my mother in law does some few things that hurt me and the only person who is my solace on the matters cares less. am thinking is that he is just carefree about emotional issues as that, or he just doesn't want to hurt his mum that he loves so much by telling her the truth on my behalf.
my mother in law comes to our home at least 3 times a week but she doesn't live with us. the first issue i once had with her was she chews food for my babies and i had a slight problem with that, cos due to this one of my kids had bacterial infection in the mouth, so i begged hubby to tell her, he said he couldn't, that she was gonna feel bad, now when i saw she was still doing it i had to find a way to tell her myself.
another issue she had that i expected hubby to help with, she came visiting one day i had some stew in the pot, before i could say jack my mother in law had turned it to egusi soup. i felt bad, she didn't even ask me first. tho the stew wasn't much but it would still have made dinner for two more days. imagine thinking of cooking stew u didnt plan for. i told hubby this again, that please kindly tell mummy to tell me before she does stuffs like tha, its not like i had a right to refuse, never. but at least its my kitchen, funny enough i had egusi soup in the freezer. if only she had asked, he said okay i will. but he didn't. Another case that happened just yesterday, she came to visit as usual, only for me to come back and saw my stew looking upside down. i asked the nanny what happened and she said mama poured raw pepper into my stew and said it was over salted, this is a stew that i didn't even salt but just added meat stock (omi eran) to it. now note mama doesnt eat salt at all, i was furious, i was hurt, i went to hubby again as usual, mummy has poured pepper in my stew, why didnt she just take some from it, or ask the nanny to help her take some then she can do anything she wanted with it or something. he said okay i will discuss with her like he always say. this time i got so mad at him. because i already knew he wasn't going to.
i know wat my dad will say to his mum in a situation like this, i know what my uncles will also say to their mum, and mummy wont be hurt and wifey also have her share of the akara.
few minutes ago, he was telling me how his sister came yesterday and shouted at his daughter, he said he didn't like the manner at which she shouted at d little girl, so i asked him what he did, he said nothing, i said ooh you didn't want her to feel bad? he said no not even that. i didn't ask any further questions,cos na him way, he would prefer us dealing with our hurts than tell the in laws the truth. this lady in question is his elder sister, but she shouts at my kids so much sometimes that i wish he will just say something. not hurtful words, but respectful words that will pass your message and also prove to your kid that daddy got my back.
now here is my question dear people and mot likely husband if you are reading this. could it be because he is the lat bore, or he just not into family and having their back, or the percentage of love he has for us.
am not asking him to hurt mum in law, just asking him to help me let her know that their are actually boundaries in homes and it should be respected. to avoiding hurting the second party. in my opinion. please mum share your takes on this.....

Your MIL is over stepping her boundaries

She's wrong! There should be boundaries even though she's in her son's house.

Secondly, your husband is just being careful not to hurt her feelings maybe she's won't take it in good fate and i don't think he has less percentage of love for you guys. It's painful but don't take it too hard on me advice he to go through any of his sis if there's any since he can't talk to her directly

I don't know what's always wrong wiv those MIL sef,she is overstepping her boundaries now....she should go back to her husband house...but i will advice u that don't try to disrespect her,just keep on telling ur husband...he should know how to talk to his mum.

Hehehehehe.... Clap for urself.

MIL turns stew into egusi soup, MIL turns stew into pepper, MIL turns stew into pure water... Lolzzz.

My dear u are just trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. I see nothing worth considering in ur post, u have a peaceful home, she have access to everything in d kitchen, likewise ur mother. Don't forget she's a woman, even if she add more ingredients to ur soup, dat's not enough reason to grumble, u can make another one. Sooner or later, she will stop.

Let peace reign, stop reading meanings into things of no significance...

Simply relocate to a place that is a bit far from her..and your husband silence doesn't mean weakness..he's protecting u and your kids..it won't continue forever..as far as she's not sharing same bedroom or bank account with u and your husband..just take heart.. always have a plan b for your stew or soups especially when u know she would b coming around.

Apparently, this is the season of MILs on nairaland. Every topic get him time.

OP, pls inform hubby you will have to talk to mama yourself and anytime she oversteps her boundary again, pls correct her gently and with all humility. Correct her as often as you need to and she will soon get the message that she is stretching her limits.

As for you sis-in-law, does she also visit very often? If not, pls tell your kids to go their room anytime she is around(minimise their contact) and she will also get the message she is acting like a witch.

@ poster

"Action speaks louder than words"

1.) Try to buy more plastic plates for storing food. Bring out a plate of soup everyday and if possible lock your deep freezer. In fact, install padlock on it. Some MILs are troublesome and believe their old skool food taste better. For example, if my grand mother cooks okro soup, she does not wash that pot again but uses it for several other soups. Just lock your freezer and stop quarreling with her.

2.) As for your sister-in-law, instruct your nanny to always take the children to their room whenever she comes. When she sees them running away from her, she go change by force. Also, try to ignore her after all she is not living with you guys.

3.) In my opinion, your husband loves you but what you want him to do is not in his nature. Remember that he has a different upbringing unlike your father and uncles. I also think your husband sees things differently. May be, use to that shouting from her elder sister and mummy because they grew up together He may feel her sister is just trying to correct his kids and mum showing motherly love Please, be patient and try not to push hubby too much.

Some people just like trouble. Because of ordinary soup. Ok continue you would win your soup and lose your family

Maybe no one told you that not everything na him you go dey claim right on top

In the next 30yrs. Hopefully one daughter in law would do exactly the same to you

The only issue you have is that she comes 3times a week. That's much IMO.
You guys live close. so in her mind,she has another home at yours.

But the rest of the matter isn't really a big deal.
If she stopped chewing food for your baby when you told her, then she may listen when you tell her other things too.

Some things you can just look n pass.
All those stew this,soup that may be annoying but e no reach to carry for mind. Once you see it there and then, tell her you didn't like this one and don't dwell on it.
If it is something you can do without, don't bother complaining. Just overlook it.
Or as she turned you stew to soup, cook another in her presence so she will know she deprived you of something. Next time she will ask before doing it.

Your hubby may feel these issues are not relevant enough for him to strike up a discussion about.
And to me it is not.
Only involve him when it is abuse or insult.

Leave the man alone for soup and stew matter.

Really?... In her own home? Strange reasoning u got there
Op please relocate to a place far from where she lives, otherwise its not gona stop. I can understand with hubby as hes only trying to keep a peaceful home but Hes just not doing it the appropriate way.

klark3:
Hehehehehe.... Clap for urself.

MIL turns stew into egusi soup, MIL turns stew into pepper, MIL turns stew into pure water... Lolzzz.

My dear u are just trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. I see nothing worth considering in ur post, u have a peaceful home, she have access to everything in d kitchen, likewise ur mother. Don't forget she's a woman, even if she add more ingredients to ur soup, dat's not enough reason to grumble, u can make another one. Sooner or later, she will stop.

Let peace reign, stop reading meanings into things of no significance...

klark3:
Hehehehehe.... Clap for urself.

MIL turns stew into egusi soup, MIL turns stew into pepper, MIL turns stew into pure water... Lolzzz.

My dear u are just trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. I see nothing worth considering in ur post, u have a peaceful home, she have access to everything in d kitchen, likewise ur mother. Don't forget she's a woman, even if she add more ingredients to ur soup, dat's not enough reason to grumble, u can make another one. Sooner or later, she will stop.

Let peace reign, stop reading meanings into things of no significance...

ehn!

simple it is called family management 1.factor mil stew aside for her(anytime she comes) 2.silver is not mil,with p.r.o talk 3.keep one love and one hope alive

You really want your husband to get involved in soup and stew discussion?

My dear, improvise, this battle is not worth starting, much less fighting.

Cook in bulk and store in small containers. Mama cannot go to your fridge, bring out everything in there and re-cook. Besides, learn to voice out your feelings subtly without being confrontational and MOVE on. Example- when mama converted your stew to egusi, a simple but playful " oh mama, you made egusi? That's so thoughtful of you but I already made egusi too and it's in the fridge" would do instead of bottling it all up.

Some things fade away if u don't make a big deal out of it. This is one of them.

@op

Leave ur mil alone.

ifyalways:
You really want your husband to get involved in soup and stew discussion?
My dear, improvise, this battle is not worth starting, much less fighting.
Cook in bulk and store in small containers. Mama cannot go to your fridge, bring out everything in there and re-cook. Besides, learn to voice out your feelings subtly without being confrontational and MOVE on. Example- when mama converted your stew to egusi, a simple but playful " oh mama, you made egusi? That's so thoughtful of you but I already made egusi too and it's in the fridge" would do instead of bottling it all up.
Some things fade away if u don't make a big deal out of it. This is one of them.

exactly. I think you should address things yourself when it happens, in a subtle and playful manner of course like the eg ifyalways gave. asking your husband to talk to her about it is like making a mountain out of a molehill. it makes the situation seem more serious than it really is.

Your husband needs to enforce the boundaries. You talk to your MIL you don't know how she will take it, you talk to elder sister who knows what she will think but if he does it they will respect him your MIL will sulk for a while maybe even stay away until she recovers all thanks to God and the shouting sis may get soo mad and stay away as well all glory to God. So i say let your husband know how badly you feel before your anger starts leaking out. He is putting their feelings above his own family interests and its not good for everyone. I think seemingly minor issues are important, they need to be addressed and fixed before resentments build up and escalate into major quarrels.

Madam, the issue with your husband is not a weakness as you may want to assume, that's just his person for you, trying to make him otherwise will only make him mess up issue for himself, you and the children with the family, dealing with difficult family members require wisdom, skill, courage, openess and boldness, it takes the combinations of these and if your hubby does not possess all these don't blame him for it rather concentrate on those strength you found in him that made you chose him as a husband above the numerous suitors that came around you then and celebrate him. On the issues that has to do with your inlaws, you will have to develop personal relationship with them differently from the platform of being a daughter inlaw or sister inlaw into real mutual things that will make them no longer see you as a stranger but as one of them. When you have achieve this then you can boldly tell them directly what you wants your husband to tell them that he could not and they will still no get offended. And some areas you can put some measures that will define their limit work on them, like you putting a lock in your kitchen that will not allow your mother inlaw free access to your kitchen to provoke you any longer, that she will have to ask you for the key to the kitchen before she could enter, by doing so you will also be aware of her intent in the kitchen.

focus7:
Madam, the issue with your husband is not a weakness as you may want to assume, that's just his person for you, trying to make him otherwise will only make him mess up issue for himself, you and the children with the family, dealing with difficult family members require wisdom, skill, courage, openess and boldness, it takes the combinations of these and if your hubby does not possess all these don't blame him for it rather concentrate on those strength you found in him that made you chose him as a husband above the numerous suitors that came around you then and celebrate him. On the issues that has to do with your inlaws, you will have to develop personal relationship with them differently from the platform of being a daughter inlaw or sister inlaw into real mutual things that will make them no longer see you as a stranger but as one of them. When you have achieve this then you can boldly tell them directly what you wants your husband to tell them that he could not and they will still no get offended. And some areas you can put some measures that will define their limit work on them, like you putting a lock in your kitchen that will not allow your mother inlaw free access to your kitchen to provoke you any longer, that she will have to ask you for the key to the kitchen before she could enter, by doing so you will also be aware of her intent in the kitchen.

So the husband does not have these skills. Presently she does not have these skills either but somehow the husband gets a free pass on developing these skills, she has to develop them to save the family yet it would be easier for the man to do the talk seeing as they are his family. Somehow the husband is now the weaker sex who must be protected. By the time she has developed these skills i wonder how much respect she will have left for her husband because when he couldn't man up she did.

andromida:


So the husband does not have these skills. Presently she does not have these skills either but somehow the husband gets a free pass on developing these skills, she has to develop them to save the family yet it would be easier for the man to do the talk seeing as they are his family. Somehow the husband is now the weaker sex who must be protected. By the time she has developed these skills i wonder how much respect she will have left for her husband because when he couldn't man up she did.

I have her to counsel and not the husband, if h ave the opportunity to counsel the husband, I could have told that. But meanwhile she can go ahead and make things work, irrespective of the hubby failure.

focus7:
I have her to counsel and not the husband, if h ave the opportunity to counsel the husband, I could have told that. But meanwhile she can go ahead and make things work, irrespective of the hubby failure.

O.k. from what she wrote the husband might be reading.

Your husband is a mild mannered guy. He is gentle and that is his personality. You can't really change him. I expect u to know the kind of man u have, even right from when u were dating.

I'm also a gentle guy but i lay the law, no matter who feels bad. Honestly, u should try and be the outspoken one. Not rude but tell people what u dislike in a very polite manner. It's silly to be suffering and smiling.

Lock your children in their room when your SIL comes around. If she asks after them, say they are sleeping. Abi, do your kids misbehave? Are they spoilt? As for MIL, ignore her. I just hope she would not give your children tribal mark behind your back one day.

Doesn't she visit her other children? 3 times a week is too much abeg.

veave:
Lock your children in their room when your SIL comes around. If she asks after them, say they are sleeping. Abi, do your kids misbehave? Are they spoilt? As for MIL, ignore her. I hope she would not give your children tribal mark behind your back one day.

Doesn't she visit her other children? 3 times a week is too much abeg.

This is the bigger picture when you continue to ignore her. I will prefer to nip it in the bud.

another wife and MIL issue again?

op,you wouldn't have minded if she were your mother,to avoid unnecessary headache, assume she's your mum.

if your mum does such , would you report to your hubby?