hello nairalanders

Not sure where to put this post though so i put it here...i need some advise on how to sustain friendship with people.

i find it difficult to actually open myself fully to people in real life, am very loyal, friendly and accommodating.

I have many acquaintances but very few friends....even this few friends am not sure if they are friends sef..

I can make someone my frd but to sustain the friendship is hard, i even have more online folks than real life people has friends. 'cause i feel it is more easier to express my self online than to people in real life

what do you think i need to do?

you are also free to share your experiences, i need all the help i can get.

Thanks

I love sleeping because dreams are far more better than reality. Internet friends Ãℓℓ the way

Friendship is a two way thing. You let them in, they let you in. A little give and take. Since you can form friendships, sustaining them is pretty easy. It simply requires you to keep doing what you have started doing. Being there most of the time. Call up the person once in a while, chat with them, spend time with them, go out, do stuff. Little things matter.
Good luck.

See a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist. Go on therapy until it's done. They'll help you more than any comment here.

Illuminatus:
Friendship is a two way thing. You let them in, they let you in. A little give and take. Since you can form friendships, sustaining them is pretty easy. It simply requires you to keep doing what you have started doing. Being there most of the time. Call up the person once in a while, chat with them, spend time with them, go out, do stuff. Little things matter.
Good luck.

Thanks alot...


The problem is how to let them in....i keep my feelings to my self most times. find it difficult to express myself except when writing or chatting.

Craigston:
See a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist. Go on therapy until it's done. They'll help you more than any comment here.

Thanks i wish i could but i m a student presently, don't have access to that and the money too no be small thing.

bangleslover:


Thanks alot...


The problem is how to let them in....i keep my feelings to my self most times. find it difficult to express myself except when writing or chatting.

You don't have to take bold steps quickly. Just take little steps. When you find someone who you're comfortable with, it'll become relatively easy. But for the moment, test the waters, push your limits. I wish I could be more helpful.

bangleslover:


Thanks alot...


The problem is how to let them in....i keep my feelings to my self most times. find it difficult to express myself except when writing or chatting.

We have alot in common

Introvert?

If you really want to sustain friendships, you need to be able to make conversation. Doesn't have to be secrets or anything serious at first. Focus on a small group of friends, easy going, non-judgmental people that you really like. Talk as much as you can about random topics, sharing your views on impersonal topic helps you get comfortable with them e.g. Boko Haram, fashion, sports, NL trending topics. You don't have to agree with their views, or vice versa. It's all about engaging in regular discussion.

At first it might feel tedious, but if you try to enjoy yourself (avoid arguments, choose light & funny topics as much as possible) you would find that you look forward to the conversations.

Then you should try to add some personal touches, short stories from your childhood, random gist about your day/school/work. Just keep it light always, you don't have to share anything you don't want to. Take that pressure off yourself.

BTW, you can make real friends over the Internet so don't despise your online friendships. I started out that way too, the Internet is a good place to loosen up & practice for the real world. WhatsApp, BBM are also helpful...

*hope this helps

A lot of people find it difficult to sustain relationship in life either as a result of insecurity i:e low self esteem or at one time because of betrayal. Relationship can only be sustain by gradually interacting with people . Ask about the welfare of your friends by giving them calls and at times socialise with them,they are at times you will have to come to their levels because not everyone of them will have the same level of intelligence or esposure like you. One thing I have come to realise in life is that you can never be an island because you will need friends when you run into problems.

am also here to learn.

Illuminatus Thanks so much, you have really helped


pweetixandy Really? You can also learn from the thread as well ....we can be friends too you know


cirmuell sort of.

GL and dsquare33 thanks so much! I appreciate

making conversions is the most difficult part for me, as dsquare33 said come to term with their levels and all that...i don't know to go about it and sometimes i feel odd and i don't like to be identified as a know-it-all.


i do appreciate my online friends with all my heart, i just need a friend close by to talk to a relate with....i m practically alone without them...that shouldn't be the case.

bangleslover:
Illuminatus Thanks so much, you have really helped


pweetixandy Really? You can also learn from the thread as well ....we can be friends too you know


cirmuell sort of.

GL and dsquare33 thanks so much! I appreciate

making conversions is the most difficult part for me, as dsquare33 said come to term with their levels and all that...i don't know to go about it and sometimes i feel odd and i don't like to be identified as a know-it-all

Yea..probably

what i meant by 'come to their level' at times is just play the fool part delibrately even when you know they are wrong then try and correct them in love later. One thing I realise is that at times we are more expose than others in terms of sophiscation and because they are not too expose, don't show it too much that they are wrong at least everybody deserve an ego irrespective of who they are. You can ask for their facebook or twitter account then just drop a word or two to show that you have them in mind. On the contrary don't force yourself on people because it is not everybody that deserve true friendship and they can take you for a ride. Have confidence in yourself and people will respect you for it.

bangleslover:


Thanks i wish i could but i m a student presently, don't have access to that and the money too no be small thing.

Me too. Money is quite a challenge here.
Making friends is a sweet thing, but it's not possible to be a friend to everyone. Choosing friends and acquaintances requires some carefulness. I believe you have that. In every true friendship, love is very important. If your common ground is not to help each other grow, then you're not friends.
Many persons get to have little acquaintance with another and immediately put them on the friends list. But your friends list cannot be really large. That's because you can't have 'the Lord's supper' with them.
Having friends can be scary at first: this is normal and a result of ego boundaries. It takes careful study to know if the other is worth making a friend. Avoid persons with negative influence. If he's really trustworthy and has you in mind, you'll soon need to get very acquainted with each other. This requires some bracketing.
I think we have things in common. How many facebook friends do you have a personal touch with, not regarding distance? That's a rough idea of how many friends you have (even those may not be friends).
Friendship is as tricky as marriage. Commitment and trust is needed on both sides. If it's not working, it may not be your fault. I've had some success at friendships, and I've rejected some because I couldn't love them.
I suggest you read this book:
'The Road Less Traveled' - M. Scott Peck.
It may not be about friendship, but it'll help you a lot.

I find it difficult to sustain friendships too. The scary part is when they are getting too close, I can't handle it, it makes me so uncomfortable and later, I feel guilty that i wasn't a great friend to such a nice person.
Hence, I avoid making new friends but I have lots of acquaintances.

Joavid:
I find it difficult to sustain friendships too. The scary part is when they are getting too close, I can't handle it, it makes me so uncomfortable and later, I feel guilty that i wasn't a great friend to such a nice person.
Hence, I avoid making new friends but I have lots of acquaintances.

Maybe, when they get closer too quickly, you should just slow down--not cutoff. Trust and love is necessary and these things take time to build.

bangleslover:

.

And you love bangles

Hmm I'm having d same issues. Yours is even better, u have online friends. I have very few friends. I don't even call them friends, cos they are there because of what they can get from me.

I'm married and my husband and kids are my only true friends. Sometimes I feel very depressed especially when my husband is out of town.

By frequently bribing your friend to stay

Trust!

This is key when making friends and sustaining. If you don't trust people, you'll be afraid to let them in.

This trust is natural at first, 'cause they may not have done you any favor, but you believe you'll be fine with them. Overtime, they may be of little help, but hold it with much gratitude.

Gradually let people in, care about the highlights of their lives, respond in same manner. You'd see signs that they want to be your friends too. Slowly but steadily...maintain communication via the preferable mode.

Make sincere compliments, let them feel you want them in your life. The talk plenty...

Lastly, don't see people as a means to an end. They will stick around.

By keeping your DISTANCE always!!!!

bangleslover:
hello nairalanders

Not sure where to put this post though so i put it here...i need some advise on how to sustain friendship with people.

i find it difficult to actually open myself fully to people in real life, am very loyal, friendly and accommodating.

I have many acquaintances but very few friends....even this few friends am not sure if they are friends sef..

I can make someone my frd but to sustain the friendship is hard, i even have more online folks than real life people has friends. 'cause i feel it is more easier to express my self online than to people in real life

what do you think i need to do?

you are also free to share your experiences, i need all the help i can get.

Thanks

So in summary, you need a friend?

Oya Kanwulijara, come 'n make new friend here.

Joavid:
I find it difficult to sustain friendships too. The scary part is when they are getting too close, I can't handle it, it makes me so uncomfortable and later, I feel guilty that i wasn't a great friend to such a nice person.
Hence, I avoid making new friends but I have lots of acquaintances.

gosh are we twins


it is well

kaboninc:


And you love bangles

Yes i do, any problem with that? and how does it relate to the topic?

Thanks so much everyone for your beautiful and wonderful contributions and also thanks to those who gave me a good laugh with their comments. I truly appreciate.

For those facing similar situations like me, know that you are not alone. Follow some of the advise you see here, am very sure it would be useful

Happy new month & happy good friday

Ta da!

OP you don't need any help. You're just fine. embrace whom you are in & out and stop looking for trouble.

On a serious note, don't force it hon. And cherish your loved ones (family) because they will be the only faces left when you have it rough and going gets tough.

#justkeepingitreal

bangleslover:


Yes i do, any problem with that? and how does it relate to the topic?

It relates to the topic in a way.

The way you love and cherish your bangles, just that they have no life.

You see the ones you like, you go for them. Same way you treat them, say way you treat friends and same way friends treat you.

Have a swell day!

kaboninc:


It relates to the topic in a way.

The way you love and cherish your bangles, just that they have no life.

You see the ones you like, you go for them. Same way you treat them, say way you treat friends and same way friends treat you.

Have a swell day!

sorry for my earlier response.

Thanks so much for that, i appreciate

Ewuro4:
OP you don't need any help. You're just fine. embrace whom you are in & out and stop looking for trouble.

On a serious note, don't force it hon. And cherish your loved ones (family) because they will be the only faces left when you have it rough and going gets tough.

#justkeepingitreal

lolz

Thanks ma'am

bangleslover:
hello nairalanders

Not sure where to put this post though so i put it here...i need some advise on how to sustain friendship with people.

i find it difficult to actually open myself fully to people in real life, am very loyal, friendly and accommodating.

I have many acquaintances but very few friends....even this few friends am not sure if they are friends sef..

I can make someone my frd but to sustain the friendship is hard, i even have more online folks than real life people has friends. 'cause i feel it is more easier to express my self online than to people in real life

what do you think i need to do?

you are also free to share your experiences, i need all the help i can get.

Thanks

If you communicate with friends online then you really don't have a problem. The difference between communicating online and with real time is that online comms afford you more time to compose your thoughts however if you are with friends who love you for you you get to learn to communicate with as much fluency as you do online.

I used to feel the same way but I learnt to put aside my self consciousness and learnt to express myself as I am. If you don't like me, no struggle I look out for those who do. In life it's not everyone who will love orp hate you or even give a damn if you exist, learn to live with that at the back of your mind.

If your current crop of friends are stifling your self expression then find a new bunch that will allow you to be you when you are with them.