My name is Allen. I don’t wish what happened to me on my worst enemy because the issues of the heart are the most difficult issues to deal with especially when you are married.
How do you know the right woman to marry and how well can you know a woman before you get married to her? How sure are you that she has told you all that needs to be known about her before you say I do? More and more questions keep popping up as I narrate my story.
People say men don’t cry and I tell you that is a big fallacy. Real men cry not because they are weak but because they thought they knew better. This is my story
Before I start, I would like to state here that what you are about to read happened to a gentle Nigerian in the UK. I have a very good job and make over 80000 USD annually. Remember this as you analyse my actions over the years
We met in a church in 2009 while I was studying in London. She was also a student as at then. I was playing drums for a church while she sang for the same choir. We ended up falling in love and it was epic because she was the first woman I had ever given my whole heart to flat on the ground. I later discovered she had been in prison for about 3 years for drugs smuggling into the UK. It never deterred me from loving her. I saw potentials in her and it made me love her the more. We connected pretty well and nothing in the world mattered to us. Later that year she got pregnant and we had a girl child in 2010 who is now 6 years old. While we were still dating I got to realise that my wife was 7 years older myself. It still felt good to love her.
A week after our daughter was born, I had to return to Nigeria so I cloud do my internship with my company that sponsored my 3 years’ program in the UK. She insisted I stayed back but I refused so I could finish my program and take proper care of her and our child. She reluctantly agreed and I left. After 9 months of being away, I was meant to return so I had to renew my visa but was refused on some mysterious circumstances. I could not come back to the UK as at when I was supposed to. This made my woman to grow heavy bitterness and hatred towards me which eventually led to her going with another man. Nothing I said made any sense to her because she said she waited and I was out there chasing other girls in Nigeria. This she claimed to get from my chats on Facebook. I let her be so she made her choice and did all what felt right with this guy and not long after then she came back begging me that she is sorry that the guy in question was just deceiving her so I took her back because she said she did not sleep with him. In 2012 I was back to the UK after being away for a year and a half. She moved houses and was living with a guy who had another female flat mate. According to her there was nothing between her and this new guy then so I believed her. We continued our relationship from where it was in 2010 July. Later that year, she confessed that she slept with that guy on three occasions or so. I was bitter but just had to let it go since we were not married yet.

I was able to round off my schooling in July 2012 and was offered employment in my company back in Nigeria. Before now we were owing some money here and there as my student allowance wasn’t able to sustain us though I did part time jobs here and there. The debts where all cleared as I started my job. My wife demanded to pursue her master’s degree and I agreed to it though I was the one sponsoring it. I was going to work for 4 months and return for 3 months. So I was always away.
We eventually got married in 2013 and it was a classical wedding that almost broke my bank account. Her wedding gown was over a 1000 pounds. The wedding was attended by our friends and a few family members from her side. Non from mine because my mother had to attend a burial of her foster mother who died at 110 years of age. My mother gave me the go ahead to do the wedding in her absence. I was very happy that I eventually married my wife. I guess she was happy too.
Our marriage like every other marriage had its ups and downs. In 2014 during one of my returns, I discovered that my wife was in touch with one of her ex’s and they had a very high sexual content chat over a long period of time. I confronted her and she said she was sorry for what she did. That it was when we had a disagreement over the phone that she started to talk with him. I let it go. Now around this time, she was planning to visit Nigeria for her brother’s wedding. I told her to see this guy in question while in Lagos and she agreed to that. She spent a week in Nigeria and came back. I asked her about her journey and where she spent her nights while in Lagos. She said her sister’s husband rented a hotel for because she wasn’t in a very good place with her sister. She told mee this over the phone while in Lagos. When she came back, I told her I called her sister’s husband and to thank him for the hotel he pai for her but he said he did not pay for any hotel. I then said so tell me where you slept that night. At this point she started crying that she was at her ex’s house but nothing happened. I said oh really? That’s very good. This marriage is over from this day. Then she begged me from heaven to earth and swore by all names that she did not sleep with this guy. We eventually got passed that one as well.
Now fast forward to 2015, I met this little boy in church who plays bass guitar so we became close and I took him as a younger brother since he was new in the country and even my kid brother was older than him so it felt right to advise and guide him through stuffs and school as he was a master’s student and I introduced him to my wife. Biggest mistake I ever made. Little did I know that this boy was sent from hell. As usual, I went away to sea. Now we had a chat group on WhatsApp for the choir. I started noticing that my wife was always chatting with this boy on this group so I called her attention to it that its not right what she is doing because she is married and who knows what they will be discussing in private if they have the boldness to discuss this in the open. I also told her never to drop him off at home because he is not her friend but an acquaintance of mine. She agreed to what I said so I was calm. She later told me that she got an xmas gift for him which I frowned at. All these did not stop her.
At a point close to my coming, she told me that she wants to go out of the marriage that she doesn’t love me anymore that she wants to divorce. I said wao really? Ok no worries but just relax and we will talk things through when am back home. Prior to this time, she just got a well-paid job after waiting for years after her masters. Now it was very stressful for her combining work and taking care of our daughter who now attends a private primary school where I pay over 8000 pounds (2.8million naira) a year. My daughters school had a mid-term break and it became difficult for my wife to combine child care and work. So it was affecting her psyche which resulted to her having an accident while coming back from work one evening. This made her to call this demonic boy for help as she claimed he was the only saint alive to help her out. When she told me about the accident, she picked a fight with me saying am the cause of the accident.
I was some days away from coming home as I was in Malaysia while all these was happening. I told her I was going to give her a surprise this time that I will come unannounced. She objected to this and insisted that I let her know when am coming. I left Malaysia to Lagos spent the night in Lagos and she called that night which was a Saturday saying she will be going clubbing with her gil friend but I said she should not go. She refused and went anyway. Another big mistake on her part. I spent a day in Lagos and headed for Abuja to start making my way to the UK when the stupid Nigerian Immigration said I must have a return ticket before they allow me board the plane which was about to depart. I could not but the ticket from myside so I called my wife that am at the airport about to come but am facing this challenge so can she buy me a ticket so I can board. This resulted to a big

fight from here side. Reasons being I did not tell her I was coming so should face my issues alone. I succeeded in reserving a return flight and they allowed me to fly.
On reaching UK, I went straight to my daughter’s school to see her. She was happy to see me. I took the keys and went home. Later came back to pick her up. As we discussed, I asked her what has been happening while I was away. She said that this satanic boy has been spending the night in our house about 5 times or so. I asked her if she is sure and she said very sure. That he has. I said ok. I then sent my wife a message saying I now know why she didn’t want me to surprise her. She started a fight with me again and did not return home to work that night and never told me where she slept. She said she will not come home till weekend. This was Tuesday. So I pleaded with her that I haven’t seen her since this year and I have travelled three continents for four days just to come home and she doesn’t want to see me? I felt bitter but held on. Now on Wednesday I logged in to her Gmail and got a notification for an expensive hotel reservation she had booked for two and dinner at 8pm. I shook my head and called her that who is she lodging in the hotel with? She said no one that it’s just her. I then went ahead to invite that boy to my house round about the time of the dinner just to confirm that he wasn’t the one she was planning to lodge with. While he was in my house, my wife drove down to the house and acted out a script. My wife asked me what the boy was doing in my house. I said I called him to thank him for assisting them while I was away. She said why did I not dish out the anger I had when I heard that he slept in my house? I kept calm. He left and me and my wife dropped him off as we were going to the hotel she had booked. I knelt down and apologised to her for not telling her I was coming home. My wife made me give this demon a 100 pounds that he was broke and he used his money to take taxi when he came to carry my daughter from school.
That same Thursday, my wife delayed in coming home so I called her and she said she was picking up a dress from River island. Then her phone dialled my number and I was now hearing her talking to someone at the background. She did not know that she had called me. I listened and cut the call then called back and she picked up. I asked her who she was with and she said that it was the demonic boy. I got upset and spoke with him on phone that whatever he has with my wife should stop. This nonsense ha to stop. The next day, I requested to see the boy in city centre. He agreed to come. When we met I told him a story of how men have lost their lives for messing about with people’s wives. I said my wife has told me all that has happened while I was away so he should come out clean now. Then he started that when all these things started he never wanted to be a part of it that my wife was the one who called him one day that she wants to drink and asked if he could come share with her. He came and she demanded that he kiss her but he turned down the offer that he can’t do something like that to me. He left that day and she invited again and he came and they then kissed. I now asked him point blank if he slept with my wife and he stopped. I stood up and gave him a dirty slap which made him to run away. I then took his phone and he ran away. Went ahead to report to the police that he was assaulted and that I stole his phone. I was able to retrieve all the messages they had been sending to each other. I called my wife who was still at work why she could do such a thing to me after all these years we had built together. She did not come home that day so I got my pastor involved. It was my pastor who eventually went to this boy’s house to bring my wife home. She insisted that she will do it again and again that I have hurt her over years so she doesn’t regret what she has done. I called her father to inform him that am no longer marrying his daughter anymore. Called my own people as well and her friends just to shame her. On the following Monday, she lost her job and when she got back home she said I am the one that made her to lose her job because I said that she shouldn’t let the blessings of God become a curse in her life. She got really upset and went out of the house again. My pastor called her to come back but she refused and went to the boy’s house to sleep. According to her while she was sleeping the boy had sex with her although she was asleep but she didn’t stop him. When she got home she started crying heavily that

Kwontinue, I'm here.

she doesn’t know what is wrong with her. Now I have parked my bags to leave but what becomes of my very pretty and intelligent daughter’s future?? I said ok let me try and fix this even if its for my daughter’s sake. So I stayed.
We started going for one council to the other in different churches. My pastor asked her to delete his number and block him on Facebook. She saved his number with a woman’s name on two occasions and opened another Facebook account. Now this not a physical thing anymore and my daughter’s life is at stake if I opt out. While we were discussing about her shameful affair, I asked her if they did it on our bed, she said no but in the room and there are many positions of sex that doesn’t require the bed and that the first night they had it was the Saturday when she went to the club and they were drunk and her stupid female friend was in the sitting room when she and this boy went into the room (how sickening is that)? I got mad and was about to leave when she gave me a dirty slap. This made me to get mad and I beat her mercilessly to the extent that the neighbours called the police after they could not get access to my house as it was locked. The police arrested me and charged me with assault. I now have a court case that I have to spend 800 pounds to get a lawyer.
Now my reason for staying put is because I believe in the biblical precepts of marriage which is for better for worst. Though the bible still says that if a woman commits adultery, the man is free to go out. Number two, what becomes the fate of my daughter since I can’t take her back to naija till she is 18 and can come by herself. I know what broken homes do to children especially girls and I love my daughter so much that I can’t imagine that happening to her ever. Because I know very well that my wife will fail woefully in life when I go out of her life. Now cutting communications with this boy is been a battle. I wanted to go African in handling the boy but God spoke to me not to. So my dear NLs this is my story. Very painful I must say but am taking conscious efforts to heal and I have forgiven her not because of he but because of me.
Finally I close my story with 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13.

Verse 7 says ; LOVE bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things
8; says love never fails.
Also remember the story of Hosea and Gomer in the bible.
God bless you for reading my story.

This one na real life story or na all this una imagination dem.

Op, to die or kill person dey hungry you.
This devil that is pushing you, better rebuke it by getting that woman permanently outta your life. This woman will just run you down fir life, bet me, you've not seen anything yet. I will give you same advice I will give my blood brother. Abeg, divorce this woman and start your life again. Your daughter will be fine.

Oyind17:
This one na real life story or na all this una imagination dem.

my dear its as real as real can be. REAL LIFE STORY.

Iolite:
Kwontinue, I'm here.

good morning

CaptainPhilip:


my dear its as real as real can be. REAL LIFE STORY.

Mehn!!! E too long

I am not sure you need advice for this UNCONDITIONAL STUPIDITY you are displaying and construing for love.

Make sure you prepare a will that protects your daughter from this your "IZUZUBILITY".

Truth is, your home is already broken, I mean it has been shattered and you have to come to terms with that reality.

OP.....REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE VICTIM CIRCLE AND IMAGINE THIS STORY IS BEING NARRATED TO YOU BY SOMEONE ELSE, HOW WOULD YOU ADVICE THE PERSON?

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH TO KEEP A MARRIAGE!!!

Oyind17:
Mehn!!! E too long

Read. you might learn something from it.

olihilistic:
good morning

Good morning o ore.

CaptainPhilip:


Read. you might learn something from it.

OK

Iolite:

Good morning o ore.

how was your night

The two of you met in church and yet you couldn't lay a proper foundation for yourself.Did the church teach you to be having sex while not yet married?
You also saw signs of instability and unreliability in this lady of yours but you didn't know enough to quit.Don't you know love is not enough in marriage?
What you need do now is move on with your life.Find a way you could visit your daughter regularly.

Roland17:
I am not sure you need advice for this UNCONDITIONAL STUPIDITY you are displaying and construing for love.

Make sure you prepare a will that protects your daughter from this your "IZUZUBILITY".

Truth is, your home is already broken, I mean it has been shattered and you have to come to terms with that reality.

OP.....REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE VICTIM CIRCLE AND IMAGINE THIS STORY IS BEING NARRATED TO YOU BY SOMEONE ELSE, HOW WOULD YOU ADVICE THE PERSON?

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH TO KEEP A MARRIAGE!!!

Yes love is not enough to keep a marriage. thank you very much.

HIbreed:
WOe(to)MEN

It could also be whoa(to)men.It depends on who you pick.

Why posting all this online? Despite the fact that you knew she was unfaithful you still went ahead and married her? That was your first mistake. I am sure you already know that your wife is promiscuous, she is the kind of woman you don't leave alone for too long as per konji

Your daughter will be fine, you need to separate yourself from this woman for a while, hoping she will change her ways and learn to value other things besides sex. Good luck

Two aspects to consider in this sorry mess.
1) your personal happiness
2) the happiness and wellbeing of your child. I'll start with your child first, keep it separate so she doesn't caught up in the brouhaha with the Mrs.

Is your errant wife a good mother? The reason why I ask is that she could be a bad wife but a good parent. It appears that the nature of your job is one that demands working away for extended periods of time so daily care of your child by you may prove difficult.

If you have no issues with her care of your child, then she continues to be the primary care giver and you support your child (maintenance) for her upkeep. The reason? Stability for your child.

2) what to do with your serial cheat of your wife.
It is apparent that she is not committed to the union and as such, you must both be free to pursue future happiness individually. The relationship has run its course, set her free. You cannot hold on to someone who is not invested in your happiness. Let her go, your leave the certainty of an unhappy marriage for the uncertainty of the future but one with the possibility of meeting someone else who is more deserving of your love.

There needs to be no rancour here, relationships end, it will hurt for a while but life moves on.

In the longer term, seek opportunities where you can be physically more present in your child's life. Be on the look out for career moves that can aid that, if possible, arrange breaks from work to coincide with school breaks. Avail yourself of modern technology, Skype, video calls etc as these will help sustain your relationship with your child when you cannot be physically present.

Most of all, goodluck and remember whilst divorce is not great for kids, it is better for them to have two parents happy apart than two who are together and warring. How you handle this will shape your child's views on relationships in the future. Set a good enough example even if it's not an ideal one.

shaybebaby:
Two aspects to consider in this sorry mess.
1) your personal happiness
2) the happiness and wellbeing of your child. I'll start with your child first, keep it separate so she doesn't caught up in the brouhaha with the Mrs.

Is your errant wife a good mother? The reason why I ask is that she could be a bad wife but a good parent. It appears that the nature of your job is one that demands working away for extended periods of time so daily care of your child by you may prove difficult.

If you have no issues with her care of your child, then she continues to be the primary care giver and you support your child (maintenance) for her upkeep. The reason? Stability for your child.

2) what to do with your serial cheat of your wife.
It is apparent that she is not committed to the union and as such, you must both be free to pursue future happiness individually. The relationship has run its course, set her free. You cannot hold on to someone who is not invested in your happiness. Let her go, your leave the certainty of an unhappy marriage for the uncertainty of the future but one with the possibility of meeting someone else who is more deserving of your love.

There needs to be no rancour here, relationships end, it will hurt for a while but life moves on.

In the longer term, seek opportunities where you can be physically more present in your child's life. Be on the look out for career moves that can aid that, if possible, arrange breaks from work to coincide with school breaks. Avail yourself of modern technology, Skype, video calls etc as these will help sustain your relationship with your child when you cannot be physically present.

Most of all, goodluck and remember whilst divorce is not great for kids, it is better for them to have two parents happy apart than two who are together and warring. How you handle this will shape your child's views on relationships in the future. Set a good enough example even if it's not an ideal one.

The best advice I have gotten here so far. Though I still belive God can turn the most ugly situations around. I will take your advice in one of my hands and see how that works out.

Gosh, I'm so sorry for all u've been thru!!! This relationship is a Toxic one and it's clear this woman is just using u. Ahn Ahn. I guess it's true that men really love bitches cos this doesn't cut it for me at all. Lai lai. Apparently, she sort of has a streak that's attracted to danger - dating younger guys, drug trafficking and all that ish.

Whatever u decide, please put your daughter's best interests at heart and that includes giving her a female positive role model she can learn from be4 she grows up thinking what her mum did / does is normal . You can start by ensuring you have custody over her irrespective of what happens. Protect urself too - HIV, STIs are def going be present in this kind of environment.

U sef u try. 7 years ur senior and such bad attitude...I guess u can take a horse to the river as per u're trying to force love when the signs were bloody so glaring from the start

N pls work on your deductive skills. u seem to be a poor judge of character, first off ur wife n now this 'çhurch' boy. Don't take everything at face value. U seem to be a Christian. Try and pray before making major decisions and listen to your spirit. Also, in future make informed and logical decisions rather than emotional ones. Wen u wanna buy a car, u draw up a budget, draw up a shortlist,read up reviews, possibly get second opinions and then u look out for warning signs. Here, u chose to ignore the signs, epele.

CaptainPhilip:


The best advice I have gotten here so far. Though I still belive God can turn the most ugly situations around. I will take your advice in one of my hands and see how that works out.

Whilst I don't believe in God, yes it can be turned around. But she needn't do all the soul searching whilst you wait for it to be in the favour of your union.
Whatever she needs to work out, she can do it alone without causing someone else endless pain and suffering.
You cannot teach her to value what she should, she has to come to that conclusion on her own.
I am asking you to think of yourself and your child who you are responsible for. She on the other hand, must be responsible for her actions, she is an adult.
She has freewill to chose to be faithful or unfaithful, that's her right. You have the right to respond in a way that causes you the least amount of suffering too. The choice is yours.

Don't let this woman take you down even before you married her she was filled with hatred and bitterness for you yet you ignored her feelings and went ahead to marry her by her behavior she continues to show the same hatred and bitterness again you want to ignore and continue this hazardous journey. Your desire to remain in this toxic relationship is a clear pointer that yourself needs to sort your mind out so that you can have the emotional and mental resources to be a good parent.

You do your daughter no favors by raising her in this toxic atmosphere. Since your wife is unstable you have to remain stable if you continue the type of relationship you have with her right now you cannot maintain any stability for yourself or your daughter. You know it is important that your daughter learns that just because a marriage is broken does not mean she is broken your daughter will be fine save yourself first.

I am sorry for what you are passing through.

shaybebaby:
Two aspects to consider in this sorry mess.
1) your personal happiness
2) the happiness and wellbeing of your child. I'll start with your child first, keep it separate so she doesn't caught up in the brouhaha with the Mrs.

Is your errant wife a good mother? The reason why I ask is that she could be a bad wife but a good parent. It appears that the nature of your job is one that demands working away for extended periods of time so daily care of your child by you may prove difficult.

If you have no issues with her care of your child, then she continues to be the primary care giver and you support your child (maintenance) for her upkeep. The reason? Stability for your child.

2) what to do with your serial cheat of your wife.
It is apparent that she is not committed to the union and as such, you must both be free to pursue future happiness individually. The relationship has run its course, set her free. You cannot hold on to someone who is not invested in your happiness. Let her go, your leave the certainty of an unhappy marriage for the uncertainty of the future but one with the possibility of meeting someone else who is more deserving of your love.

There needs to be no rancour here, relationships end, it will hurt for a while but life moves on.

In the longer term, seek opportunities where you can be physically more present in your child's life. Be on the look out for career moves that can aid that, if possible, arrange breaks from work to coincide with school breaks. Avail yourself of modern technology, Skype, video calls etc as these will help sustain your relationship with your child when you cannot be physically present.

Most of all, goodluck and remember whilst divorce is not great for kids, it is better for them to have two parents happy apart than two who are together and warring. How you handle this will shape your child's views on relationships in the future. Set a good enough example even if it's not an ideal one.

You are supper intelligent..the way you break down this your advice I doubt you are a Nigerian. If you are then your standards are explicit..muah..op look no further digest this advice and come back and than shaybebaby

Adjusts collar
Clears throat
This man won't ever leave that woman
Never
He has said it
He loved her nonetheless
All he needs just encouragement
So people encourage him that mental torture is a norm for people that got cheating partners
How you deal with yourself up there is left to you captainphilip
And honestly I wish you well in your choice of happiness

Sorry, CaptainPhilip. Forget about this woman and move on with your life don't let your daughter's happiness rob yours. You also deserve to be happy in life. Just Make sure you play the father role in her life.

Thanks alot for the NLs giving good advises to me here. God helping me I will eventually make the right decision for the good of all.

I guess you are a sailor from your name and job description. Your wife right from time seems to not be committed to the Relationship. Small time she made money she wanted out. And she seems to like partying making it impossible to be faithful whilst you are away. The only complication I see here is your daughter. But you definitely can't keep her with her mother who may eventually influence her badly whilst you are away to work. You either take a less time consuming job and sacrifice the money and take care of your daughter or you wait it out like you some how alluded to but you have to get other people involved in taking care of your daughter even from the church or her relations. Not easy though.

The op is a fool men. Look at how one small woman is treating you a full grown man with balls a seaman for that matter. Men I don't even know what to tell you.