Was I Wrong?? - Family (2) - Nairaland
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Am I Wrong Fighting My Husband's Younger Brother's Side Chick? / Was I Wrong Opening Up To My Husband? / Am I Wrong For Asking My Husband To Choose? (2) (3) (4)
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| Re: Was I Wrong?? by Chidoks(f): 6:22am On Sep 03, 2015 |
Adaeze003: I'll go with you on this. |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by 5minsmadness: 6:24am On Sep 03, 2015 |
Chidoks:Dont let anybody force you into doing something you are uncomfortable with! I have given my opinion on this matter, thats the end of it, anybody running around to tell their friend something unverifiable is a BUSIBODI! What nonsense! In fact after a while of 'mistaken reporting' your own friend will start to avoid you. 2 Likes |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by cococandy(f): 6:33am On Sep 03, 2015 |
5minsmadness: cococandy: |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by 5minsmadness: 6:40am On Sep 03, 2015 |
Chidoks: MISS B sees Mrs C's husband with another woman at a joint. Instead of her 'being a friend' and going to tell Mrs C direct she comes and tatafoes to you, giving you juicy tidbits. the moment you show lack of interest she picks offence and starts insulting you for not listening to her or suppporting her in her quest to ensure she lets Mrs C know her husband is with another woman. Why does she need you, why cant she do it herself? If she really had her friend's well being at heart is broadcasting the possibility that her friend's husband is cheating and possibly slandering the man the best way to go about it? If she really had her friend's best interest at heart wouldnt she have quietly called the friend instead of spreading what could be pure falsehood? You later send her an sms and she replies with more venom...why hasnt she told her friend herself? Wetin come concern you wey no even see the thing with your own eyes? Can you swear on your life that she didnt even make it up? BUSIBODI! That's what such people are called, no two ways about it! They go about gossiping and spreading their own assumptions for something they cannot verify. Telling others how they saw Mr A in a car with a woman, how they saw Mrs B holding hands with her boss when she thought no one was looking, how they caught Miss C eyeing her husband in the house when they went to visit and betting the coouple just had a fight and are trying to hide it. It doesnt concern you. If she feels so concerned she should report to the wife herself. No need getting you involved in it as you didnt see it. 6 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by 5minsmadness: 6:45am On Sep 03, 2015 |
[quote author=cococandy post=37617215][/quote] I mind my damn business! This is not a gender thing here but common curtesy! If I see my friend's wife coming out of a joint with a man the best I will do is say "Hi" to her and go my merry way! I wont run to her husband and say "ehen , by the way I saw your wife coming out of a joint with a man I dont know, I dont know what they went in there to do, I think you should start suspecting your wife..." That's infantile! Then if he replies "Oh, that was her buisness partner Tim, she had a meeting with him this afternoon", Then I'll nod in satisfaction of info that is none of my buisness. Tomorrow I see her with another guy in a car I'll run to my friend "ehen, I saw your wife with another man in a car o, I dont know what she's up to". My friend says, "thats her brother, he just came into town." Omo if I'm my friend next time I see me coming I'll cross the street and run the other way! Friend indeed! 1 Like |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by cococandy(f): 7:09am On Sep 03, 2015 |
5minsmadness: Ok. Fair enough. How about if you're positive she's cheating on him. Not speculations as to who that might be. Say you saw them in a very compromising situation. Would you still mind your business? |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by troy20(m): 7:23am On Sep 03, 2015 |
frankly this is madness.its inconcievable.apart from it being debasing you would end up having a bigger hand in the distruction of her marriage (even if you where right) and your friendship.or would you expect her to cash you a check? it will also affect your union with your husband.believe me i will lose alot of respect for you afterwords if i where your husband.its a dicey situation you dont wade into even if miss B holds a knife to your throat. |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by 5minsmadness: 8:13am On Sep 03, 2015 |
cococandy: That depends on my closeness with the person. If It's a friend's wife and I saw them cheating without a doubt I would confront her about it outright and warn her. Her knowing that I know would probably put an end to her philandering ways. I would still need to catch her a second time before I reported, or if she was unrepentant in our encounter I would report. At most I'd send an anonymous text. If it was family e.g my brother then it's directly my business. Honestly though I still think I would approach the guilty party first. Or at most send an anonymous message to my bro to tip him off. I would only tell straight away if she has been known for such bad behavior in the past or if on confronting her she dares me. |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by 5minsmadness: 8:25am On Sep 03, 2015 |
For others who like to chatter it's easy. They would gleefully go to their friends house and tell them all the juicy tidbits all in the name of 'am your friend o, I don't want you to have HIV and die!' Such friends are the same ones who will insist you leave him or her and will look down on you if you dare forgive your partner or refuse to get a divorce. As if it's thier life! Rubbish! You are not part of the relationship. Allow them sort themselves out! If you feel the need to warn about HIV do it tactfully. Tell the guilty spouse that you'll need her to do an HIV test else you wil report her partner. Warn her that next time you catch her she'll be in soup. Attack the guilty party and let her be the one to confide or Confess what she has done! She's the one involved in the relationship, it's her choice not yours! Most normal human beings when caught by a third party would retrace thier steps knowing they have been given a second chance. If they don't repent then you know you did your best to maintain our friends happiness and then u can report directly and with TACT. not as if you have finally found a good morsel of meat to chew on or worse yet tell everyone of your friends except the person involved 3 Likes |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by Nobody: 8:37am On Sep 03, 2015 |
Chidoks: Chidoks: It does look like they are not close friends but just acquaintances. If so, you have the right to mind your business. You could have just given a listening ear to Miss B though, and still not get involved in the whole ish and i'm sure she will understand. After all, you didn't see a thing.  Some people (like me for example) have very few close friends, if not just one. And for that one person that you are real with and true to, minding your business in this situation is risky. Whether it's by confronting the husband with proof ooo, or by giving her hints. How ever you want to go about it doesn't matter. It is wrong to not do anything about it. If something really bad happens to her in the future and she cries to you and says "if only i had known earlier. . .", you will regret your actions. |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by Onegai(f): 9:45am On Sep 03, 2015 |
5minsmadness: This is probably the best way to handle it: tactfully. It sounds more like Miss C was calling to share bad news gleefully. I mean, she got passed when shut down, rather than reflect on what had happened. She could have gone to say "hello" to the husband and watch him squirm, but she called the OP first. Her motives don't seem right. I personally want my friend telling me if they see anything and I have told when I saw/heard, with a lot of tact. 2 Likes |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by GHoJes: 9:50am On Sep 03, 2015 |
Phema:You really shouldnt expect one that can see her man cheat and turn a blind eye, living in self denial do differently with another; one can't give what one dont have. The thing with this mind your business is that you may eventually do business with the "another's business" because one dont do business with himself alone. We dont live in isolation. Now she boldly tells you she doesnt do best friend crap, something she has not boldly own up to her friends all these years because for the friendship to have continued from secondary school till now, miss B certainly dont see her as mere " classmate", the term she used to qualify them first before friend. I bet you she has finished applauding herself for doing the right thing, she only came here for more applause. Op, your tone so far, says your title is a rhetorical question. 5 Likes |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by GHoJes: 10:21am On Sep 03, 2015 |
Onegai:I dont think she came to share bad news with glee, it was not her first time of seeing them. She prolly didnt know how best to handle it as a result, she told Op who is also friend with the Mrs. I see that it is the care she had for her friend that made her to be angry with the "mind your business answer Op gave her" and that also made her question their friendship going by what the Op said. If she was a mere gossip/carrier of bad news, she could have said it the first time she saw them, go ahead to tell Mrs. Even Op described her as the most comely lady she knows, she could not just have turned to a gossip if Op has not noticed her gossiping any of the friends before. I think she came for Op and her to put heads together to see how they can tell their friends, if Op had told her to confront the man, i think she would have accepted it than the mind your business when its friends involued. What if your friend has seen your man twice or more in compromising situations with another woman and your friend was at a distance or position that did not allow her confront your man, would you rather have her tell you or wait for another opportunity when she is able to confront him first. Also which will you do if its your friend's man. 5 Likes |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by ronald4lif(m): 10:32am On Sep 03, 2015 |
MRBrownJ: For how long will the person go about telling her friend where and who she saw the hubby with? It's true that the place she saw them is suspicious but for inquisitive fellas they don't care where they saw such persons but just want to gossip. Even if they saw the man in a church with a lady they'd still report. At what point do one stop delving into others privacy and business? Who recruited her as a private detective? Let's establish some possible facts that could ruin the friendship with such friends in due time. First off, it would be her word against the friends hubby. Who do you think the wife would believe more: the friend or the hubby? Take a guess. She allege she saw me coming out of a hotel with a lady with no evidence except verbal presentation and I counter it that I have never been to the said hotel. There's no verdict on my part and my wife depending on the trust she has for me might dismiss her friends claim. Although she might start prying on me afterwards but on this one she's going to let it slide as there's no verifiable evidence. A week after she saw me drove across her hood and notice a lady infront of the car and text my wife to indirectly find out if she was the one but she said no. Then she, as an unrepentant amebo, tell her she just saw me drove by and a lady was in the car. Later wifey confronted me and as expected I dismiss the claim that no one was in my car and I didn't drove pass that area or conspire with a female cousin and claim she was the one in the car and wife calls her to confirm and she admits true. Again, she'll exonerate me from this allegation though still keeping a close watch on me but without no traces of infidelity to nail me. And similar scenario keeps playing out. Meanwhile, as someone who has realized that this said friend of my wife is out to ruin my marriage and stoke the embers of disharmony in my home I will fight back by ensuring I destroy her image in my wife's eye and twist it that she should be mindful of this friend and don't let her have her way to destroy the peace we have sustained thus far. What do you think might happen and who will my wife believe? The person who has been making unfounded allegations against her heartthrob or the man she married and has never had traces of infidelity against him? Take another guess. After tainting the cordiality she shares with this family and unsuccessful attempt to convince her friend her hubby is cheating will this jobless dunderhead of a friend give up on her unassigned job to invade people's privacy or intensify her foolishness by trailing the hubby with a camera to take pictures with every woman she sees him with? Remind me what joblessness is all about again. It's the duty of married couples to keep an eye on their partner and investigate any suspicious act of infidelity. If they can't no one else can and they should nurse their misery themselves. The lady or third parties should fvcking mind their business if they don't want to ruin their friendship with the family because at the end of the day such couples would reconcile and your friendship will never be the same again. Minding one's business isn't that hard, is it? 6 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by GHoJes: 10:41am On Sep 03, 2015 |
My Opinion on this matter is that i would not be happy to see the one to whom i attached the "sacred" word friend to not tell me the truth as it is. Its like i'm unknowingly walking naked with the my friend and everyone else knowing yet my friend prefered minding business to me being mocked. I value the word friend, so before i attach it to anyone, we most likely should have like mind or influence one another, known each other well enough. If i was miss B, having spend all these years with Op, i would have been able to determine her possible answer and not waste my time, who knows, Mrs C also reason like the Op, knows her man cheats, automatically miss B's help is useless and she becomes the enermy among the three friends. 5 Likes |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by MRBrownJ: 11:19am On Sep 03, 2015 |
ronald4lif: every time she sees the husband in suspicious places (or with suspicious people) then the friend should let his wife know. i mean, if that person wants it hidden so badly then they should not meet these women (or else) in "public". Let's establish some possible facts that could ruin the friendship with such friends in due time. First off, it would be her word against the friends hubby. Who do you think the wife would believe more: the friend or the hubby? Take a guess. so what you are saying is that she should lie/pretend in order to keep a phoney friendship?! the friendship would certainly be phoney if you cant be honest and tell the truth to your friends. who cares if the hubby lies that he wasnt there? if she saw him there with a lady then thats what she has to say. She allege she saw me coming out of a hotel with a lady with no evidence except verbal presentation and I counter it that I have never been to the said hotel. There's no verdict on my part and my wife depending on the trust she has for me might dismiss her friends claim. Although she might start prying on me afterwards but on this one she's going to let it slide as there's no verifiable evidence. whatever the husband says is irrelevant to the fact at hand... no matter how hard you are trying to make a lie being righteous. A week after you saw me drove across your hood and notice a lady infront of the car and text my wife to indirectly find out if she was the one but she said no. Then she, as an unrepentant amebo, tell her you just saw me drove by and a lady was in the car. Later wifey confronted me and as expected I dismiss the claim that no one was in my car and I didn't drove pass that area or conspire with a female cousin and allege she was the one in the car and wife calls her to confirm and she admits true. Again, she'll exonerate me from this allegation though still keeping a close watch on me but without no traces of infidelity to nail me. And similar scenario keeps playing out. again, stop trying to paint all this deceit as righteous. even if the supreme court says you are innocent, if the friend saw you in a suspicious position then she MUST tell her friends, thats whats REAL friends do, regardless of the consequences. Meanwhile, as someone who has realized that this said friend of my wife is out to ruin my marriage and stoke the embers of disharmony in my home I will fight back by ensuring I destroy her image in my wife's eye and twist it that she should be mindful of this friend and don't let her have her way to destroy the peace we have sustained thus far. What do you think might happen and who will my wife believe? The person who has been making unfounded allegations against her heartthrob or the man she married and has never had traces of infidelity against him? Take another guess. so let me get this straight, you come out of a hotel with a lady, a friend of your wife sees you and tell your wife, and SHE is trying to destroy your union?!?!?!?!? BWAAAAAH!!!!! what about taking responsibilities for your poor choices and actions?! have you thought about that?! any person who does something suspicious, and knows nothing wrong was done, will simply clear their names... its the guilty ones that will instead LIE and focus their energy on the wrong issues. if you come out of a hotel with a lady and thats what the friend says she saw you doing then HOW DOES THAT BECOME UNFOUNDED?! After tainting the cordiality she shares with this family and unsuccessful attempt to convince her friend her hubby is cheating will this jobless dunderhead of a friend give up on her unassigned job to invade people's privacy and intensify her foolishness by trailing the hubby with a camera to take pictures with every woman she sees him with? Remind me what joblessness is all about again. every time this friends sees the husband in suspicious places then she should tell her friend, until the reason as to why he is there with the said lady has been confirmed. It's the duty of married couples to keep an eye on their partner and investigate any suspicious act of infidelity. If they can't no one else can and they should nurse their misery themselves. The lady or third parties should fvcking mind their business if they don't want to ruin their friendship with the family because at the end of the day such couples would reconcile and your friendship will never be the same again. Minding one's business isn't that hard, is it? NONSENSE! its the duty of a couple to NOT find themselves in public questionable situations. if they do then they should accept that someone might see them and report such suspicious activities to their partners. no matter how hard you will try to make this look RIGHT, it will never be... it is and will remain SUSPICIOUS and QUESTIONABLE for a married man (or woman) to come out of a hotel with a lady (or man) 5 Likes |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by focus7: 11:19am On Sep 03, 2015 |
hbpeze:Wow, your answer is rational. I can't but just agree with you. |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by focus7: 11:50am On Sep 03, 2015 |
MRBrownJ:Point of correction, friends are not for amebo and home breaking. That you saw a man and a lady together in an eatery or coming out or going into an hotel does not mean they have amoral affair. A lady friend of mine was to have a conference and urged me to go with her to source for a hall to use in an hotel, the hotel is located along a busy express road in Lagos, and I am a popular person in the environment due to my career. So as we are about entry the hotel I heard a voice frantically calling at me to get my attention to let me know that she saw me, by the time I turned to her I could see the expression on her face though she acted as though she meant only greet me. I greeted her and entered the hotel with my friend not minding her insinuation since I was not guilty, I and my friend talked and laughed over it. You see unnecessary insinuations and interference has caused more havoc to marriages than is needed. I told my wife to not listen to what she heard people report to her about me if she doesn't want hurt herself as I have much female friends as I do men. Lady B should let that couple be. 3 Likes |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by Nobody: 12:19pm On Sep 03, 2015 |
I'm with 5mins on this one. When I read these tales on seeing other peoples husbands/bfs in supposedly suspicious places I laugh. If people believed half of these things without proof then they stirring issues that have no substance. I don't think I can count the number of hotels/joints/cinemas/malls/restaurants anyone could have seen me with another person who happened to be married. If such people then think just seeing me there was evidence of cheating they are muy foolish. Unless you have not worked in marketing or sales or at networking events. Are they not typically done at hotels or joints? Yes joints especially for Breweries their networking stuff are done in joints. I can't count the number of sales deals that were concluded over isi ewu or nkwobi Chidoks Tell her to face her work. She does not have any proof. She's just jumping to conclusions jor. 2 Likes |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by Chidoks(f): 12:45pm On Sep 03, 2015 |
@GHojes, i am not living in denial; not me i'm not.when i typed those words i was genuinely worried about Mrs C.i did't applaud myself, wasn't looking for more applauds.i don't believe in divorce.i believe it should be the last resort in any union thus i do all in my power not to make anyone divorce their spouces ad i'm not ready to divorce mine. yes they were my secondary school mates.we each have our ways and styles but we get together as often as we can( which is rare) to catch up on things.i don't do bestfriends.my best friend is my husband.my closest friends are my kids. my greatest problem is being sincere here.that hubby cheated, begged even with a new car then i forgave and moved on is not a crime.it doesn't mean i'm living in denial.i shared that to assurs youner women that it's possible to forgive if you can. i decided not to discuss the matter with Miss B because it would profit me nothing to listen to how a man cheats his wife.i knew i would do nothing about it so why should i urge her to go on.it is not my business.ii have a lot on my plate that renders such idle gosdip inconsequential.why didn't she go ahead and call Mrs C? why must she rope me in? i make my stand known, they know it , i don't discuss people.it pained me that you said i'm living in denial.forgiving an erring partner is not that bad.he promised not to do it again and i believe him.i might have as well come here, beat my chest and decleare that he wouldn't dare try it or that i would divorce him if he tries it afterwards but it will not profit me a thing. i have love in my heart and that's all i'm capable of giving.we all must not be fighters. 3 Likes |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by Onegai(f): 12:51pm On Sep 03, 2015 |
GHoJes: Here's the thing though: each person is different. If my friend sees something, she will know how to approach me with the news. That's why we're friends. I can get angry but I will know "this person will never deliberately hurt me so she's telling me this to help me". For her, I'd tail her husband and the other woman (our friendship has knacked 20 years, we good with boundaries  ) and confirm without a doubt what I saw, then tactfully approach her, or better yet, noisily approach hubby and other girl with a "hey just ran into you! wassup! can i hang out for a while, how's madam, let me even tell her now now I'm with you... " etc.2 Likes |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by GHoJes: 12:58pm On Sep 03, 2015 |
Onegai:Yeah what you have up there is the thing, but is also not out of place if she seeks the support of the other leg in the tripod for a better tactful presentation to the affected friend. |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by zeb04(f): 1:05pm On Sep 03, 2015 |
well, it depends on how close that friendship is. i have known my friends for over 20years,I will tell. there is something about watching one's back, I won't trade that for nothing. if am in that position and my friends don't tell me, sincerely i would be crushed. 1 Like |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by GHoJes: 1:15pm On Sep 03, 2015 |
Chidoks:Sorry if what i said pained you, i hate to deliberately make one feel bad. You know the man here dosen't seem remorseful, will most likely not be unless caught and there is a high probability that if he is not caught early enough he will never be remorseful. Did you explain your stance to missB exactly the way you just did to me, i mean not just saying the mind your business thing because she may never know unless you tell her. Like i hinted before, that's where i faulted her, if you were my friend all these years i would have realise you dont do close friends and not be stupid to come to you with a thing like this. If you are certain, she knows your stance, and still came to you, then she need to grow up. 2 Likes |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by Chidoks(f): 1:27pm On Sep 03, 2015 |
GHoJes: Thanks.this is a real life situation.me doing dinner, she calling.yes i asked her to mind her business but i sent a text.i even called the yesterday and she refused picking..it's true we have known for a long time but to me marriage is different..maybe i should have asked her to wait till when she bumps into them again then she could chip in something about madam..i think that's what i should tell her but telling is not in my place to do.i don't want to be involved in any matrimonial crisis. |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by GHoJes: 1:38pm On Sep 03, 2015 |
Chidoks:Alright... |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by MRBrownJ: 1:40pm On Sep 03, 2015 |
focus7: you are RIGHT, and if you'd focus on what i have written, you would have understood that i never said she should tell her friend that her husband is having an affair, she should simply say that she saw him coming out of a hotel with a lady... which is A) what happened and B) a suspicious act. A lady friend of mine was to have a conference and urged me to go with her to source for a hall to use in an hotel, the hotel is located along a busy express road in Lagos, and I am a popular person in the environment due to my career. So as we are about entry the hotel I heard a voice frantically calling at me to get my attention to let me know that she saw me, by the time I turned to her I could see the expression on her face though she acted as though she meant only greet me. I greeted her and entered the hotel with my friend not minding her insinuation since I was not guilty, I and my friend talked and laughed over it. You see unnecessary insinuations and interference has caused more havoc to marriages than is needed. I told my wife to not listen to what she heard people report to her about me if she doesn't want hurt herself as I have much female friends as I do men. Lady B should let that couple be. again, if you dont understand why your actions may have been viewed as suspicious, by that friend of yours who saw you, then i suggest you wake up and start living in the real world bro! what is actually funny is that you would expect a friend of your wife to see you going inside a hotel with a lady and NOT suspect your actions nor tell your wife that she saw you??!?!?!?!??! bwaaaaah, you are indeed a dreamer! you are looking at it as an unnecessary insinuation/interference as if it is so damn hard for you to explain to your wife what really happened... poor you, i am sure that must be so difficult, lol! 2 Likes |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by ronald4lif(m): 1:42pm On Sep 03, 2015 |
MRBrownJ: Does she have a job? Why poke-nose in other peoples affairs like it's theirs? Except the friend told her to report any time she sees her hubby in suspicious places she should tell her otherwise is none of her business. And even if the wife recruit her services she still have the option to rebuff it and tell her to sort her private issues herself. Why would a gainfully employed person move about reporting every of their friend's partner they met with suspicious people to their friends? Didn't know we have degenerated to a people who don't keep to their business anymore. so what you are saying is that she should lie/pretend in order to keep a phoney friendship?! the friendship would certainly be phoney if you can be honest and tell the truth to your friends. who cares if the hubby lies that he wasnt there? if she saw him there with a lady then thats what she has to say. Like I said in my initial submission, no one sent her on a fact finding mission so the issue of reporting what she saw is inadmissible and unnecessary. There's a limit to how one can intrude on people's private affairs and some can come with grave consequences. Personally, I wouldn't hesitate to treat the fcvk up of anyone who dares to involve in my affairs ininvited and I could go to certain limits to deal with them even if it involves inflicting body injuries on them. One can't just delve into my family business and don't expect repercussions, especially when their services where unsolicited for. The wife sleeps and wakes up with the hubby, spends everyday with him and its solely upto her to dig out or close-mark the hubby's movement, if she can't it's her loss. And likewise if the gender is flipped. whatever the husband says is irrelevant to the fact at hand... no matter how hard you are trying to make a lie being righteous. Who's talking about righteousness? Who righteousness help. I'm talking about a cheating husband trying to mend his tracks and protect his family from splitting and nothing to do with honesty. Granted he might have cheated but he'd never admit and would fight back to retain his reputation before the wife. That's what is at stake, not about righteousness. again, stop trying to paint all this deceit as righteous. even if the supreme court says you are innocent, if the friend saw you in a suspicious position then she MUST tell her friends, thats whats REAL friends do, regardless of the consequences. Going about poke nosing on a people's private affairs doesn't make one a real friend. If anything it connotes joblessness, mischief-making and diablerie. One's private business should be respected by anyone who's not involve and third parties should remain uninvited unless if told to do so. I'm amused by your affirmation of not minding the consequences. Some consequences can be daring and disastrous mate. Be mindful of the repercussion of what is ideally not your business. so let me get this straight, you come out of a hotel with a lady, a friend of your wife sees you and tell your wife, and SHE is trying to destroy your union?!?!?!?!? BWAAAAAH!!!!! what about taking responsibilities for your poor choices and actions?! have you thought about that?! any person who does something suspicious, and knows nothing wrong was done, will simply clear their names... its the guilty ones that will instead LIE and focus their energy on the wrong issues. if you come out of a hotel with a lady and thats what the friend says she saw you doing then HOW DOES THAT BECOME UNFOUNDED?! By telling my wife not to believe the friend coz she want to cause us pain and ruin what we have I'm only trying to fight back and paint the friend in bad light to her so she can stop listening to her and if possible discontinue their friendship. Not necessarily because she truly want to ruin our union even though that's what her actions exude. When a jobless and mischievous individual makes your business theirs you fight back and go to any length to destroy them. Going by the story as narrated by the OP her claim is unfounded as she can't prove it beyond verbal presentations. They are mere allegations without evidence which makes it unfounded by default. Even a murderer can be let off the hook if there are no concrete evidence to nail him. every time this friends sees the husband in suspicious places then she should tell her friend, until the reason as to why he is there with the said lady has been confirmed. Who send am work? Amebo no be work o bro. NONSENSE! its the duty of a couple to NOT find themselves in public questionable situations. if they do then they should accept that someone might see them and report such suspicious activities to their partners. You see, in any case the family splits after the revelation by the self-styled amebo friend, her friend (ex wife) would never forgive her by the time it must have dawn on her that the friend had no cause to intrude in her marriage and she will go to town and tell anyone who cares to listen how she destroyed her marriage. Married couples should be left to detect acts of unfaithfulness by themselves and friends, real or not, should maintain their lane and don't get involve unless they were solicited to do so. If the lady appreciate their friendship she should mind her business and just one day she would find out about her hubby's escapades if she even cares or watch his moves closely. It's her obligation to dig her husband's philandering lifestyle and no one else. Minding one's own business cost nothing but poke-nosing could be harmful not just to the victim and his/her spouse but to the whistle blower themselves. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by MRBrownJ: 2:33pm On Sep 03, 2015 |
ronald4lif: so you mean to tell us all that if a friend of your partner drives by a hotel and sees you coming out of there with a lady, therefore A) she is unemployed, B) she should pretend/lie to her friend that she did not see you and C) this is NOT her business because you are "mysteriously" not her friend's husband any longer?! thats a great joke! Like I said in my initial submission, no one sent her on a fact finding mission so the issue of reporting what she saw is inadmissible and unnecessary. There's a limit to how one can intrude on people's private affairs and some can come with grave consequences. Personally, I wouldn't mind to treat the fcvk up of anyone who dares to involve in my affairs ininvited and I could go to certain limits to deal with them even if it involves inflicting body injuries on them. One can't just delve into my family business and don't expect repercussions, especially when their services where unsolicited for. The wife sleeps and wakes up with the hubby, spends everyday with her and its solely upto her to dig out or close-mark the hubby's movement, if she can't it's her loss. And likewise if the gender is flipped. and who told you that she was spying on her friend's husband?! is that so difficult to drive by and see someone coming out of a hotel?! should she have closed her eyes?! if this was a "private" affair then he shouldnt have done it in public. if you seriously think that your private family business has ANYTHING to do with you coming of hotels with strange women, then PLEASE go get a dictionary to understand the meaning of what you are saying and let your wife tell just that to her friends (right after they tell her they saw you coming out of a hotel) but the most important thing here is that why is that so bad to let wifey know about all these private affairs of his?! where is the big deal? an innocent person would certainly understand the suspicious act and wouldnt mind people reporting him. Who's talking about righteousness? Who righteousness help. I'm talking about a cheating husband trying to mend his tracks and protect his family from splitting and nothing to do with honesty. Granted he might have cheated but he'd never admit and would fight back to retain his reputation before the wife. That's what is at stake, not about righteousness. who cares what cheating people do to clear their tracks?! it is WRONG! and a friend MUST do what is RIGHT, and therefore any suspicious activity must be reported to your friend.... whatever she does with the info is up to her. Going about poke nosing on a people's private affairs doesn't make one a real friend. If anything it connotes joblessness, mischief-making and diablerie. One's private business should be respected by anyone who's not involve and third parties should remain uninvited unless if told to do so. I'm amused by your affirmation of not minding the consequences. Some consequences can be daring and disastrous mate. Be mindful of the repercussion of what is ideally not your business. you can call that whatever you desire, the truth of the matter is that friends must be honest and REAL at all times, this is what FRIENDSHIP is all about! that friend was "invited" into that saga the minute the husband decide to put himself into a suspicious situation. HE is the one to be blamed for whatever happens here, stop trying to flip the script! there is absolutely NO consequences here if the husband aint doing anything wrong, because he just tells his wife who that lady is and what they were doing (aka clear the air), et voila! there are only consequences if the guy was doing something wrong and wifey finally finds out, thanks to her friend.... oh yeah i forgot, even if he cheats, you want her friends to mind their business, right?! lol! By telling my wife not to believe the friend coz she want to cause us pain and ruin what we have I'm only trying to fight back and paint the friend in bad light to her so she can stop listening to her and if possible discontinue their friendship. Not necessarily because she truly want to ruin our union even though that's what her actions exude. When a jobless and mischievous individual makes your business theirs you fight back and go to any length to destroy them. how can somebody who said they saw you coming out of a hotel is causing you pain?! if YOUR actions are not ill then you just clear the air and thats the end of the story. why is that such a difficult thing to do if you are not guilty??!?!?!?!? if telling what YOU are doing is negative towards your union then i suggest you change these actions instead. Going by the story as narrated by the OP her claim is unfounded as she can't prove it beyond verbal presentations. They are mere allegations without evidence which makes it unfounded by default. Even a murderer can be let off the hook if there are no concrete evidence to nail him. again, who cares whether there is proof or not?! a friend is simply telling what she SAW (she did saw him right?! or did that become a lie now?!). its down to the wifey to do whatever she pleases with that information. Who send am work? Amebo no be work o bro. i call it friendship, but you have the right to call it whatever you desire You see, in any case the family splits after the revelation by the self-styled amebo friend, her friend (ex wife) would never forgive her after by the time it must have dawn on her that the friend had no cause to intrude in her marriage and she will go to town and tell anyone who cares to listen how she destroyed her marriage. - if the wifey decides to split (or stay) because of her cheating husband then so be it, but let HER make that choice - if the wifey decides to never forgive her friends for telling her the HONEST TRUTH, then so be it - if the wifey would rather live in denial (after she knows the truth) then so be it - who cares what people think of you so long as you have done what is RIGHT?! - if a man cheats and (because of THIS act) the marriage ends, then HE is the sole person responsible for the failure of that marriage (whether the friends told on him or not) Married couples should be left to detect acts of unfaithfulness by themselves and friends, real or not should maintain their lane and don't get involve unless they were solicited to do so. If the lady appreciate their friendship she should mind her business and just one day she would find out about her hubby's escapades if she even cares or watch his moves closely. It's her obligation to dig her husband's philandering lifestyle and no one else. Minding one's own business cost nothing but poke-nosing could be harmful not just to the victim and his/her spouse but to the whistle blower themselves. NONSENSE UPON NONSENSE!!!! 3 Likes |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by GHoJes: 2:45pm On Sep 03, 2015 |
Can you sniff what I'm percieving/Op/the history...jennyluv here.. Cc ... |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by byvan03: 2:47pm On Sep 03, 2015 |
GHoJes: I sniff am wella, Chai!! |
| Re: Was I Wrong?? by GHoJes: 2:49pm On Sep 03, 2015 |
byvan03:This place is dangerous. Saints are the devil we are seeing. |
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