In this context, "Christian Leaders" stands for leaders who are profess Christianity as their religion in and out of religious settings. They may be House Fellowship leaders, Pastors, Bishop, Prophetess or CEO, Manager, husband or the more "successful" or financially buoyant spouse, Parent, School teacher etc

If you've really need help in this area please read on carefully. I know there are some of you who don't understand what's wrong with them and some may even be contemplating suicide already but wait! There is still hope for you.

I have decided to go for the shepherd first so that both shepherd and sheep will return home safely and be restored to walking in sexual purity before God.


IS HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO WRONG?

Without leaving room for assumptions, let's forget societal expectations for a while and check the word of God. You don't have to be politically correct but first as a child of God- if you are- and then as a leader among Christians your goal must be to please God in all things (2 Corinthians 5:9). So what does God's word have to say about having sex with someone you are not married to. (NOTE: About-to-wed is not equal to Just-wed.)

In Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus said,
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery;' but I tell you that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." (World English Bible)

1st Thessalonians 4:3-5 reads:

"It is God's will that you keep away from sexual sin as a mark of your devotion to him. Each of you should know that finding a husband or wife for yourself is to be done in a holy and honorable way, not in the passionate, lustful way of people who don't know God." (God's Word Translation)

Also in 1st Corinthians 6:18-20 the Bible reads:

"Stay away from sexual sins. Other sins that people commit don't affect their bodies the same way sexual sins do. People who sin sexually sin against their own bodies. Don't you know that your body is a temple that belongs to the Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit, whom you received from God, lives in you. You don't belong to yourselves. You were bought for a price. So bring glory to God in the way you use your body." (God's Word Translation)

Lastly here, let's read Ephesians 5:3-6:

3Don't let sexual sin, perversion of any kind, or greed even be mentioned among you. This is not appropriate behavior for God's holy people. 4It's not right that dirty stories, foolish talk, or obscene jokes should be mentioned among you either. Instead, give thanks [to God]. 5You know very well that no person who is involved in sexual sin, perversion, or greed (which means worshiping wealth) can have any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
6Don't let anyone deceive you with meaningless words. It is because of sins like these that God's anger comes to those who refuse to obey him. 7Don't be partners with them. (God's Word Translation)

The most commonly used word in New Testament part of the Bible including passages above for sexual sin is "Porneia" often translated as "fornication" or, in more modern translations, as "sexual immortality" or "Sexual sin." It encompasses every act intended for sexual pleasure or sexual satisfaction but not between a male and female married to each other. So whether incest, masturbation, adultery, prostitution, homosexuality, bestiality, sex involving inanimate objects, pornography - porneia is a broad term for sex not between heterosexual married couples.

As a Christian, you should "Run from" Porneia (1Cor. 6:18 NLT). IF ANY VOICE OR VISION OR SPIRIT TELLS YOU TO ENGAGE IN ANY SEXUAL ACT/ ACT MEANT TO BRING SEXUAL PLEASURE OUTSIDE THE CONTEXT OF YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE, IT IS CLEARLY NOT FROM GOD AND IT IS CONTRARY TO GOD

to be continued shortly..

FACTORS LEADING TO SEXUAL IMMORALITY INVOLVING CHRISTIAN LEADERS

Aside ignorance of this truth about sexual sin which we've tried to deal with above, there are some unresolved or hidden issues you need to face squarely if you've been having sex (or fear you may) with one of the people under your leadership or care as a Christian in church, at work, at home (e.g. incest, with house help or with a neighbor) or when away from people who know you.


1. The Preachers' Shocker

There are people who are zealous about God but have never consciously and deliberately come to Christ to be saved from their sins. They think they should be Christians because they were born into "Christian homes". They became " leaders " among God's people without being one because of their zeal and "good" way of life. HEY, GOD DOESN'T HAVE GRANDCHILDREN! He only has children- His own children born by His word and by His Spirit (John 3:3-7, 1Peter 1:23)
Paul writes to God's children in Ephesus: "it is by grace you have been saved, through faith... not by works, so no one can boast." (Eph. 2:8-9 NIV).
Jesus said to a religious leader, "Except a man is born again, he CANNOT see the Kingdom of God." You can't give birth to yourself. You natural parents gave birth to you the first time and you took their fallen nature. God's Spirit gives birth to the new you when you consciously believe that Jesus fully paid the price for you to become a member of God's family and you put your trust in him and call on him to do just that.
"Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."(Romans 10:11-13)

Action Points:

A. BELIEVE JESUS DIED AND ROSE AGAIN FOR YOU AS A PERSON

B. TRUST IN HIM COMPLETELY AS YOUR ONLY SOURCE OF BEING MADE RIGHTEOUS BEFORE GOD

C. COME TO GOD PERSONALLY THROUGH FAITH IN CHRIST'S DEATH FOR YOU TO OBTAIN FORGIVENESS OF SINS AND THE FREE GIFT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS.

Please call on him now.


to be continued soon..

2. Identity Crisis & Self-imposed Defeat


If you are born again stop lying to yourself. Stop calling yourself or seeing yourself as a sinner when God has made you righteous in Christ. See yourself the way God sees you. Accept your reality as a new person with God's nature.
It is because you still believe you are among those who can still taste sin, repent afterwards and fall back again that you keep going back to it. Once you know that the person who does that died with Christ and a new you has been raised up with him, your freedom is automatic.
"our old self was [it happened already] crucified with Christ so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin-- because anyone who has died has been freed from sin... count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus." (Romans 6:6, 11)
In other words, your mindset has to change just has you have been changed (Romans 12:2) The real you, your spirit, is no more a sinner but your mind must accept this reality so that your body can be put under control.

3. Self-Esteem crisis

Examine yourself, allow God to expose the dark recesses of your mind.
Many Pastors and leaders with low self-esteem, who have experienced failure or whose wives have not been submissive to them feel threatened about losing the grip on their importance. They see sex as "conquest" and use control of people under their leadership to prove to themselves that they still worth something.
Your worth does not come from what you achieve or possession or how much power you wield or how humans treat you(your spouse inclusive).

Your worth comes from who God says you are and the price that was paid on you. It cost God His life in Christ to pay for your life. God says He loves you, does it matter who else does or doesn't?

Don't fall for that temptation of trying to prove or feel you are still the man/woman of God because someone is disrespecting you or your spouse is not treating you right.
Satan asked Jesus to perform miracles to prove he was the Son of God. Jesus said what matters to Him is what His Father in Heaven tells Him and worshipping God.

Walk out on the devil the next time he tells you to prove you can still make someone submit to having sex with you. Tell him your value is determined already by the blood shed on the cross for you.
You don't need to prove you are who you are because you already are even if you don't feel like you are.


to be continued later..

YOUR FEELING IS NOT YOU

This is one truth that made the difference in the way I handled temptations together with the understanding of the above.

I have found myself in situations where my feelings were screaming, "Do it!" "Opportunity!" "Say 'Yes'!"
But the understanding that my feeling is not me gave me the strength to make the right decision to walk away from temptation.

I remember one occasion- not one of the major sexual temptations I've had but good for illustration all the same- I had a female friend who is also a committed Christian.
I just left her place and she was seeing me off. I just finished telling her that I am clear about not marrying her (I usually say that once I was beginning to get close to a lady and I have confirmed the direction of our relationship from God).

We got to a lonely place and I greeted her good bye. Actually, I gave her a peck on her cheek and began to go. It then occurred to me, "Hope she won't count that as a kiss?"(Some people do.) So I turned and said something like, "I hope you didn't count that a kiss?"
She said, "No."

Then came an unexpected question in this lonely place. She asked me, "Would you like to kiss me?"

I have never kissed any lady before and this was a lady, a beautiful lady, a friend asking if I would like to kiss her. I know she just gave a voice to her feelings. My feelings would love to kiss her because it looked like a perfect moment but it wouldn't be an ordinary kiss if I tried it.

I- the real me, my spirit - had to decide I am not going to do so. So I gave my spirit a voice against what my body really wanted and said, " No."

She later decided not to see a man off through that path because of the incidence of that day. She asked for a kiss because we just had an emotional discussion before getting to the lonely path and I worsened the situation by an innocent peck. I wasn't sensitive to who I was dealing with- a lady.

Thank God anyway. I said no and have no regrets.

What I'm saying is that your emotions can say Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! If you know things can go wrong or the decision itself is wrong you- the real you- can say a big "No!!!" and that will be it.

OPEN UP & HAVE AN ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER

Evil thrives in secrecy and secrecy thrives in pride and fear. Both pride and fear, especially fear of man are from Satan. He uses them to keep people in bondage.

"The fear of man is a snare," says the scripture.

If you been involved in illicit sex of any kind, God will forgive you if you repent from your heart. However, go beyond that to open up to a loving spiritual leader. Have someone who can ask you direct question about the issue at anytime.

Should you discuss it with your spouse? YES!

When and how are issues to pray about, seeking God's merciful direction. And in doing that, you must do away with fear. God has said, " Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." God's word continues that you can therefore BOLDLY say, " The Lord is my helper, I will not fear. What can humans do to me?" (Hebrew 13:5,6) "Humans" including your spouse, including the press.

Many are scared the press can destroy their ministry.This is fear of man and it is a trap. If God gave you the ministry, no press can destroy it-- provided you submit yourself to him and not yield to the temptation to protect your reputation by lying. Humility and honesty and reverence for God can turn the fiercest of media battles to your greatest success story ever.

GUARD YOUR HEART & STOP FEEDING YOUR MIND WITH SEXUAL MATERIALS

Remove access to stumbling on pornography from around you. Avoid environments, movies, magazines and programs that stir up the old desires. This is not your full-proof protection but it is an effort on your part. Instead- and this is the real deal- spend time meditating on the word of God and worshipping God.

Refuse the reluctance of coming before God and destroy the arrows of guilt and shame the enemy targets at you by faith in the complete redemption, restoration and forgiveness available by the blood of Jesus. Run to your Father and spend time worshipping Him.

Specifically ask God to cleanse you and remove the alterations in the functioning of your mind occasioned by your past sinful or sin-supporting experiences. Believe His word that He indeed answer prayers and this will restore you quickly. If seeing beautiful ladies or handsome guys makes you focus on their erotic body parts or makes you imagine what having sex with them would be before, when God does the cleansing (or sanctification) you will see a human being and not an object of sex. You can't describe what peace of mind is until that happens to you. Ask God with faith and He WILL do it.