This is a counter thread to yestaday's FP thread seeking for opinion about marrying those from broken homes.

I am proud to represent people from such background.

I patiently read Nrldrs opinion over the issue raised, and i was not disappointed at those who spewed thrash against people from so called ""broken" homes.
Anyway talk is cheap.

My fellow Nldrs, it is known worldwide that people often stereotype a certain group of people, just to make themselves happy which usually make a story untrue.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche, recently spoke at a university in the U.S.A where a student told her that it was such a shame
that Nigerian men were physical
abusers like the father character in
her novel, her response was epic.

She told him that I had
recently read a novel called American Psycho, and that it was a shame that young Americans were serial murderers.

Imagine what some Americans Think about Nigerians, does this make their assertion true ?

Now you see the problem with stereotyping.?

It only paints a story with sentiment.

There are reasons why people from such "broken" homes tend to build a happy life when they get married, yet some people overlook such qualities without knowing.


1. They have experienced the pains of raising a child alone, knowing help is somewhere but it will never come forth because of ego.

2. On the ealier thread, someone posted that children from such "broken" home are told divorce is the only option in times of crisis, this is a FAT lie that people have used to stereotype us over the years. " Typically, children from such homes are against violence and abuse knowing the results and the road it leads to.

2b. I know people including myself from broken homes, whose parent have told them that raising a hand over your spouse or partner is Sacriledge. (I am proud to say that i have never raised my hands against the opposite gender, no matter how hurt i feel).

3. We know the pains of having a father who has gone AWOL, its truely not a sweet experience
Therefore, no sane fellow who grew up with such pains will want his child to pass through same.

4. We also know that a child desperately needs a DADDY, we wouldnt ever dream of letting our ward down.

Though, we come from broken homes and often feel shy to talk about it for fear of been insulted, mocked or overtly stereotyped by people who know nothing about what we have gone through.
We wont fold our hands and allow people demean us.


So show love to people who come from what people call broken homes.

Think about it, will you marry the son/daughter of a politician who grew up seeing his/her dad gathering illegal wealth..?

Will you also fail to marry the child of a widow simple because of fear of death.?

Dont forget that it is a bad thing to be tortured starved, humiliated or hurt, it is not just an opinion; it is a fact. Hence, it is better for people to be loved and attended to, rather
than hated or neglected, this again is a plain fact, not a matter of opinion.
Love is not mockery it doesnt discriminate, therefore go for your heart....!!

Cc:seun
:RoyalRoy
:lalasticlala

Na only you Waka come

Poster, well said. I could'nt agree more. You have said it all,

What's this whole controversy about marrying people from broken homes, it really makes no sense to me. can most of us that claim to be with homes where both parents still live as a family say our parents marriages is wonderful?? why the hypocrisy??

Some parents who are together don't plan together, do anything in common and some even are married strangers. There's strife and bitterness.

So why stigmatize children whose parents could no longer live in deception and cared less about what the world has to say.

Oh please!

Most homes are dysfunctional, people are liars, don't bother yourself arguing with them. My parents were not divorced but like many marriages theirs was not a bed of roses. This country is full of fake people and double standards, why stigmatize a child?

I will say it again, marriage by itself is discriminatory. If you do not want to discriminate then you will marry the first person you meet. We are not talking about discriminating for a job position or a sports competition, we are talking about who you will spend the rest of your life with. You sure have to discriminate.

I will say if you meet a guy or a lady that is from a broken home please do a bit more research and find out the cause of the divorce and house your bf/gf sees it
If he/she is still very bitter and hates a father, and even wishes the father evil, then be careful. The bad thing about very bitter divorce cases is that the kids are told so much nonsense by the two parents in order to make the other look like the devil.

I did not say one shouldn't marry from a broken home, all I said was do more research before you go ahead and make sure that person you want to marry has not been brain washed. 60% of what we learn about marriage is what we observed from our parents marriage. If that marriage was Sooo bad then that person has a little more to learn.

Even research has shown that children from broken homes are more likely to get divorced. It's just a statistic but it tells you something.

For those saying most married people are liars who are living like strangers. I say that is a lie. How many have you seen? There will always be challenges in marriage so the fact that a marriage is going through a challenge does not mean they hate each other. The couple just believe they can together overcome the challenge and most times they do.

Pidggin:
Most homes are dysfunctional, people are liars, don't bother yourself arguing with them. My parents were not divorced but like many marriages theirs was not a bed of roses. This country is full of fake people and double standards, why stigmatize a child?

No marriage is a bed of roses, go ask anybody. The only ones that are ever bed of roses are the ones you read in fictional books and watch on TV. That was never the idea of marriage. Life itself is not a bed of roses; you have challenges everyday but you don't commit suicide. So why should you get divorced because your marriage isn't a bed of roses.

The fundamental assumption here is wrong.

Thank you for this topic, I have screamed this same thing for years oh.

My husband is from a home where his brave mother walked away from an abusive father, having witnessed the cheating and abusive nature of his own father he works hard daily to make his own home different and to be a great father for his kids. We have also promised each other that no matter what happens we would put the kids first meaning if God forbid our relationship goes bad we will ensure that the kids have a normal and sane life, no bad mouthing no fighting in front of the kids no drama.

The funny thing is my own parents are " together " only in name because of what people will say. It is an extremely dysfunctional relationship with my mother being the abusive one, she was the expert collar grabber fighter screamer and drama queen while we were growing up. Everybody in our small town knew our story as she would go about telling everyone who cared to listen how horrible my father was which was totally false.
She would even go and create scenes in his office accusing him of cheating with his colleagues. At 7 I learned how to seperate fights, run and knock at neighbours doors in the midnight listen to things about my father I never should have heard.
The kids were not spared as minor offences she would show up in your school and request that you be called out and disgraced in assembly. I thank God the Vice principal who she reported me too had some discretion imagine how traumatised I would be if my home issues would be made topic of discussion among students, God knows I was already dealing with my own sufferings from low self esteem then.

She would also cause me and my sibblings to fight till today we are not close because of all the drama she caused between us

I grew up not knowing how a functional relationship works luckily I went to live with some relatives later and refused to go back " home". This couple were so different, they talked, they joked they laughed, no one raised their voices, when they disagreed we the kids didn't even hear, we would just notice that they were ignoring each other and would laugh it off by evening. There was unity among the children, thankfully I was able to gradually learn how to behave from this family, God forbid that all I learned about conflict resolution was holding my husband's collar and shouting at him
When I was dating I dated a man whose mother was seriously emotionally abused and when he would cheat or mistreat me she would tell me to be patient that his own father did worse but when he got HIV he calmed down and came back home and now they are happy. I started to ask myself if I had to wait for my husband to catch HIV before I enjoyed my marriage. Mba.

Anyway when we wanted to get married my mother tried making an issue that my husband was from a " broken " home, I asked you from a together home when last did you cook for your husband? Infact the way I ignored her ehnnnnnn it was my same father begging me to include her in the arrangements, same woman who had cursed me several times. It took the grace of God to forgive her but I still keep her at a safe distance I no dey abeg.


Nigerians are hypocrites, and cowards. They stay just for the society and stay miserable then this same miserable people think they have the right to Judge others. Poster no mind them

Poster above me, the fact that your parents chose to stay in a dysfunctional marriage does not mean every marriage today is dysfunctional. Don't generalise. You also just described that you witnessed what is a good marriage from your relative.

But you kinda corroborated when you were arguing against. You said you would never have known what conflict resolution was if you had stayed with your parents. You said being in a peaceful and happy home was what really helped you. In other words, if you had stayed in that hostile environment you were born may be uou would have a different mind set today. Isn't that what we are debating? Only difference is that your parents just chose to still call themselves husband and wife even though they are really divorced!

TooNoisy:
Poster above me, the fact that your parents chose to stay in a dysfunctional marriage does not mean every marriage today is dysfunctional. Don't generalise. You also just described that you witnessed what is a good marriage from your relative.
But you kinda corroborated when you were arguing against. You said you would never have known what conflict resolution was if you had stayed with your parents. You said being in a peaceful and happy home was what really helped you. In other words, if you had stayed in that hostile environment you were born may be uou would have a different mind set today. Isn't that what we are debating? Only difference is that your parents just chose to still call themselves husband and wife even though they are really divorced!

What exactly is your issue? Scratch that I am not even interested. You gave your opinion apparently others are not allowed the same liberty. Please MOVE ON, stop prancing around this thread, you didn't create it or have the powers to moderate it, just Stop it

Enoami:


What exactly is your issue? Scratch that I am not even interested. You gave your opinion apparently others are not allowed the same liberty. Please MOVE ON, stop prancing around this thread, you didn't create it or have the powers to moderate it, just Stop it

I see the emotional part of you had taken over from the logical. Not here to debate you. I only stated my opinion.

TooNoisy:


I see the emotional part of you had taken over from the logical. Not here to debate you. I only stated my opinion.

Lmao see emotional blackmail because I shared you assume you can kuku use that to " Shame me" lmao abeg so old.

Meanwhile you are the one going around jumping on people for having the audacity to differ indeed you are not here to debate. What opinion? The one you have shared already abi the one you are busy shutting everyone else on?

Anyway done , bye

hmmm not surprised!

NL....

The solution to this arguments is simple: do not generalize.

Being from a divorced family does not mean you would end up that way neither does coming from a together family guarantee success in marriage.

Some families are together but are really divorced or possibly abusive to each other like Enoami said and they may not necessarily be good examples to their children. Some just live like flatmates for example I know someone that her husband's nickname is "R.I.P alive". What will the children from these families learn from their parents about keeping a home together, conflict resolution etc? A father is known as "RIP alive" yet the family is together will this not have an impact on the children?

All these doesn't negate the fact that there are truly healthy married couples who are good examples to their children but in all honesty they may not be in the majority.

I would say everyone should do everything to ensure they have a good home, If you feel not marrying someone from a broken home is what you think will prevent a problem in your future marriage then please don't marry the individual its that simple but then marrying a product of a "together" family still guarantees nothing.

Its still on nairaland that they advise women that are battered in their marriage to flee, then the children will grow up and then get discriminated because their mum tried to spare her own life.


The solution is still not generalizing.

Miami11:
Poster, well said. I could'nt agree more. You have said it all,

Thank you.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Hypocrisy everywhere.

The point is one should do due diligence on the potential spouse regardless of the background.

Thank you for this topic, I have screamed this same thing for years oh.

My husband is from a home where his brave mother walked away from an abusive father, having witnessed the cheating and abusive nature of his own father he works hard daily to make his own home different and to be a great father for his kids. We have also promised each other that no matter what happens we would put the kids first meaning if God forbid our relationship goes bad we will ensure that the kids have a normal and sane life, no bad mouthing no fighting in front of the kids no drama.

The funny thing is my own parents are " together " only in name because of what people will say. It is an extremely dysfunctional relationship with my mother being the abusive one, she was the expert collar grabber fighter screamer and drama queen while we were growing up. Everybody in our small town knew our story as she would go about telling everyone who cared to listen how horrible my father was which was totally false.
She would even go and create scenes in his office accusing him of cheating with his colleagues. At 7 I learned how to seperate fights, run and knock at neighbours doors in the midnight listen to things about my father I never should have heard.
The kids were not spared as minor offences she would show up in your school and request that you be called out and disgraced in assembly. I thank God the Vice principal who she reported me too had some discretion imagine how traumatised I would be if my home issues would be made topic of discussion among students, God knows I was already dealing with my own sufferings from low self esteem then.

She would also cause me and my sibblings to fight till today we are not close because of all the drama she caused between us

I grew up not knowing how a functional relationship works luckily I went to live with some relatives later and refused to go back " home". This couple were so different, they talked, they joked they laughed, no one raised their voices, when they disagreed we the kids didn't even hear, we would just notice that they were ignoring each other and would laugh it off by evening. There was unity among the children, thankfully I was able to gradually learn how to behave from this family, God forbid that all I learned about conflict resolution was holding my husband's collar and shouting at him
When I was dating I dated a man whose mother was seriously emotionally abused and when he would cheat or mistreat me she would tell me to be patient that his own father did worse but when he got HIV he calmed down and came back home and now they are happy. I started to ask myself if I had to wait for my husband to catch HIV before I enjoyed my marriage. Mba.

Anyway when we wanted to get married my mother tried making an issue that my husband was from a " broken " home, I asked you from a together home when last did you cook for your husband? Infact the way I ignored her ehnnnnnn it was my same father begging me to include her in the arrangements, same woman who had cursed me several times. It took the grace of God to forgive her but I still keep her at a safe distance I no dey abeg.


Nigerians are hypocrites, and cowards. They stay just for the society and stay miserable then this same miserable people think they have the right to Judge others. Poster no mind them

Firmjudge:
This is a counter to yestaday FP thread seeking for peoples opinion about marrying those from broken home.

I boastfully affirm and i am proud to represent the people from such background.

I have patiently read Nrldrs opinion over the issue raised and i was not disappointed at those who badmouth people from the so called "broken" homes my line of reasoning is simple talk is truely cheap.

My fellow Nldrs people often stereotype a certain group of people just to make themselves feel happy which makes a story untrue.

Chimanmanda Ngozi Adiche recently spoke at a university in the U.S.A where a student told her that it was such a shame
that Nigerian men were physical
abusers like the father character in
her novel. her response was epic, she told him that I had
recently read a novel called American Psycho, and that it was a shame that young Americans were serial murderers.

Imagin what some Americans Think about Nigerians what is your say is this true..?

Now you see the problem with stereotyping.?

It only paint a story untrue

There are reasons why people from such "broken" homes tend to build a happy life when they get married yet some people overlook it without knowing.

My reasons are facts.

1. They know the pains of raising a child alone knowing help is somewhere but it will never come forth because of ego.

2. " Someone posted a comment that children from such "broken" home are never told divorce is the only option out in times of crisis this is a FAT lie that people have used to stereotype us over the years. " typically, children from such homes are against violence and abuse knowing the results and the roads it leads to.

2b. I know people including myself from broken whose parent have told them that raising a hand over your spouse is Sacriledge. (I am proud to say that i have never raised my hands against the opposite gender no matter how hurt i feel).

3. We know the pains of having a father who has gone AWOL its truely not a sweet experience, therefore no sane fellow who felt such pains will want his child to pass through same.

4. We also know that there gets to a point that a child desperately needs a DADDY we wouldnt ever dream of letting our ward down.

Eventhough we come from broken homes and feel so shy to talk about it for fear of been insulted, mocked or overtly stereotyped by people who know nothing about what you have gone through.

Dont forget that it is a bad thing to be tortured starved, humiliated or hurt, it is not just an opinion; it is a fact. Hence, it is better for people to be loved and attended to, rather
than hated or neglected, this again is a plain fact, not a matter of opinion.

So show love to people who come from what people call broken homes.

Think about it, will you marry the son/daughter of a politician who grew up seeing his/her dad Amassing illigal wealth..?

Will you also fail to marry the child of a widow simple because fear of being death.?


Love is not mockery it doesnt discriminate, so therefore go for your heart....!!

Cc:seun
:RoyalRoy
:lalasticlala

Waooooooo what a lovely words of advise, I sooooo much appreciate it, by now those mocking, should be able to check this and also start thinking on words of encouragement like this,and stop discriminating. WE ARE ONE, Thanks and God Bless

TooNoisy:


I see the emotional part of you had taken over from the logical. Not here to debate you. I only stated my opinion.

This was unnecessary and very shallow of you.

TooNoisy:
I will say it again, marriage by itself is discriminatory. If you do not want to discriminate then you will marry the first person you meet. We are not talking about discriminating for a job position or a sports competition, we are talking about who you will spend the rest of your life with. You sure have to discriminate.

I will say if you meet a guy or a lady that is from a broken home please do a bit more research and find out the cause of the divorce and house your bf/gf sees it
If he/she is still very bitter and hates a father, and even wishes the father evil, then be careful. The bad thing about very bitter divorce cases is that the kids are told so much nonsense by the two parents in order to make the other look like the devil.

I did not say one shouldn't marry from a broken home, all I said was do more research before you go ahead and make sure that person you want to marry has not been brain washed. 60% of what we learn about marriage is what we observed from our parents marriage. If that marriage was Sooo bad then that person has a little more to learn.

Even research has shown that children from broken homes are more likely to get divorced. It's just a statistic but it tells you something.

For those saying most married people are liars who are living like strangers. I say that is a lie. How many have you seen? There will always be challenges in marriage so the fact that a marriage is going through a challenge does not mean they hate each other. The couple just believe they can together overcome the challenge and most times they do.

Some of the points you have discussed are not exclusive to people from divorced parents.
- everyone should research their future spouse whether or not the person is from a broken hone.
- married couple bad mouth their spouses to the kids all the time. This is not an exclusive to divorced parents
As many people have mentioned, a couple sticking together does not mean their marriage/home is a healthy environment for children. I think the most important thing is to treat everyone as the individual they are and assume stuff about them based on their parent's marriage status.

BISIXCLUSIVE:
Waooooooo what a lovely words of advise, I sooooo much appreciate it, by now those mocking, should be able to check this and also start thinking on words of encouragement like this,and stop discriminating. WE ARE ONE, Thanks and God Bless

iWonder why this is yet to make front page.

Firmjudge:

iWonder why this is yet to make front page.

Probably because similar one has make FP..... I don't really know.

BISIXCLUSIVE:
Probably because similar one has make FP..... I don't really know.

lol yet celebraty pictures will easliy make FP.

Anyway message has been passed.

Firmjudge:



lol yet celebraty pictures will easliy make FP.

Anyway message has been passed.

smile.......Tonto Dikeh is this, Tonto Dikeh is that. Hunnnn NL shaa. Anyway kudos to you.

BISIXCLUSIVE:
smile.......Tonto Dikeh is this, Tonto Dikeh is that. Hunnnn NL shaa. Anyway kudos to you.

lol thanks anyway replied you.. check

pet4ril:
Na only you Waka come

As it pleases you.

Dis is so nice.my sis suffered so much frm her inlaws becos she came from a broken home.d won't even let her live her life.ple from broken homes dnt mk bad homes.thanks judge for this

Paranoia nd insecurity sets it. In ur mind u begin to assume tins thinking wat happened to ur parents is about to re occur

Each individual has a right to make decisions. If my parents felt that parting ways was best ,good for them. If they chose to stay togeda good for dem

It's like hating a child for being ss or albino or black or blue,green,white,black or anything he or she was not a factor in deciding.

I love a happy home and its up to ME and my PARTNER , not our parent's past experience, to create that.

Firmjudge:


lol thanks anyway replied you.. check

thanks for the help on the other thread. i really appreciate the advice.