Nice story u've got flow1759. Seyi bobo don enter one chance b dat o 4 bro.wale hand. I've voted ur story nd i pray u win

“I am not running sir! I want to carry my slippers” I said.

“so I sent you to give Christy my love food and you came to play ball”

“I did not play oh! I was just watching them!” I lied.

“you were just watching them and your legs are dirty?”

“Wale please leave the young man alone!” Christy said.

“leave him alone? Why should I? And where is the food I gave to you to give to her?” he asked me.

“It……… It…………… It don pour for ground oh! Is it not Debo that troway it for ground” I murdered English language.

“Debo troway it for ground abi? And what kind of English did you just speak?”

“English? I just speak English English!” I answered.

“Seyi bobo!” Aunty Christy hailed, “which one be English English again?”

“Mr. English English will you stand up from there and lets head to the farm!” Brother Wale ordered.

“Head! Lets head?” I told myself my head was in for a crash should I head Brother Wale's Titanic head.

“Yes! I said stand up and lets head to the farm.”

“but brother I don’t want to head oh! I have head ache” I cried.

“you have head ache eeeeh! Oya come let me help you massage the big head of yours”

“hahahahahaha!” Christy was laughing.

“why this one dey laugh? ugly girl!”

Truth be told Aunty Christy was beautiful, damn beautiful; the kind of beauty that could make a fish fly with a bird.


In the farm few minutes later I was seeing things! Yes I was seeing things.

As I bent down to cut bitter leaf, I was seeing things, I face cardinal point north south, I was still seeing things, I stood, I was still seeing things.

Sister Christy was putting on a very short gown that rises with the wind and her black p!ant caught my attention - I mean the main attention.

Her l’aps was as fresh as cucumber and yellow like Fanta. She noticed I was looking at her fresh l’aps so she turned and gave it all to me.

“Yeaaah! I don cut my hand with knife oh!” I cried.

“that serves you right! When you will not concentrate in what you are cutting!”

“leave the young man alone na!” Aunty Christy said.

“no mind am jor!” I said.

“you said what?” I saw fury in Brother Wale’s eyes.

“me? Say? I dey craze? Why I go say anything?” I heard Aunthy Christy laughed.

Few seconds and I was moving to the ridge close to where I could get 3D view of all Aunty Christy could offer.

“And what are you looking at?” Brother Wale caught my eyes.

“me? Looking? I am not looking anything oh! I am just thinking!”

“thinking of what?” He yelled.

“thinking of how I will write my exam tomorrow!” That was a big fat lie i said. Me! Think of how I will write exam? I dey craze? Writing examination wasn’t a problem to me at all; I had a formation of 4-4-2.

Dele played the right full back, Ikenna played the centre forward, Tobi played the role of the attacking mid fielder, Bola was the striker and of course I was always in the goal post to keep the goals.

I stood for a while thinking of the day I entered the exam hall loaded with "micro chips" and, “SB you dey add weight oh!” Ikenna said.

“yes na! I dey add weight because I dey eat better food na!” I returned.

“you sure?”

“why I no go sure? Abi na you get my body?” Tied around my body like a suicide bomber was "bombs"

Few seconds later…………… and I unveiled the bombs one after the other …………………………

“everybody lets clap hands for Seyi Ajibade as he leaves the exam hall, he has been caught cheating!” Mr. Akinyele the examiner announced.

I stood up and walked majestically out of the exam hall all smiles little did I know I was walking to my failure in mathematics.

Few seconds to the end of the exam, Mr. Akinyele was lenient enough to allow me back into the hall. To do what? Did I hear you ask? To write the exam of course.

Two seconds after I was allowed to enter the hall and I struggled with my pen to steal time to finish the two hours exam in just twenty seconds, and Yemi! Oh Yemi! What manner of friend?

“SB! SB! SB!” I heard Yemi called. I thought he was calling to give me an already answered sheet but Yemi! Oh Yemi!

“SB you don do number thirty?” He said.

“your father there!!”



“and whose father are you talking of?” I was back in reality.

“nobody ooh!” I answered.

“have you finished cutting the bitter leaf in that part of the farm?”

“Me? I dey cut Aunty Christy p’ant here oh!” I dared not said, “you no see as my thing don rise?” And indeed its been a while since my thing rose to that height. For it to rise for a crush of mine is worth it isn’t it?

A crush of mine and Brother Wale would not allow her be mine.

I remember the day brother Wale almost r’aped Aunty Christy in the farm, that was when Maami was still alive but she was not in farm that evening.

So many activities happened that evening; activities like I carried a big bag of water leaf on my head and it reduced my height by two inches, but that wasn’t important, I had defecated in the bush that evening because i had running stomach, but that wasn’t important, I had killed a snake that evening, but that wasn’t important. There was another snake, it was a big black snake, it came out of brother Wales’s trouser - it has been there for twenty eight years of his life.

“Seyi go and drop this bag of water leaf, and tie it before you return!” Commander commanded.

“But brother I still have more bags to pack home na!” I said.

“my friend will you obey before you complain! Drop that bag and don’t return till you tie the leaves!” I knew something was fishy.

I reached home, dropped the bag of water leaf as instructed and headed back to the farm to see what Brother Wale was up to with my crush.


“Lets do it fast!” Aunty Christy said.

“do what fast! I no go gree una!” I saw from the corner I stood that Brother Wale was really carrying an Anaconda in between his legs.

“See snake ooooh!” I yelled.

“where the snake?” Brother Wale was already afar while I enjoyed a close range view of Aunty Christy the movie.

Zeeenas:
Nice story u've got flow1759. Seyi bobo don enter one chance b dat o 4 bro.wale hand. I've voted ur story nd i pray u win

Thank you! And don't forget to tell your friends too!

flow1759:


Don't only follow, pls vote https://fidelitybank.ng/mytoughjobstory/index.php/ugochukwu/

Voted

Eye den o. Flow on!!!!!!!!!!!!

..I don laf piss for body here

flow on my oga

Cool story

Following....

thumbs up bro.... always following like....

Since Wale Ajibade’s graduation from school with a third class degree in English language he never stopped telling anyone that cared to listen that his Head of Department in school robbed him of his deserving first class degree all because he wanted his girlfriend and he fought fiercely for the love of his life Onyinye. Brother Wale’s love for Onyinye resulted to the scar he carries in his four head.

He had told us at home that he fought with the cult guy who also wanted Onyinye so fiercely that he feels he injured the guy more than the guy injured him. What he narrated as what he did to the cult guy sounded like c’ock and bull to me, I knew he was telling a big fat lie; the Brother Wale I know is so lily livered that in the process of him hurting a fly a fly would strangle him.

I remember the day he and his friend Brother Emeka fought in the bush, ask me what made them fight? Handsomeness!

“I am more handsome than you jor! You that have big lips!”

“I agree! My big lips makes the girls love me more, I kiss better you know!” Brother Emeka returned.

“You kiss better! And Kemi your girl friend is interested in me!” Brother Wale boasted.

“eheeeeen! You are the one that have been brain washing that girl that makes her lose interest in me, okwaaa ya?” Brother Emeka’s mouth was ajar.

“she says she want me, so was I to say no?”

Before I looked down to see what itched my right leg, fight don start.

“Help! Help! They are fighting!” I wished other farmers were close by.

Like Mohammed Ali, Brother Emeka swayed round and round perfectly like he had little knowledge of boxing, sorry I forgot! His father was a boxer when he was younger.

“I will finish you!” Brother Emeka let out one punch that struck Brother Wale in the jaw. Soon another to the same spot and from where I stood I saw that Brother Wale's jaw grew longer.

“you think say you fit fight me abi? I go just beat you turn-turn!” Brother Emeka threatened.

“you can not beat me turn-turn!” Can somebody please help me tell Brother Wale that in Nigeria the language fighting understands isn’t English language but pidgin?

I had barely winked and I could barely believe my eyes! Brother Wale was back to the ground screaming “Help! Help!”

“Who go help you? Me?” I thought of taking to my heels but as I heard, “I don die ooh!” I knew it was time I showed I was a loving brother.

“leaving my brother alone oooh!” I was virtually dancing round the fighting ring.

“where I go start from? Abi make I blow him head?” I asked myself these questions about fifty times.

In no time I was grabbing Brother Emeka by the waist.

“Will you leave me?” Brother Emeka yelled.

“I will not leave you until you leave my brother!” I acted superman.

The only thing I remembered was that sledge hammer struck my nose and I flew like Virgin Atlantic about 100 metres away crashing like Sosoliso on top a vegetable bed.


Then I was dreaming. I was dreaming of fried fish.

I dreamt I was celebrating my birthday with fried fishes I fried myself.

“Yellow! Take two fish!” I was serving my friends.

“Yemi, you take four!”

“Ikenna, you take two!”

Then I stood with the tray of fishes in front of “Brutus the glutton”.

“Debo you take only one!”I commanded.

“how I go take only one? Wetin I do you?”

“I say take only one! na your birthday?” I yelled.

Debo hissed and took one as commanded, but as I turned to serve the next person, he swiftly grabbed the tray of fishes from me and fled.

“My fish! My fish!” My fish!” I chased after him.

“My fish! My fish! My fish………………………”

“spaaaaaash!” Water splashed on me brought me back to reality.

“My fish! My fish! My……………………”

“your fish abi? That is why I poured you water, so swim and overtake your fish that has swam pass you! Lazy boy!”

“But I wanted to……………………………” I saw blood around brother Wale’s nose.

“will you shut up!” He thundered.

Nice update but please we need more
Welldone ooo,aburo boda wale

Cool bruh, but update more cus ur story keep me busy nd make me laugh

u made my day flow

people wey dey inside bus dey look me like madman as I dey laugh

girlhaley:
Nice update but please we need more
Welldone ooo,aburo boda wale

HBD babe

Such an amusing piece, nice one. Keep it coming.

girlhaley:
Nice update but please we need more

Welldone ooo,aburo boda wale

I will try! Just that i am always busy lately. You done vote?

Uthman51:
u made my day flow

people wet dey inside bus dey look me like madman as I dey laugh

I'm very happy i did. And i promise to always

I swear i read this post in the parlour and my mum was their when i started laughing like a mad man i nearly urinated on my body... Mumsy was like "Did you smoke weed?"..... Flow thumbs up make i go vote

flow1759:

I will try! Just that i am always busy lately. You done vote?

Okay....

Before nko,I don vote tail tail

flow1759:

I will try! Just that i am always busy lately. You done vote?

Okay....

Before nko,I don vote tail tail

tomzee2:
HBD babe

Thanks bae

Nice one flow

It is have teyed that i have been in ghostmode since. Now i don break out like scofield! Oga Flow! Your stories dey make me craze part-timely. I dey mad every time i dey jack your story. Abeg continue jare.
Still i follow!

Nice piece, flow1759!! still writting, i see really cool...

Flowey baba.. Nice 1. stil i follow.

The first Christmas I spent without Maami was hell. On Christmas eve while my friends were shooting Knockout here and there I was busy at the bean cake hangout; I and brother Wale of course.

“Have you eaten?” Brother Wale showed a little care for his younger brother since the death of General Sani Abacha.

“I am not hungry!” The only hanger in me was to go join my friends.

“Give me Akara hundred naira!” Brother Okon ordered.

“Brother Okon you don buy another Okada?” I asked as I served him.

“Yes oh! This one na Simba no be jincheng, I don sell that my jincheng” He smiled.

That Jincheng motorcycle really suffered. I remember when Brother Wale was learning how to ride. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon and we three set for the football pitch where the learn-how-to-ride classes was to hold featuring Brother Wale as the student, Brother Okon as the teacher and yours truly SB as the water boy a.k.a the on looker.

Classes had not started and Brother Wale already needed water to drink.

“here na the truttle! Hold am well” Brother Okon said.

“Ok I don hold am! I fit move now?” Brother Wale was eager to move.

“Ok I go leave am now! You go move by yourself! Try make you hold the head well oh!”


The Motor Cycle meandered so much that I pitied my beloved brother. The boys playing football in the pitch laughed so hard that I was so p’issed and I yelled, “wetin una dey laugh?”.

Soon our Brother Wale was heading to an unknown destination.

“Stop am! Stop am!” Brother Okon yelled.

“e no gree stop oh!” Brother Wale cried.

“Yeeah! Him dey drive enter bush ooh!” One of the boys playing football laughed. Brother Wale was the football they were playing at that moment; they all stopped to fetch a cup of laughter from the ocean Brother Wale provided.

“Match the brake! Match the brake!” Brother Okon yelled.

Instead of the motorbike to reduce in speed, it increased. I closed my eyes and said a prayer to God that Brother Wale shouldn’t collide with the electric pole ahead of him.

As I opened my eyes, I saw that somehow brother managed to escape that electric pole, next he was heading to the bush.

How cruel of Brother Okon; he cared not of the life of my elder brother but that his motorbike remained intact. “My Okada! My Okada!” He shouted as we chased Brother Wale and the bike.

I saw that there was another electric pole not too far from Brother Wale. “My brother! My brother!” I cried running ahead of the beast Brother Okon.

And…………………

The worst happened; the bike hit the electric pole, then Brother Wale fell off rolling down the hill.

“Brother Wale!” I cried.

He was rolling down the hill like he was acting a Hollywood movie. I thought it was film trick.

“Brother Wale!” I cried out.

“see this guy don spoil my okada!” I heard Brother Okon said as I sloped down the hill after Brother Wale.

On getting to the bottom of the hill………………… “Brother Wale where are you?” I cried.

Legend has it that rocks are displaced by the wind from the top of the hill and they roll down the hill especially in October.

October 4th was the day I thought Brother Wale would die.

“Brother Wale where are you!” Tears rolled down.

What came to my mind was that I would be orphan alone; I would stay alone in that big house. All my love ones where gone, I would be the love one to myself, the mother to myself, the father to myself and the Brother Wale to myself. I would prepare bean cakes myself, Axe the wood myself, sell the bean cakes myself, I would go to the farm and work all day alone, cultivate alone, sell, spend the money alone and at night I would sleep in the dark room with the cockroaches alone.

“If Brother Wale die, who will I lie to occasionally?” I said to myself as I searched for his body.

“Who will spank me when I go wrong?”

“Who will teach me to be a man?”

“Who will knock my head when I err? Who?”

“Brother Wale where are you?” I cried with a loud voice.

“I am here!” I thought I heard an angel.

“Where are you?”

“I am over here!” I could locate where the voice sounded from.

Lying like a helpless baby was Brother Wale and he was seemingly not hurt.

“Are you okay Brother?”

“I am okay!” He stood up. I was shocked.

“Are you sure?” For clarity sake.

“I said I okay!” He raised his voice, “And why are you crying?”

“Me? Crying?”

“yes na! see tears in your eyes”

“Okay! Something entered my eyes! An ant” Linus Seyi Bobo.

“Brother I am happy you are okay oh!”

“yes I am okay, just that my trouser tore”

“You said?”

“I said, my trouser tore”

I bent down and saw that his trouser sustained the injury he was supposed to sustain, then I laughed.

“hahahahahahahaha!”

“kpoooooo!” a knock landed on my head.

Lolz waiting for more...... Feed me more

tomzee2:
Lolz waiting for more...... Feed me more

Vote me more too

Affection and laughter makes life a happy one. Flow1759 i greet u o

“Brother I don tayah oh! My waist dey pain me!” I complained one night at the hangout.

“really! Your waist ehennnnn!” Brother Wale said, “your waist will stop paining you when there will be no school fees for you next term”

“but Brother I have tried na! I am tired!” Smoke from the fire attacked my eyes.

“you are tired ehnnnn! Do you know how much we have made today?”

“no! I don’t know!”

“we have made just two hundred naira!” He informed.

“Ahaann! It’s a lie!”

“How dare you call me a liar? How dare you?” He stood up.

“Me? Did I call you a liar?”

“Then what did you just say?” He raised his voice.

“I talk say me I be liar!” I confessed.

But why brother Wale! We sold at worst two thousand naira that night I was sure. Deep down I knew Brother Wale’s best friend Brother Igboh would take a greater percentage of the night’s sale.



“Brother Where are you going to?” I asked.

“Why are you asking me?” He queried.

“Because I am my brother’s keeper!” I answered.

“Brothers keeper! The only thing you should keep right now is that bean cake on fire!” He walked out.

I knew he was going to - he was going to visit his best friend Brother Igboh. It was this same brother Igboh that made him carried a generator on his head to the market preaching the gospel – Gospel according to Igboh I suppose.

It was a bright Saturday afternoon and Brother Wale had just returned from Brother Igboh’s house situated by the bush part where Igboh kwenu the seller stayed.

“I have head ache!” He complained, “get me water!”

In the kitchen, Maami asked me if Brother Wale was back from his friend’s place, I said yes.

“here is the cup of water!” I offered.

“thank you! Have you eaten?” He asked.

“Yes I have! Your own food is in the kitchen!” I said, “brother there something I want to tell you oh!”

“SB my man!! what is it?” At such time he was very caring.

“ehnn, My school sandal is old, I want another one!”

“ok! How much will it cost to buy another one?”

“one thousand naira sir!” I answered.

“okay I will give you the money tomorrow!” He promised, but he and I knew the promise was prompted by the brother Igboh in him.

“thank you brother Wale!”

As I bent down to pick the cup to return it to the kitchen, Brother Wale stood up and ooh my world! I thought he wanted to land an award winning knock on my head; the kind they call “konk” in pidgin.

That wasn’t what he stood up to do; he stood up and walked towards Baba Bisi’s I-Pass-My-Neighbour generator, he put it off, picked a nearby board, placed the board on his head and next the generator was on his head with the board as the base.

“Brother Wale! Is everything okay?” I shouted.

“You be m’umu oh, your brother don dey mad you dey here dey ask whether everything is okay!” I thought someone whispered to me.

“E fit be say na the water wey you give am nahim cause am oh!” The voice sounded like Yemi’s.

“How water go make person mad?” I spoke out.

“water and Igboh na madness oh!” The voice must sure be devil’s.

“Maami! Maami! Maami!” I ran into the kitchen.


As I and Maami ran in search of where brother Wale and the generator might be, we met Yellow on our way.

“Your Brother stand for near market dey preach to the market women oh!” Yellow said, “him dey n’aked, all the small children dey laugh am!”

“How you take know say him dey n’aked?” I needed to know.

“person wey no wear any cloth no be n’akedness be that?”

“so why you no give am clothe make him wear na?” I queried.

“I get clothe? so na this my boxers I go pull give am abi? So that me sef go dey n’aked abi?” Yellow said, “but sha all the clothe wey them take cover him body, him dey troway them!”

I thought my mother stood hearing all what my friend Yellow said, but as I looked left, I saw that she was nowhere to be found.

“Maami wait for me!” I chased after her.

“So Brother Wale don let everybody see him n’akedness after him don hide am make I no see am? Me wey be him brother? Today I must see that him na’kedness wey him don dey hide from me since” I was lost in my thought.

All of a sudden I collided with something and another something poured me.

“you no dey look where you dey go?” Mama Luku the palm oil seller said.

“Sorry Ma!” I saw that I had been baptized with palm oil.

“you must pay for my oyel oh!” She held my shirt.

“I go pay!” I empty promised.

“oya bring the money!” Mr. Macho was so quick to punch me to the jaw. He had appeared from nowhere.

“Yeah my mouth oooh! Brother Luku wetin I do you?” I cried.

“Bring the money for the oyel now!” He thundered.

“I no get am here! E dey house!”

“you no get am here abi!” Brother Luku let out another punch that spun my head like a big wheel.

Then I was on ground, and I was dumb too.

“get up come fight me na!” Brother Luku was the Heavy weight Champion the neighbourhood boosted of.

As I lied on the ground I recalled I had an outstanding beef with Brother Luku for plucking Mangoes from the mango tree in front of their compound without his permission.

“I am sorry!” I managed to say.

“Sorry for yourself!” He tapped my head and i heard them left.

For Forty minutes I was lying on the ground like the man beaten by thieves in Jericho’s road in the parable of the Good Samaritan yet there was no Samaritan to come help me up.

Children surrounded me and laughed. “na una papa una dey laugh!” I cursed.


When I got home Maami was shocked and she personally gave me a clean bath promising to pay for the palm oil I poured. When I asked her where Brother Wale was and she told me he had been admitted in the hospital I smiled again.

I smiled because my “best friend” wasn’t mad after all.





“take this thing! Wale said you should take it home for him!” Brother Emeka handed over a parcel to me as I closed business for that night.
I could feel from touching the parcel that what was inside was nothing but Brother Igboh.

Melancholy:
Affection and laughter makes life a happy one. Flow1759 i greet u o

I greet you too! Merry Christmas and a happy new year in advance.

Make una go vote for me na! Na beg i dey beg oh! I go cry oh!

See the link here: https://fidelitybank.ng/mytoughjobstory/index.php/ugochukwu/ Vote by clicking the love sign at the bottom of the page, thats all! Thank you.