Venom104:


Do you have a monster in law of your own? You don't have to agree with me anyway.. Just sharing my own opinion

Lol..
I don't and won't have.
The grace of God upon me will overcome that monster in her

DollyParton1:

Did u miss the part where they came back from the honeymoon and met the MIL cooking up storm.
Someone who is that that sick to the extent of recalling people home from honeymoon should not be at home but in the hospital, but if they are at home, they should be in bed.
It is called being considerate. Normal parents don't bug their children on honeymoon if they are sick. They look for someone else to take care of them.

And when there isnt anyone else to take care of them, what do normal parents then do? They would rather die as you said in your first post right?

When Nigerians start dey do honeymoon sef.. i am not absolving the MIL of blame, but when did honeymooning become so important that a son cant decide to call it off just to check on his own mother.

Venom104:


And when there isnt anyone else to take care of them, what do normal parents then do? They would rather die as you said in your first post right?

When Nigerians start dey do honeymoon sef.. i am not absolving the MIL of blame, but when did honeymooning become so important that a son cant decide to call it off just to check on his own mother.

What I meant by they would rather die in my first post is that calling those new couple would have been the last resort they come to. Not the first thing they do.

How is that possible that she has no one else to take care of her?

Ok, fine, let's assume she doesn't have anyone else to take care of her, and they came home to take care of her only to find her cooking away, and then she later packed her stuff that night and went to her house.

That sounds like someone sick enough to call people home from honeymoon?

And you just have to bring culture in here? Common sense is that those people just got married, and yea, they deserve some beautiful alone time. Every one knows that if you are calling people off their honeymoon, it better be worth it and in this case, it doesn't.

zaynie:
Before you judge and castigate, listen to both sides of the story.
I live with my MiL and many times I have wronged her and so has she too. Sometimes when she tells me my offence( most times she doesnt, she just gives me bad eye) I will be so surprised cos I may not even be aware of it as being offensive. I apologise when necessary and I give my reasons for my actions when necessary.
How are we sure that you are not the one to blame? Afterall all we hear is your side of the story.

And this MIL went ahead to report to her son instead of sorting It out with the DIL.

H

its quite ironic that when women are still young and are newly married they tend to hate the concept of mother-in-law but after 15 to 20 years of marraige they start surpporting the mother in law ways,pleading with the younger generation to show love and care because they know they will soon be the said mother in law....mtcheeew

ambient:
its quite ironic that when women are still young and are newly married they tend to hate the concept of mother-in-law but after 15 to 20 years of marraige they start surpporting the mother in law ways,pleading with the younger generation to show love and care because they know they will soon be the said mother in law....mtcheeew

Nobody hates the concept. But nobody can love a wicked mil that's always trying to ruin her daughter in laws marriage. And always trying to be a very difficult bum.

There are nice mother in laws over here. They don't cause stress like the wicked ones and everybody loves them. Try letting your wife's mother rule you the way your mother rules your wife. I'm sure in less than three months you will threaten her to leave and stay with her mom or come back to her senses and give the woman a barrier. You always want a woman to swallow what you yourself can't take.

DollyParton1:

.

Lol..Dolly, Lets just agree to disagree.. This back and forth could drag on for a while.

Until MILs on Nairaland open their own thread.. MY EVIL DIL(later changed to my 'kind of' DIL), maybe then, perceptions would change.

Funny that its always the DILs complaining.. are there no MILs on Nairaland?

Venom104:


Lol..Dolly, Lets just agree to disagree.. This back and forth could drag on for a while.

Until MILs on Nairaland open their own thread.. MY EVIL DIL(later changed to my 'kind of' DIL), maybe then, perceptions would change.

Fair enough

99.9% of MILs in Nigeria are selfish, domineering, and have this 'my son and my son's house, money, etc mentality' forgetting that the woman came from a family too and equally has a mother. If the girls mum should as much as interfere with her daughter's home all hell will break loose, but when its the mans mum, its OK and you are expected to take and swallow every rubbish pill forced down your throat.
Its best to have a cordial relationship with her, respect her, be available only when necessary, stop every form of unnecessary familiarity. I have to strongly disagree with those saying treat her like your own mother, I will rather you treat her like the mil that she is, cos the things your mum will accept and tolerate from you, I bet if you try them with her you are in for a long ish. Yes.
You guys are newly married , so don't expect her to start loving/liking you immediately, it will take years for both of you to come to that level of relationship.
Be patient, accommodating, see less and ignore more of her faults. Finally stop complaining to hubby about his mum, they don't like it, it will only convince him more that you don't like his mum, and even if you don't girl, don't show or tell your hubby. How would you feel if he continually complain about your mum or even tell you that he dislikes her
Above all be patient, prayerful and loving, she will come around.
Meanwhile enjoy your marriage!

I am so sorry , I feel your pain.I'm not Nigerian but I married to a Nigerian man.Because of my in laws my husband and I almost got divorce.

I started to see her real face , my mother in law lied about anything, she is very dramatic and user .She wanted to bring her daughter and her grand kid to stay with us .Once her daughter came to live with us they were like 2 troubles in my life,take over everything.I prayed God very strong. finally my husband's eyes are open he saw how mean the women in his family were,he said never again.I am hurt I don't even want to hear from them, I asked God everyday to give me strength to forgive them.

Well, could not resist but add my own experience.

While i have read lots of stories about bad MIL and seen a few. I have no such experience. I wont lay blame on we the wives as being cause or over-reactionary to some of the things MIL do but my experience has been wonderful.

While courting my hubby, my MIL was very supportive and anytime i visit, would hv me with her in the kitchen teasing me about how hubby was growing up. Fast forward to after marriage, my first pregnancy was a lil on the "trouble" side and after 3 months, my DH was already worn out. He comes back late and start a vigil over me as i as in and out of illness. Well, to cut story short, i moved to my in-laws place and my MIL (God bless her and her household) was all over me. Would fry just a piece of bean cake or make just one wrap of moi-moi or grate and make about 3 scoops of ikokore (my ijebu folks would understand) . . .all to satisfy my un-ending cravings.

What i would just advise any married or single lady out there is that - show your MIL the same love you will to your mother. I seat my MIL down to ask about her health. . . .supply her monthly supplements as i do for my aged parents as well. I call her often and take the kids visiting. I go visiting without DH most times. It helps break the ice and seek her advise more often on kids and so on. . . .they appreciate and feel happy when you seek their experience.

I have a son and a daughter and would love to be close to them and their family when they reach that stage so. . . .just as i am bonding with my MIL now, so i pray to bond with my future daughter-in-law.

Except where right before marriage you were not wanted, i see no reason why with determined effort, you should not be able to build a family with your in-laws.

For my father-in-law i should not even start. . . .God bless him for me!

Mothers and their Son. . . . .its a well told story about the bond they share.

To the OP, i think first thing is getting DH to trust that you love his mum and ur actions towards her are true and pure. Try to understand what is at stake why ur MIL is actig as she is doing. From a friend's experience it could be attention, finance, health. My friend's mum was used to seeing her son almost every weekend. . .as in at least twice in a month and she is not in lagos ooo though comes around once a while.

Friend's DH is last born, other siblings are out of country with one in Abuja. mama's favourite. Friend noticed MIL started acting funny and cold last time she was around. Complained to her hubby who dismissed it as she being too sensitive. Not long after she heard her hubby talking with an elder cousin aunt over phone. . .his mum reported him that she doesnt see his face anymore since he married

Sharperly, she arranged weekend getaway to ibadan for all to stay with MIL. Now she plans her hubby's calendar, he must go to ibadan at least one weekend in the month. She had to understand that he was all the old woman had left close to her. 5 kids with 3 elder ones outside and one in abuja, he played the role of all 5 kids to mum before he was married (father is late). Though he cant make it as frequent as before but they managed it well and there is peace.

We may need to just objectively review all and see where concessions need to be made. as i believe, we will get there and also want that affection at whatever age.

I wish us all well and spirit of love visit all wives and MIL to co-exist.