before noon on February 14, 2015, the
President addressed the world press. It was
well-attended with journalists from countries
like Haiti, the Comoro Islands, Uzbekistan,
Vanuatu, Belize, Papua New Guinea and Iceland.

How I ended up at Aso Rock is a gist for another
day. For now, however, may I just tell you that I
was an invited guest -- waiting in the north-by-
northwest corner of the refurbished media
room when the press conference was taking
place.
I listened to the President as he made
promises. For instance, he promised to end
corruption in the oil sector by 2019. He
promised to create 25 new federating states
and build 15 new universities. He promised to
build new prisons for petty criminals.
He also promised to invent new technologies to
eradicate stealing and abuse of power.
Furthermore, he promised to build Atlantis
before the end of 2015.
Two of the most notable promises he made was
to (a) end the ruthlessness of the Fulani
herdsmen; and (b) to capture the Boko Haram
leader, Abubakar Shekau, before the March 28
2015 election.
“That trouble-maker,” the President assured,
“would be captured, and his ragtag soldiers
decimated before the election.”
The President spoke with passion. He spoke
with confidence. He pounded the table and his
chest as he made those promises.
He’s had it! He’s mad as hell! What went undone
in six years, he doubly assured, would be
accomplished in the next four.
Praise the Lord… Hallelujah?? Hallelujah!!!
Amen?? Amen!!!! Eyin oluwa logo! Ogo ni fun
Eledumare!!!!!!!!!
The President then told his audience and the
listening public that he was tired of being
disrespected by a public who knew nothing
about governance. He said he was tired of not
being loved by the Nigerian media. Pounding
the table harder, he said he was shocked to
know that no one feared him.
Rhetorically, he wondered aloud: “Why is it that
that no one love, fears, or respect me in spite of
all the good and great things I have done for
this country?”
Turning to his Chief of Staff, he asserted: “We
have 100% steady power supply; in just five
years, I created 10,000,000 jobs; we sent dogs
to the moon and men to Mars; we mapped the
Indian and Atlantic Oceans; arrested Osama bin
Laden; and increased Nigeria’s population by
75%. And I have been declaring my assets
every year since 1999. The EFCC no get wahala
with my wives.”
Some of the Oyinbo people in attendance were
dumfounded, flabbergasted, by the president’s
remarks. They wondered: “What’s the source of
these assertions and promises and newfound
confidence and bravado?” Others simply
laughed and walked away.
But not the Africans. Oh no, not the Africans!
The Africans, thirty-six in all, exchanged glances
and asked: “Na wetin him dey smoke, drink or
sniff?
Later in the day, the president tried out his
newly minted Commander-in-Chief Uniform. He
looked sharp, very sharp!
This President means business. No more joking
around. No more stammering and stuttering.
No more ojoro, no more wayowayo. He found
his cojones, really big and mighty cojones. Or
perhaps, he simply borrowed them. There are
some Nigerians who can’t tell the difference
between real and fake cojones.
In any case, Shekau has been freely roaming
the Sambisa and other woodlands for more
than five years without fear. Without fear or
hesitation he’s been attending meetings in
Burkina Faso, Mauritania, Chad, Niger and
Cameroon. Once, he was spotted in Timbuktu.
At another time, he was spotted at Mount
Kilimanjaro.
All of a sudden, the President is threatening him
with arrest and prosecution? Chai, thank god for
those cojones.
Within minutes of the President’s threat,
Mallam Abubakar Shekau sent a reply through
the Chadian Intelligence Unit: “YO JONA, CATCH
ME IF YOU CAN.”
The President could not believe the speed with
which Mallam Shekau responded. After all, the
Mallam was hundreds of miles in the Sambisa
forest – nowhere near Aso Rock. Abi?
Within minutes of the President expressing his
shock, another message came by way of the
NSA: “Nnamdi, no fear…I dey Abuja where I
sometimes enjoy Isi Ewu…finger licking spicy
goat head”
“Mallam Abubakar Shekau is in Abuja…Really?”
“Na lie…who born monkey?” the NSA assured
him.
Even so, the President was not going to take
chances. He summoned the Service Chiefs. And
within an hour the Army, the Police and the SSS
effected a quick closedown of Abuja while the
President was whisked away to Yenagoa. He
was accompanied by 36 prayer warriors.
According to reliable sources, “This quick dash
to the village accounted for why he did not
address the nation as to why the election was
cancelled.”
“The fear of Shekau,” I was told “is the
beginning of wisdom.” The only thing they fear
more, I was told “is ending up in Kirikiri”
While in Yenagoa, Shekau invited the President
for a “meaningful dialogue on the way
forward…on how to build and rebuild this
country of ours.”
The President was shocked that Shekau spoke
English.
Shekau then promised the president that, as a
Mallam and a true Muslim, he had no reason to
lie to the president. He promised to be honest.
He promised to tell the truth. He promised to
adhere to international standards and
conventions. And he promised to “do no harm.”
He told the president that he had no ulterior
motives and promised to attend the meeting
alone -- and suggested that the president come
alone.
The President, not directing his question at
anyone in particular, sheepishly asked: “Him
think say na today them born me?”
He downed a glass of something. Then another.
And another. And of course there were traces of
smoke and whiff of this and that and that and
this in the air.
This time he looked at the first of his five wives
and whispered: “The man of God, Shekau,
invited me for a meeting…Make I go?”
Looking stern and with voiced raised, she said
he could but only if 10,000 soldiers and security
personnel joined his 2000-men security detail.
When he called his Chief Security Officer to
forward the request to the NSA, he was asked:
“Oga, have you secured Mama’s permission?”
As of press time, we still don’t know if the
president would honor Abubakar Shekau’s
invite and make the trip to Sambisa Forest. Stay
tuned!
Oh, would there be an election on March 28,
2015? Abi na katakata go burst before and
after?
And where in the world is Abubakar Shekau?

Sabidde@yahoo.com


www.saharareporters.com/2015/03/24/abubakar-shekau-invites-president-peace-summit-sabella-ogbobode-abidde.com

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