5minsmadness:

Because it might bring quarrel to the house.
Women are the same people that will advice another woman to make sure her husband puts both his and her names on a plot of land that he buys even if the woman didn't contribute a penny and now you have no qualms about her putting the car in her name only?

Smh!

Try to see the difference here. A woman contributing financially to a building project is different from a woman buying a car with all her money. What is wrong with putting just her name when she is solely responsible for the payment? it would be different if the husband gave her the money to buy herself the car.

Sophyrocks:


I am not a feminist. I completely understand the feminist movement and why it has come to stay.

Falls from udala tree

5minsmadness:



Falls from udala tree

Keep falling. then break your front teeth.

zed7:

As for your car, put your name. I've never seen where people register a car with Mr and Mrs.

I have, though you're right, it's not common. But it's only courteous to ask the man first anyway.

Sophyrocks:


Try to see the difference here. A woman contributing financially to a building project is different from a woman buying a car with all her money. What is wrong with putting just her name when she is solely responsible for the payment? it would be different if the husband gave her the money to buy herself the car.

What's the difference if I may ask?

Oh wait, so in essence if the woman doesn't contribute to a building project then the man can put the ownership of the building in his name alone?

Let's be factual.

The whole idea of marriage is oneness. Two people agreeing to be one, United together, what he owns she owns and vice versa. The moment you bring an imbalance into this equation (especially when done by force) it corrodes that unity and things start to fall apart.

I'm not even saying she should put the car ownership as Mr&Mrs but the decent thing to do is to ask hubby first and not think it's her right since she brought all the money for the car after all. That is a recipe for future quarrels. It takes nothing and sows a lot of love if she asks hubby first.

Like someone said, don't start something you can't finish.

Are you yoruba because I think most yoruba men are married to their mum first either way,you need to register your displeasure to your MiL.

Most men see nothing wrong in the mum unnecessary spiting the wife in her house but if the case was reversed,would you be happy if her dad is still lording you in your own house.

Would you be happy if your wife's response is to suck it up,after all he won't be here all his life.

Spineless

As regards the car,you know your husband. If he were in your shoes,in whoose name will the document be?. If you have no answer to these,take a clue from the house....in whoose name is it.

5minsmadness:

What's the difference if I may ask?

Oh wait, so in essence if the woman doesn't contribute to a building project then the man can put the ownership of the building in his name alone?

Let's be factual.

The whole idea of marriage is oneness. Two people agreeing to be one, United together, what he owns she owns and vice versa. The moment you bring an imbalance into this equation (especially when done by force) it corrodes that unity and things start to fall apart.

I'm not even saying she should put the car ownership as Mr&Mrs but the decent thing to do is to ask hubby first and not think it's her right since she brought all the money for the car after all. That is a recipe for future quarrels. It takes nothing and sows a lot of love if she asks hubby first.

Like someone said, don't start something you can't finish.

Well, this depends on the sort of relationship she has with her husband. if her husband demonstrates the same oneness in other issues and carries her along in that marriage, thats fine by me. But if no, then she has to use her tongue to count her teeth. Ive heard of stories of women who regretted this same action. It isnt a bad thing to use her name. Women who had cars before marriage didnt have to go changing the ownership the moment they got married.

5minsmadness:

What's the difference if I may ask?

Oh wait, so in essence if the woman doesn't contribute to a building project then the man can put the ownership of the building in his name alone?

Let's be factual.

The whole idea of marriage is oneness. Two people agreeing to be one, United together, what he owns she owns and vice versa. The moment you bring an imbalance into this equation (especially when done by force) it corrodes that unity and things start to fall apart.

I'm not even saying she should put the car ownership as Mr&Mrs but the decent thing to do is to ask hubby first and not think it's her right since she brought all the money for the car after all. That is a recipe for future quarrels. It takes nothing and sows a lot of love if she asks hubby first.

Like someone said, don't start something you can't finish.

I have asked hubby. 1st response: put any name; 2nd response (after asking for a more definitive answer): put your name.

Closetoheart:


I have asked hubby. 1st response: put any name; 2nd response (after asking for a more definitive answer): put your name.

Use wisdom abegi

Just put Mr and Mrs

Closetoheart:
Marriage is a school where you can't finish learning. I have searched through my mind about who to share this with, but I couldn't get anyone.

Since I had my first child, my MIL is always fond of saying that my daughter is her last child...my husband is the first and only son. There was even a day at the hospital that she made a statement (I can't remember what she said exactly but I knew my mum responded to her that "I will be alive to take care of my child and the other ones that will come afterwards). Since then, she always want to have a final say over anything that has to do with my daughter- her name, her birth certificate, when to cut her hair, where to have the naming ceremony even up till the point that she said she wanted to breastfeed my child (but I told my husband about this and he said it is impossible). Anytime I take care of my baby (maybe when bathing her or dressing her up), I get afraid of losing her to my MIL- for whatever reason. I am always afraid, and sometimes, it brings tears from my eyes. This morning, I summoned the courage to discuss my fears with my husband. He said what I said was gave him headache, and he hopes I am not expecting him to tell his mum to stop calling my daughter her daughter and that it is a normal thing. I told him he can't even do that, but I was just discussing my fear with him...going by her utterances. He kept quite for sometime and walked out on me. I didn't say anything afterwards till I left home for work. Please, what am I supposed to do? Am I unnecessarily being afraid?

Another issue: I am planning to buy a car, in fact, I should pay for the car before the end of today. The person that wants to sell the car to me wants to know whose name he should put on it. If you are in my shoes, whose name will you put? Your name, your husband's name, or Mr. & Mrs. .......
(My husband does not have one, and he hasn't bought one before).

Ps: I have only asked genuine questions, please do not pass insults. Thanks.

Regarding the car,put it in your name.unless your husband's car has both of your names on the title but if it doesn't,put this one in your name my dear.

Then to the MIL

I will run far far away from that diabolical mother in law
Either she is downright crazy or she is heavily involved in the occult,it is one or the other.This sounds like the manipulations of witchcraft

Word of caution

Don't ever let any pronunciations of her on you or your daughter be the last words spoken over that matter
Counter whatever you hear her say with a positive word especially with something scriptural
Your daughter is not her child
She cannot breast feed your child
She cannot pick a name for the child over your choice of a name
Se cannot dictate when you cut the hair,when and how you raise your child
You will be alive and well to raise your children as their mother and their only mother
As a matter of fact you should never leave that little girl or any kids you have alone with her
God has not given you the spirit of fear,fear has torment and fear is a valid weapon of the devil
Declare goodness over you and your family always.

Sophyrocks:
Another MIL DIL thread. when boundaries have not been set by the Head of house, this is what happens. Lemme read comments first.

When I made that statement some men took it personal
Until a man can stand up and act like a man and protect the woman he married to be his wife,these stories will always come up

Closetoheart:


I have asked hubby. 1st response: put any name; 2nd response (after asking for a more definitive answer): put your name.

Does your husband have a car of his own?
Whose name is on it?

jaybee3:

Use wisdom abegi

Just put Mr and Mrs

The important thing is that she has asked.
I think she can go ahead and put her name now.

Could you ask your mom what exactly your MIL said that made her reply 'you will be alive to raise your kids?'
I mean just to be sure.

In all your post that's the part that seems like something to worry about the most. And since you're not sure of what she said, you can't authoritatively state that she doesn't mean well for you.

The rest of the things you complained about could be her just being overbearing without knowing where to draw the line. It is not a proof that she bears ill will towards you.
A grandmother is like a bigger mother to one's child. There's nothing wrong in her calling your baby her child or giving your baby a name.
But she doesn't get to decide which one goes on the birth certificate. That's going overboard.

if you knew what her exact words were that prompted that response from your mom, then you can make a decision on where to place her in your life or if to be extra careful around her because words speak the hearts intents especially when they are said without provocation.

Closetoheart:
Marriage is a school where you can't finish learning. I have searched through my mind about who to share this with, but I couldn't get anyone.

Since I had my first child, my MIL is always fond of saying that my daughter is her last child...my husband is the first and only son. There was even a day at the hospital that she made a statement (I can't remember what she said exactly but I knew my mum responded to her that "I will be alive to take care of my child and the other ones that will come afterwards). Since then, she always want to have a final say over anything that has to do with my daughter- her name, her birth certificate, when to cut her hair, where to have the naming ceremony even up till the point that she said she wanted to breastfeed my child (but I told my husband about this and he said it is impossible). Anytime I take care of my baby (maybe when bathing her or dressing her up), I get afraid of losing her to my MIL- for whatever reason. I am always afraid, and sometimes, it brings tears from my eyes. This morning, I summoned the courage to discuss my fears with my husband. He said what I said was gave him headache, and he hopes I am not expecting him to tell his mum to stop calling my daughter her daughter and that it is a normal thing. I told him he can't even do that, but I was just discussing my fear with him...going by her utterances. He kept quite for sometime and walked out on me. I didn't say anything afterwards till I left home for work. Please, what am I supposed to do? Am I unnecessarily being afraid?

Another issue: I am planning to buy a car, in fact, I should pay for the car before the end of today. The person that wants to sell the car to me wants to know whose name he should put on it. If you are in my shoes, whose name will you put? Your name, your husband's name, or Mr. & Mrs. .......
(My husband does not have one, and he hasn't bought one before).

Ps: I have only asked genuine questions, please do not pass insults. Thanks.

shrekandfiona:
@ closetoheart, I'll advise you based on my own personal experience which is also similar to yours. Your mum in law may mean no harm.

When I had my 1st child, my mum in law was the one with me, hubby was in a different state and I wasn't given any maternity leave from work so I had just my usual annual leave off. She over pampered my baby calling him her baby, never allowed me bath him when she was around etc but I cared less cos I believe she did all out of love and I was overworked sef. There was a time I left for work but forgot some docs and had to return to pick them to my surprise on getting home, saw mum in law breast feeding my baby. To say I was shocked was an understatement cos I hadn't seen such before. I didn't confront her o, I immediately called my mum to narrate what I just saw because she is in the medical field but mum calmed my fears and said it was normal amongst old people that they did it to pacify babies and I shouldn't worry cos no breast milk was secreted. I however still informed hubby and he told me he'll tell his mum to stop it since I wasn't comfortable with it.

Secondly, I also bought a car before hubby and put my name without even discussing with him, when he found out he wasn't happy. Years later when he bought his, he called me at the dealers and asked whose name I wanted on the documents, I was surprised he could ask me o. However I told him to use his name since I had earlier bought mine in my name. Guess what he did, he used mr&mrs.

In conclusion, please ask your hubby the name you should put on the car docs or better still go with Mr&Mrs and ignore your mum in law, she means no harm. I guess she's just excited in being a grandma. All the best

@op, follow this particular advice and tow inline with others who have suggested such. Don't mind home breakers/home wreckers on this thread because even they themselves will not follow the advice they are giving. Advices should be based on case studies and personal experiences

Closetoheart:

I have asked hubby. 1st response: put any name; 2nd response (after asking for a more definitive answer): put your name.

My dear, don't create problem where there's none for yourself. You have a young family, you're likely newlyweds.

Your MIL meant no harm, she doesn't stay with you and that's a plus in your favor since she sounds overbearing , sieve her advances & excesses and pick what benefits you and ones you can cope with. Use wisdom. Even our own relatives test us and we don't go about calling them witches and wizards. You're stuck with ths grandma for the most part of your lives, you will encounter different ordeals and good times with her, so why hyperventilate over non issue?
My MIL calls my kids the names she gave them, my mom calls them the name she gave them, so is my Dad, uncles & aunts nko? You can't live your life alone with relatives and extended families involved. You have to learn to tolerate them without inconvenience. wisdom involved.

'I want to bfeed the baby' ; 'No mama you can't , it's not healthy for the child'.. Simple. It's not worth picking cutlass and axe over.

As for the vehicle Certificate of ownership & Registration... Put Mr& Mrs on it since he doesn't have yet.

It's your marriage oh, don't allow anonymous & irrelevant issues put asunder.

Ewuro4:


My dear, don't create problem where there's none for yourself. You have a young family, you're likely newlyweds.

Your MIL meant no harm, she doesn't stay with you and that's a plus in your favor since she sounds overbearing , sieve her advances & excesses and pick what benefits you and ones you can cope with. Use wisdom. Even our own relatives test us and we don't go about calling them witches and wizards. You're stuck with ths grandma for the most part of your lives, you will encounter different ordeals and good times with her, so why hyperventilate over non issue?
My MIL calls my kids the names she gave them, my mom calls them the name she gave them, so is my Dad, uncles & aunts nko? You can't live your life alone with relatives and extended families involved. You have to learn to tolerate them without inconvenience. wisdom involved.

'I want to bfeed the baby' ; 'No mama you can't , it's not healthy for the child'.. Simple. It's not worth picking cutlass and axe over.

As for the vehicle Certificate of ownership & Registration... Put Mr& Mrs on it since he doesn't have yet.

It's your marriage oh, don't allow anonymous & irrelevant issues put asunder.

God bless you +1million likes

As for your car, since he doesn't have one, put it in both your names.
It will set the precedence for future property that you guys or one of you purchases.
If you start with only your name on your car, it will continue like that.
Each person to his/her own.

Of course he will tell you to out only your name because he doesn't want to seem like he's depending on your money but it could improve your relationship greatly if you show him that you're in it fully with him by not applying divisive ownership of family property.

Set this example and he will most likely follow in the future.

bennyrazz:
God bless you +1million likes

Thank you sir!

cococandy:
As for your car, since he doesn't have one, put it in both your names.
It will set the precedence for future property that you guys or one of you purchases.
If you start with only your name on your car, it will continue like that.
Each person to his/her own.

Of course he will tell you to out only your name because he doesn't want to seem like he's depending on your money but it could improve your relationship greatly if you show him that you're in it fully with him by not applying divisive ownership of family property.

Set this example and he will most likely follow in the future.

Oh
Eziokwu
I missed that part
The man has no car?
That one seems like a no brainer na
Just put his name and yours together

But this man is a good man o
Many men won't be alive to see madam have a car when they are jumping molue and legging it
Some will be dragging key with wife for car her father gave her as wedding gift sef

Yea he doesn't have one yet.

If I were her, I wouldn't even have asked him before putting his name on it too.
I'll just surprise him.
That's like God blessing them with their first family car and she's asking if to include him or not.

@OP surprise him and you will love his reaction

babyosisi:


Oh
Eziokwu
I missed that part
The man has no car?
That one seems like a no brainer na
Just put his name and yours together

But this man is a good man o
Many men won't be alive to see madam have a car when they are jumping molue and legging it
Some will be dragging key with wife for car her father gave her as wedding gift sef

At times there r things one overlook in marriage especially when it comes to our elderly parents.
I found out that they always feel they know best.

So as per me,i will ignore the irrelevances.
A friend that was doing exclusive caught her mum giving her baby water and upon inquiry, found out she has been doing it for long.
Had it been her MIL, a diff interpretation and meaning will suffice.

It seems u build urself around fear. So get rid of that.

As per the car, how will u like it if ur hubby buys a plot of land and input his name only?
Def,u will cry wolf
So do unto others as u want them to do unto u.
Set a record for the future.

Ewuro4:


Thank you sir!

you are welcome ma

Thank you all. As for d car, i put our names: adekunle and ciroma nwachukwu.

As for my MIL...Case continues

Closetoheart:
Thank you all. As for d car, i put our names: adekunle and ciroma nwachukwu.

As for my MIL...Case continues

Good

Don't take your eyes off the woman till your spirit is at peace concerning her
There are mothers inlaw that have circumcised their granddaughters,taken them to native doctors and given them tribal marks when the parents left her in their care
I am not kidding
If she was thinking of putting her breasts in your baby's mouth and making statements that made your own mother respond that you will be alive to take care of your kids,she could be capable of many other things.
Wishing you the best

bennyrazz:
@op, follow this particular advice and tow inline with others who have suggested such. Don't mind home breakers/home wreckers on this thread because even they themselves will not follow the advice they are giving. Advices should be based on case studies and personal experiences

Thanks some of us are blessed with great mother in laws. Mine is awesome she is the one always with my kids cos my mum works in a different state.

.

[quote author=gClosetoheart post=32037379][/quote] Good you have decided to add your hubby's name because his first answer says that's what he wants but couldnt say. Because of the fact that your mum also noticed your MIL's comments and your spirit is not comfy with them, i wont pass them as mere words, it is certain she does not like you. She may or may not be making empty threats but what is more dangerous and can bring her words to life is your fear. You fear too much and easily like your ending first post. Everytime she makes those comments, first dont believe them, then cancel or reject or return them with your own words as the case may be. Dont think much about her words but believe in yours instead. Learn to stand firm, strong atleast for your family's sake not "chickening" all the time. Be prayerfull too.

bishopoliver:
Interesting piece.

A similar scenario is playing out in my home. I am married and wifey recently gave birth to a baby. My mum insists that the boy should bear the name she gave the boy while I chosed another name entirely. I simply told my wife that the baby bears the name i gave him...but we will call him the name my mum gave him WHENEVER we are with my mum ONLY.

Men need to be wise.


As for the name of the car, i advise you to please put the name of your hubby. It doesnt cost you anything, men loves to have their ego massaged on a daily basis. There is no way your hubby will be truly happy if you omit his name, he may not show it at first but trust african man, he will surely think about it.

No need to create unnecessary strife.

Pick your battles.

oga seriously i had to quote you.
did u say put d name of her hubby on d deeds of a car she s gonna buy with her own money?? u no try at all.
lettn him drive d car wil b enuf massage to his ego n not havn hia name put der wen he dint contribute a dime.
if shes to b ur own daughter...wil u advise her so?
na waa o

jaybee3:
You are hyperventilating over nothing
Your MIL will not always be around so why make an issue out of nothing?

Yes in an ideal world she would give you guys space but she hasn't so you just have to deal with it diplomatically. Just say you've heard and do whatever pleases you and your hubby shikenna

With reference to the car, talk to your husband first and ask for his preference with the registeration.

Mr and Mrs is probably the best way to go about it

How will you feel if your MIL behaves in the same way?

okotv:
that's a new one. Thought you were a feminist. Sorry for the misinterpretation.

What has feminism got to do with it?