I have this lady who's illusory know-all nay too clever by half and flawless, rude (e.g., ready to disparage one in public for any act one exhibits which she may assumes incorrect due to her uninformed knowledge on such matter), ungrateful (e.g., that is when your act of kindness/goodwill toward her is below her expectation), manipulative, boisterous, pessimistic and sense of entitlement. On the contrary, I, for one, hold the principle of "accept" not "expect" anything from anyone, so I believe in giving than in receiving.

However, she possesses the following good traits: caring, swing understanding, feels happy when around one physically or otherwise, this is to say she's pleased to have one in her life (could this mean that she is truly in love with one as she has always claimed), knowledgeable above average level.

Sincerely, I am a strong proponent of the school of thought that the word "love" is ambiguous thus can't stand on its own and makes no meaning to me without virtues like humbleness, trustworthiness, simplicity and kindness. This simply means that a lady must possess the latter mentioned virtues before I can fall in love with her. Also, my respect is earned not given, therefore for her to command my respect and loyalty a lady must posses these stated virtues. As for trust, I always give it freely to anyone unmerited, but after several betrayal intentionally, when I sever from such person I don't give second chance - I can be quite tolerant. In the other words, I live on reason not emotion and this informed my adoption of irreligious but spiritual world-view and stance.

Now, my question is: can a man of reserved character, sensitive, diplomatic, elusive, reclusive, humble, tolerance, quiet and kind really put up with this kind of lady till the end of one's life? I am talking about marriage. Before now I used to think that what matters most is the happiness of anyone around me, but of late I have started to realize the need for me to have around me someone who will derive happiness being around me and vise versa.

Am I being selfish? Do I have problem? Am I demanding too much for love?

I need honest and unbiased opinions from sane people. I need both negative and positive critics. Thanks all in advance.

diplomaticbeing, please you're not being diplomatic at all. Pls edit your post and use understandable words. This is not an English language convention.

Are you sure you really want to know people's opinion or..??

ogeoflyf:
Are you sure you really want to know people's opinion or..??

Sis! Explain better. Thanks.

Diplomaticbeing:
I have this lady who's illusory know-all nay too clever by half and flawless, rude (ready to disparage one in public for any act one exhibits which she may assumes incorrect due to her uninformed knowledge on such matter), ungrateful (that is when your act of kindness/goodwill toward her is below her expectation - on the contrary, I for one, I hold the principle of "accept" not "expect" anything from anyone, so I believe in giving than in receiving), manipulative, boisterous, pessimistic and sense of entitlement.

However, she possesses the following good traits: caring, swing understanding, feels happy when around one physically or otherwise, this is to she is pleased to have one in her life (could this mean that she is truly in love with one as she has always claimed), knowledgeable above average level.

Someone with such negative traits isn't worth a life journey with. She will find her like.

Can two walk together except they agree?

Diplomaticbeing:


Sis! Explain better. Thanks.

They are saying you are using too much grammar .give us instances and examples so we can understand better and advise you better

Op,please keep the english on a low key.

bellong:


Someone with such negative traits isn't worth a life journey with. She will find her like.

Can two walk together except they agree?

I appreciate your input. Thanks! And to the others that commented either in half or full, I say thanks to you all,too.

Diplomaticbeing:


Sis! Explain better. Thanks.

I would have, if only I didn't get lost reading this article na

ogeoflyf:


I would have, if only I didn't get lost reading this article na

Oh, perhaps you didn't read through the following sentence "I need honest and unbiased opinions from sane people". Well, now that you have read through the quoted sentence, kindly vamoose because I seek only opinion of sane people.

The most important thing worth looking for in a partner is if he/she has the love and fear of God. Things like caring, showing love and other stuffs are kind of secondary to me.

Marriage determines ones destiny later in life so you have to be careful. The love and the fear of God of your partner comes first.

For a moment i felt i was reading Philosophy textbook


Easy with the grammar

You don't have a problem at all. Guys with women hassles don't go about blowing hot grammar like this.
You've just dissected and disemboweled an embodiment/ epitome of Nigerian female gender having perused the first paragraph. Your demeanour accentuated a heightened level of affection malaise that needs to be communicated to the other party not to faceless worldwide web community.

Manage this advice, i wouldve advised further if THIS POST didn't give brain gay already.

I should be able to learn some few new words here. Seems like an English language class.

Op... Expecting another lengthy big grammar filled post from you.

No advice here to give. The words were just buzzing past my head. sorry!

Diplomaticbeing:
I have this lady who's illusory know-all nay too clever by half and flawless, rude (ready to disparage one in public for any act one exhibits which she may assumes incorrect due to her uninformed knowledge on such matter), ungrateful (that is when your act of kindness/goodwill toward her is below her expectation - on the contrary, I for one, I hold the principle of "accept" not "expect" anything from anyone, so I believe in giving than in receiving), manipulative, boisterous, pessimistic and sense of entitlement.

However, she possesses the following good traits: caring, swing understanding, feels happy when around one physically or otherwise, this is to she is pleased to have one in her life (could this mean that she is truly in love with one as she has always claimed), knowledgeable above average level.

What you focus on becomes dominant, what you ignore becomes dormant.
Are you able to ignore her flaws and focus on the good in her?

Sincerely, I am a strong proponent of the school of thought that the word "love" is ambiguous thus can't stand on it's own and makes no meaning to me without virtues like humbleness, trustworthiness, simplicity and kindness. This simply means that a lady must possess the latter mentioned virtues before I can fall in love with her. Also, my respect is earned not given, therefore for her to command my respect and loyalty a lady must posses these stated virtues. As for trust, I always give it freely to anyone unmerited, but after several betrayal intentionally, when I sever from such person I don't give second chance - I can be quite tolerant. In the other words, I live on reason not emotion and this informed my adoption of irreligious but spiritual world-view and stance.

Reason is important and so are emotions. Every human being is emotional. We all have the need and desire to feel good. Our emotions are our guiding system. If something does not feel right then it is not right.

Now, my question is: can a man of reserved character, sensitive, diplomatic, elusive, reclusive, humble, tolerance, quiet and kind really put up with this kind of lady till the end of one's life? I am talking about marriage. Before now I used to think that what matters most is the happiness of anyone around me, but of late I have started to realize the need for me to have around me someone who will derive happiness being around me and vise versa.

Am I being selfish? Do I have problem? Am I demanding too much for love?

Yes you are selfish and rightly so. Your happiness is as important as anyone else's. You can't make others happy without feeling happy yourself. Continue being selfish in this sense. You must be happy else nobody around you will. You are not demanding too much, you can never demand too much.

I need honest and unbiased opinions from sane people. I need both negative and positive critics. Thanks all in advance.

Here I am.

Mindfulness:


What you focus on becomes dominant, what you ignore becomes dormant.
Are you able to ignore her flaws and focus on the good in her?




Reason is important and so are emotions. Every human being is emotional. We all have the need and desire to feel good. Our emotions are our guiding system. If something does not feel right then it is not right.



Yes you are selfish and rightly so. Your happiness is as important as anyone else's. You can't make others happy without feeling happy yourself. Continue being selfish in this sense. You must be happy else nobody around you will. You are not demanding too much, you can never demand too much.



Here I am.

I owe you some bottles of origin drink. Thanks for your honest opinion.

Diplomaticbeing:


I owe you some bottles of origin drink. Thanks for your honest opinion.

You owe me nothing but I will gladly accept the offer anyway.

I hope you know what to do now. I know that people value reason a lot but if you are unsure of whether to marry her, take your time to get a clear signal and if it feels right, go ahead but if you have doubt, don't. No hurry.

LadyFiona:
You don't have a problem at all. Guys with women hassles don't go about blowing hot grammar like this.
You've just dissected and disemboweled an embodiment/ epitome of Nigerian female gender having perused the first paragraph. Your demeanour accentuated a heightened level of affection malaise that needs to be communicated to the other party not to faceless worldwide web community.

Manage this advice, i wouldve advised further if THIS POST didn't give brain gay already.

Thanks for your time. But I don't understand this statement "brain gay" as you used it in your last paragraph. I'd appreciate it if you can expatiate.

Diplomaticbeing:


Thanks for your time. But I don't understand this statement "brain gay" as you used it in your last paragraph. I'd appreciate it if you can expatiate.

Na bro, I wrote f@g, the damn spambot changed it. Brain f@g....you know wheezing and whistling and sparking of my brain cells just because of your post. Tune down biko.

LadyFiona:
Na bro, I wrote f@g, the damn spambot changed it. Brain f@g....you know wheezing and whistling and sparking of my brain cells just because of your post. Tune down biko.

Now I understand. Your opinions are highly appreciated.

Diplomaticbeing:


Oh, perhaps you didn't read through the following sentence "I need honest and unbiased opinions from sane people". Well, now that you have read through the quoted sentence, kindly vamoose because I seek only opinion of sane people.

*checks the qualities he said he possesses* "a man of reserved character, sensitive, diplomatic, elusive, reclusive, humble, tolerance, quiet and kind".

And they contradict your comment .. are you telling us the truth about yourself, tell me another lie biko

ogeoflyf:



*checks the qualities he said he possesses* "a man of reserved character, sensitive, diplomatic, elusive, reclusive, humble, tolerance, quiet and kind".

And they contradict your comment .. are you telling us the truth about yourself, tell me another lie biko

The truth is that I don't need your validation to substantiate my claims. And I have to assume you know that freewill doesn't permit immorality. All the same, I am sorry for any derogatory word I used against you,obviously I mistake your flattery for sarcasm.

On the flip side, maybe I will redirect my search for a wife toward your family end. Recommend one of your sister to me. Ke ihe ikwuru?

Diplomaticbeing:


The truth is that I don't need your validation to substantiate my claims. And I have to assume you know that freewill doesn't permit immorality. All the same, I am sorry for any derogatory word I used against you,obviously I mistake your flattery for sarcasm.

On the flip side, maybe I will redirect my search for a wife toward your family end. Recommend one your sister to me. Ke ihe ikwuru?

Your sins are forgiven

I don't have a sister..

ogeoflyf:


Your sins are forgiven

I don't have a sister..

I will only agree that you have forgiven me after you assent to my request. I know that you have them plenty sisters. lol!

That's a bucket full of her minus(es) you've got there, i guess she is in a better position to make yours.

When you said she is happy to be in presence of who she likes, are you saying her being happy with people is selective?
Besides trustworthiness, humbleness, kindness, simplicity can be innate or learned; where a person have the opposite of the three, doesnt make them bad a person only that the qualities are quite humane. It is okay for you to have core value expectations of someone you will like but i think you formed your values from who you are, forgetting that the world is not made of only your kind and it hasnt been said that your kind is the recommended best. If you well inform yourself with the truth that your partner can be or is a different person, it will help you not to measure with or force on others your standard.

Do you mean the average girl manipulation/sense of entitlement or its worse? Example.
As for her ungreatfulness and public correction of people, it could be from poor training, does she see it as bad and willing to work on it? If no, leave her for these two deadly traits.

She doesn't look so bad to me you know her flaws you claim to be accepting of them especially as you have zero expectations maybe you can make it work.

I believe she can acquire other virtues you desire in a woman if you can be honest in your communication with her.

I wonder if her impression of you is similar to your impression about her.

GHoJes:
That's a bucket full of her minus(es) you've got there, i guess she is in a better position to make yours.

When you said she is happy to be in presence of who she likes, are you saying her being happy with people is selective?
Besides trustworthiness, humbleness, kindness, simplicity can be innate or learned; where a person have the opposite of the three, doesnt make them bad a person only that the qualities are quite humane. It is okay for you to have core value expectations of someone you will like but i think you formed your values from who you are, forgetting that the world is not made of only your kind and it hasnt been said that your kind is the recommended best. If you well inform yourself with the truth that your partner can be or is a different person, it will help you not to measure with or force on others your standard.

Do you mean the average girl manipulation/sense of entitlement or its worse? Example.
As for her ungreatfulness and public correction of people, it could be from poor training, does she see it as bad and willing to work on it? If no, leave her for these two deadly traits.

Thanks for your valuable inputs. Actually, some days back when I started the topic to tell her the reason for my cold feet towards her, when I first raised the points "our bad attitudes and manners" as the reason for my indifferent towards her in particular and affair in general, she made me to understand that she hadn't flaws and bad manners. However, after I poured out my mind to her, she became remorseful and promised to change for good. But my fear is that since I have told her the traits that will make me love and commit to a lady, she may start to pretend for now to be a changed person, but later on in life after we might have tied the knot should would restart to exhibit these irritating acts.

To your question about being happy, I mean that she feels so happy to have me in her life - citing how she acts when physically around me or when we are on phone. According to her, she loves my personality - her postulation in this regard doesn't move me much because many people do find my personality pleasing ... excuse me if I sounded immodest here but I stated this to make clear my point for your understanding. So, I for one, I am equally trying to find reason to love her own personality too, because as it stands now I don't have a special affection for her. I don't have any emotional connection with her due to her attitude. All these facts I have made them clear to her because I don't know how to pretend and I hate to take advantage of people intentionally, thus the reason why I always strive to tell her my feelings and thoughts towards her behavior at any given time.

About her "manipulation/sense of entitlement", well, to her credit her level of manipulation is not that worse than an average lady out there and this is so because many a times before she came up with her antics, I would use my diplomatic prowess to dissect her and she would mellow down and we would just laugh it off.

Meanwhile, in respect to "her ungratefulness and public correction of people", well, after that my one-on-one talk with her some days back, she showed remorse and promised me that she would change for good and she pleaded that I should start doing her favor of correcting her whenever she makes such mistakes.

In summary, she's ready to learn according to her and from my observation too. But my fears remain, how am I sure that she won't start pretense for now to restart them afterward. The truth is that I just wish to settle down as soon as possible and she too wishes to. By the way, I am not a saint, I know that my sensitive and reserved nature sometimes makes it hard for someone around me to have it easy, especially anyone that has intentions to take advantage of me. Maybe I will have to loosen up and start acting like a mugu.

andromida:
She doesn't look so bad to me you know her flaws you claim to be accepting of them especially as you have zero expectations maybe you can make it work.

I believe she can acquire other virtues you desire in a woman if you can be honest in your communication with her.

I wonder if her impression of you is similar to your impression about her.

Hmm! She's not a bad person per se, if she was I wouldn't have had the patience to keep up close contact with her in the first instance. I like her but I am yet to find reason to love her or commit to her. My major concern is the fact that I am seriously considering to make her a life companion, thus my need to properly evaluate her as a person. I sees a marriage and child rearing as some serious businesses that will requires the very best one can afford and offer to make it worthwhile when into it (whatever I believe in I give in all my best), this informed my decision to look carefully before leaping. I don't want to make mistake, because I'd rather take the route of having a baby mama without emotional attachment that to be in a toxic relationship all in the name of marriage and it's for better for worse mantra. This for better for worse thing in marriage I don't believe in of course, because if something is not working the most honorable thing should be for one to walkout.

Am I being too conservative in my thoughts and reasoning?

After your last two posts, I'd please let her go (both of you should move on).
The longer you drag the relationship, the worst for both of you.

Diplomaticbeing:


Thanks for your valuable inputs. Actually, some days back when I started the topic to tell her the reason for my cold feet towards her, when I first raised the points "our bad attitudes and manners" as the reason for my indifferent towards her in particular and affair in general, she made me to understand that she hadn't no flaws and bad manners. However, after I poured out my mind to her, she became remorseful and promised to change for good. But my fear is that since I have told her the traits that will make me love and commit to a lady, she may start to pretend for now to be a changed person, but later on in life after we might have tied the knot should would restart to exhibit these irritating acts.

To your question about being happy, I mean that she feels so happy to have me in her life - citing how she acts when physically around me or when we are on phone. According to her, she loves my personality - her postulation in this regard doesn't move me much because many people do find my personality pleasing ... excuse me if I sounded immodest here but I stated this to make clear my point for your understanding. So, I for one, I am equally trying to find reason to love her own personality too, because as it stands now I don't have a special affection for her. I don't have any emotional connection with her due to her attitude. All these facts I have made them clear to her because I don't know how to pretend and I hate to take advantage of people intentionally, thus the reason why I always strive to tell her my feelings and thoughts towards her behavior at any given time.

About her "manipulation/sense of entitlement", well, to her credit her level of manipulation is not that worse than an average lady out there and this is so because many a times before she came up with her antics, I would use my diplomatic prowess to dissect her and she would mellow down and we would just laugh it off.

Meanwhile, in respect to "her ungratefulness and public correction of people", well, after that my one-on-one talk with her some days back, she showed remorse and promised me that she would change for good and she pleaded that I should start doing her favor of correcting her whenever she makes such mistakes.

In summary, she's ready to learn according to her and from my observation too. But my fears remain, how am I sure that should won't start pretense for now to restart them afterward. The truth is that I just wish to settle down as soon as possible and she too wishes to. By the way, I am not a saint, I know that my sensitive and reserved nature sometimes makes it hard for someone around me to have it easy, especially anyone that has intentions to take advantage of me. Maybe I will have to loosen up and start acting like a mugu.

You need to loose up to give her benefit of doubt and love her atleast. It may be she is like that due to her environment. But the change may take a little time. If she love you she will do it and you will know its real when she treats others same. So be patient and keep correcting her for she may not be aware everytime she does it. You can use sign only you both understand to remind her.

Diplomaticbeing:


Hmm! She's not a bad person per se, if she was I wouldn't have had the patience to keep up close contact with her in the first instance. I like her but I am yet to find reason to love her or commit to her. My major concern is the fact that I am seriously considering to make her a life companion, thus my need to properly evaluate her as a person. I sees a marriage and child rearing as some serious businesses that will requires the very best one can afford and offer to make it worthwhile when into it (whatever I believe in I give in all my best), this informed my decision to look carefully before leaping. I don't want to make mistake, because I'd rather take the route of having a baby mama without emotional attachment that to be in a toxic relationship all in the name of marriage and it's for better for worse mantra. This for better for worse thing in marriage I don't believe in of course, because if something is not working the most honorable thing should be for one to walkout.

Am I being too conservative in my thoughts and reasoning?

You need to work on your attitude to marriage you will not put effort to make it work. After the first work of getting the right one, you still work to sustain it right. Your idea of babymama is selfish, what about the child?!

GHoJes:

You need to work on your attitude to marriage you will not put effort to make it work. After the first work of getting the right one, you still work to sustain it right. Your idea of babymama is selfish, what about the child?!

Thanks once again for your valuable inputs. However, it seemed you didn't understand well my statement about "baby mama". Well, I said I believe in given my very best in anything I believe in. I have highest regard for the institution of marriage and I value women and children so much, therefore when married I will give in more than 100% effort to make it a worthwhile journey. All these facts are the reasons why I am trying so hard to be careful before saying I do.

However, as much as I hold the marriage institution sacrosanct and values children so much, yet I can't afford to live in a toxic relationship, meaning that in case my companion-to-be chooses to suppress her bad traits for now just to get me commit to her and unleashes her irritating attitudes after marriage is consummated that I will not have the patience to stay put in such union. Therefore, I don't believe in the for better for worse marriage mantra. As I have stated in my foremost message, I can be very tolerant and quiet but as a human being I also have my limit and when it elapses I don't give a second chance to a situation. I am just been honest to myself. Once more, thanks.