Friends your advice will be must appreciated here.  I'm in a relationship of about ten years now, we realized after a year of dating that we are for each other and he then told his parent his intention a year after our dating I told my mum that same year but my dad two years after our dating and no one complained.  Due to some circumstances the process has been delay till this year. Our relationship has been a well known one to some extent that people refer to him as my husband and vice versa.  This February I took him to my dad for official presentation and my dad said he need to do some findings before giving his consent, a month after I called him for his consent and i told him that other things been equal the wedding will be this year then he said that can not be that i should study the guy for some time before rushing into marriage.  I told him that i'm I'm rushing in fact that the relationship is overdue, he responded by saying he is not ready and still have to carry out his findings.  Few days after, he called me and said i should forget about the relationship and the guy that he can not support that kind of marriage, so i asked him for his reasons and he said I DON'T WANT YOU TO SUFFER.

Meanwhile, this same man that said "i don't want you to suffer" told me on the 17/8/1998 by 8:05 am that anything concerning my studies he will not spend he N5 and as stick to that till today, again i fell ill on August that same year he told me even at the point of my death that he will not buy paracetamol for me, before he finally kicked me out of his house sending me to the street of Lagos empty handed plus other urgly words that he told me which i find it hard to forget, with those words i felt really hated by my dad.

However, for the past eleven years that he sent me out of his house he never care how i survive and how i completed my secondary school to the university level that he is being proud of having a graduate daughter.

So the question I asked him is, is it now that my well being become a matter of concerned to you or are you bent on making me to suffer with a pretence of "I don't want you to suffer?"

N.B

He said any man I bring must pass the test before he can give his consent.  CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT,  a test that I don't know how it been conducted.

Everyone around me even my mum said I should not mind him.

Please I need your kind advice

Beline:

Everyone around me even my mum said I should not mind him.

That is my advice too.

@ poster

You are very funny, haba. Someone who has not being there for 11 years giving you advice? You better get married else you will really suffer no be small.

Beline:

He said any man I bring must pass the test before he can give his consent.  CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT,  a test that I don't know how it been conducted.

Everyone around me even my mum said I should not mind him.

Please I need your kind advice

If you have your mum's backing then go ahead with the wedding plans ALREADY.
As long as one of your parents is willing to lend support, why care about what your dad says.
If u need anyone to act the role of a father figure on your wedding day, i am sure there must be millions of fathers waiting to be rented that would grace the occasion for you.
Be happy!!!! A man that hasn't been there for 11 years is not worth listening to.

Am around you too so dont mind him pls, go ahead and marry the relationship you sufferd 10years for my big sister

Beline,
The man you described in your post does not convey any semblance of your father. I thus wonder why his opinion counts at this point in your life.
IF YOUR NARRATION IS TRUE, then you should seek the opinion and blessing of your parent(s).

I am a little concerned that we might not be getting the complete story.
- Is your mum still with your dad?
- where have you been living for the past 11yrs?
- why didn't you introduce the guy to your dad for the past 11yrs?
- Has your mum discussed the issue with him?
- what about your siblings?

All that aside, if your dad cannot come forward with his reasons (genuine or not) for not approving of the marriage, then ignore him. You should probably consult with your uncles (his older brothers or similar) and see if they can talk some sense into him, or get him to air his concerns on the issue.

Marry the man and have many babies for him.

biina:

I am a little concerned that we might not be getting the complete story.
- Is your mum still with your dad?
- where have you been living for the past 11yrs?
- why didn't you introduce the guy to your dad for the past 11yrs?
- Has your mum discussed the issue with him?
- what about your siblings?

Well, the candid answer to the questions above are:

- I didn't meet them together, there are a lot of stories attached to that
- After i left him I was just moving from one place to the other because a lot of people thought I was looking for freedom and for those that accommodated me, he threaten to get them arrested by police. Accommodation problem was so bad that a sister in the church made a statement that touched my heart deeply. she said 'this girl you be ashawo for house o'. But as God will do it, I save some money and get a one room apartment with a girlfriend, then God start changing things one after the other till I get to where I am today.

- The relationship started in 1999 then I told him in 2001 and we've been discussing it each time we meet, though we don't meet often but he has a perfect knowledge of the relationship and he knows the guy and his family very well as we are all from the same village

- According to my mum he has been discussing it with her without telling her he is not in support of the relationship

- I'm the only one

you might just have to go on without this man for now. when things cool off, after marriage and all maybe with kids perhaps by then his heart will have softned.

.

Maybe your father went to some village shaman or 'seer' and that one 'looked' into the 'future' and said your man isn't the one for you. So your father's putting his foot down. Parents here have too much power over their kids and many of them are tyrants. A friend of mine was getting married and her dad,who left the mother alone with six kids twenty years earlier and went to marry another woman,was informed that his child was getting married,and invited. The guy arrived a few days to the wedding and announced no wedding was taking place. The stupid drama queen then sat royally while people were begging him and my friend was half crazy with worry and panic. He was just feeling guilty about his desertion and compensating by manufacturing irresponsible 'tipatipa' importance.

You're in a ten-year relationship so you're not a kid. So why are you acting like one and getting distressed for no reason? There isn't a problem and yet you think you see one. Thank your father politely for not wanting you to suffer (whatever the hell that means. Old people and their bullshit mystery) and continue with your wedding plans. Don't indulge in cheap anger or react to any negative thing he says or does during the period. Keep cool and don't accept any negative pronouncements on your union.Just calmly proceed with your wedding and be happy.

Good day ma,

i must thank God for preserving and for his divine help to see you throughout your secondary education up to university level without your father's support as a lady . i thank God for your life and faith to move your loife forward.

i must i advise, provided you are in love with your man , and your man in love with you, you are satisfied with his financial staus. i believe that your fathers attitude is too wrong to hold you down from marrring your man.
the question i will ask , does your father told you his criteria of assesing your would be husband both of you should rub mind together but if not, your father is only trying to be wicked and i will advised you to go to the man the Lord has meant for you.

How does this man even qualify as her father. From what she says he was just a sperm donor. He never contributed anything to her life at least nothing positive. Why should his opinion count. He should just get a wedding invitation like every one else. If he says he will not attend then o well.

- Why did he send you out of his house and take care of you while you were ill? Certainly there must be a reason.
- What does your man say about this?
- Are your parents still together?

There is more to this.

Eyen eka mmi, nke diongo ke a me nie etuk mfene ntom. _Ibibio

Sil vous plait, ne faites pas d'attention a votre pere. Je ne pense pas qu'il vous aime. _french

Pls go ahead and marry the man of your dreams, you have the support of your mum. _english

Most importantly, the whole obodo for nairaland here dey your side sef. _{pidgin english}

@poster,
When he threw u out of his house to the street he made u understand dat u r nothing(0). .mathematically speaking,1+0=1 and 1-0=1. .since he told u to ur face that u were nothing to him,then y worry?as far as i am concern.he is nothing to u because 1+0=1 and 1-0=1 that means dat with him u lived, without him u still lived and u will still live long my dear. .Go ahead and grab ur happiness in d man u wanna marry without wasting time so that u wont regret"I don't want to hurt my father" and remember,
Never give up on sum1 when u can't go a day without thinking about them, [/i] and
Never make anyone a priority when he/she only makes you an option.Even ur parents.Think about it.[i]

To me ,Love is all that matters, God be with u.

I thank you all for your various responses, this reaffirmed my decision to go ahead without his consent.

As for those who believe there is more to it, you are not far from the truth just that the whole script can't be put down here as it will be too long.

Let's leave that for the nollywood when I will send the whole script to them and I'm sure it will be a super script. I know some people might wonder why I want to do that, I want to use that to tell those that are facing the same or similar problem that they can still make it God being with them.

if he does not consent , pastoral consent will do.

This is exacltly what I myself is realy experience from my father right now as am typing this msg..
My father is a kind of person of a spiritauly minded church goer an (elder) in his church he prefer wht vission of other person has reveal he will folllow..i never knew this will eventaully effect my relationship with my New found (Date girl) which after a crashed lond Old dated fiance dump me bc of joblesness after sch...of 3 yr courtship but latter brookdown,....!!!Ok nw...<>> how it all began; I meet this new girl and i found out all wht i needed in life as a man ready to settle down is wht this girl has and am ready to settle down with her as long as we both love each other, mean while my age is no longer on my side.....so i decide to give an intro first to my father bc am very much closer to my DAD than my Mum..ever since Both of them were seperated wayback since over 30yrs long ago;and it hpn am The Only son and child of them....so i took My new gyl Pic to my DAD and after cross check he replied she is Ok that i shld proceed with the relatnshp....then some few months later:THIS WHT EMERGE
1.My DAD went for seeking of vission in his Church..so it reveal tht since we ve started love 2gthr we shld proceed;but later again he further prayd with anthr another pastor out of my awarenees..the pastor reveal tht me and my gyl are not compactible...with that to my suprise my DAD took it up that i shld find anthr gyl
2.so i decide to involve my Mum in...i told my mum to do her finding also..it reveal that am ok with her we shld go ahead with our relsntship...even my mum said i shld not hurt her oooooo.i shld make sure i keep her safe adn good...>>..but i did not tell my Mum wht my DAD has concluded
3.nw tht the little gyl has confirm that my DAD does not want her as my wify again...but bc she stil love me she prefer to stay and watch wht will hppn..till then...SO NW WHT WILL I DO...WHO WILL I LOOK UNTO AND NW THAT WE HAVE BOTH BEEN 2THR FOR JUST 1YR NW......WHT WILL HPPN,........the funiest thing is that,tht same pastor that reveal such has not even up til nw paid her wife bride price as am typing this msg.....i just dnt nw y my DAD so much trusted all this pastor vission vission say this say that...well finaly i ve decide to follow wht is in my mind nw is I ve decided to Go on with my Gyl to hell with my FATHER<church<Pastor and who ever wana whc me NOT married shld go and Hug the Transformer sheckenar/////
am jst fed up.........

@ Alarm4, the whole gist is funny. At least you've seen they are confused with their spirituality. Go on jare. Msheww!