The reward of a pastor no more awaits him in heaven but it’s eminently in profusion in this terrestrial unless one chooses to be austere. On behalf of my callings and my potential congregation, God will surely punish poverty. I want to have three or more universities. I want to fly four jets. I want to hoodwink my followers, the weak admirers and the gullible Christians into believing that the gate of hell is a consumer of any dissenter among them who may not want to vote for a Christian at the presidency.

Sigh! On the other hand, I will simply join pastoral politics i.e. Association of Senior Clergies of Nigeria whose equivalent body is the CAN. I will go for 40days marathon prayers or I go to my village as the case may be in the interest of becoming their President. The CAN President? Ogun tise! Before electioneering may be around the corner, I must have had a made-in-America jet to be collected as prezzie from the Presidency. After some months of procuring my Jet – as a business man – I will be using the jet to smuggle tax payers’ money to Egypt and not South- Africa in this sense – in exchange of ammunition for government. You know I dey say na my turn and no be other person’s turn o.

If government of Egypt or South-America catches me, na dem get wahala. As a CAN president, I tactically know how I will play my game. I understand that my president respects clergies like shit especially the CAN President. I will just submit my proposal to the presidency on inter-church campaign and my proposal will emphasize “using hellfire to scare the unwilling”. The proposal is not going to be financially weighty. It will just stand at 7 billion naira where I will bribe the CAN chairman of each state with ‪#‎3million‬ per head.

I will not allow a Marxist like John into my church lest he should quote Molyneux’s when he says “Christianity began as a new birth in Jesus Christ. When it went to Greece, it became a philosophy. When it went to Rome, it became an organization. When it was spread throughout Europe, it became a culture. When it went to America, it became a business. When it came to Africa (Nigeria in particular) it became a fraud”

GABRIEL OGUNLANA