njuwo:
My dad was in one church last sunday. After the preaching, the pastor announced, "If you are worshipping with us for the first time in this church you are welcome, please stand up cause you are so special to us.'' My dad stood up. The pastor added, ''The whole church will like to know your name." My dad said, ''My name is Alexander Akpe but you can just call me Alex. The congregation clapped. The pastor yelled, ''Praise thy Lord!''. The congregation answered, ''Halleluyah!. The pastor said to my dad, ''Mr Alex, do you have any prayer request you want the church to pray for you?''. ''Yes sir!'', My dad replied, ''The church should help me pray that God should promote my carpenter business in this church more than how he promoted it in my former church.'' The congregation shouted, ''Aaaaammmmmeeeeeeennnnn!''. The pastor said, ''Church, I want you to use the whole of your strength to pray for Brother Alex's carpenter business. Pray that God should promote his business in this church.'' The pastor started speaking in tongues, ''Mara bosha ri bi!''. Thus, says the Lord, listen, your business shall sell in this church more than where you are coming from a million times.'' The congregation shouted, ''Aaammeeeeeennnn!!!''. The pastor said, ''Mr Alex, open your eyes, your prayer has been answered! You left your former church because the business was not selling very well, abi?''. ''Yes Pastor! Like I said before, I am a carpenter and I deal on coffin selling. Initially, my business was selling fine in my former church because they were patronising me. As the number of death kept increasing in the church, my business was growing because they were buying all the coffins from me. But after some time, there was a deliverance service in the church and members stopped dying. It really affected my business. That was why I had to leave the church to search for greener pasture here. The congregation screamed in surprise, ''Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!''. The pastor screamed, ''Mr Alex, it will not work for you here! You are not welcome here. I bind you, I rebuke you. Get out of our church!.''