It goes like this…

There is this Bros we come from the same village, he came to Lagos after graduation a few years ago, and started hustling, after a few months he got something he was doing just to keep himself busy although the job was not paying much he kept right at it. After some years he left this job to set-up his own business. Not too long Bros started doing well for himself, buying nice cars, and started to build a house in the village for his parents.
He came back once for a family members traditional marriage, there he met this young girl and fell helplessly in love with this girl, although to the disapproval of his sister (who at the time was friends with the said girl) and family members who had issues with the girls family and the fact that she was about average height, but he refused and continued dating the girl and about 7 months down the line we all assembled for his traditional marriage.

A year after that his wife was pregnant and he chose the US as his choice destination for his child to be born. When his wife came back after giving birth they called his wife’s mum to come to Lagos to help do Omugwo (child rearing duties) for her daughter.

Fast-forward 8 months after helping with omugwo, the girl’s mum was ready to go back to the village Bros bought every wrapper you could think of, bought her a cooking gas to replace the one she had before, also bought clothes for her husband as well, I mean they hired a bus to send the woman back to the village.
The woman getting to the village instead of keeping her cool, decided to invite nearly every passing stranger in front of her house, to come and see what her son-in-law bought for her. She went to our local market and was doing the same thing.
The man’s parents learnt about how their in- law was taken good care of in Lagos, became angry as to why their son will be spending money recklessly like that with no regard, and called their son and allayed their worries to their son, but he told them that it was fine, that he was just showing appreciation to his mother-in- law for the time she took out to come help them.

I think that was where is problems started, because fast-forward 2 years his wife was pregnant again for their second baby, and as soon as he called his family members to tell them of the good news, his mum told him that this time it was her turn to come for Omugwo, although he was surprised by what his mum was saying he didn’t respond to his mother’s request. His mum did not stop there, she went to their in – laws house to inform them of the news, and to also inform them that this time it was her turn to go for the omugwo thing. The lady’s mum said that over her dead body will somebody help her nurse her daughter when she is still alive.

Some months down the line Bros’s wife left for the US to give birth, and before she could even finish giving birth Bros’s mum and dad and his wife’s mum and dad were already in Bros's house in Lagos, Bros’s house was on Fire.
When Bros came back with his wife and saw the chaos that was going on in his house, he told both parents to leave his house, that he was going to take care of his wife himself.

When the both parents got to the village, Bros’s parents went to their in- laws house to make their disapproval of how they are interfering in their family affair known to them, but a fight broke out between both families, and because the girl’s father was a retired principal in the secondary school that was in our village and still had some political affiliations with the local Politicians he was able to get the police to lock up Bros’s father for 2 days.

When Bros heard that his dad was locked up in the police station by his in-laws he did not know what to do, as he did not want people to think he was taking sides, he paid for his father’s bail and his father was released from jail, so that the matter could be resolved at home.

But his family members were not having it especially his younger sister and brothers, they went to Bros's house in Lagos and asked his wife to leave their brothers house and start heading home to her parent’s house in the village before any discussion can begin. Bros sat there and watched them pack his wife and his kids things into a car, and he did not alter a word.

As I am writing, the wife and kids are still in the village they have not been allowed to come back to Lagos, Bros’s family is saying that, over their dead body will their father be put in jail by a stranger, so basically they are saying that the marriage should be broken or annulled that no amount of penalty or fine will appease for their in-law’s wrong doing.

My question is this: in a family who is the rightful person to come for omugwo?
The Husband’s mother or the Wifes’s mother?

Both families were at fault and for the family that locked up the other, that was extreme.
They should both back out from interfering in their sons life and allow the couples live in peace.
I’d hire a nanny in my own case

.

.

tpiadotcom:


the wife is dumb

the husband is dumb

everybody involved in this scenario is dumb and impatient.

anyway, lord have mercy.

I agree with your list except the husband.....he isn't dumb he is the dumbest!

ducii:
It goes like this…

There is this Bros we come from the same village, he came to Lagos after graduation a few years ago, and started hustling, after a few months he got something he was doing just to keep himself busy although the job was not paying much he kept right at it. After some years he left this job to set-up his own business. Not too long Bros started doing well for himself, buying nice cars, and started to build a house in the village for his parents.
He came back once for a family members traditional marriage, there he met this young girl and fell helplessly in love with this girl, although to the disapproval of his sister (who at the time was friends with the said girl) and family members who had issues with the girls family and the fact that she was about average height, but he refused and continued dating the girl and about 7 months down the line we all assembled for his traditional marriage.

A year after that his wife was pregnant and he chose the US as his choice destination for his child to be born. When his wife came back after giving birth they called his wife’s mum to come to Lagos to help do Omugwo (child rearing duties) for her daughter.

Fast-forward 8 months after helping with omugwo, the girl’s mum was ready to go back to the village Bros bought every wrapper you could think of, bought her a cooking gas to replace the one she had before, also bought clothes for her husband as well, I mean they hired a bus to send the woman back to the village.
The woman getting to the village instead of keeping her cool, decided to invite nearly every passing stranger in front of her house, to come and see what her son-in-law bought for her. She went to our local market and was doing the same thing.
The man’s parents learnt about how their in- law was taken good care of in Lagos, became angry as to why their son will be spending money recklessly like that with no regard, and called their son and allayed their worries to their son, but he told them that it was fine, that he was just showing appreciation to his mother-in- law for the time she took out to come help them.

I think that was where is problems started, because fast-forward 2 years his wife was pregnant again for their second baby, and as soon as he called his family members to tell them of the good news, his mum told him that this time it was her turn to come for Omugwo, although he was surprised by what his mum was saying he didn’t respond to his mother’s request. His mum did not stop there, she went to their in – laws house to inform them of the news, and to also inform them that this time it was her turn to go for the omugwo thing. The lady’s mum said that over her dead body will somebody help her nurse her daughter when she is still alive.

Some months down the line Bros’s wife left for the US to give birth, and before she could even finish giving birth Bros’s mum and dad and his wife’s mum and dad were already in Bros's house in Lagos, Bros’s house was on Fire.
When Bros came back with his wife and saw the chaos that was going on in his house, he told both parents to leave his house, that he was going to take care of his wife himself.

When the both parents got to the village, Bros’s parents went to their in- laws house to make their disapproval of how they are interfering in their family affair known to them, but a fight broke out between both families, and because the girl’s father was a retired principal in the secondary school that was in our village and still had some political affiliations with the local Politicians he was able to get the police to lock up Bros’s father for 2 days.

When Bros heard that his dad was locked up in the police station by his in-laws he did not know what to do, as he did not want people to think he was taking sides, he paid for his father’s bail and his father was released from jail, so that the matter could be resolved at home.

But his family members were not having it especially his younger sister and brothers, they went to Bros's house in Lagos and asked his wife to leave their brothers house and start heading home to her parent’s house in the village before any discussion can begin. Bros sat there and watched them pack his wife and his kids things into a car, and he did not alter a word.

As I am writing, the wife and kids are still in the village they have not been allowed to come back to Lagos, Bros’s family is saying that, over their dead body will their father be put in jail by a stranger, so basically they are saying that the marriage should be broken or annulled that no amount of penalty or fine will appease for their in-law’s wrong doing.

My question is this: in a family who is the rightful person to come for omugwo?
The Husband’s mother or the Wifes’s mother?

This is quite a serious issue. Traditionally in Igbo culture, the wife's mother is the rightful person who goes for Omugwo. In some families, like my parents' families for example, it can be shared between both mothers, but the wife's mother visits first, then next the man's mother.

The blame is on everybody in the family. This is a simple matter gone wrong along the line.

The man in question did not handle the matter as he should have. The man himself is weak. Why should he allow his family members forcefully move his family out of his own house? Being the man of the house, on seeing that his mother was not happy at the way he spent on his mother-in-law, he should have quickly invited his own mother for Omugwo, or at least bought and sent her even greater things than that of his wife's mother to allay his mother's anger. But then he didn't do nothing. Also, the man's mother is at fault for flouting traditions by insisting to go for Omugwo at the birth of her son's second child. The wife herself seems to be biased as she could have equally invited her mother-in-law for Omugwo the first time after her own mother left.

His mother is angry because she feels her son isn't taking care of her well enough. I understand her pain. Personally, me myself if I were a mother, I won't be happy to see a son I gave birth to, and raised with all my energy, sweat and blood suddenly become a stranger to me. The man should have known this and balanced the equation on both sides. I know some men who their wives object to their spending on their mothers, but in order to be fair, the men buy and send things to their mothers in private. One should never sidetrack one's mother for no reason, because you only have one mother who has been there for you through thick and thin, and you both share the same blood.

Next, his father in law should not have locked his in law in the police station no matter what the reason is.

I proffer this solution:
- he should bring his immediate family home immediately from wherever they are. They are his own, and nobody, not even any of his family members, has the right to 'seize' his wife and kids.
- he should attempt to make peace with his mother immediately. For a fair treatment to both women, let him have his own mother visit for omugwo this time around, his wife's mother having visited the first time. From next time onwards, it will be shared equally amongst both women - wife's mother visiting first, then his mother. He should also ensure that he buys her even greater things when she is leaving to appease the woman's mind.
- his father in law has to apologize for locking his in law in prison. This is abhorrent and irresponsible no matter what the reason is.

And then peace returns to the family.

As a side note, Bros himself should become more proactive. The typical Nigerian (Igbo) man isn't that docile but takes charge of his family affairs. He shouldn't sit there and watch his home tear into pieces in such manner. I can only guess that he is the weak type who is controlled by his wife, who often makes most decisions in the family.

bigfrancis21:


This is quite a serious issue. Traditionally in Igbo culture, the wife's mother is the rightful person who goes for Omugwo. In some families, like my family for example, it can be shared between both mothers, but the wife's mother visits first, then next the man's mother.

The blame is on everybody in the family. This is a simple matter gone wrong along the line.

The man in question did not handle the matter as he should have. The man himself is weak. How can he stay there and watch family members forcefully move his family out of the house? Being the man of the house, on seeing that his mother was not happy at the way he spent on his mother-in-law, he should have quickly invited his own mother for Omugwo, or at least bought and sent her even greater things than that of his wife's mother to allay his mother's anger. But then he didn't do nothing. Also, the man's mother is at fault for flouting traditions by insisting to go for Omugwo at the birth of her son's second child. The wife herself seems to be biased as she could have equally invited her mother-in-law for Omugwo after her own mother left.

Next, his father in law should not have locked his in law in the police station no matter what the reason is.

Personally, me myself if I were a mother, I won't be happy to see a son I gave birth to, and raised with all my energy, sweat and blood suddenly become a stranger to me. The man should have known this and balanced the equation on both sides.

I proffer this solution:
- he should bring his immediate family home immediately from wherever they are. They are his own, and nobody, not even any of his family members, has the right to 'seize' his wife and kids.
- he should attempt to make peace with his mother immediately. For a fair treatment, let him have his own mother visit for omugwo. From the next time onwards, it will be shared equally amongst both women - wife's mother visiting first, then his mother. He should also ensure that he buys her even greater things to appease the woman's mind.
- his father in law has to apologize for locking his in law in prison. This is abhorrent and irresponsible no matter what the reason is.

And then peace returns back to the family.

As a side note, Bros himself should become more proactive. The typical Nigerian (Igbo) man isn't that docile but takes charge of his family affairs. He shouldn't sit there and watch his home tear into pieces in such manner. I can only guess that he is the weak type who is controlled by his wife, who often makes most decisions in the family.

I concur with most of your observations

ducii:



I concur with most of your observations

Thanks. I edited my post before you quoted me. You can go through it again, if you don't mind.

@ducii.
Greed and jealousy is the No.1 cause of all this. Greed and jealousy from the man's family.

But I mainly blame the man of the family. The man himself should take control of his family and not allow his family members to marry her wife. Once married he have created a separate family different from his parents. Himself and his parents should know this.

musicwriter:
@ducii.
Greed and jealousy is the No.1 cause of all this. Greed and jealousy from the man's family.

But I mainly blame the man of the family. The man himself should take control of his family and not allow his family members to marry her wife. Once married he have created a separate family different from his parents. Himself and his parents should know this.

It is kind of difficult, I think the main issue is because they are from the same village, so they know each others business most of the time.

tupem:
I agree with your list except the husband.....he isn't dumb he is the dumbest!

had to edit since i am not sure why the op opened the thread.

ducii:
It goes like this…

There is this Bros we come from the same village, he came to Lagos after graduation a few years ago, and started hustling, after a few months he got something he was doing just to keep himself busy although the job was not paying much he kept right at it. After some years he left this job to set-up his own business. Not too long Bros started doing well for himself, buying nice cars, and started to build a house in the village for his parents.
He came back once for a family members traditional marriage, there he met this young girl and fell helplessly in love with this girl, although to the disapproval of his sister (who at the time was friends with the said girl) and family members who had issues with the girls family and the fact that she was about average height, but he refused and continued dating the girl and about 7 months down the line we all assembled for his traditional marriage.

A year after that his wife was pregnant and he chose the US as his choice destination for his child to be born. When his wife came back after giving birth they called his wife’s mum to come to Lagos to help do Omugwo (child rearing duties) for her daughter.

Fast-forward 8 months after helping with omugwo, the girl’s mum was ready to go back to the village Bros bought every wrapper you could think of, bought her a cooking gas to replace the one she had before, also bought clothes for her husband as well, I mean they hired a bus to send the woman back to the village.
The woman getting to the village instead of keeping her cool, decided to invite nearly every passing stranger in front of her house, to come and see what her son-in-law bought for her. She went to our local market and was doing the same thing.
The man’s parents learnt about how their in- law was taken good care of in Lagos, became angry as to why their son will be spending money recklessly like that with no regard, and called their son and allayed their worries to their son, but he told them that it was fine, that he was just showing appreciation to his mother-in- law for the time she took out to come help them.

I think that was where is problems started, because fast-forward 2 years his wife was pregnant again for their second baby, and as soon as he called his family members to tell them of the good news, his mum told him that this time it was her turn to come for Omugwo, although he was surprised by what his mum was saying he didn’t respond to his mother’s request. His mum did not stop there, she went to their in – laws house to inform them of the news, and to also inform them that this time it was her turn to go for the omugwo thing. The lady’s mum said that over her dead body will somebody help her nurse her daughter when she is still alive.

Some months down the line Bros’s wife left for the US to give birth, and before she could even finish giving birth Bros’s mum and dad and his wife’s mum and dad were already in Bros's house in Lagos, Bros’s house was on Fire.
When Bros came back with his wife and saw the chaos that was going on in his house, he told both parents to leave his house, that he was going to take care of his wife himself.

When the both parents got to the village, Bros’s parents went to their in- laws house to make their disapproval of how they are interfering in their family affair known to them, but a fight broke out between both families, and because the girl’s father was a retired principal in the secondary school that was in our village and still had some political affiliations with the local Politicians he was able to get the police to lock up Bros’s father for 2 days.

When Bros heard that his dad was locked up in the police station by his in-laws he did not know what to do, as he did not want people to think he was taking sides, he paid for his father’s bail and his father was released from jail, so that the matter could be resolved at home.

But his family members were not having it especially his younger sister and brothers, they went to Bros's house in Lagos and asked his wife to leave their brothers house and start heading home to her parent’s house in the village before any discussion can begin. Bros sat there and watched them pack his wife and his kids things into a car, and he did not alter a word.

As I am writing, the wife and kids are still in the village they have not been allowed to come back to Lagos, Bros’s family is saying that, over their dead body will their father be put in jail by a stranger, so basically they are saying that the marriage should be broken or annulled that no amount of penalty or fine will appease for their in-law’s wrong doing.

My question is this: in a family who is the rightful person to come for omugwo?
The Husband’s mother or the Wifes’s mother?

The man's family are all maaaaaaaaaad!!!!!




Every woman wants her own mother to come for omugwo and not the MIL!




She is a very wicked and foolish MIL.




The man should just take his wife home and tell his parents and in-laws to stay away. Let him get a care giver to help wifey out.



U know,no family is more important than the family u have created. His wife and kids should be on top of his priority list. Village people always embarass themselves,dunno why.

ahsekeena:




The man's family are all maaaaaaaaaad!!!!!




Every woman wants her own mother to come for omugwo and not the MIL!




She is a very wicked and foolish MIL.




The man should just take his wife home and tell his parents and in-laws to stay away. Let him get a care giver to help wifey out.



U know,no family is more important than the family u have created. His wife and kids should be on top of his priority list. Village people always embarass themselves,dunno why.

so you are saying the wife's mum should always be the person to come for omugwo?

I was thinking it could be rotated, one person after another

This question of whether the husband's mother should go for omugwo or not annoys me to no end. Omugwo traditionally is the preserve of the wife's mother, or an older woman from her side of the family, if her mother (for some reason) is unable to make it.

Poverty and greed are the chief reasons why we see cases such as the one narrated here by the OP. Everyone wants the rich gifts that come after the omugwo period. Everyone wants to travel to some Western country for omugwo (in cases where the new parents live outside Nigeria).

My mum had 5 of us, and never during her five pregnancies did the question of my paternal grandmother visiting for omugwo come up. In fact, during my mum's 3rd pregnancy, my maternal grandmother was ill and couldn't come. It was my mum's elder sister (NOT my paternal grandmum) who came instead.

ducii:


so you are saying the wife's mum should always be the person to come for omugwo?

I was thinking it could be rotated, one person after another

Are u a woman..a mother?




I guess not,after child birth,u need someone who understands u. Who know what food u like,when to eat what and know how u want ur baby to be taken care of.


The funny thing is that this MIL isn't about the DIL,she's all about the material gains post-omugwo. Greedy old woman if I must add

ahsekeena:



Are u a woman..a mother?




I guess not, after child birth,u need someone who understands u. Who know what food u like,when to eat what and know how u want ur baby to be taken care of.


The funny thing is that this MIL isn't about the DIL,she's all about the material gains post-omugwo. Greedy old woman if I must add

@the bolded: Precisely why it was traditionally a job for the wife's mum.

Moderation is the key

mkpakanaodogwu:
Moderation is the key

Explain Please

I'll blame the man's family for starting the trouble. We all know Omugwo is reserved for the wife's family, so it beats me why his mother, out of jealousy will want to be the one to go for Omugwo. Parents have to understand that one their son marries, he makes his own decision and is not subject to the whims of his family. I also think that his wife's family escalated issues by locking up the Father of the man. That is a very idiotic action to take. I cab understand the mans inability to do something.

ducii:

Explain Please

the in-laws were too loud and noisy.

Afam4eva:
I'll blame the man's family for starting the trouble. We all know Omugwo is reserved for the wife's family, so it beats me why his mother, out of jealousy will want to be the one to go for Omugwo. Parents have to understand that one their son marries, he makes his own decision and is not subject to the whims of his family. I also think that his wife's family escalated issues by locking up the Father of the man. That is a very idiotic action to take. I cab understand the mans inability to do something.

I agree

mkpakanaodogwu:
the in-laws were too loud and noisy.

Yes they were