My husband and I have been married for over 15 years. Now I have a problem, not that we have not been having challenges in the past, MANY. Here's the problem now. In January this year I found out my husband had not only been looking for but made contact
with his ex girlfriend of long ago even before we got married. He didn't tell me but he just started acting different and I became suspicious. Putting a password on his phone that was previously unlocked, changing the passwords on all of his other stuff, turning his ring tone off when he gets home, taking his mobile phone with him to the bathroom which he wasn't doing before, cutting conversation with me short and having an attitude whenever I wanted to talk and so on.

I realized what was going on and it caused a huge argument. He claims they are just friends and it's not like they can be doing anything because she lives in another state far away. I don't believe him. I gave him the opportunity to prove to me that they were just friends by asking to see the text between them, he deleted all of them. Ok, fine. I told him he needs to make a choice between his marriage and his friendship and you won't believe his exact words were "I shouldn't have to make a choice, I'm not letting go of my friend". To me that was a choice he made there even though he says it wasn't. You see, I have financial freedom, I can afford to walk away right now and life will not be miserable because I can comfortably eat my three square meals daily, afford good accommodation and take care of my two kids. God has blessed me past that level where a man can make me his foot mat. I have a good job, I don't depend on him for my upkeep, I didn't grow from his money. I had a job even before I met him so, If I decide to let him stay with his "friendship" I told him by telling me what your not going to do you are telling what you are going to do. He said it should have went without saying he's not willing to let go of his marriage. He said CONTINUE READING AT THE SOURCE PEOPLE: http://www.wivestownhallconnection.com/

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Go and establish contact with your ex bf too. If you had non before marriage, go get a close male friend.
Onya mark, set , go!

It may not have happened yet but it will definitely happen. Yes. If he hasn't cheated yet, he's on his way to doing just that. Trust ur guts. Don't nag, argue, quarrel or fight. Doing so will make him loose whatever little respect he still has for you. Gather whatever little dignity you have left and concentrate more on yourself and kids. Give him his space but don't move out of your matrimonial home. Still carry on with your wifely duties. But allocate more attention to yourself and kids. It can only get better or worse. If better, He will come back to his senses and retrace his steps back to you. But When this happens, please have him tested for STDs before taking him fully in. If worse, the jezebel he's playing with, will succeed in consuming him. Should this happen, don't cry for him. Just let him go. Trust me, in issues like this, it's always the wife that gets the last laugh. Either ways, everything will still work out for your good. Hold thy peace woman.

If you are financially confident, you need not worry about his ex, I don't think working class ladies find it difficult to get cool men.Enjoy your own life jare.
Take your wedding ring off your fingers, password all your gadgets, change your wardrobe to more revealing clothes, stuff your fridge with good wines, attend parties more frequently, weda you are invited directly or not , always have a reason to drive out of the house at the slightest opportunity, you may feign diarrhea by 10 pm, drive around town fir an hour, stopping at different bars to take a bottle or two Trust me, there are many guys that will end up paying for anything you order .

I'm not married yet neither do I have girlfriend so I comment my reserve

adorablepepple:
Post the full story here

If the full story appears, you'll be too lazy to travel to the source na. kikikiki

Jackeeh:
It may not have happened yet but it will definitely happen. Yes. If he hasn't cheated yet, he's on his way to doing just that. Trust ur guts. Don't nag, argue, quarrel or fight. Doing so will make him loose whatever little respect he still has for you. Gather whatever little dignity you have left and concentrate more on yourself and kids. Give him his space but don't move out of your matrimonial home. Still carry on with your wifely duties. But allocate more attention to yourself and kids. It can only get better or worse. If better, He will come back to his senses and retrace his steps back to you. But When this happens, please have him tested for STDs before taking him fully in. If worse, the jezebel he's playing with, will succeed in consuming him. Should this happen, don't cry for him. Just let him go. Trust me, in issues like this, it's always the wife that gets the last laugh. Either ways, everything will still work out for your good. Hold thy peace woman.

I concur with this wonderful advice.

You see, I have financial freedom, I can afford to walk away right now and life will not be miserable because I can comfortably eat my three square meals daily, afford good accommodation and take care of my two kids. God has blessed me past that level where a man can make me his foot mat. I have a good job, I don't depend on him for my upkeep, I didn't grow from his money. I had a job even before I met him so, If I decide to let him stay with his "friendship" I told him by telling me what your not going to do you are telling what you are going to do. He said it should have went without saying he's not willing to let go of his marriage.

So are u asking for permission to divorce or what Coz dis part got me confused If you're that empowered please leave him...bragging about your achievements isn't gonna change the issues in your 15yrs marriage.

Oya over to dem endurance/prayerful/fasting/redpant/strongwoman crew. This is where we need u guys

Jackeeh:
It may not have happened yet but it will definitely happen. Yes. If he hasn't cheated yet, he's on his way to doing just that. Trust ur guts. Don't nag, argue, quarrel or fight. Doing so will make him loose whatever little respect he still has for you. Gather whatever little dignity you have left and concentrate more on yourself and kids. Give him his space but don't move out of your matrimonial home. Still carry on with your wifely duties. But allocate more attention to yourself and kids. It can only get better or worse. If better, He will come back to his senses and retrace his steps back to you. But When this happens, please have him tested for STDs before taking him fully in. If worse, the jezebel he's playing with, will succeed in consuming him. Should this happen, don't cry for him. Just let him go. Trust me, in issues like this, it's always the wife that gets the last laugh. Either ways, everything will still work out for your good. Hold thy peace woman.

Mehnnnnn I loooovee this. This is my exact mindset exactly. If he wants to go, let him go. Na hum sabi.

If you have been married for the number of years you claim then this is not a problem.

If a man decides to cheat,let him.
Truth is there is nothing you can do about it.

If you cry,nag,fight,etc...It doesn't change the fact that the brother has being elsewhere.

Time is a good factor in solving these issues...remember why,how and when you married.

Forgive him before he realises it.

Even the good book (bible) says that when we do good to our enemies we will be heaping coals on their head.

It hurts for a spouse to cheat,believe me...
but giving your husband a choice was way out of line.

Learn to keep quiet because you are a woman.

Learn by observing,if you throw tantrums you will never see the depth of this...

You were wrong by asking him to choose and mind you sister...if you give up on that marriage of 15 years because of this...then am afraid you are at loss with all the financial ability you have.

If he comes home,eats your food and doesn't beat you up then you are trully married.
Congratulations!

OP, you have no hard evidence yet so please keep your peace. I dunno why men will see fire and still decide to put hand. Your husband is just setting himself up to cheat on you. Try not to nag him and like someone already said, draw your kids to you. Keep your distance from him and try to protect yourself as much as possible cos STDs are real and most of the men who cheat these days do so without wisdom.

NO men/women should give stoopid ultimatums that they are not willing to follow til the end

EggovinMma:
If you are financially confident, you need not worry about his ex, I don't think working class ladies find it difficult to get cool men.Enjoy your own life jare.
Take your wedding ring off your fingers, password all your gadgets, change your wardrobe to more revealing clothes, stuff your fridge with good wines, attend parties more frequently, weda you are invited directly or not , always have a reason to drive out of the house at the slightest opportunity, you may feign diarrhea by 10 pm, drive around town fir an hour, stopping at different bars to take a bottle or two Trust me, there are many guys that will end up paying for anything you order .

op please dont take this advice,it will help cripple your family even more.you posted your story because u still love him not because you truly want a divorce..

GodnGold:
If you have been married for the number of years you claim then this is not a problem.

If a man decides to cheat,let him.
Truth is there is nothing you can do about it.

If you cry,nag,fight,etc...It doesn't change the fact that the brother has being elsewhere.

Time is a good factor in solving these issues...remember why,how and when you married.

Forgive him before he realises it.

Even the good book (bible) says that when we do good to our enemies we will be heaping coals on their head.

It hurts for a spouse to cheat,believe me...
but giving your husband a choice was way out of line.

Learn to keep quiet because you are a woman.

Learn by observing,if you throw tantrums you will never see the depth of this...

You were wrong by asking him to choose and mind you sister...if you give up on that marriage of 15 years because of this...then am afraid you are at loss with all the financial ability you have.

If he comes home,eats your food and doesn't beat you up then you are trully married.
Congratulations!

op come and take your advice here..

Oh well, you haven't caught him doing anything yet have you? Just suspicions for now.

I believe he was already cheating emotionally with his ex, and was setting himself up to cheat physically before you caught him even though not red handed.

Anyway, be patient and watchful for now, let's see how it will go. Maybe he would have a rethink now or maybe he'll be more careful with his escapades.
I think divorce shouldn't be an option for now.
In your own opinion though, how has your marriage been? Are you tired, and just managing? What of your husband? Is he also probably tired and just managing?

Maybe some marriage counselling would help you guys.

If you've both been unhappy, have a heart to heart talk with him and suggest marriage counselling by professionals.
That might just help your marriage.

Good luck

GodnGold:
If you have been married for the number of years you claim then this is not a problem.

If a man decides to cheat,let him.
Truth is there is nothing you can do about it.

If you cry,nag,fight,etc...It doesn't change the fact that the brother has being elsewhere.

Time is a good factor in solving these issues...remember why,how and when you married.

Forgive him before he realises it.

Even the good book (bible) says that when we do good to our enemies we will be heaping coals on their head.

It hurts for a spouse to cheat,believe me...
but giving your husband a choice was way out of line.

Learn to keep quiet because you are a woman.

Learn by observing,if you throw tantrums you will never see the depth of this...

You were wrong by asking him to choose and mind you sister...if you give up on that marriage of 15 years because of this...then am afraid you are at loss with all the financial ability you have.

If he comes home,eats your food and doesn't beat you up then you are trully married.
Congratulations!

Sorry but that makes no sense which right thinking man would choose an ex over his wife, what you wrote.........I don't want to says it's crap so I will say it's mundane

Lol if it were the reverse you'd hear divorce her, double standards much ?

EggovinMma:
If you are financially confident, you need not worry about his ex, I don't think working class ladies find it difficult to get cool men.Enjoy your own life jare.
Take your wedding ring off your fingers, password all your gadgets, change your wardrobe to more revealing clothes, stuff your fridge with good wines, attend parties more frequently, weda you are invited directly or not , always have a reason to drive out of the house at the slightest opportunity, you may feign diarrhea by 10 pm, drive around town fir an hour, stopping at different bars to take a bottle or two Trust me, there are many guys that will end up paying for anything you order .

So you expect her to become who she's not just to get back at a man who may no even care?



That's really dumb.

EggovinMma:
If you are financially confident, you need not worry about his ex, I don't think working class ladies find it difficult to get cool men.Enjoy your own life jare.
Take your wedding ring off your fingers, password all your gadgets, change your wardrobe to more revealing clothes, stuff your fridge with good wines, attend parties more frequently, weda you are invited directly or not , always have a reason to drive out of the house at the slightest opportunity, you may feign diarrhea by 10 pm, drive around town fir an hour, stopping at different bars to take a bottle or two Trust me, there are many guys that will end up paying for anything you order .

you're looking for trouble

[/b]

GodnGold:
If you have been married for the number of years you claim then this is not a problem.

If a man decides to cheat,let him.
Truth is there is nothing you can do about it.

If you cry,nag,fight,etc...It doesn't change the fact that the brother has being elsewhere.

Time is a good factor in solving these issues...remember why,how and when you married.

Forgive him before he realises it.

Even the good book (bible) says that when we do good to our enemies we will be heaping coals on their head.

It hurts for a spouse to cheat,believe me...
but giving your husband a choice was way out of line.

[b]Learn to keep quiet because you are a woman.

Learn by observing,if you throw tantrums you will never see the depth of this...

You were wrong by asking him to choose and mind you sister...if you give up on that marriage of 15 years because of this...then am afraid you are at loss with all the financial ability you have.

If he comes home,eats your food and doesn't beat you up then you are trully married.
Congratulations!

I hope you are joking!

No be small thing. Sweetheart, I think you should thread softly cos that ur big guy might be bored. He hasn't actually done it abi, just courting the devil? I would say do some tidings here and there and let's see how it pans out. Those moraforking azzzzholes have been stressing women since time immemorial. Relax, don't be too hasty with your decision...

The man is aware she's financially ok. Yet he doesn't care. It's not about oppressing her, the dude is bored and finding solace in his ex but his wife can't see.
She should walk away, it makes no difference to the guy.

Kondomatic:
So you expect her to become who she's not just to get back at a man who may no even care?



That's really dumb.

shior! Who cares if he doesn't care?
Na only her husband get priccck? !
Oga this one na 21st century oooooo,bad things nowadays dey sweet pass as e be before.

misreal:
op please dont take this advice,it will help cripple your family even more.you posted your story because u still love him not because you truly want a divorce..

My advice is the best so far please!
Is her husband the only man that has penis?
If the husband feels that she no longer suits him, she should look for another man's arm to bury her worries on, no cheating, everybody is atleast relieved.
Una wey be men just wicked, so na only him go dey enjoy extra marital bypass, the lady doesn't deserve some attention too?

misreal:
op come and take your advice here..

Oh oooooooo, so that advice is now better than mine? She should keep quiet and suffer every minute from emotional blackmail? You see the wickedness wey I dey talk about?



Madam op, you are a big lady, don't cry over any man that has decided to share his penis. There's plenty men in this world. Infact, there are men that can sweep you off your feet and make you forget your worries. Make a decision c to make yourself appealing not only to your husband. Socialise more, travel more, flirt a little more.You will stop caring where your husband sticks his dick on in no time.

Jackeeh:
It may not have happened yet but it will definitely happen. Yes. If he hasn't cheated yet, he's on his way to doing just that. Trust ur guts. Don't nag, argue, quarrel or fight. Doing so will make him loose whatever little respect he still has for you. Gather whatever little dignity you have left and concentrate more on yourself and kids. Give him his space but don't move out of your matrimonial home. Still carry on with your wifely duties. But allocate more attention to yourself and kids. It can only get better or worse. If better, He will come back to his senses and retrace his steps back to you. But When this happens, please have him tested for STDs before taking him fully in. If worse, the jezebel he's playing with, will succeed in consuming him. Should this happen, don't cry for him. Just let him go. Trust me, in issues like this, it's always the wife that gets the last laugh. Either ways, everything will still work out for your good. Hold thy peace woman.

Well said, thank you

SAMBARRY:
you're looking for trouble

But truth is, nobody get time this period to dey complain about husband infidelity ke?
After 15 years, husband ex ke? ;
So I should get worried over that when I know say I get one big BOSS I can seduce to get mouth watery contracts ke? Babe me don move to dubai with BOSS ke? Make the idiooot dey naija dey fuccck him ex, me go use my own toto dey gather contracts

I don't make reasonable comments on fake stories

Kondomatic:
So you expect her to become who she's not just to get back at a man who may no even care?



That's really dumb.

Dumb is critising another person's suggestion without proferring yours.

His complacency is a sin on the own. If he doesn't care he won't mind fetching his water.

daretodiffer:


Dumb is critising another person's suggestion without proferring yours.

His complacency is a sin on the own. If he doesn't care he won't mind fetching his water.

It doesn't make sense to cheat on a cheat. He's a cheat, you ain't so bow out off of the relationship and continue with your life.

She might cheat back and feel guilty for the rest of her life, every body ain't wired the same. Let her quit whatever she has with him before starting another with another man.

That's what responsible people do.

15 year ex

Anyway never give someone an ultimatum you are not ready to follow through just in case the other person calls your bluff.

Also never push anyone to a corner.....always give them an escape route as it makes reconciliation easier just in case.

If you push a ram to a corner, it will charge back just to get out of the room

Telling him to choose gave him no choice, unfortunately he chose the wrong answer and now you have to deal with that whichever way you want.