Miami11:
Sorry you are facing tough times, remember no condition is permanent, God will see you through

As for your wife, she is probably as frustrated with the situation as you are, I bet it's not easy for her to depend on her parents too,

Just be patient and understanding with her too, you both need to sit down and communicate all this issues,

Cutehector:
Please ur inputs r needed.. Let's help a friend..

MizMyColi:
Your lack of a job has so eaten into your ego (which btw, is a false sense of self). It has caused you to feel inadequate and really unhappy. This in turn has led you to project your insecurities and fears to the people around you. You are pained. The pain you feel is a negative energy/vibe which as a matter of universal laws will only cause you to receive more pain and more negative energy.

Stop whinning.
Cleanse yourself.
Live in this moment. Stop being a victim of memories and anticipation.
Even without a job and a seeming unsupportive wife, you can be joyful.
Learn to make peace with things that you can't change.

There is a being inside you, a consciousness, which is responsible for making sure that you are always at peace even in the direst of circumstances, please connect to it/him.

Do you remember these portions of scripture?
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.


My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations;

You will observe that in these scriptures, apostle Paul and his team chose joy despite their travails.
They had an understanding that what is in them is greater.


Why have I painstakingly outlined these?

You need to stop projecting and expecting your happiness from others. Let it come from you first. Let it come from within. Your wife might be having her own challenges too, and frustrations. Quit the blame game.

And please quash the idea of finding yourself another lady, that is a hasty and brash thought/decision. Every marriage has their trying times. This is one of more to come.

I believe in your ability to rise above it all
Let that which is within change that which is without.

crackhaus:

While all of this seems encouraging and long as usual, I fear you have failed to address a very important issue regarding women like the one in the OP.

MizMyColi, how about you also type something lengthy and title it 'Sisters, Go Deeper'...
It seems a perfect situation here to counter that other thread of yours and level the playing field.

MizMyColi:


I am not the writer of that piece.
The owner of that blog sincerely requested that I share with Nairalanders.
I do not write except I'm inspired to.
If I did otherwise, my blog'd be filled with beautiful nonsense.


This is not a time to apportion blames.

What I have done on this thread is to surgically cut through to the root of the matter...and address him/his need at this moment.

If the wife posted this, I would have my words for her too. Different strokes for different folks.

MizMyColi:
Your lack of a job has so eaten into your ego (which btw, is a false sense of self). It has caused you to feel inadequate and really unhappy. This in turn has led you to project your insecurities and fears to the people around you. You are pained. The pain you feel is a negative energy/vibe which as a matter of universal laws will only cause you to receive more pain and more negative energy.

Stop whinning.
Cleanse yourself.
Live in this moment. Stop being a victim of memories and anticipation.
Even without a job and a seeming unsupportive wife, you can be joyful.
Learn to make peace with things that you can't change.

There is a being inside you, a consciousness, which is responsible for making sure that you are always at peace even in the direst of circumstances, please connect to it/him.

Do you remember these portions of scripture?
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.


My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations;

You will observe that in these scriptures, apostle Paul and his team chose joy despite their travails.
They had an understanding that what is in them is greater.


Why have I painstakingly outlined these?

You need to stop projecting and expecting your happiness from others. Let it come from you first. Let it come from within. Your wife might be having her own challenges too, and frustrations. Quit the blame game.

And please quash the idea of finding yourself another lady, that is a hasty and brash thought/decision. Every marriage has their trying times. This is one of more to come.

I believe in your ability to rise above it all
Let that which is within change that which is without.

MizMyColi:
Your lack of a job has so eaten into your ego (which btw, is a false sense of self). It has caused you to feel inadequate and really unhappy. This in turn has led you to project your insecurities and fears to the people around you. You are pained. The pain you feel is a negative energy/vibe which as a matter of universal laws will only cause you to receive more pain and more negative energy.

Stop whinning.
Cleanse yourself.
Live in this moment. Stop being a victim of memories and anticipation.
Even without a job and a seeming unsupportive wife, you can be joyful.
Learn to make peace with things that you can't change.

There is a being inside you, a consciousness, which is responsible for making sure that you are always at peace even in the direst of circumstances, please connect to it/him.

Do you remember these portions of scripture?
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.


My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations;

You will observe that in these scriptures, apostle Paul and his team chose joy despite their travails.
They had an understanding that what is in them is greater.


Why have I painstakingly outlined these?

You need to stop projecting and expecting your happiness from others. Let it come from you first. Let it come from within. Your wife might be having her own challenges too, and frustrations. Quit the blame game.

And please quash the idea of finding yourself another lady, that is a hasty and brash thought/decision. Every marriage has their trying times. This is one of more to come.

I believe in your ability to rise above it all
Let that which is within change that which is without.

Tallesty1:
His Story:



I lost my job (after putting in 7 years) about 11 months ago. The management decided to lay off some staff-with little compensation. Unfortunately, I was affected…the financial compensation is not much and one has been careful not to run out of cash before another job comes.

What is stressing me out is the attitude of my father in-law in all these. When things became challenging (economically) for us, my wife took our only baby (8 months old) to her parents’ house.

She’s been living there, the few times I made it clear that I want them back home with me, my father in-law said I should focus on finding my feet first and leave my wife and child where they are –for now.

I am very bitter about things right now. It’s not as if things are very bad for us, we still get by. Just that I made it clear to my woman that we have to cut down on all our expenses, so as to be able to manage the little money on me…as I intensify efforts to find my feet again.

My father in-law is making me run my home from his house. Right now, I really am considering going for another lady, so that he can marry his daughter. But I want to be advised first.

Imagine a wife that doesn’t call me on the phone and even when I call, she would refuse to pick the call.
When I go there to see my baby (a girl)…she gives me attitude.

It is even beyond her to ask how I am faring or even ask after my mother that has been battling ill health for months.

Should one’s partner not stand by him during trying times? I am not a lazy man and I have been making efforts to find my feet since I lost my job but I also deserve to find happiness in the woman I call my wife.

I am 36 years old, my wife (unemployed) is 28’’

Please what should I do?

crackhaus:

While all of this seems encouraging and long as usual, I fear you have failed to address a very important issue regarding women like the one in the OP.

MizMyColi, how about you also type something lengthy and title it 'Sisters, Go Deeper'...
It seems a perfect situation here to counter that other thread of yours and level the playing field.

Vikky014:
hmmmmmm

this one is strong ooo. well the man shld advice the wife to learn skills that will enable her support her family nah. hw can a 28 yrs old lady be a house wife in this time and age

lastly the man shld nt go and get another lady he shld divorce her first. also he should try his best and get another job

chalantmike:
she is only trying to pressure him, how ever wrong. Put yhurself in her shoes married, with child, living in your fathers house. At this point we dont know what shes doing, maybe hustling, learning a trade.
Their marriage obviously has communication barriers, add that to the distance, things are bond to change.

Two wrongs can not make a right, neither does two right make a wrong. A woman should be able to scold yhu in her own way yet encourage yhu.
COMMUNICATION IS THE PROBLEM OF HIS MARRIAGE NOT HIS WIFE ATTITUDE.

freecocoa:
OP I don't want to say your friend married the wrong woman but that's all that comes to mind.

Why is she staying at her parents? Is her hubby squatting with friends now or what?

I lost my job (after putting in 7 years) about 11 months ago. The management decided to lay off some staff-with little compensation. Unfortunately, I was affected…the financial compensation is not much and one has been careful not to run out of cash before another job comes.
What is stressing me out is the attitude of my father in-law in all these. When things became challenging (economically) for us, my wife took our only baby (8 months old) to her parents’ house.
She’s been living there, the few times I made it clear that I want them back home with me, my father in-law said I should focus on finding my feet first and leave my wife and child where they are –for now.

edwife:


I am trying to understand what happening here....

It seems many are bent on blaming the man rather than addressing the real "problem".

He said he

edwife:


I am trying to understand what happening here....

It seems many are bent on blaming the man rather than addressing the real "problem".

He said he

chalantmike:
the action of his wife right now, is kinda irrelevant his kid and securing a job is what should occupy his mind, right now.

Yea it pains to be alone in trouble i feel the op has never truly been independent especially emotional, which as nature would have it, defines a man. HIS DEFINITION OF HAPPINESS SUMOUNT WHAT WHATS GOING ON AROUND HIM, HIS JOB, HIS WIFE. notice his thinking of finding a new wife, that need to feel complete, that dependcy he has, and feel of inadequacy he gets when no one is cheering.

As a man, IF MY WIFE IGNORES ME IN MY HOUSE, I IGNORE YHU TOO, WHEN I BORED. I SEND YOU TO YHUR FATHERS HOUSE *THATS JUST ME*

HE SECRETLY TRY TO PUSH BLAME ON OTHERS, HIS WIFE ESPECIALLY BY POINTING OUT SHE IS UNEMPLOYED.

IF ANYTHING THE FATHER INLAW IS HELPING HIM OUT, BY TAKING HIS BURDEN AWAY FOR THE TIME BEEN. SO HE CAN CONCENTRATE BUT HE OBVIOUSLY SEES IT AS BAD.

IF I WERE HIM, I WILL BUY KOLANUT EVEN IF IT 20NAIRA,OFFER TO THE FATHER INLAW, BEG FORGIVENESS AND ADVISE. AND ASK FOR HIS PRAYERS AND ENDURANCE.

freecocoa:
My sister the thing come confuse me o, I don't understand why people don't seem to find the woman's attitude horrible, some people even said he should quit whinning, like wtf?

Sensible/responsible women who find themselves in this kind of situation, become the man's pillar, supporting and pushing him till things pick up, it's not even as if the guy is lazy, just 11 months and she's left him, I don't even want to talk about her father make e no be like say I dey insult the man but what do you expect from such a family? She's not even ashamed to be jobless in a time like this, if this guy na my brother, hmmm! Let me just keep quiet sha.

Tallesty1:
Thanks.
I have seen some comments that I would quickly reply/question on a normal day but the case here is quiet different.
Some even made it sound like the guy is broke. He is not broke, a compensation was given to him, though not enough but it is manageable.
The only thing he asked his wife to do was to cut her spending so they don't go broke before he gets another job. Is that a bad thing?
I am glad you understood the situation here........
Thanks once again.