I live and work in the UK as senior IT consultant, my daily rate is £550 per day. But since this recession I have not had a job for over 5 months now.
I had some savings but they evaporated in 2 months. Although we have some investments - the return of these I use to pay for bills (and you know there are a lot of thoes in the UK), my wife has been paying the mortgage for the past 4 months now. She has been so good she also paid for me to attend an expensive course. My wife is a rare gem and will make sure that I have all I need even though I have tried to limit what she gives me to the mortgage.
I make sure that I do all the house work and asked her to call in the Domestic Cleaner every two weeks and I will fill in for the other twoo weeks each month. I look after the children and all other house hold chores. Sometimes (not all the time) When she returns from work, I make her Dinner and we sit together and eat.
She will go out of her way to fill the car tank, pay for the shopping and do all sorts of little and big things for me, including lots of presents/gifts.
She has also protected me from everyone (and I mean everyone) so that people do not know that I am unemployed. What more can I ask for?
She has even supported me inmensly in my startup business which is yet to take off. I love her to bits and sincerely cherish her. Moreso I greatly appreciate what she is doing and what she has done and I do not cease to tell her - I say it at every opportunity. I pray to GOD for her everyday and I am always dreaming of how I am going to repay her both financially and emotionally. I am hoping to buy her a new merc once I am back on my feet.
There are dark days and I mean very dark days - (think about it from £550 per day to zero). I do not wish this on my worst enemy, but I am taking it like a man and forging ahead knowing that these days. But my wife expects me to be happy all the time and anytime I look sober she gets upset and starts saying she cannot be walking around on eggshells. I try to explain to her to understand what I am going through. Then she would start saying things like she is trying her best, that most women will not do the same for me and that she is sure that after all these is over, I will not appreciate it.
This really makes me very sad so next time she wants to give me something, I am very scared to take it, to which she would accuse me of not trusting her.
How can I convince her that I really , love, cheris and appreciate her and remove these negative thoughts from her.
Also, how can I get her to understand that people go through emotions sometimes and its nothing to do with her
Can NLers help.

I am sorry for your losing your job. Do you tell your wife though that you appreciate her? Do you talk to her? The other thing is as long as you see yourself as inferior simply becasue you lost your job you will continue rubbing her the wrong way. Your job does not define you. YOu and your wife are one and she is doing what any good wife will do. Just keep being a good husband and stop looking sad.

Your wife is a rare gem,no doubt
But she's missing somthg out hia,no matter aw much she tries to keep thgs running within the home,she shld understand there are 'down moments' when u remember the good times and just wanna get back on ur feet as the provider of the home. It is human,but don't be depressd,communicate with her that u'r only hoping things get better but you really do appreciate her. Don't isolate yourself too often,hold her close,pray together,stay optimistic.
Remember,God makes all things beautiful in its time.

Bibankee:

Your wife is a rare gem,no doubt
But she's missing somthg out hia,no matter aw much she tries to keep thgs running within the home,she shld understand there are 'down moments' when u remember the good times and just wanna get back on ur feet as the provider of the home. It is human,but don't be depressd,communicate with her that u'r only hoping things get better but you really do appreciate her. Don't isolate yourself too often,hold her close,pray together,stay optimistic.
Remember,God makes all things beautiful in its time.

I agree with you.

@ Poster, just do your best, dont pretend, be yourself.

Thank you all for the good advice. I will commit myself to it. Thank you very much

you shall come out of this soon my brother. its true you can not be happy all the time and that she needs to understand. just going through your post was clear enough for me. you need to explain this to her. all you wrote, just sit her down and tell her. She is probably stressed the way you are too, if she is as wonderful as you painted her surely she would understand.All the best you shall get outta this soon.

Buy a jet 4 her!!!

First of all, congratulations on having a devoted partner

I have just experienced a similar situation. I had to depend on my siblings for help and the emotions associated with that were almost unfathomable.

It is very difficult to stay encouraged, because nobody else really understands just what you are going through. I was immensely thankful for the support of my family (no matter that we are Africans), being in the western world, its everyone for themselves and they were under no obligation to provide a place for me to stay, but they did.

With your wife, if you have a relationship of ease and it comes across like you do, find some time to pour your heart out- expressing your gratitude, fears and hopes. Easier said than done, but maybe you can just suggest going out to talk with the focus of that being-each person sharing what their challenges with the situation has been. Please share with sensitivity, try hard not to keep tabs on who has had it more difficult.

I will simply encourage you to continue expressing your thanks directly with your words or indirectly with your actions (both would be better together though).

I personally found it extremely hard not to be self-sufficient after having been independent for so long. This was the principal reason for my emotional lows, which only isolated me all the more. Whenever you feel this wave of negativity coming on, try to do something active until it passes - hit the gym or something

Finally, you do know and should continue to believe that you will get a job eventually. Please stay encouraged, your opportunity will come, and I dare say sooner than you know (my job came when I least expected it ).

You are doing all the right things by staying productive and improving your skills set, I think your best days are definitely ahead. Good Luck with everything

@Poster.
Dont do anything that wil hurt d feelins of ur wife.
Goodluck.
Chiurs.

You are human and it is normal and even necessary for you to be sober. No responsible man will be oozing with joy when he cannot provide for his family. But from all you have said, you are doing what you ought to be doing and you will surely laugh at the end of this all.

But always look cheerful when you are outside, so it does not appear that you are looking for a pity party.

A lot of people that I know personally in the states are going thru similar situations (even worse) but we can only pray for them and encourage them.

The good thing is that you are trying to get another job and your wife knows this.

Pls dont give up and continue to pray for your wife. You both shall be rewarded VERY soon in Jesus' name.

God be with you and your family.

Just keep appreciating her. And don't forget to spoil her when the days become good.

All the best.

Your story is not peculiar, it wont be the first neither will it be the last. it is a good thing you sound like a gentleman, thus she is a lucky woman. like u know we Nigerians have one thing in common, amidst all the global meltdown, the hard times and all; e go everly better. this moment only defines you, make a lasting impression my bros. Cheer up and be positive u got so much to look forward to and please make her happy. these things come with the aura you both release; if u r cheerful she is cheerful, so please sow some happiness seeds around the house, I learnt that from my wife.

dude ur lucky to have such a woman as ur wife

1. Pray for her
2. Talk to her (not to her . . .shouldnt sound like you are trying to lecture her or something)
3. be yourself and dont pretend.