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The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 - Jokes Etc (4) - Nairaland

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Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by ExpressBooking1: 8:29pm On Mar 03, 2015
Okoro2015:
PointB nwannem. Ederede gi nke a atoo m rikpoo. Biko, i nwere ike inyetu m ikikere ikopiri ederede a, wusa ya na mpaghara ngiga uwa di iche iche, ebe m nwere ndi n'esom?

enyewoo m gi ikike. kopiri ma kesakwaa ya di ka na otu okwesiri ka Chineke wee mezie okwu
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by Tablet1(m): 8:33pm On Mar 03, 2015
stevecantrell:
No, I don't like this story, there was no mention of Jonah son of Locki's favourite drink.
Nectar of Ogo from Goro tree.
Lol! Guy u're too sharp. I never make any comment on this platform before but your brilliancy has pushed me to do so now. What about mr. Stea the able son of Ling who claimed not to be the son of Corrup a killer disease that's Tion!

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by JeffreyJamez(m): 8:35pm On Mar 03, 2015
PointB I cut cap for you grin

1 Like

Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by Nobody: 8:35pm On Mar 03, 2015
Point8, ur so fvcken creative men!

I throw way cap for u jare!

Choi!
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by humilitypays(m): 8:36pm On Mar 03, 2015
Wow! PointB, this is so so lovely!!! I am marvelled! Damn so awesome! Pls do u also write on other topics like relationship/marriage? Awesomecheesy
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by Kingstone32(m): 8:37pm On Mar 03, 2015
Wow! I love this! More grease to your elbow
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by ndcide(m): 8:43pm On Mar 03, 2015
Politics aside, This is classic.

@op, you are gifted.
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by Evergreat2014(m): 8:45pm On Mar 03, 2015
I don't comment much on Nairaland but this is just too good to ignore.

Creativity at its peak!!

Twwwwwwale bro!!!!
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by enigmatique(m): 8:50pm On Mar 03, 2015
Wow! Although I do not fancy your name-calling tactics AND I'm a supporter of GMB, yet I had to applaud your creativity in writing this. Partisanship and such aside, this was a great work of art! Thumbs up OP!

2 Likes

Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by Nobody: 8:55pm On Mar 03, 2015
An0nimus:
I can only imagine a church sermon off Chapter 1 vs 15 grin

Then This!
2. Thereupon King Jonah the Able, son of Locki entreated his allies in the West saying, “Harken good people of the West, E-cow and his band of brigands seek to bring ruins to my kingdom, do send me your best chariots, swords, cross bows, shields in exchange for gold and silver coins.”

gringringrin
in response, d pple of d west sent ffk..olufalae, ooni of ife, Ebenezer babatope, mimiko, afenifebi, obanikoro, fayose, gbenga daniel, ...these are the traitors from d west.
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by Defcon1(m): 8:58pm On Mar 03, 2015
Okoro2015:
PointB nwannem. Ederede gi nke a atoo m rikpoo. Biko, i nwere ike inyetu m ikikere ikopiri ederede a, wusa ya na mpaghara ngiga uwa di iche iche, ebe m nwere ndi n'esom?
Okoro,nwa amuru na mma.
Nwa ka ibe ya
Nna gi muru gi
Ibu ezigbo nwa afo lgbo
Edemede gi na asusu lgbo atogbugo m
Enweghi m ike ikowa ya, mana O na-enye m nnukwu oñu ma oburu na m hu ebe edere edemede na asusu lgbo na etiti edemede oyibo
Nna m,jide ka iji
Ndigbo bu agburu chineke ghotara onwe ya

2 Likes

Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by eddyj36(m): 9:07pm On Mar 03, 2015
Wow.. Really creative and fun to read.. Nice one Op.
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by Defcon1(m): 9:09pm On Mar 03, 2015
Okoro2015:
PointB nwannem. Ederede gi nke a atoo m rikpoo. Biko, i nwere ike inyetu m ikikere ikopiri ederede a, wusa ya na mpaghara ngiga uwa di iche iche, ebe m nwere ndi n'esom?
Okoro,nwa amuru na mma.
Nwa ka ibe ya
Nna gi muru gi
Ibu ezigbo nwa afo
Edemede gi na asusu lgbo asogbuo m
Enweghi m ike ikowa ya, mana O na-enye m nnukwu oñu ma oburu na m fu ebe edere edemede na asusu lgbo na etiti edemede oyibo
Nna m,jide ka iji
Ndigbo bu agburu chineke ghotara onwe ya
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by Etruth: 9:17pm On Mar 03, 2015
Point nwa B, udo diri gi. Chineke agozi go gi. Jisike. Idi 2 much. SAI Buhari

1 Like

Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by KingTom(m): 9:22pm On Mar 03, 2015
[b]And so when Jona saw it that Mumu son of Hari was gaining followers, the evil Jona sought to take his favorite nectar drink, Ogogo from the tree of ro.

Wherefore the broom wielding revolutionaries sought to purge Jona out of the Palace at the rocky hill. They were dealt a blow when a mercenary formerly of the broom warriors decided to join Jona and his band of umbrella ninjas. Now it must be said that this mercenary, Femi son of Fani-Kayode, was put through 2 days intensive training

By a General of Jona; Doyin son of Okupe, who prefers to go by his code name BASTARD, upon graduatioin Femi proceeded, to eat the final fruit which is Egunje ahter which, King Jona released it to the wild

The chief palace bearer Namadi son of Sambo who prefers to go by his spiritual name Samboribobo was then asked to speak up, but aas Samboribobo was discovered to be dumb

However, as things were looking up for the broom warriors, a long time bandit who was ready to do anything for survival was broght into the scene,; Ayodele son of Fayose. This man was a true warrior, he sought to give Mumu son of Hari a tough time, including printing his own obituary

Ah but the Frog eyed General notorious for his bad breath, of the Broom warriors was having none of it and stood up to challenge his brigand!

Now it must be known that these things happened in the days of PointB and KingTom, soon the one they call Jega son of Attahiru, was accused of being a secret broom warrior by the umbrella lords who had put him in charge.

The broom warriors' problems were further compounded, when a large shepopotamus like beast with a horrible face and body, who speaks a language known to only it decided to address the crowd, surely this beast has no business here? The broom ones thought, but alas this beast was the spouse of King Jona and our Queen, Patience daughter of said famously " Are no bus drivers and conductors in need of chane, that thou broom warriors shout change constantly?'
[/b]





Abeg make we laugh small grin grin grin

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by ikevin(m): 9:26pm On Mar 03, 2015
Achilies:
[color=#006600][/color]

Don't be a fanatic.
from my posit, do I sound like one, I understand that everybody is excited and tensed up, but it would be nicer if we all realize that when it is all said and done, we are still Nigerians, let us all cool off. We don't need all these creativity and other forms to express our love for a political party. Bro, I will always see you first as a Nigerian and my brother. God bless Nigeria.
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by doxaviv(f): 9:26pm On Mar 03, 2015
Amazing
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by papercoin(m): 9:34pm On Mar 03, 2015
E dey sweet mah belle. Product of a functioning brain

1 Share

Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by rose19(f): 9:37pm On Mar 03, 2015
will PDP or APC have the guts to BAN the sale of ALCOHOL sachets in Nigeria?


check this topic https://www.nairaland.com/2177438/pdp-apc-put-ban-alcohol


and xpress your view


we needs to know how PDP and APC fell about this.
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by Gamechanger: 9:38pm On Mar 03, 2015
Wonderful piece. Thanks @ Point B
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by Dospix(m): 9:39pm On Mar 03, 2015
Guy you are too much jare*...how on earth did you come up with the idea of stringing your thought in this style of writing? You just cracked me up with a spice of creativity.
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by Sharp9: 9:46pm On Mar 03, 2015
babosky2008:

in response, d pple of d west sent ffk..olufalae, ooni of ife, Ebenezer babatope, mimiko, afenifebi, obanikoro, fayose, gbenga daniel, ...these are the traitors from d west.
The 'West' in the write up are foreign countries.

1 Like

Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by Nobody: 9:56pm On Mar 03, 2015
PointB:
Part two coming...

Ekwurum ya na mbu na umu Igbo na eme ofuma. Chineke nonyere anyi. Nna daalu na ederede oma idere. Na mbu, ndi ojoo kpagheri m' anya. M' were na ekwujo Jona the Son of Locki grin. Mana emecharam nweta onwem. Agam atunyere ya ma ohere dirim mbosi ahu. Anambra adigo mma... Alaigbo ga enwere onwe ha naka Naijeriya. Amen. Chineke gozie gi nwannem.
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by ernecy(m): 9:59pm On Mar 03, 2015
Op!!! U too much..take 4k
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by fitzmayowa: 10:01pm On Mar 03, 2015
Nice write up...
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by gentlelyfe(m): 10:02pm On Mar 03, 2015
point d wisest son of B...u ve done well...keep on representing

1 Like

Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by Dexema(m): 10:04pm On Mar 03, 2015
People from both sides of the current political divide all agree on one thing.
That its a nice and creative write-up irrespective of the political theme and message passed.
Meanwhile you missed a verse.

* Subjects far and wide of the black kingdom continued to wallow in darkness and abject poverty under the reign of king Jonah son of locki as they also had to live with a barrage of foul language from the fat moistened lips of queen jonah the patient shepopotamic who hails from the borders of the okrikian atlantic,ren son of kirikiri,doy the noodle brain son of Upe and Fank son of Ode (who openly declared carnal knowledge of the fair maiden of the warlord whose manhood lives on)

1 Like

Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by killuminati(m): 10:35pm On Mar 03, 2015
PointB:
[s]The Tribulation of Jonah, Chapter One Verse 1 - 24

1. In the fourth year of the reign of Jonah the Able, Son of Locki, prosperity was upon the land, and there was grains and tubers in abundance.

2. Thereupon, King Jonah spoke to the people saying ''Lo, I have rebuilt the rails and the road, and given you abundant bread.

3. In my reign you have not queued endlessly for oil. I have reformed power and made our nation prosperous.

4. Reward me, O great people. Let me lead you to further greatness!''


5. In those days, there arose from far North a barbarian horde which lay waste to the country side, burning, looting, killing and taking as slaves men, women and children.

6. They were led by brutish commanders named after cows.

7. The people cried out and say, "O King, may you live long and defeat all your enemies. Alas, She-cow and his bands of terrorists do make life difficult for us. They burn our houses, loot our barns, kill our men, take as slaves men, women and children, and they take our lands.

8. O good King, put to the sword this terror leader and his hordes.”


9. Wherefore Jonah the Able, Son of Locki dispatched his trusted commander, Ihe the son of Rika.

10. Ihe the Son of Rika took thousand men and fell upon Shecow and his band of terrorists in the battle of Baga.

11. Shecow fled with his men to the wilderness of Sambisa. But Ihe the Son of Rika pursued them deep into the deadly forest (for he had swore to crush them), and he put to the sword several of them, including Shecow who died of his wound.

12. Thereupon, Ihe the son of Rika retired, and returned to his home.

13. And there arose a certain zealot, Mumu the son of Hari, frail by age, and wrinkled by pain and anger. Thus did he address Jonah the Able, Son of Locki, “You are killing my people for a cause started by your people.

14. “O, wicked King, you rode your people in the best chariot, gave them gold , land and plough when they arose against the nation, but you put arrows and spears into mine for same deed.”

15. “Most assuredly I say to you, I shall take your crown and right all the wrongs you have done.”


16. And these were the men who stood by him, when he thus address the king, Atif son of Tifku, Tifni son of Nubu, Sara son of Raki, Ob son of Jeh (many of these men wined and dined with Jonah the Able son of Locki, and several kings before him).

17. The others were Ameh the Swift, Son of Echi (for he’s swift in running errands), and Roch the Sly, son of Cha.

18. Thereafter, arose another terror leader, He-Cow (for the terror leaders are named after cows).

19. He butchered male children as they learn in peace, and the female he took in their number as slaves and wives.

20. And thus did he taunt King Jonah the Able, Son of Locki, ''I have taken your daughters. I shall sell them as slaves, and marry them off to my warriors. Repent and follow my god and my way, or I shall destroy you and those who follow you!''

21. But King Jonah the Able, Son of Locki would not budge. He dispatched Mini the son of Mah, another trusted general.

22. Mini the son of Mah descended upon He-Cow in the battle of Kondunga, slaying him and those who follow him.

23. And Mini the son of Mah addressed the people saying, “Behold He-cow lifeless body as it lay dead among his terror band. Verily, verily, I say to you, same fate shall be meted to any and all who go by the name of cow, and ply terror as trade!''

24. And there was great rejoicing among the people, for they saw the body of He-cow, who tormented them, among the dead!
(Chapter Two coming)
[/s]
bleeping trash men! *calling LAWMA*
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by fidzy(m): 10:36pm On Mar 03, 2015
This is hilarious...a master piece and has alotta truth.

1 Like

Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by datribune: 10:39pm On Mar 03, 2015
PointB:
[s]The Tribulation of Jonah, Chapter One Verse 1 - 24

1. In the fourth year of the reign of Jonah the Able, Son of Locki, prosperity was upon the land, and there was grains and tubers in abundance.

2. Thereupon, King Jonah spoke to the people saying ''Lo, I have rebuilt the rails and the road, and given you abundant bread.

3. In my reign you have not queued endlessly for oil. I have reformed power and made our nation prosperous.

4. Reward me, O great people. Let me lead you to further greatness!''


5. In those days, there arose from far North a barbarian horde which lay waste to the country side, burning, looting, killing and taking as slaves men, women and children.

6. They were led by brutish commanders named after cows.

7. The people cried out and say, "O King, may you live long and defeat all your enemies. Alas, She-cow and his bands of terrorists do make life difficult for us. They burn our houses, loot our barns, kill our men, take as slaves men, women and children, and they take our lands.

8. O good King, put to the sword this terror leader and his hordes.”


9. Wherefore Jonah the Able, Son of Locki dispatched his trusted commander, Ihe the son of Rika.

10. Ihe the Son of Rika took thousand men and fell upon Shecow and his band of terrorists in the battle of Baga.

11. Shecow fled with his men to the wilderness of Sambisa. But Ihe the Son of Rika pursued them deep into the deadly forest (for he had swore to crush them), and he put to the sword several of them, including Shecow who died of his wound.

12. Thereupon, Ihe the son of Rika retired, and returned to his home.

13. And there arose a certain zealot, Mumu the son of Hari, frail by age, and wrinkled by pain and anger. Thus did he address Jonah the Able, Son of Locki, “You are killing my people for a cause started by your people.

14. “O, wicked King, you rode your people in the best chariot, gave them gold , land and plough when they arose against the nation, but you put arrows and spears into mine for same deed.”

15. “Most assuredly I say to you, I shall take your crown and right all the wrongs you have done.”


16. And these were the men who stood by him, when he thus address the king, Atif son of Tifku, Tifni son of Nubu, Sara son of Raki, Ob son of Jeh (many of these men wined and dined with Jonah the Able son of Locki, and several kings before him).

17. The others were Ameh the Swift, Son of Echi (for he’s swift in running errands), and Roch the Sly, son of Cha.

18. Thereafter, arose another terror leader, He-Cow (for the terror leaders are named after cows).

19. He butchered male children as they learn in peace, and the female he took in their number as slaves and wives.

20. And thus did he taunt King Jonah the Able, Son of Locki, ''I have taken your daughters. I shall sell them as slaves, and marry them off to my warriors. Repent and follow my god and my way, or I shall destroy you and those who follow you!''

21. But King Jonah the Able, Son of Locki would not budge. He dispatched Mini the son of Mah, another trusted general.

22. Mini the son of Mah descended upon He-Cow in the battle of Kondunga, slaying him and those who follow him.

23. And Mini the son of Mah addressed the people saying, “Behold He-cow lifeless body as it lay dead among his terror band. Verily, verily, I say to you, same fate shall be meted to any and all who go by the name of cow, and ply terror as trade!''

24. And there was great rejoicing among the people, for they saw the body of He-cow, who tormented them, among the dead!
(Chapter Two coming)
[/s]

The saddest thing in life is wasted talent and the choices you make will
shape your life forever - Chazz Palminteri

Shame. Such a waste
Re: The Tribulation Of Jonah, Chapter One Verses 1 - 24, Chapter Two Verses 1 - 20 by Kzinne: 10:46pm On Mar 03, 2015
lovat:
swerve abeg, let's enjoy a gud work. Don't be more catholic than the pope
Stop this thrash and dont b an iddiot. the bible is holy and should b kept sacred. this thread should b deleted.

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