Much has been written in recent decades about husbands abusing their wives, as it should. In more cases than we care to admit, husbands from a variety of backgrounds are physically and emotionally battering their wives with their fists and their words. This is a serious problem no one should take lightly (SEE When Violence Comes Home.).

Abuse in marriage, whatever form it takes, is ultimately about a pattern of exerting power and control over one one’s own way. When a marriage is marked by a one-sided pattern of control, the abusive spouse is not always the husband. Sometimes the abusive spouse is the wife.

While most wives are not able to control their husbands through physical threats and violence, some dominate their husbands through their words, looks, and other threatening actions. Similar to an abusive husband, an abusive wife may boss her husband around, talk down to him, call him humiliating names, and treat him in a very emasculating way. Generally speaking, her style of communication doesn’t invite open and free conversation. It tends to be intimidating or manipulative and is intended to shut her husband down. Whether it’s through a dirty look or a lecture, the point is unmistakable: He’s not there to think or share an opinion. He’s there to do not only what she tells him to do, but also how and when she wants it done.

Just as abusive men demand sexual intimacy without regard for their wives’ needs, abusive women can withhold affection or intimacy as a way of controlling their husbands. An abusive wife may also exert control by imposing arbitrary or erratic expectations. For instance, she may badger her husband to do something, but then get upset with him for doing it because he not’s doing something else for her instead. Imposing and then randomly shifting her demands keeps him off-balance. It leaves him second-guessing himself and her feeling superior. Other abusive women constantly harass their husbands for their recreational interests and even their deeper aspirations for life. If what he enjoys and feels passionate about doesn’t fit into what she deems important, she may ridicule him or look for reasons for him not to do it. If that doesn’t work, she can always find some way to make him feel guilty.

The bottom line is this: most things in the marital relationship have to be her way. She demands that her husband revolve most, if not all, of what he does completely around what is important to her, even though her demands are often unreasonable, inconsiderate, and constantly shifting. And when it doesn’t go her way, she feels “free” to let her husband know it. Whether she relentlessly grumbles and criticizes, threatens to leave, or turns cold and withholds attention and affection, the clear message to her husband is “things had better go my way or else.” It’s a message meant to intimidate her husband and wear him down to the point where he feels it’s not worth doing anything that would risk upsetting her again.

Of course, every marriage experiences painful moments of unreasonableness and control from both partners. But when those moments become the norm rather than the exception, it becomes abusive and denies a spouse the freedom to be who he or she is both within and outside of the marital relationship. Not unlike an abused wife, an abused husband feels coerced into being who his wife thinks he should be. Perhaps this is why the Bible doesn’t pull any punches when it states that “a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day” (Proverbs 27:15) and that it is “better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife” (Proverbs 21:19).

Any marital relationship that is characterized by such patterns of control is not really a relationship. It is more like a dictatorship, where one partner rules over the other. Unfortunately, because of their own insecurities, most husbands in this situation let themselves get walked on and are afraid to stand up to the patterns of control with courage and love. Others try to ignore the way they are mistreated, only to blow up and turn mean or abusive. Neither is a godly response and is nearly always a sign of a man who has lost his heart.

To read some general ideas about a better way that doesn’t take the abuse lightly yet still offers the opportunity for forgiveness, healing, and restoration both in the marriage and in each spouse’s heart, read When Words Hurt .


http://questions.org/attq/can-a-wife-be-the-abusive-one-in-a-marriage/

A Woman can also be the abusive partner.

What a man can do, A woman can do better

A compelling read i say.In a situation such as this, could the saying ," Happy wife Happy life" be applicable?

donodion:
A compelling read i say.In a situation such as this, could the saying ," Happy wife Happy life" be applicable?

well it goes both ways.

Happy wife, happy life.
Happy husband, happy life.

If you're sharing your life with someone and they are not happy, it will affect you in some ways. No matter how detached you want to be.

In most cases, women are the abusive partner. Men are rarely abusive.

dinachi:
In most cases, women are the abusive partner. Men are rarely abusive.

Bros u must be from Pluto

Yes!
Only because she was abused by MEN or BY A MOTHER ABUSED BY MEN!!!!
For women it is A LEARNED ANTI-SOCIAL behavior, for men. . . . .it is GENETIC!!!! It comes naturally.

KanwuliaJara:
Yes!
Only because she was abused by MEN or BY A MOTHER ABUSED BY MEN!!!!
For women it is A LEARNED ANTI-SOCIAL behavior, for men. . . . .it is GENETIC!!!! It comes naturally.

Kanwuleeeeeeeeee ....ha!!!....so men are genetically abusive by your assertion.....if true,how come in this case the men becomes " the abused"

cococandy:
well it goes both ways.

Happy wife, happy life.
Happy husband, happy life.

If you're sharing your life with someone and they are not happy, it will affect you in some ways. No matter how detached you want to be.

I agree with you Coco to certain degree.But should one particular partner always sacrifice his/ her happiness to his/her detriment in order to keep or maintain a unionWould that not lead tobl becoming abused??
Please read the confessions of men in the link provided to see how untrue " happy wife/ husband, happy life" verses turned out eventually.

I think there must be a time to strike a balance in "been happy in a union" and just "existing in one for the sake of it."

@bold, I also agree with that.
That has always been my stand.

donodion:

I agree with you Coco to certain degree.But should one particular partner always sacrifice his/ her happiness to his/her detriment in order to keep or maintain a unionWould that not lead tobl becoming abused??
Please read the confessions of men in the link provided to see how untrue " happy wife/ husband, happy life" verses turned out eventually.

I think there must be a time to strike a balance in "been happy in a union" and just "existing in one for the sake of it."

Women are the best abusers. You'll be abused as a their husband without a claim. You can't win the case either

donodion:

I agree with you Coco to certain degree.But should one particular partner always sacrifice his/ her happiness to his/her detriment in order to keep or maintain a unionWould that not lead tobl becoming abused??
Please read the confessions of men in the link provided to see how untrue " happy wife/ husband, happy life" verses turned out eventually.
I think there must be a time to strike a balance in "been happy in a union" and just "existing in one for the sake of it."

I do not mince words on issues like this, one's happiness should be the most paramount.
If you are not happy in a relationship or marriage. Find and do all your best to leave.
For better for worse get limit abeg.

DollyParton1:

I do not mince words on issues like this, one's happiness should be the most paramount.
If you are not happy in a relationship or marriage. Find and do all your best to leave.
For better for worse get limit abeg.

My doll, let me play the devil's advocate here for a bit.

What do you mean by "happiness" in this context? I'm sure you know absolute happiness is something no one will ever be able to achieve in a life time, due to the insatiable nature of humanity, and the urge/quest to always want more, even when you get ya immediate desires/wants/needs. Then add the fact the with each passing day, we get exposed to more things - and with these things our understanding of things/mentality changes all the time.

Or are you basically alluding to just being fulfilled/joyful/joyous for the time being, till you start developing an urge for something else?

And why's there a limit to riding it out for better or (for) worse?

I beg to differ because speaking of happiness

ShymmexOBE:


My doll, let me play the devil's advocate here for a bit.

What do you mean by "happiness" in this context? I'm sure you know absolute happiness is something no one will ever be able to achieve in a life time, due to the insatiable nature of humanity, and the urge/quest to always want more, even when you get ya immediate desires/wants/needs. Then add the fact the with each passing day, we get exposed to more things - and with these things our understanding of things/mentality changes all the time.

Or are you basically alluding to just being fulfilled/joyful/joyous for the time being, till you start developing an urge for something else?

And why's there a limit to riding it out for better or (for) worse?

SAMBARRY:
I beg to differ because speaking of happiness

Lmao...kulyie strikes.

But where do you always get 'em crazy pics from, especially those owanbe women with big ar.se tiddays?

SirShymexx the self acclaimed Ijebu Duke? You transformed??

ShymmexOBE:


My doll, let me play the devil's advocate here for a bit.

What do you mean by "happiness" in this context? I'm sure you know absolute happiness is something no one will ever be able to achieve in a life time, due to the insatiable nature of humanity, and the urge/quest to always want more, even when you get ya immediate desires/wants/needs. Then add the fact the with each passing day, we get exposed to more things - and with these things our understanding of things/mentality changes all the time.

Or are you basically alluding to just being fulfilled/joyful/joyous for the time being, till you start developing an urge for something else?

And why's there a limit to riding it out for better or (for) worse?

I mean that blissful feelings where everthing is relatively ok regarding your relationship.
Happiness is not absolute, but when all you could feel around your partner is trepidation, anxiety and worrying and having to tiptoe around them, then it is not worth it.
I mean anyone who has to go through being pummelled everyday with with words or fist doesn't need a prophet to tell them to get out. Except if they are sick and enjoy the physical and emotional pain.

For better for worse has been misinterpreted over the years. For better for worse is when life happens and things don't go as planned. Not when your partner does things to hurt you continously.

DollyParton1:



I do not mince words on issues like this, one's happiness should be the most paramount.
If you are not happy in a relationship or marriage. Find and do all your best to leave.
For better for worse get limit abeg.

Chei.....but true.

DollyParton1:
SirShymexx the self acclaimed Ijebu Duke? You transformed??
I mean that blissful feelings where everthing is relatively ok regarding your relationship.
Happiness is not absolute, but when all you could feel around your partner is trepidation, anxiety and worrying and having to tiptoe around them, then it is not worth it.
I mean anyone who has to go through being pummelled everyday with with words or fist doesn't need a prophet to tell them to get out. Except if they are sick and enjoy the physical and emotional pain.

For better for worse has been misinterpreted over the years. For better for worse is when life happens and things don't go as planned. Not when your partner does things to hurt you continously.

Lol. These mofos locked my handle up in jail for a month cos I smacked a mod for being naughty. My handle is resting for now, it should be back in a few weeks.

Anyway, is everything ever okay/perfect in a relationship/marriage? There's always going to be a thing or two that's lacking, and you just have to supplement that/them with the ones you have in excess.

Err, let's say the person complement's you; the se.x is great; the communication/rapport is splendid; you both understand each other; and money isn't a problem. However, your partner does have his moment from time to time where he gets out of control and he whoops ya ar.se (not terribly, just one or two slaps lol) whenever he's in the zone. However, he does apologise and make it up to you whenever he's back to normal.

Would you still walk away from the marriage/relationship (even if you know it will be very difficult to replace the other great things he has to offer)?

Glad you know happiness can never be absolute/infinite.

ShymmexOBE:


Lol. These mofos locked my handle up in jail for a month cos I smacked a mod for being naughty. My handle is resting for now, it should be back in a few weeks.

Anyway, is everything ever okay/perfect in a relationship/marriage? There's always going to be a thing or two that's lacking, and you just have to supplement that/them with the ones you have in excess.

Err, let's say the person complement's you; the se.x is great; the communication/rapport is splendid; you both understand each other; and money isn't a problem. However, your partner does have his moment from time to time where he gets out of control and he whoops ya ar.se (not terribly, just one or two slaps lol) whenever he's in the zone. However, he does apologise and make it up to you whenever he's back to normal.

Would you still walk away from the marriage/relationship (even if you know it will be very difficult to replace the other great things he has to offer)?

Glad you know happiness can never be absolute/infinite.

Is he genuinely working on that temperament of his?
or am I going to have to deal with the occasional spankings for the rest of my life.

And how long will it take for the occasional spankings to turn into real beating?

DollyParton1:


Is he genuinely working on that temperament of his?
or am I going to have to deal with the occasional spankings for the rest of my life.

And how long will it take for the occasional spankings to turn into real beating?

Well, that's where you have to come in, especially when he's sober, and help him seek/find help. Perhaps through counselling and/or any other means. Then you can try to understand what triggers it, and maybe check yourself to discern what you do to set-off that reaction from him. Win win for everyone involved.

Listen, nothing is perfect, and you can't keep running away from everything (except the case is extreme). Sometimes you just have to stay and find a solution somewhere, especially if it can be salvaged and the reward is on the high side.

ShymmexOBE:


Well, that's where you have to come in, especially when he's sober, and help him seek/find help. Perhaps through counselling and/or any other means. Then you can try to understand what triggers it, and maybe check yourself to discern what you do to set-off that reaction from him. Win win for everyone involved.

Listen, nothing is perfect, and you can't keep running away from everything (except the case is extreme). Sometimes you just have to stay and find a solution somewhere, especially if it can be salvaged and the reward is on the high side.

My sentiments.
If he realises that something is wrong and genuinely ready to receive the help being rendered. I haveis to see that he is genuinely working on getting better and there is an improvement.

Agreed, that nothing is perfect, but one can't keep suffering and smiling.

DollyParton1:

My sentiments.
If he realises that something is wrong and genuinely ready to receive the help being rendered. I haveis to see that he is genuinely working on getting better and there is an improvement.

Agreed, that nothing is perfect, but one can't keep suffering and smiling.

Fair enough. Someone who shows remorse when the smoke clears should definitely know something is wrong - and you should be ready to offer/render help, since that's one of the bedrock of relationships/marriages. However, most folks are so self-centered these days that everything has to be about them. When that shouldn't be case once you've decided to share your life with a next person. Are you following me?

Nothing is smooth in life - it's a rollercoaster, and only the strong will survive. However, most folks live in their own faux-reality that created in their own heads that it's going to be smooth-sailing all through, hence they're always mistake prone and it'll take them a lifetime to make the right decision, and most times, it's always too late...with regrets.

------------
Darn! That means once I make you my 15th wife, I can slap that batty from time to time - geeahh! Jk Jk Jk - I'm just messing around.

donodion:
A compelling read i say.In a situation such as this, could the saying ," Happy wife Happy life" be applicable?

Oh yes.

Believe it or not . a woman's overall psychology determines the happiness in a home.

You better push her right buttons buddy or you're in for a very long haul.

@Topic. Yes. Some women misuse their power.

ShymmexOBE:


Fair enough. Someone who shows remorse when the smoke clears should definitely know something is wrong - and you should be ready to offer/render help, since that's one of the bedrock of relationships/marriages. However, most folks are so self-centered these days that everything has to be about them. When that shouldn't be case once you've decided to share your life with a next person. Are you following me?

Nothing is smooth in life - it's a rollercoaster, and only the strong will survive. However, most folks live in their own faux-reality that created in their own heads that it's going to be smooth-sailing all through, hence they're always mistake prone and it'll take them a lifetime to make the right decision, and most times, it's always too late...with regrets.

------------
Darn! That means once I make you my 15th wife, I can slap that batty from time to time - geeahh! Jk Jk Jk - I'm just messing around.

Every thing flew away as soon as I read your last paragraph.

Be ready to die the best way. In your sleep.

DollyParton1:


Every thing flew away as soon as I read your last paragraph.

Be ready to die the best way. In your sleep.

Lmao...and the fiery/feisty doll strikes. I was just messing around...this gentle giant is a softie when it comes to chics. In as much as I don't pander to them too tough, I don't get physical cos I might end up breaking a few bones.

Anyway, don't let us derail the thread with our e-love story.

But did you get the point in my last, though?

ShymmexOBE:


Lmao...and the fiery/feisty doll strikes. I was just messing around...this gentle giant is a softie when it comes to chics. In as much as I don't pander to them too tough, I don't get physical cos I might end up breaking a few bones.

Anyway, don't let us derail the thread with our e-love story.

But did you get the point in my last, though?

Ok the most important thing is if the person decided to seek help themselves. One can only let them see how wrong it is and how they can get help. It is left for them to seek that help or make a genuine attempt. Because there are some people who feel remorseful, they beg, they cry, bla bla..., but they aren't ready to turn a new leaf. They would pull the for better for worse bullshit. They would want the partner to endure the shite they give. Just as u said, it all boils down to selfishness. But really I can't fault the one that decides to walk away from the abusive partner, instead of trying to fix it.

Yea nothing is smooth in life. Yea, only the strong survives. Sometimes the best way to survive it to take a flight instead of waiting to fight. Their is more to life than marriage.

Bottom line, I won't stay with an abusive partner who is unrepentant.

ShymmexOBE:


Lmao...kulyie strikes.

But where do you always get 'em crazy pics from, especially those owanbe women with big ar.se tiddays?

you can't understand Lololololol

So you have sense like this. For once you have really spoken intelligently

DollyParton1:
SirShymexx the self acclaimed Ijebu Duke? You transformed??
I mean that blissful feelings where everthing is relatively ok regarding your relationship.
Happiness is not absolute, but when all you could feel around your partner is trepidation, anxiety and worrying and having to tiptoe around them, then it is not worth it.
I mean anyone who has to go through being pummelled everyday with with words or fist doesn't need a prophet to tell them to get out. Except if they are sick and enjoy the physical and emotional pain.

For better for worse has been misinterpreted over the years. For better for worse is when life happens and things don't go as planned. Not when your partner does things to hurt you continously.

When I thought you are a changed person you show yourself again in your last paragraph. A leopard can never change its spot I guess

ShymmexOBE:


Fair enough. Someone who shows remorse when the smoke clears should definitely know something is wrong - and you should be ready to offer/render help, since that's one of the bedrock of relationships/marriages. However, most folks are so self-centered these days that everything has to be about them. When that shouldn't be case once you've decided to share your life with a next person. Are you following me?

Nothing is smooth in life - it's a rollercoaster, and only the strong will survive. However, most folks live in their own faux-reality that created in their own heads that it's going to be smooth-sailing all through, hence they're always mistake prone and it'll take them a lifetime to make the right decision, and most times, it's always too late...with regrets.

------------
Darn! That means once I make you my 15th wife, I can slap that batty from time to time - geeahh! Jk Jk Jk - I'm just messing around.

Op

SAMBARRY:
So you have sense like this. For once you have really spoken intelligently

Who the fûćk is this?
Are you stoopid or just high on cow dung.
Boy please!!! I don't know you like that.