My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me - Family (6)

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My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me - Family (6) - Nairaland

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Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Slimborne: 5:45am On Oct 20, 2015

The truth about couple n sex is that there's more to love making than just husband n wife responsibility, its a combination of who you are as a wife to your husband to how he feels when he is with you as in sex, over the years you may have boring him on bed until gradually he lost interest in making seriously love with you. from your report you've been together for five years n he wasn't always that way, go research on how best to keep his libido active even at mere sight of you.
He may not be cheating on you yet but step up your game before you get more headaches that the starvation, NB take love making to your husband as a serious matter not just something like an entitlement, drive him nut with it, device ways to always get him bouncing n singing loud in d shower d next morning, if you are heavy shed some weight, believe less in your beauty n be more practical on his sexual needs, approach him questions like what's your best posts n what he actually feels like when he is with you on bed, beware he will not want to offend you by telling you the truth, so push until you get the true state of his mind, then work hard to surpass his demands, study to show thyself approved,
you have two options handle it now or you wait for long term cheating complains secondary to excuses like I'VE TRIED MY BEST.

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by wuchibells(m): 5:46am On Oct 20, 2015

Hi55:
Hello nairalanders, I just wish I'll get a shoulder or two to cry on tonight. Things are becoming unbearable for me and I don't know how far I can walk on these shoes. Here's my story...

I am 28 and married to a 35yr old youngman whom I love so dearly. We are blessed with 2 kids and most material things one can pray for. My marriage is 5yrs with just minor issues that do come up once in a VERY LONG while.

The problem is that my hubby does not show me affection and hardly approaches me for sex. I am a very neat, beautiful, Godfearing, educated and classy lady. Most times I am the one who initiates intimacy in our marriage. My heart breaks each time I read or hear of women who deny their husbands sex because its an opposite in my case. For more than two months now we've not been intimate. To make matters worse, he prefers to sleep in the sitting room or children's room than in our matrimonial room.

He always pretends to be tired but not too tired to be chatting on whatsapp with friends. I have his password, that is not an issue. I am not suspecting anything even though I'm not totally ruling out the possibility of adultery. He comes back very late in the night unlike before. Infact even when he comes early these days, he will rather stay with friends within the street or house than come inside. Believe me nairalanders, we don't have issues. Infact he keeps saying that God blessed him with a wonderful woman. It's not like I make the house uncomfortable for him. The only communication we have these days is greetings, asking how the day went or few general topics.

I am not a woman who can't do without sex but I just need to be shown affection even if sex is not there. Committing adultery on my own part is IMPOSSIBLE, i will rather opt for divorce. I am so confused, lonely and heartbroken. I love my husband beyond the word LOVE. I just wish he can see the tears in my eyes as I lay lonely on our bed each night. I am very fragile by nature and gets hurt easily. Believe me...this is killing me.

Please, people drop a word or two for a hurting soul.

hello young woman,I would advise u wake up in the middle of the night go to the couch where he sleeps and join him,if he asks u what ur doing,pour out ur mind to him and tell him even if he wants to start slepping in the toilet or kitchen that u will join him,I think that will send a message to him dat u really need him.

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by bayinq25(m): 5:47am On Oct 20, 2015

KanwuliaJara:

I dun understand why people get married to PEOPLE incapable of LOVING demselves, not to mention others?
To AFRICANS especially?

What a relief! Back to work tomorrow.

I feel there's no love lost or found here.Many Nigerian girls see material things as a yardstick for marriage they put money ahead of all other qualities,they're impatient they're too lazy to build and then when they end up in a divorce,they say all men are the same!Naija girls can't think straight anymore coz of a bad economy like ours..the biggest losers in divorces are women...so despise not little beginnings...build your kinda man before ya marry oo ...also applicable to guys too

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by repogirl(f): 5:56am On Oct 20, 2015

You have two options,

A. Talk to him about it... Tell him all what you have said in your post.

Or

B. Get used to it.

I would advised you to try A, and if it doesn't work, its B for you....

A man that hasn't had sex in two months most likely has a side act somewhere else....just saying.

Also, how is sex between you two sef? Good? Mediocre? Bad? Analize those questions.

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Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by abdulrazat(m): 6:01am On Oct 20, 2015

Your Husband is gay. He only married you to make babies.

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by GenniePearl(f): 6:05am On Oct 20, 2015

KanwuliaJara:
Hmmmmm

Onoda wan don come o!
All these women wey dey look for love and affection from Naija men na waya o!

Una nefa learn to marry to get MARRIAGE SAFITIKATE and BORN ONLY?

Una mamas nor teasssssh una to loff una sefs?

You are "blessed" with 2 kids and you are on NL to cry for blokos?

Liar!!!!!
Ask any woman TRULY BLESSED WITH JUST ONE KID! Her attention done SHIFT tey tey to her darling pikin! E come be TWO KIDS?
Where da PHOCK do YOU find the time?
SHAMELESS, JOBLESS WOMAN!

Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!

Song of the day!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0te6iD1jCjM

[color=#006600][/color]

What is dis wan saying?

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by rman: 6:08am On Oct 20, 2015

Kachisbarbie:
Has he been like this? (Yes) alright then...
Well, decline in libido after kids is very normal. It doesn't always mean anyone is cheating or not well kept_ it just happens.
He could also be having issues at work, extended family...etc. Make him confide in you. Have some couple day out, lunch/dinners. It rekindles connection.

For the sex: Take the bull by the horn. Take a shower, put kiddies to bed and spray a nice cologne. You may have to change formation, we all get bored with man ontop- woman under shii. Maybe he hasn't been sexed in a way that resets his brain.

Learn to play with his D like it's a toy, that would start sending messages across first. Then, sit on him sweerie, that's after making sure you have gotten his 'maximum/minimum' attention. Make the D slide in, then ride him till he forgets his state of origin.
If the D is that type that is like a hilux's stick shift, please su :Dpport yourself by the knees.

OR: if he is ontop, try to wiggle_ like you're belly dancing hah?
Touch him, run fingers down his spine and nibble on his ears. Enjoy that shii... even if he doesn't want to.

Above all, talk to him. Communication in marriage is 2way, teach him to enjoy sex and companionship, be patient with him. If he has to sleep in the bath tub, make him realise you would sleep there too.

na the real marriage counsellor be this ooo.

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by femi4: 6:16am On Oct 20, 2015

Artistree:
This story is a replica of a couple I know...Well, their marriage is 4 years old, she is 28 and the guy is 36, they have two kids and are materially ok too. She is neat, independent, pretty, educated and all, but the husband wouldn't touch her for any reason.
I wonder if it's the same couple but the guy I know in real life doesn't have friends on his street that he hangs out with and yes, he never touches his wife until he wants them to have a baby. He says he tries to love his wife but simply can't, even though she is the best thing to have happened to him. They don't quarrel and she is very obedient but they live as siblings and the wife tells him dat quite often.
At some point I was thinking it's because she made the move on him and all that, but seriously the lady doesn't deserve the kind of treatment her husband gives her.
I know both of them personally before they got married but the guy is more of my friend than the lady...wat a coincidence of story!

It is called boredom. It happens in marriages after about 4-5 yrs. They just need to spice things up together again.

E.g
Go to Cinema together
Buying gifts for each other
Photo shoot
Romantic text messages/ letters
Unusual dinners and many more....

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Artistree: 6:19am On Oct 20, 2015

sabi99:
the guy is more of ur friend than d lady(d wife), sometn is fishy.....so u r a marriage watchnight.....u av been watching their marriage.....see marriage is 4 better 4 worse leave them to carry their own cross cos u av got ur own problems to tackle

Na you know wetin you dey think...I know how they started cos we were all colleagues in the same office and the guy was my direct line supervisor, who tells me everything. I have NEVER interfered in their marital issues rather I try to ask him what exactly the lady does that upsets him and makes him stay away from her, he says she's perfect but he just can't love her as he should.
She is financially independent of him and I can tell you, she is extremely obedient to him. He doesn't respect her at all and would deliberately stay out late when he closes from work. I told him that if he knew he would treat the lady this poorly, he shouldn't have married her cos he gets his kicks outside and the poor woman can't do anything silly...I feel for her cos she doesn't deserve the cold treatment.

1 Like

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Nobody: 6:24am On Oct 20, 2015

I got married about almost 8 years ago but my husband and I feel like we just met last night.

The moral of my story...He loved me like a 1000% more than I did, but mine was like 65%.

After child birth sometimes even before; men have a tendency to reduce their fondness.

The secret is make sure he is crazy crazy over you and wants to discover more of you as you grow older.

The one true word,hope you did not exhaust your sex cheques while dating as this could be a deterrent to his wanting you more

Do not forget. If he gets it outside then you probably haven't been innovative about the whole love making concept.

Last word: Give him a well made meal, take a lovely shower together, give him a massage whole sitting on the couch and wear very light clothes, possibly just tease him with several Bj's without necessarily letting him in.

Send me an in mail.

My little 5k.

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by sambisa5: 6:31am On Oct 20, 2015

Hi55:
Hello nairalanders, I just wish I'll get a shoulder or two to cry on tonight. Things are becoming unbearable for me and I don't know how far I can walk on these shoes. Here's my story...

I am 28 and married to a 35yr old youngman whom I love so dearly. We are blessed with 2 kids and most material things one can pray for. My marriage is 5yrs with just minor issues that do come up once in a VERY LONG while.

The problem is that my hubby does not show me affection and hardly approaches me for sex. I am a very neat, beautiful, Godfearing, educated and classy lady. Most times I am the one who initiates intimacy in our marriage. My heart breaks each time I read or hear of women who deny their husbands sex because its an opposite in my case. For more than two months now we've not been intimate. To make matters worse, he prefers to sleep in the sitting room or children's room than in our matrimonial room.

He always pretends to be tired but not too tired to be chatting on whatsapp with friends. I have his password, that is not an issue. I am not suspecting anything even though I'm not totally ruling out the possibility of adultery. He comes back very late in the night unlike before. Infact even when he comes early these days, he will rather stay with friends within the street or house than come inside. Believe me nairalanders, we don't have issues. Infact he keeps saying that God blessed him with a wonderful woman. It's not like I make the house uncomfortable for him. The only communication we have these days is greetings, asking how the day went or few general topics.

I am not a woman who can't do without sex but I just need to be shown affection even if sex is not there. Committing adultery on my own part is IMPOSSIBLE, i will rather opt for divorce. I am so confused, lonely and heartbroken. I love my husband beyond the word LOVE. I just wish he can see the tears in my eyes as I lay lonely on our bed each night. I am very fragile by nature and gets hurt easily. Believe me...this is killing me.

Please, people drop a word or two for a hurting soul.

are you aware of his recent HIV status,,,,,,,confirm first before panicking about no sex for more than 2 months,,,,

he may be protecting you from what you don't know

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by cnsprince76: 6:34am On Oct 20, 2015

Have a talk with him; let him understand how you feel. I pray God will see you through.

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Artistree: 6:38am On Oct 20, 2015

femi4:
It is called boredom. It happens in marriages after about 4-5 yrs. They just need to spice things up together again.

E.g
Go to Cinema together
Buying gifts for each other
Photo shoot
Romantic text messages/ letters
Unusual dinners and many more....

The love has been missing from the outset, will the lady force dem to go out together? Well, I blame the girl too, she made the move on the guy and no sooner had dey started dating than she told her mum she has found a suitor. Her mum called the guy and says "my daughter told me about you, so wen are we seeing you"? The guy was surprised but didn't want to look bad before the lady's mum, honoured d invite and dat was how introduction and marriage took place.
Can you then say the guy loved her before they got married and that love simply disappeared, NO!

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by ogawisdom(m): 6:41am On Oct 20, 2015

Hi55:
Hello nairalanders, I just wish I'll get a shoulder or two to cry on tonight. Things are becoming unbearable for me and I don't know how far I can walk on these shoes. Here's my story...

I am 28 and married to a 35yr old youngman whom I love so dearly. We are blessed with 2 kids and most material things one can pray for. My marriage is 5yrs with just minor issues that do come up once in a VERY LONG while.

The problem is that my hubby does not show me affection and hardly approaches me for sex. I am a very neat, beautiful, Godfearing, educated and classy lady. Most times I am the one who initiates intimacy in our marriage. My heart breaks each time I read or hear of women who deny their husbands sex because its an opposite in my case. For more than two months now we've not been intimate. To make matters worse, he prefers to sleep in the sitting room or children's room than in our matrimonial room.

He always pretends to be tired but not too tired to be chatting on whatsapp with friends. I have his password, that is not an issue. I am not suspecting anything even though I'm not totally ruling out the possibility of adultery. He comes back very late in the night unlike before. Infact even when he comes early these days, he will rather stay with friends within the street or house than come inside. Believe me nairalanders, we don't have issues. Infact he keeps saying that God blessed him with a wonderful woman. It's not like I make the house uncomfortable for him. The only communication we have these days is greetings, asking how the day went or few general topics.

I am not a woman who can't do without sex but I just need to be shown affection even if sex is not there. Committing adultery on my own part is IMPOSSIBLE, i will rather opt for divorce. I am so confused, lonely and heartbroken. I love my husband beyond the word LOVE. I just wish he can see the tears in my eyes as I lay lonely on our bed each night. I am very fragile by nature and gets hurt easily. Believe me...this is killing me.

Please, people drop a word or two for a hurting soul.

After five years of marriage most couples are nw room mates get used to it.
Learn to go for him if u need him ie sex wise n stop complaining. Show him affection if u need one.

Hitting one punny for five years is nt easy for any man, he loves u dearly believe me he does but d excitement is gone. Sex after five years is like work nw n routine, ask him wen u need it, its ur right in marriage

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by sweatlana: 6:45am On Oct 20, 2015

KanwuliaJara:
Hmmmmm

Onoda wan don come o!
All these women wey dey look for love and affection from Naija men na waya o!

Una nefa learn to marry to get MARRIAGE SAFITIKATE and BORN ONLY?

Una mamas nor teasssssh una to loff una sefs?

You are "blessed" with 2 kids and you are on NL to cry for blokos?

Liar!!!!!
Ask any woman TRULY BLESSED WITH JUST ONE KID! Her attention done SHIFT tey tey to her darling pikin! E come be TWO KIDS?
Where da PHOCK do YOU find the time?
SHAMELESS, JOBLESS WOMAN!

Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!

Song of the day!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0te6iD1jCjM

Must u insult?
By the way I have FIVE KIDS! and my husband and I still have time for each other! And yes he is Nigerian.

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Emilord(m): 6:53am On Oct 20, 2015

ojun50:
Wake ur man up around 1am nd discuss the issue with him after discussion leave the room then wait for another one hour u will see him coming to beg.

Op make yr discussion emotional

op this is the best advice. This is a wise one

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by sweatlana: 6:54am On Oct 20, 2015

My dear sister my advice is this:

First of all identify the problem, if your husband is only troubled about something work business etc.. he won't need chatting. There is most likely another woman

Solution : do u work or have a business? Plunge your self into what u do and ignore him. There is nothing that make a man miss his wife than an overdose of his mistress! Don't go to him for anything. But don't keep malice o. Greet him very well. Let him see that you can be happy without him. If u have girl friends go out with them every once in a while or plunge your self in your church activities. But pls keep your marriage issues to yourself. And most importantly pray and DO NOT CHEAT.

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Rennerglo: 6:56am On Oct 20, 2015

KanwuliaJara:
Hmmmmm

Onoda wan don come o!
All these women wey dey look for love and affection from Naija men na waya o!

Una nefa learn to marry to get MARRIAGE SAFITIKATE and BORN ONLY?

Una mamas nor teasssssh una to loff una sefs?

You are "blessed" with 2 kids and you are on NL to cry for blokos?

Liar!!!!!
Ask any woman TRULY BLESSED WITH JUST ONE KID! Her attention done SHIFT tey tey to her darling pikin! E come be TWO KIDS?
Where da PHOCK do YOU find the time?
SHAMELESS, JOBLESS WOMAN!

Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!

Song of the day!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0te6iD1jCjM

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by klassic(m): 6:58am On Oct 20, 2015

@ Hi55, there is a disconnect and though I will not entirely blame you, but you take a chunk of the blame. When ladies get married, they stop taking care of the little details that mattered when they were courting. They tend to forget those little stuffs as minute as they are were the stuffs that brought out the animalistic (sexual) in their man.
Take a pen and paper write out 50things you did either alone, together or he did alone. Such as wearing sexy, skimpy and seductive dresses when u guys are alone. Send the kids out on weekends or holidays and bring out the fire in him.
How is the sex? Boring? Do you initiate more adventurous ways to please him sexually, like MouthAction, sex in the living room, kitchen, bathroom, balcony for a private apartment etc. Do you guys go to movies together and you dress in a way to make him and other men give u a second look? Dress decently but sexy. Book a dinner on a casual evening and take him out, have someone baby sit your kids cos u ain't coming home that night cos u end up in an hotel room which is a different place from home. Change of environment has a way of impacting positively on your sexual lives.
Furthermore, is he the clubbing type, even if it is once in while and did you guys club when you were dating? If yes, once in a while suggest you go to a club and deal with him like you use to those days. Rock his world even more than you use to those good old days.
Lastly, how well do you know about his job, its your duty to make research on his professional career, so you can advice him when he going thru though times at work. Make adequate research so you can make useful suggestions, this to a large extent takes him off his friends and reduces the pressure on him. Make him see this from a second pespective, make him crave your input and suggestions in his professional life. Create this ideal of " no matter how difficult it is, once I discuss it with my wife we must have answers, and not once I discuss it with my friends"
Lastly go to God in prayer on insight and ideals to build a better home and please him. He might not be cheating on you, but there is lack of adequate communication. For if he ain't taking to you, either he is processing it alone or talking to someone else. You can contact me for more info. My details are on my pros topic. Have a nice day.

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by kosokoadeyemi: 7:01am On Oct 20, 2015

Believe me honestly,this is spiritual matter,stop put yourself in mess,go on ur kneels tell ur creator,definately u will be answer.

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by erumena(m): 7:01am On Oct 20, 2015

thorpido:
Have you really tried to sit him down to discuss this and let him know how you feel?
If a man stays away from sex for two months,he either has a medical issue that has made his libido drop or he is getting it elsewhere.
Some men get bored with sex with their wives especially if she makes it routine(missionary style alone e.t.c).It's no excuse to begin to stay away but the woman should get the initiative and a matured man should communicate it.

By the way,why is he coming back late of recent?Is he busier at work or just hanging out?
You guys need intimate talk.

In addition to all of the above, how are you looking physically? Are you obese with protruding belly? After childbirth you might have added some mass which might be repulsive to him, though that shouldn't be an excuse for your Husband to deny you of affection but some men can be funny.
Above all, take it to God in prayer, you'll be amazed how things will turn around for good.
I wish you the best.

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Mayorjr(m): 7:02am On Oct 20, 2015

abeg go find person whey go dey give u wetin u want untill him head correct again

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by azeezya2007: 7:03am On Oct 20, 2015

After ready your trends yesterday I was moved in the spirit to prayed for you.

I have prayed for you as led by the spirit of God, and God said I should tell you that the heart of your husband have been turned towards you again his love even a srong love that is more than the first love In Jesus Name I prayed Amen. But remember to Come and share the testimony as God grant your desire [left][/left]

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Gmekx(m): 7:05am On Oct 20, 2015

Jollyjoy:
Jjesus christ of nazareth

You sef sha, wetin the guy do you?

Help ur fellow woman nau

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Dagoma: 7:05am On Oct 20, 2015

May be ur pu**sy is watery and not sweet. Find a way of sweetening it.... just an opinion!

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by femi4: 7:06am On Oct 20, 2015

Artistree:

The love has been missing from the outset, will the lady force dem to go out together? Well, I blame the girl too, she made the move on the guy and no sooner had dey started dating than she told her mum she has found a suitor. Her mum called the guy and says "my daughter told me about you, so wen are we seeing you"? The guy was surprised but didn't want to look bad before the lady's mum, honoured d invite and dat was how introduction and marriage took place.
Can you then say the guy loved her before they got married and that love simply disappeared, NO!

yea, that's what happen to when you marry out of pity or force yourself on your partner

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by SIRJENTLE: 7:11am On Oct 20, 2015

the thing is that u may think you have not done him bad while u have.
for him to be keeping late @ night, watch your acts.
Do u nag? YOU KNOW MEN OVER HATE IT WITH PASSION.
try to find out what went wrong and talk it out with him.
your husband might not be the complaining or shouting type.so u need to understand his body language.
above all, do not over rule God in ur home. A PRAYERFUL WOMAN IS STRONGER THAN THE MOST POWERFUL AND STRONGEST WOMAN.
patience, faith and dogged determination is the secrete of winners.
so if u want to be a winner in this matter, apply them.

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by flokii: 7:12am On Oct 20, 2015

He ain't feeling your kitty cat any longer...
sad truth..

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by simdam500(m): 7:13am On Oct 20, 2015

You don't have a problem my sister, what I'll suggest is that, the way you got over 187 reply (over 50 Nairaland-er attention) here on Nairaland with your simple word and classic text...

Talk to your husband too in that manner and same context and you will have is 99% attention.

Communication is key

Re: My Husband Denies Me Sex And Affection...its Killing Me by Wapizy(m): 7:14am On Oct 20, 2015

Na God sure pass for these story

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