is she is now asking for her own car. This couple just bought a Honda CRV last year Christmas but she is insisting that she wants a car she can call her own even though they bought the car as a family and i personally see them both driving it. He has just paid his house rent January and feels an extra car is an unnecessary liability. She wants to use her own savings to buy it while he covers the losses with his salary. Meanwhile they had an initial plan to buy land and start building their own house after buying the CRV.

He is not in support of the idea as he feels she doesn't need it and her being adamant about it is showing she plans on having more of her personal items so she can break off the marriage with ease if necessary. He said he is tired of apologising about that night bit just cannot afford the car right now, maybe in two years time.

I asked some more questions but this is the bulk of the matter. The guy was really looking sad even as he went to work this morning. I plan on talking to the wife later in the day as am close to both of them.

What do you guys think? Pls mature responses only biko.

Wetin you say make we do?

Well this is one reason why we should always mind what we say when we are angry though the wives action of putting off the TV was disrespectful and wrong , this is not a time to cast blames so i won't dwell on that.



I understand the reason why she's acting this way but the timing is wrong , since she's not in dire need of the car right now please advice her to wait ,I believe she should be understanding enough to understand why the land at least should come before her car and i won't even advice her to buy it with her own money.


Ok if he buys the car for her now what next will he buy for her, her own house? Please tell her to snap out of the statement asap the earlier the better and not kill the joy in her home with her own hand.

That woman wants to destroy her home with her own hands. Tell her to be wise before she pushes her husband out,I guess the man already apologised to her so what's the unnecessary need to start getting her own properties? Worst of it their kids will be the most hit by any selfish decision she takes

Na wa o,marriage sef . I'll advice he lets her have her way, she'll come back to her senses later.She is definitely still angry.

This is what happens when we start listening in from an outsider.
She wasn't like that before so I can say,she has started hearing from feminists...

Misunderstandings occour in marriages,but that a TV programme should be the cause,then there's more to it.

The wife is currently feeling insecure in her own house and they both need to take steps to rectify this issue. This is why we never refer to major purchases in our home as my own. He should sit down with his wife and they can agree to buy a car for her in a couple of years. Meanwhile, he should ensure that when buying the land, both of their names are clearly stated on the deeds. Not Mr and Mrs Unknown but John Unknown and Jane Unknown. This will show the wife that her husband regards her as an equal partner in the family progress.
Hopefully, as time goes by, the husband's caring attitude will once again show the wife that he values her.

I know a place where either the wife or the husband can get a gun. Very easy to purchase and will get the job done faster...

Very smart lady

she used the occasion as a way to bring forth an agenda she has been brewing for a while

He has to be firm yet give her assurances they are a team

if he can afford a car... good but since the priority is a landed property in BOTH Their names that should be his focus
he can then buy a car for her

You see once the words have fallen out of the mouth it is too late.

I have this problem with my husband too. After a hard days work I might just try to relax in front of the TV and he suddenly wants to watch football and that match is sooo important.
I told him to buy another TV. It just has a way of making one very angry when you are cut off half way through a film.
There was a case in Germany years back where a man threw his wife out of the window for switching of th V during world cup.

So not the man has made it clear to the woman that is his property and the woman knows now that she is at his mercy.

Let the man offer to change the documents of the new car to her name.
That is the best solution. If he offers to do so the wife might not even want it again.

pickabeau1:
Very smart lady

she used the occasion as a way to bring forth an agenda she has been brewing for a while

He has to be firm yet give her assurances they are a team

if he can afford a car... good but since the priority is a landed property in BOTH Their names that should be his focus
he can then buy a car for her

I agree,she had it coming...

On the other hand if she has been working,and she can afford the car-i think it won't be a bad idea for her to purchase one without the husband putting in his money.

Then they should discuss on how both will purchase the land rather than bringing the roof down especially if she is out for it.
I don't see this going the husband's way,she has made up her mind long before now and she ain't backing down.

Let me read first.....

Let me start by saying they are both at fault. Let me state the best way to block such....

Couples should NEVER allow their other partner to leave the house whenever anyone is annoyed. It brings in the devil to start sowing evil seeds... No matter how we fight, my wife will NEVER allow me go out... We MUST sort it out before anything.

The Wife should also note that TV time for men is like MakeUp time for ladies. Thank God for CandyCrush for making it easy for the wives to watch TV while the husbands get glued to their phones.

The guy should never have gotten the TV for her. That means you are committed to buying her own things for her here-comes the car.

The best scenario is this... The guy should NOT apologize again but you sit both of them down and give each of them like 30 mins to talk without the other party saying anything... then another 15 mins while they can interject. In that way, you will make sure that they fight in your presence with words and this will make you spend s bit of cash my brother....

Next, give the WIFE 70% of the cash for the TV she got (even though the husband got it), carry that TV and beg her not to allow the devil in their house again.

Tell each of them to apologize to each other... and also apologize on behalf of each one of them. Tell them to proceed by buying a land in the name Mr and Mrs Husband Wife Surname and remind them to let the door to Satan remain shut.

God bless you.

EDIT
Some will say that the best way is to leave the home because the more you stay in, the more you get furious... But I will tell you to stay while you ONLY think about your family not your wife alone. That should calm you down. And I will advice guys to start getting their minds ready for such and thus make an image readily available to calm themselves...

#Lobatan

edwife:


I agree,she had it coming...

On the other hand if she has been working,and she can afford the car-i think it won't be a bad idea for her to purchase one without the husband putting in his money.

Then they should discuss on how both will purchase the land rather than bringing the roof down especially if she is out for it.
I don't see this going the husband's way,she has made up her mind long before now and she ain't backing down.

Nope... She did not get am for anything wey dey come...

The heart of man is desperately wicked and thoughts can sprout in matter of micro secs. That thought came cos the husband left her. Adam left Eve and we all know the result of that today...

Shalom

For the love of Buddha, any man living with a woman whether by marriage or cohabitation should endeavour having more than one TV set - this is common sense as there'll always be times when both will want to watch two different things.

The husband shouldn't have said the TV belongs to him, that was low - the wife on the other hand needs to chill.
They just bought a car recently and are living in a rented apartment, getting another car shouldn't even be top priority...

5minsmadness:
What do you guys think? Pls mature responses only biko.

if she's working & she intends to use her own money to buy a car, the hubby shouldn't stop her. it's her money & that's her personal choice as long as buying the car will not put a dent on her other responsibilities.

crackhaus:
For the love of Buddha, any man living with a woman whether by marriage or cohabitation should endeavour having more than one TV set - this is common sense as there'll always be times when both will want to watch two different things.

it's not about 2 TVs for some women.
i can categorically tell you this from experience. some women just want your attention for their own selfish interests.

i was in the living room, she said she wants to watch her show on a bigger TV. i went to the bedroom to continue watching my game....5 mins later, she came there to say she actually prefers the bedroom TV.

i went back to the living room & she came there again to say can't i see she's bored and she would rather talk? then came the usual question - choose between me or football to which i quietly told her to fück off, nicely.

edwife:


I agree,she had it coming...

On the other hand if she has been working,and she can afford the car-i think it won't be a bad idea for her to purchase one without the husband putting in his money.

Then they should discuss on how both will purchase the land rather than bringing the roof down especially if she is out for it.
I don't see this going the husband's way,she has made up her mind long before now and she ain't backing down.

you sef see am

The TV was but the route

I agree with your conclusions but he has to firmly let her see all the possibilities
Basically transparency

Why is everybody always coming to you for advice?
you be chief advisor?

God knows once I see 'slap her once', my brain just automatically shuts down. So, no comments

pickabeau1:


you sef see am

The TV was but the route

I agree with your conclusions but he has to firmly let her see all the possibilities
Basically transparency

Lol

I am just worried about this creating an avenue for more demand of personal "properties".

coogar:

it's not about 2 TVs for some women.
i can categorically tell you this from experience. some women just want your attention for their own selfish interests.

i was in the living room, she said she wants to watch her show on a bigger TV. i went to the bedroom to continue watching my game....5 mins later, she came there to say she actually prefers the bedroom TV.

i went back to the living room & she came there again to say can't i see she's bored and she would rather talk? then came the usual question - choose between me or football to which i quietly told her to fück off, nicely.

Lmao...

Where did you pick this kind of woman from, she's a career pest - the type that makes an unending buzzing sound close to the ear while asleep...


Well, having two TV sets already solves one problem.

edwife:


Lol

I am just worried about this creating an avenue for more demand of personal "properties".

Women

Using style and manipulations to get their way since 5000 BC

Chess players...

She took the slap but she is going somewhere

He will pay more than that slap

coogar:


it's not about 2 TVs for some women.
i can categorically tell you this from experience. some women just want your attention for their own selfish interests.

i was in the living room, she said she wants to watch her show on a bigger TV. i went to the bedroom to continue watching my game....5 mins later, she came there to say she actually prefers the bedroom TV.

i went back to the living room & she came there again to say can't i see she's bored and she would rather talk? then came the usual question - choose between me or football to which i quietly told her to fück off, nicely.

Lmaoooooooooooooooo
This guy is a clown

crackhaus:

Lmao...
Where did you pick this kind of woman from, she's a career pest - the type that makes an unending buzzing sound close to the ear while asleep...

well, it's the usual place i have picked others from. some women can't just stand the fact that you are on your own engrossed in your game.

Well, having two TV sets already solves one problem.

it solves a problem for a non-trouble making woman. actually one TV shouldn't be a problem. peaceful women know not to interfere when their partners are watching football.......

however, in this particular case....the man should have 2 TVs. he has a wife & 2 kids. there is no excuse. what if the kids want to watch their favourite cartoon during the day? he would deny them too?

coogar:


if she's working & she intends to use her own money to buy a car, the hubby shouldn't stop her. it's her money & that's her personal choice as long as buying the car will not put a dent on her other responsibilities.



it's not about 2 TVs for some women.
i can categorically tell you this from experience. some women just want your attention for their own selfish interests.

i was in the living room, she said she wants to watch her show on a bigger TV. i went to the bedroom to continue watching my game....5 mins later, she came there to say she actually prefers the bedroom TV.

i went back to the living room & she came there again to say can't i see she's bored and she would rather talk? then came the usual question - choose between me or football to which i quietly told her to fück off, nicely.

lol

pickabeau1:


Women

Using style and manipulations to get their way since 5000 BC

Chess players...

She took the slap but she is going somewhere

He will pay more than that slap

ahahaha next time he will think twice before raising his hands on her

The wife still adamant after apology shows she used that situation as an excuse to vent out her insecurity in the house...

Her action shows she's insecured in the marriage,if she insisted,the hubby should make her buy it with her money...

yes oo

edwife:


ahahaha next time he will think twice before raising his hands on her

Something else is amatter with the lady. Her not facing the real issue is her inviting little foxes into her barn. You have to let her know that of she doesn't address the thing bugging her, she'll be the one holding it when it blows up.

As an aside, tell the guy to take her out somewhere nice and private to try find out what the matter really is.

If that don't work, they need counselling

coogar:


well, it's the usual place i have picked others from. some women can't just stand the fact that you are on your own engrossed in your game.

This is true, it's no secret that women feed off attention especially during those days when that familiar spirit returns and begins to torment them...even worse if she's the possessive kind.

it solves a problem for a non-trouble making woman. actually one TV shouldn't be a problem. peaceful women know not to interfere when their partners are watching football.......

however, in this particular case....the man should have 2 TVs. he has a wife & 2 kids. there is no excuse. what if the kids want to watch their favourite cartoon during the day? he would deny them too?

That's why it's a good idea to have two TV sets, and more if possible - apart from serving the family itself, I still feel it's necessary when one has visitors around.

mutter:
You see once the words have fallen out of the mouth it is too late.

I have this problem with my husband too. After a hard days work I might just try to relax in front of the TV and he suddenly wants to watch football and that match is sooo important.
I told him to buy another TV. It just has a way of making one very angry when you are cut off half way through a film.
There was a case in Germany years back where a man threw his wife out of the window for switching of th V during world cup.

So not the man has made it clear to the woman that is his property and the woman knows now that she is at his mercy.

Let the man offer to change the documents of the new car to her name.
That is the best solution. If he offers to do so the wife might not even want it again.

What of she accepts it ?

edwife:


I agree,she had it coming...

On the other hand if she has been working,and she can afford the car-i think it won't be a bad idea for her to purchase one without the husband putting in his money.

Then they should discuss on how both will purchase the land rather than bringing the roof down especially if she is out for it.
I don't see this going the husband's way,she has made up her mind long before now and she ain't backing down.

She wants to withdraw the money she contributes to the upkeep of the house, save it and use it to buy the car.

nairalandbuzz:
Let me read first.....

Let me start by saying they are both at fault. Let me state the best way to block such....

Couples should NEVER allow their other partner to leave the house whenever anyone is annoyed. It brings in the devil to start sowing evil seeds... No matter how we fight, my wife will NEVER allow me go out... We MUST sort it out before anything.

The Wife should also note that TV time for men is like MakeUp time for ladies. Thank God for CandyCrush for making it easy for the wives to watch TV while the husbands get glued to their phones.

The guy should never have gotten the TV for her. That means you are committed to buying her own things for her here-comes the car.

The best scenario is this... The guy should NOT apologize again but you sit both of them down and give each of them like 30 mins to talk without the other party saying anything... then another 15 mins while they can interject. In that way, you will make sure that they fight in your presence with words and this will make you spend s bit of cash my brother....

Next, give the WIFE 70% of the cash for the TV she got (even though the husband got it), carry that TV and beg her not to allow the devil in their house again .

Tell each of them to apologize to each other... and also apologize on behalf of each one of them. Tell them to proceed by buying a land in the name Mr and Mrs Husband Wife Surname and remind them to let the door to Satan remain shut.

God bless you.

EDIT
Some will say that the best way is to leave the home because the more you stay in, the more you get furious... But I will tell you to stay while you ONLY think about your family not your wife alone. That should calm you down. And I will advice guys to start getting their minds ready for such and thus make an image readily available to calm themselves...

#Lobatan

Thanks for this your contribution.
@bold I don't understand, are u saying i should buy the TV from them? I get two tv for my house already o.

crackhaus:
For the love of Buddha, any man living with a woman whether by marriage or cohabitation should endeavour having more than one TV set - this is common sense as there'll always be times when both will want to watch two different things.

The husband shouldn't have said the TV belongs to him, that was low - the wife on the other hand needs to chill.
They just bought a car recently and are living in a rented apartment, getting another car shouldn't even be top priority...

They have two TVs. The one in the parlour is a huge LED flat screen connected to cable while the one in the room is a box model.