saw this in our inbox. tough it is mainly AA you bet our people always copy the bad, worse and the damn right ugly.

http://sandrarose.com/2009/05/21/does-the-black-woman-know-her-place-in-the-family/
[size=14pt]
Does The Black Woman Know Her Place in the Family?[/size]

This really is a man’s world, but in the last few decades black women have done more to undermine the black man’s role as the head of the family than any white man ever could.

For as long as I can remember, black women have always supplanted the black male as head of most households in the black community. Black women still rank highest among unmarried females of any race. And, the black community still holds the record for unwed single mothers.

This all leads back to the fact that black women do not respect themselves and in turn don’t respect black men, who are increasingly looking outside of our community for respect and validation.

Listen to the sistah in this video as she speaks the truth that most of you don’t want to hear. After you’re done watching the video, watch it again.

this is one of the replies to the post above

mimi08 Says:

What!!

First, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Black women never “wanted” the role of head of the family; we were forced there because so many black men refused to take the reigns. No black woman truly wants to run the roost, she does it because she has to. She does it because he is not there to do so. And the independent attitude comes as a RESULT of the black men level of disrespect for the black women for decadesssssssss! Black men don’t now, and never have held their women to the same esteem as other races of men have their women. Black men don’t now, and never have protected their women, revered their women, as other races of men have their women. After this was done so much, black women got the picture that hey, i can’t lay down here and cry, i gotta pick myself up, and i got kids to take care of.

Their are so many singles female head of household families not because the woman refuses to submit to the authority of the black men, but because black women refuse to let the abuse of their minds, bodies, and spirits to be abused by black men. I’ve heard this argument before, and it’s usually from women who either are a part of, or close associate of the islamic culture. Black men somehow convince these women that they are the cause of the breakdown of the black family, even though for years, black men have revered white woman and think they are better, stepped out on black women making multiple babies outside of the marriage, some having whole families on the same block, refused to see our value, and refused to recognize our strength. It’s insane to think black women want to be single mothers, that we would rather be unmarried in order to avoid being submissive, that our thinking is so independent that we could never come together for the sake of family.

Most black women bend over backwards for their men, and even though they know their men are cheating and lying, they internalize it as their fault, and when he leaves, it’s their fault too. Most black women refused for years to date outside their race (thank god we finally wised up and dating outside our race), hoping and praying that black men would see their beauty and value. Most black women would lie in the faces of their parents, employers and best friends to save the reputation of their black man, even though they know he doing them wrong; they’d rather shoulder the hurt, pain, and dissappointment alone in the dark by themselves. And why, all for the sake of the love and respect of a black man. And what’s the payback for this loyalty? Black men in record numbers have deliberately sought out to make families with white women, they have abandoned their black female spouses and children because they simply don’t want to shoulder the responsibilities of fatherhood and being the head, especially when times get hard; they refuse to curtail their infidelity and continue to run all up and around town with the next willing female no matter her race, and they refuse to put us on that pedestal. Simply put, we are not, and never have been revered and truly valued by the black men, even going back to slavery days when we were sleeping with the white man so he wouldn’t hang or sell our children and men.

Black men have never wanted to admit their fault in the breakdown of the black family. They never thought black women would be strong enough to truly be independent because they knew, even along time ago, that black women are the least revered in society. They knew that black men were more “valued” then black women. Women as a whole were thought to be less valuable than men, and don’t have the nerve to be a black woman (you basically had no value, except being a sex object, breast feeder, or field worker). Black men never thought women would rise to the challenge of being a single independent mother, raise families by themselves, get a college education, and do it all by looking fierce as hell. For so many black men, this is threatening and they see it as usurping their authority.

The tables flipped and now they don’t know how to get back what they lost…oh well, we’ll leave that to them to figure out, since in my opinion, they are the ones that didn’t recognize a good thing when they had it.

the angry black people syndrome!!!!!

The above quote is so true and now they times their men.

bridget007:

The above quote is so true and now they extend this to marriages with white women, I have experienced all this. They search elsewhere because they truely believe nothing is their fault, they can lie, cheat, have babies with whoever and yet all their faults is their wifes doing! I do not think so, I did everything for my man, even when separated had him and his friends to stay over and cooked so they could spend time with son, to be told it was nothing and I was selfish, Nigerian men need to grow up and appreciate women, they are folls to think they are gods, women are the copers and are worth ten times their men.

we are sorry to hear that you ended up with a no good/deadbeat of a nigerian man but how can you sit there and judge the whole country based on the action of ONE asshole guy that, by the way, YOU DID CHOOSE!!!!!
you are THE only one to blame for making a poor judgment, move on with your life and make a better choice next time.
we can all sit here and tell OUR nightmare stories with the opposite sex. that SHOULD never be a reason to put the whole nation OR RACE into that same category!

I wouldn't MRBROWNJAY,

bridget007:

I wouldn't MRBROWNJAY, but recenty found out all nigerian marriages i know have involved police and begging for money, in the UK we have respect, i lost mine and beginning realise most women here who marry nigerian either lose self respect or the men, I'm keeping mine, I'm too good, he made me think i'm worthless, I am fantastic, have bsc, nsc, Phd, 5 children I look after myself he is awaster.

i think that any woman should know their worthiness and be comfortable with themselves before entering any union. if a man can come in your life and make you believe such a thing as you being unworthy etc etc etc then you were insecure with yourself to begin with.
no man/woman should tell you who/what you are, just look at the mirror and SEE that you are fantastic, SEE that you are worthy, look at your children and SEE that your a great person/mother.
as for the 9ja marriages that you are talking about, yes, nigerian marriage are mostly based on money. just read the many threads on NL and you will have a pretty good idea but men are not the only ones to be blame and women play a part in it too.
remember that out of the many deadbeat 9ja men out there, there are many who doesnt think like cave men and only having an open mind might make you meet him, if you still searching.
thinking the way you think, NO MEN(black or white) can sort your problem!!!

You are right MrBROWNJAY, .

bridget007:

You are right MrBROWNJAY, and I building myself back up again now, my self respect and worth didn't dissapear overnight it was a long little by little process of verbal and emotional abuse that whilst happening left me beginning to doubt it was really happening. He was very cunning at making me think i'd heard soimething wrong, done something wrong to a point I began not to know what was real anymore, can't believe I fell for it, but I did. It began when I was pregnant, a time when emotionally a woman is quite vulnerable and i guess he played on it.

I know there are some good nigerian men out there, I thought though some of his friends were 'good' but then to find out their wives have similar problems shakes that belief. It seems to me that a lot of nigerian put on a front and look 'good' whilst underneath they are quite an ugly person. I do belief though of course that there are a few good nigerian men, doubt that I will have another nigerian man in my life though.

i love and respect the english who have been a blessing and given me home these years. dont you think there is something within you that needs checking too cos you had millions of your kind to fall in love with yet you fell for the available jerk you call nigerian.

people like you and leilah are good reason for not marrying a white woman. by the way PHD does not make people. my uncle married one good one she is a one of many of you think marrying you is a priviledge which i am yet to see cos some of us have managed to live nicely without you and thankfully gainfully employ you too.

there are many daft and foolish phd holders about.

Maybe

bridget007:

Maybe something in me does need checking, I had been married before for 15 years prior then divorced, only had 3 men ever before meeting him in my life, I was never a playing type with men. I was naieve and have always taken people at face value, when I met him he was lovely, no signs of the person hiding underneath. I read up on all the 'stuff' written about nigerian men and looked for signs, the signs raised their head too late.

I don't think being white makes me better than anyone, I am not racist,YOU ALL SAY THIS. we are all human, but I am better than a cheating, lying, deceitful, criminal man, no matter what colour he may be. I just think Nigerian men have a reputation of being very clever at lying and being involved in fraud and my ex has added credence to this. It is sad that some nigerians cannot see a way of life that doesn't involve lying, cheating, abusing and criminal activity.

I may have a PhD, which has opened doors for me career wise but I am more proud of raising my children, who are all bright, intelligent, well rounded happy individuals more or less single handed despite their father financially and physically not helping.

I don't hate nigerian men, after all my son is part nigerian, I just think some of them are giving nigerian men in general a bad name, and that has nothing to do with skin colour but attitude and lifestyle choices. It would be sad if in the future my son hides his nigerian background because of the stereotypes that are attached to nigerians.

may God help you. most people here can vouch i am not an apologist for some good for nothing nigerian men. 

i have lived in england long enough to remember shows like kilroy and the likes in the 90's to know there are some good for nothing scum bags amongst your lovely english. if you watch day time tele or read the red tops you will almost conclude lying, cheating and jumping from one relationship  another is what the english people do best.  what fills jeremy kyle and the trisha shows of this world?  would the sun, mirror, express and mail newspapers sell without you people washing your dirty linen in public?

fair you were not smart enough with your Phd to know a con artist why pour all your vernom on nigerians? look back you will see where i wrote my best friend and my ex griend marrying for 9yrs. it is not nigerian thing.  we do not hold copyright on these things.

when i started reading your story in some other thread i had enormous pity on you however the more i read, i came to the conclusion you are one of the "gracious" white people doing the under priviledged black people a favour marrying them.  some of us had the opportunity we said no thank you and passed the opportunity cos of the baggages your types carry about.

i am beginning to think we should do a big poster @ MM warning some of these vulnerable young boys you people take advantage of to beware of your types.  if i ask you how old this boy is after spending 15yrs in another marriage maybe you are old enough to be his mum and you expected him to be with you forever.  was your ex a nigerian too?  how did he survive 15yrs of you?

next time marry an english man or a polish for that matter and probably go read building good relationship101. it does help.

you have made a bad choice so live with it.  NL did not choose for you ma'am. when you were enjoying his foolishness what did we gain from it?.

I agree with most everything mimi08 wrote.

Black women know there place and try to play their role, but alot of our black brothers are damaged goods.

I believe alot of it is hold over from Jim Crow. Our men were made to suffer humiliation and degradation beyond my understanding. They were forced to watch their black women raped and treated as belly warmers. They were stripped of their manly pride and ability to provide for their families. They were treated as breeders and lower than life.

Can you imangine watching your wife be a white man's belly warmer and not be able to do anything about it? Can you imangine as a black woman being raped by another man and your husband has to sit idly by and let it happen?

I dont any of us can really understand the depths of what the black has had to suffer and the beating his self-esteem and self-respect has taken.

This has been passed on from generation to generation. Dont forget slavery has not been that many generations away from most of us now living.

sistawoman:

I agree with most everything mimi08 wrote.

Black women know there place and try to play their role, but alot of our black brothers are damaged goods.

I believe alot of it is hold over from Jim Crow.  Our men were made to suffer humiliation and degradation beyond my understanding.  They were forced to watch their black women raped and treated as belly warmers.  They were stripped of their manly pride and ability to provide for their families. They were treated as breeders and lower than life.

Can you imangine watching your wife be a white man's belly warmer and not be able to do anything about it?  Can you imangine as a black woman being raped by another man and your husband has to sit idly by and let it happen?

I dont any of us can really understand the depths of what the black has had to suffer and the beating his self-esteem and self-respect has taken.

This has been passed on from generation to generation.  Dont forget slavery has not been that many generations away from most of us now living.

this is the no 1 problem i have with the race industry in america. we dont deny these things didnt happen but the business of your generation and the sight of an 18yrs old girl at obama inauguration saying "we have come along way she never knew she would live to see that day" bla bla bla is unbelievable.

you that got taken into america complain what do you expect your brothers in haiti to do?

read nairaland and see the wahala in niger delta in nigeria it is all trouble every where for black man.  do we blame jim crowe for nigeria too?

who is undoing the white man by the way becos as you know they do have their issues.

somebody have sold black america a big lie sadly the lie is continuing to work effortlessly.

until you guys consciously begin to destroy race as an industry i dont see how in a 100yrs some black people wont still be crying they are producing fatherless kids and going to jail because of jim crowe.  i bet you want to believe he was governor general for africa too.

there is a gross moral failing we have refused to address as a race and we are still crying jim crowe in 2009. why couldnt jim crowe stop obama, oprah and the others that pulled through his hurdles?

bridget007:

Maybe something in me does need checking, I had been married before for 15 years prior then divorced, only had 3 men ever before meeting him in my life, I was never a playing type with men. I was naieve and have always taken people at face value, when I met him he was lovely, no signs of the person hiding underneath. I read up on all the 'stuff' written about nigerian men and looked for signs, the signs raised their head too late.

I don't think being white makes me better than anyone, I am not racist, we are all human, but I am better than a cheating, lying, deceitful, criminal man, no matter what colour he may be. I just think Nigerian men have a reputation of being very clever at lying and being involved in fraud and my ex has added credence to this. It is sad that some nigerians cannot see a way of life that doesn't involve lying, cheating, abusing and criminal activity.

I may have a PhD, which has opened doors for me career wise but I am more proud of raising my children, who are all bright, intelligent, well rounded happy individuals more or less single handed despite their father financially and physically not helping.

I don't hate nigerian men, after all my son is part nigerian, I just think some of them are giving nigerian men in general a bad name, and that has nothing to do with skin colour but attitude and lifestyle choices. It would be sad if in the future my son hides his nigerian background because of the stereotypes that are attached to nigerians.

i was looking for a nigerian in this typical british life style

Wife of GMTV doctor Hillary Jones having fling with friend's son


By Gary Anderson; Will Payne 24/05/2009

Marriage of TV doctor over
Hilary Jones, Sarah (pic: Adam Davies/Alpha)

Hilary Jones with Sarah at charity bash (pic: Adam Davies/Alpha)

TV doctor Hilary Jones is furious after finding out his wife is having a fling with the SON of one of his friends, 18 years his junior.

The 55-year-old GMTV star was left stunned last week when he found out wife Sarah is seeing 37-year-old ex-Navy captain Stephen Tristram.

Hilary is said to have gone "ballistic" when he was told the news. Last night the couple put out a statement saying they were divorcing after 19 years of marriage.

For years it was Sarah who put up with his reputation as a ladies' man, including a fling with a co-presenter.
Sarah Jones, Stephen (pic: Neil Atkinson and Anya Reid)

Sarah and new lover Stephen (pic: Neil Atkinson and Anya Reid)

The smooth TV doctor recently started renting a flat in Battersea, South-West London, where he lives on weeknights then commutes to the family home at weekends.

A friend said: "They hadn't been getting on but Hilary was very angry when he discovered she had started seeing someone a few months ago. When he found out it was his friend's son last week he just went off the scale - which is a bit rich when you consider what he's done to her over the years."

Advertisement - article continues below »

Sarah, 48, stood by her man in a cringe-making TV confessional when he admitted cheating. Now she has turned the tables by getting a toyboy.

Hilary has still been spending weekends at the family home with their three children - 17-year-old twins and their son aged 14.

Meanwhile, her dashing toyboy Stephen has moved out of the home he shared with osteopath Nancy MacDonald, 28, and has been spending nights at his parents' house. He called off plans to marry Nancy, mother of his three young children, last December. Yesterday the young mum said they split before he met Sarah.

Sarah and Stephen are regularly seen giggling and cuddling together in pubs and restaurants in upmarket villages around Basingstoke. Last Saturday they were spotted joking at a pub near the plush home Sarah s`hares with her TV star husband.

Stephen Tristram Snr, 65, is a vascular physician at North Hampshire Hospital and is believed to be a former business partner of Hilary. The TV doctor is said to have suspected his wife was seeing someone for some time and the fling was the talk of the village. But he didn't know who her lover was until a friend broke the news. One pal said: "It's like he wanted one rule for himself, but another for Sarah.

"The marriage had been in trouble for a while. He knew Sarah was seeing someone but to find out it was Stephen really dented his ego. Sarah and Stephen are very much in love and they don't care who knows it. It came as a surprise to some people because he has such a young family and had been planning to marry. Sarah's main concern now is for the kids and making sure the whole thing causes them the least possible disruption."

The relationship comes 16 years after Hilary admitted a four-month fling with Josephine Buchan - his copresenter on ITV medical show The Full Treatment. He claimed he cheated because Sarah devoted herself to the couple's newborn twins instead of him.

Sarah agreed to appear on TV with her husband to talk about the betrayal and sat with him on the GMTV sofa, telling Lorraine Kelly she would find it hard to trust him again. Hilary said at the time: "I have no excuses for what I've done and I hope Sarah and my family will give it a chance so we can maybe make something out of it in the future."

Sarah forgave her husband for the sake of their twins and they went on to have another child. They live in a country house with private gym in picturesque Maple Durwell, 10 minutes from Basingstoke. The GP split with his first wife and started seeing Sarah, who had worked as a health visitor attached to his practice, in 1987. Her first husband, businessman Lindsay Harvey, accused Hilary of stealing her. Hilary has two sons, Tristan, 29, and Sebastian, 28, from his marriage to Anne Marie Vives. Stephen rose to the rank of Navy captain and now earns a living chartering yachts to the Caribbean. His ex-fiancée Nancy said: "We broke up a long time ago and Sarah wasn't the reason. I feel he could have chosen better."

Last night a spokeswoman for Dr Hilary and Sarah Jones confirmed they have separated and divorce proceedings have commenced. In a joint statement the couple said: "It's sad, but we both accept that we have come to the end of the road. The split is amicable - we separated in November 2008." http://www.mirror.co.uk/celebs/news/2009/05/24/tv-doc-s-wife-has-it-aweigh-with-his-friend-s-sailor-son-115875-21384263/

@JJYOU

It is not only Jim Crow that affected/affects black Americans but also Willie Lynch (sp).

Psychological damage runs far deeper than any outward oppression ever could.

JJYOU:

may God help you. most people here can vouch i am not an apologist for some good for nothing nigerian men.

i have lived in england long enough to remember shows like kilroy and the likes in the 90's to know there are some good for nothing scum bags amongst your lovely english. if you watch day time tele or read the red tops you will almost conclude lying, cheating and jumping from one relationship another is what the english people do best. what fills jeremy kyle and the trisha shows of this world? would the sun, mirror, express and mail newspapers sell without you people washing your dirty linen in public?

fair you were not smart enough with your Phd to know a con artist why pour all your vernom on nigerians? look back you will see where i wrote my best friend and my ex griend marrying for 9yrs. it is not nigerian thing. we do not hold copyright on these things.

when i started reading your story in some other thread i had enormous pity on you however the more i read, i came to the conclusion you are one of the "gracious" white people doing the under priviledged black people a favour marrying them. some of us had the opportunity we said no thank you and passed the opportunity cos of the baggages your types carry about.

i am beginning to think we should do a big poster @ MM warning some of these vulnerable young boys you people take advantage of to beware of your types. if i ask you how old this boy is after spending 15yrs in another marriage maybe you are old enough to be his mum and you expected him to be with you forever. was your ex a nigerian too? how did he survive 15yrs of you?

next time marry an english man or a polish for that matter and probably go read building good relationship101. it does help.

you have made a bad choice so live with it. NL did not choose for you ma'am. when you were enjoying his foolishness what did we gain from it?.

Bless your soul for this post!

The reason many of these foreign women keeo up their stupidity is the fact that no one ever dares tell them the truth, they are mostly daft when it comes to relationships.

What do you expect of a scum from anywhere who is desperately looking for ways to survive in life? The warning signs are always there for these women but they chose to ignore such signs and then they scream foul play later. Nonsense!

Sometimes, the Nigerian boys are actually the victims but these women come out and blow their rubbish snouts in public. The boys are young, vulnerable and desperate seeking ways to make ends meet; the old often-divorced with children foreign women grab them and get them to marry.

The desperate boy sees a chance to improve his lot in life by getting papers to stay in the country and he grabs the chance. Throughout the relationship, it is clear that this woman sees herself as doing an African man a favour. After getting his papers, the man decides to move on. . . why should he stay in a marriage where the woman just sees him as someone who is fortunate enough that she is helping him?
None of these women will ever paint the right pictures about the kind of things they do to the men.

Is this not one of the reasons that marriages break down rampantly even among white couples

JustGood:

Bless your soul for this post!

thank you my dear bros. it really upset me when i see people like this woman with infantile brains scums like these in thier midst turn on us becos of 1 foolish boy she willingly followed or schemed into her bed.

JustGood:

The reason many of these foreign women keeo up their stupidity is the fact that no one ever dares tell them the truth, they are mostly daft when it comes to relationships.

What do you expect of a scum from anywhere who is desperately looking for ways to survive in life? The warning signs are always there for these women but they chose to ignore such signs and then they scream foul play later. Nonsense!

Sometimes, the Nigerian boys are actually the victims but these women come out and blow their rubbish snouts in public. The boys are young, vulnerable and desperate seeking ways to make ends meet; the old often-divorced with children foreign women grab them and get them to marry.

The desperate boy sees a chance to improve his lot in life by getting papers to stay in the country and he grabs the chance. Throughout the relationship, it is clear that this woman sees herself as doing an African man a favour. After getting his papers, the man decides to move on. . . why should he stay in a marriage where the woman just sees him as someone who is fortunate enough that she is helping him?
None of these women will ever paint the right pictures about the kind of things they do to the men.

Is this not one of the reasons that marriages break down rampantly even among white couples

i agreee with most of what you said however i am totally against going into relationships with people you dont love and old women not even paper is worth it. our people should know there is more to life than having residence permits abroad. going into relationships and create kids is taking this to a new and dangerous level. there are too many messed up mixed race kids about.

i have seen too many vulnerable people ( black/ white) being taken advantage of. it is sick but coming to NL and tell me

It would be sad if in the future my son hides his nigerian background because of the stereotypes that are attached to nigerians.

The truth is some nigerian are big spoilt babies that refuse to grow up and be a man.

this is taking the buiscuit do those pics above look like nigerian men refusing to grow up to you?.

@ jjyou,

JJYOU:

i agreee with most of what you said however i am totally against going into relationships with people you dont love and old women not even paper is worth it. our people should know there is more to life than having residence permits abroad. going into relationships and create kids is taking this to a new and dangerous level. there are too many messed up mixed race kids about.

@JJYOU
I also used to think that way till I saw what some of those guys go through with these women. I know at least 3 guys who were willing to just stay married to their wives even after getting papers but the way that they were treated like slaves and fools during the period of waiting for papers made them change their minds (so they said).

Secondly, many of the women are using vulnerable boys to satisfy themselves after being married and seperated severally. So what is wrong with the boys also using the situation to their own advantage? I spoke with a boy in Lagos on my last visit and he told me about a woman he had been chatting to. . .whom he met when he was studying abroad. . . he said that the woman is his only hope of going abroad now and he desperately wants to leave Lagos. According to him, the woman was not particularly desirable to many of the guys in that area and so he was heaven-sent to her in her search for love.

She clearly is using him to satisfy her craving for love. . . why cant he also use her to get what he desires?

2 don cut 2!