why not atleast wait till your 300l ?

romance007:
I appreciate you all for your contributions. Though i still got some perturbing questions. Pardon me if am silly.
When it is said it's not easy combining marriage and academics, BESIDES CHILDBIRTH, which other troubles are there?
I currently go to school from my parents home. Thus;
I got a multitude of dishes to wash daily whereas i may end up washing just 2 pieces in my husband's house.
I got several rooms and the compound to sweep sometimes twice daily whereas only some few with less dirt in my husband's house.
I got a community to cook for whereas i got to cook only for two in my husband's house.
I got Mummy, Daddy, and siblings to attend to their errands even after the stress of school whereas it's just my husband's errand i have if married. That's besides the possibility of having a househelp if it becomes too necessary.
I got my siblings assignment to assist with whereas my Husband's assignment would only be on Bed
Daddy wont assist me with that school assignment neither will mummy whereas i believe my husband will be there to assist.
I dont have to chat for hours on call or whatsapp with him since he will be having me around almost always meaning less distractions.
Plus i dont get the pressure of selfservice since he's gonna be there almost whenever needed
favoured234, vilight

Moreso, i dont contribute anything financially to my parents at the moment; Its gonna be the same thing with my hubby too until i graduate of course or he establish small biz for me as we are already planning.
So i ask again, besides the stress of pregnancy and child rearing, anyone wanna educate me on other troubles i havent seen cos of love blindness? Pls dont mind my foolishness if any, Its just LOVE . Thanks

One question I have for you is,when you marry as an undergraduate,who is going to be responsible for your schooling financially?

You are not being silly...
U actually came here to get peoples opinion on what is happening around you


Your parents don't want to burden your husband, they want to be able to pay your fees, mould you and give your husband the best spec of a wife, Your parents know you too well as you still live with them so they feel you are not ready for the marriage...
Just bear with them, it wont last forever... But then do you think you will want to stay 3-4 years without having children while you are married?

When I have my children I will not encourage them to get married until they are matured enough and equipped to be able to fend for themselves.. Learn a trade, handiwork, get a degree or something then take a husband or a wife, I think its really important. Maybe that's what your parents are trying to do

no one can beat chest and say this is how the future will look like .even your parent cannot guarantee you of getin job after your degree with the situation of Ds country.every oda tinz remain speculation!. you and your partner are old enough to make a decision for your selves.jst be sure of what u want and go for t. put God first. that's d key for success.your parent can't be around for you every time whether u lik t or not.but be cool with your approach with them. good parent will always understand their children's position especially wen thy kno thy are sure about t and support.

Maruf05:
no one can beat chest and say this is how the future will look like .even your parent cannot guarantee you of getin job after your degree with the situation of Ds country.every oda tinz remain speculation!. you and your partner are old enough to make a decision for your selves.jst be sure of what u want and go for t. put God first. that's d key for success.your parent can't be around for you every time whether u lik t or not.but be cool with your approach with them. good parent will always understand their children's position especially wen thy kno thy are sure about t and support.

Gbam!! that's just the point. u hit it well
certificate is overrated in Nigeria just cos it's seen as the only key to success.
@op fact is by your age, u may graduate at 26, nysc by 27, and job by 28 that's if things work out like WISHES. by then you may be lucky to find someone who loves u else, the waiting starts and desperation sets in. u are at that point having fewer options and u may never get such marriage material u claim u have now. worst is if u enter 30, enof prayer and fasting be that. lol.

you are an adult and thus responsible for whatever consequence shall follow your action. your daddy and Mum have themselves to themselves. you will be the one dying of loneliness not them. at that point, not the best job can help u with a good husband.
also, if your current guy is the wrong choice, u still live with the consequence. just as I suggested earlier, let your guy be patient to wait till u are in 200lv. plus, I understand u are a Christian. so as hayzed1090 suggested, based on Paul's teaching, it's better to get married now than to keep burning with lustful passion, except of cos if u are already testing the forbidden fruit. with proper planning, and a good hubby, marriage will be a blessing to your academics rather than a curse.
U AIN'T TOO SMALL FOR MARRIAGE BUT WAIT JUST A LITTLE. AND ABOVE ALL, PRAY AND WAIT ON GOD.
lalasticlala n ishilove no go come chop this one

romance007:
I appreciate you all for your contributions. Though i still got some perturbing questions. Pardon me if am silly.
When it is said it's not easy combining marriage and academics, BESIDES CHILDBIRTH, which other troubles are there?
I currently go to school from my parents home. Thus;
I got a multitude of dishes to wash daily whereas i may end up washing just 2 pieces in my husband's house.
I got several rooms and the compound to sweep sometimes twice daily whereas only some few with less dirt in my husband's house.
I got a community to cook for whereas i got to cook only for two in my husband's house.
I got Mummy, Daddy, and siblings to attend to their errands even after the stress of school whereas it's just my husband's errand i have if married. That's besides the possibility of having a househelp if it becomes too necessary.
I got my siblings assignment to assist with whereas my Husband's assignment would only be on Bed
Daddy wont assist me with that school assignment neither will mummy whereas i believe my husband will be there to assist.
I dont have to chat for hours on call or whatsapp with him since he will be having me around almost always meaning less distractions.
Plus i dont get the pressure of selfservice since he's gonna be there almost whenever needed
favoured234, vilight

Moreso, i dont contribute anything financially to my parents at the moment; Its gonna be the same thing with my hubby too until i graduate of course or he establish small biz for me as we are already planning.
So i ask again, besides the stress of pregnancy and child rearing, anyone wanna educate me on other troubles i havent seen cos of love blindness? Pls dont mind my foolishness if any, Its just LOVE . Thanks

Oh sweetie.

After this comment, your mental age in most people's eyes dropped from 21 to 18 (or even younger).

See, washing plate and sweeping is not the hardest thing in marriage. Cooking is actually one of the easiest things in marriage. But the one thing you are under-rating, is the biggest one that will cause most of your issues:

PREGNANCY AND PARENTHOOD.

Everything is easier until you have to care for a child. Your parents did it and because they didn't tell you how hard it was, you now think it's easy.

Cooking= 2 hours by yourself, max
Cooking with a child= good luck finishing up in 3 hours

Chores with your siblings=1 hour as long as you marshall them into working
Chores with your baby= well, if your baby will eventually agree to sleep on your back, you'll have more time whilst you tiredly move around your house.

Bills with your parents= what bills? Buying credit is not a bill
Bills with your husband and child= let' s see, one immunization injection can go for N14, 000 (minus the 10 more you will need), you will panickedly start asking for cheaper diapers than Pampers, then creche is never cheap, and good luck finding a nanny who doesn't resent the constant wailing of your child and you need fuel (babies shouldn't sleep. in the heat abi), oohh right, food (formula is like N2500 per can for the cheap ones), then you need to do your hair, look nice, hubby needs fuel for the gen (and there are queues) etcetera...

Frustration is the most common emotion in these parts and it takes a lot of maturity and patience not to transfer it to your spouse. So please calculate the number of people managing their frustrations properly by reading the crime section, family section and health section. Remember too, that every horror story you read, started with a happy couple. And some were more prepared than you.

I was actually going to tell you to wait 2 years but now I'll increase it to 3 years. You're not ready and you're walking in blind and naive. And you will probably learn the hard way that marriage is more than egusi soup, sweeping and washing clothes. And there is a 65% chance that you will end up watching your words very carefully in that house or courting a beating from your husband, especially with the age difference (my love this is Nigeria, where every wife beater loves Jesus more than the Disciples).

If you really wanna be a bit more ready, either face school or start a business and start contributing to your family's expenditure. Why not start paying NEPA bill monthly, so you'll understand how frustrating it is to count out money for something you don't have often (that is how Nigeria works). While you're assuming that bill, go and read this thread below:
https://www.nairaland.com/971395/new-born-babies-u-new
so you can see what mothers go through.

Because at the rate you're going and how short-sighted you are (the economy is crashing and here you are rushing headlong into being a man's liability by expecting him to open a business for you or support you financially and he won't remember he was encouraging you to to not think of your future carefully, nah slap e go use chase u the day he comes home tired and broke and u start asking for money for business, money for diaper and househelp, money for church sowing seed blah blah), I really dont want to see you on NL later on, sounding bitter.

We already have too many bitter men and women here, don't add yourself to that number darling.

Onegai

I laughed when I read that.

Besides childbirth what else is there?
Like really?

Onegai:


Oh sweetie.

After this comment, your mental age in most people's eyes dropped from 21 to 18 (or even younger).

See, washing plate and sweeping is not the hardest thing in marriage. Cooking is actually one of the easiest things in marriage. But the one thing you are under-rating, is the biggest one that will cause most of your issues:

PREGNANCY AND PARENTHOOD.

Everything is easier until you have to care for a child. Your parents did it and because they didn't tell you how hard it was, you now think it's easy.

Cooking= 2 hours by yourself, max
Cooking with a child= good luck finishing up in 3 hours

Chores with your siblings=1 hour as long as you marshall them into working
Chores with your baby= well, if your baby will eventually agree to sleep on your back, you'll have more time whilst you tiredly move around your house.

Bills with your parents= what bills? Buying credit is not a bill
Bills with your husband and child= let' s see, one immunization injection can go for N14, 000 (minus the 10 more you will need), you will panickedly start asking for cheaper diapers than Pampers, then creche is never cheap, and good luck finding a nanny who doesn't resent the constant wailing of your child and you need fuel (babies shouldn't sleep. in the heat abi), oohh right, food (formula is like N2500 per can for the cheap ones), then you need to do your hair, look nice, hubby needs fuel for the gen (and there are queues) etcetera...

Frustration is the most common emotion in these parts and it takes a lot of maturity and patience not to transfer it to your spouse. So please calculate the number of people managing their frustrations properly by reading the crime section, family section and health section. Remember too, that every horror story you read, started with a happy couple. And some were more prepared than you.

I was actually going to tell you to wait 2 years but now I'll increase it to 3 years. You're not ready and you're walking in blind and naive. And you will probably learn the hard way that marriage is more than egusi soup, sweeping and washing clothes. And there is a 65% chance that you will end up watching your words very carefully in that house or courting a beating from your husband, especially with the age difference (my love this is Nigeria, where every wife beater loves Jesus more than the Disciples).

If you really wanna be a bit more ready, either face school or start a business and start contributing to your family's expenditure. Why not start paying NEPA bill monthly, so you'll understand how frustrating it is to count out money for something you don't have often (that is how Nigeria works). While you're assuming that bill, go and read this thread below:
https://www.nairaland.com/971395/new-born-babies-u-new
so you can see what mothers go through.

Because at the rate you're going and how short-sighted you are (the economy is crashing and here you are rushing headlong into being a man's liability by expecting him to open a business for you or support you financially and he won't remember he was encouraging you to to not think of your future carefully, nah slap e go use chase u the day he comes home tired and broke and u start asking for money for business, money for diaper and househelp, money for church sowing seed blah blah), I really dont want to see you on NL later on, sounding bitter.

We already have too many bitter men and women here, don't add yourself to that number darling.

I laughed so hard too. Onegai, thumb up!! Op, don't try it. Finish school and get a job before ever dream of marriage.

cococandy:
I laughed when I read that.
Besides childbirth what else is there?
Like really?

First of all I am sure your parents have more than one source of income but you want to rush into a marriage with only one source of income everything every bill is hinged on that one income source. What happens if God forbid he looses that job? What do you fall back on?

Secondly you are your parents responsibility even when things are bad they won't see you as the source of their problems but God forbid things get tight when you rush in and marry you become the source of the problem, it is at this point fake pastors will start seeing you as the one behind his challenges.

Having a baby like someone said is very very very expensive I emphasise very. Go to Stellas blog and see women who rushed into marriage like you begging for diapers, food and baby items because the husbands they thought would do everything for them now see them as lazy burdens.
You need to learn how to take care of yourself first before you bring a child into this world.

In today's world being a woman is beyond cooking and washing plates and playing wife.

I advice that if you are so bent on getting married you start doing small small business and raising some money independently, like someone said start paying bills like light and gas bills in your parents house. If you can raise money from a side business as well as manage your schooling and contribute financially to a home then you are ready for marriage. But please do not hinge all your plans on only your husbands income

Why is everyone saying the op is too young at 21 to be married? And why is it an impossibility to get married and go to school at the same time? My parents did it, a lot of my female relatives have done it and it worked for them, one even graduated with first class.

Op if you have tought about this carefully and wisely and you still feel that is what you should do, convince your parents to let you get married and show them why you feel you are ready to me married. Your husband should also be able to prove to them that he can take care of you and support you all through.

It is better to be married than to burn, so says the Bible.

By the way for how long have you known him and how long have you been dating?
Have you sat down with him to discuss how he plans on combining the cost of running a household and also financing your education?

Thanks again for all your responses. Well appreciated.
Actually we have planned on delaying childbirth till we are settled in the marriage so we can plan better on the possibility of managing a child once we have a real feel of how marriage and studies is. Also, i make cakes and do braids but have made little income from that since its mostly family and friends requests. He has also been assisting me in school though my parents pay most of the bills. Ive known hiim for two years now and i believe he understands his responsibilities.

Infact, he made me open a special savings acct sometimes back where he plans on saving money for my studies once i step into his house. Within 7 months, he droped 60k but i depreciated it to 40k on his own accord. We are thinking of marrying the later part of next year and he still plans to continue saving into that acct. He told me that some 80% of whatever we grabs from our wedding reception (naija style fund raising ) will be sent to the same acct. That he wants a situation where the money will build up so that i could start a mini biz that will not take much of my time and that can support my schooling when he's broke. I hav also not let my emotions becloud my reasoning too much but i believe he wil make a good hubby. Oh God, help me not to shoot myself in the foot. Am not being stubborn not to listen to your opinions ohh. Just wanting to sample lots of opinions.
Onegai, cococandy, jadelyn007

I don't have much to say here but only to read, depict, understand and learn from comments

romance007:
Thanks again for all your responses. Well appreciated.
Actually we have planned on delaying childbirth till we are settled in the marriage so we can plan better on the possibility of managing a child once we have a real feel of how marriage and studies is. Also, i make cakes and do braids but have made little income from that since its mostly family and friends requests. He has also been assisting me in school though my parents pay most of the bills. Ive known hiim for two years now and i believe he understands his responsibilities.

Infact, he made me open a special savings acct sometimes back where he plans on saving money for my studies once i step into his house. Within 7 months, he droped 60k but i depreciated it to 40k on his own accord. We are thinking of marrying the later part of next year and he still plans to continue saving into that acct. He told me that some 80% of whatever we grabs from our wedding reception (naija style fund raising ) will be sent to the same acct. That he wants a situation where the money will build up so that i could start a mini biz that will not take much of my time and that can support my schooling when he's broke. I hav also not let my emotions becloud my reasoning too much but i believe he wil make a good hubby. Oh God, help me not to shoot myself in the foot. Am not being stubborn not to listen to your opinions ohh. Just wanting to sample lots of opinions.
Onegai, cococandy, jadelyn007

you sound very intelligent, but do you know that people break promises? How about if he sets up the business now so that by the end of next year u would have saved a reasonable amount so that you can also support him. I don't know how that's going to work anyway cos family members who got married while in school never worked so it's going to be much harder for you but I believe you can handle it if you plan well. Good luck

Goodluck

romance007:
Thanks again for all your responses. Well appreciated.
Actually we have planned on delaying childbirth till we are settled in the marriage so we can plan better on the possibility of managing a child once we have a real feel of how marriage and studies is. Also, i make cakes and do braids but have made little income from that since its mostly family and friends requests. He has also been assisting me in school though my parents pay most of the bills. Ive known hiim for two years now and i believe he understands his responsibilities.

Infact, he made me open a special savings acct sometimes back where he plans on saving money for my studies once i step into his house. Within 7 months, he droped 60k but i depreciated it to 40k on his own accord. We are thinking of marrying the later part of next year and he still plans to continue saving into that acct. He told me that some 80% of whatever we grabs from our wedding reception (naija style fund raising ) will be sent to the same acct. That he wants a situation where the money will build up so that i could start a mini biz that will not take much of my time and that can support my schooling when he's broke. I hav also not let my emotions becloud my reasoning too much but i believe he wil make a good hubby. Oh God, help me not to shoot myself in the foot. Am not being stubborn not to listen to your opinions ohh. Just wanting to sample lots of opinions.
Onegai, cococandy, jadelyn007

[quote author=jadelyn007 post=40924417]Why is everyone saying the op is too young at 21 to be married? And why is it an impossibility to get married and go to school at the same time? My parents did it, a lot of my female relatives have done it and it worked for them, one even graduated with first class.[quote]

No-one is saying 21is too young to marry, but her maturity version of 21is too young. And I had many married classmates: they were constantly dumping their schoolwork. on us when it came to group assignments because they had other responsibilities. It drove me mad (why do I have to do your job because you made a choice that doesn't concern me?! ) its not easy and the OP was blithely sailing into it.

romance007, it seems you guys have a plan. But don't marry now or next year. You cannot control pregnancy (one of my sis got pregnant on an IUD) and your mini business has to be super-successful to fund your schooling if things get tight for him. Please don't let him pay your school fees as when he gets frustrated, he will resent you and you won't understand why he "forgot" he wanted this. And do start paying a bill in your home now so you know what it feels like. All the best.

Romance007,

I would like to hug you and tell you what you would like to hear because you sound nice, intelligent and in love but I will tell you what I would tell a dear person in your situation.

It could go both ways. It could be the best or worse decision so you know your situation and know what's best for you but I would like to tell you a few things.

People break promises most of the time for selfish purposes but sometimes because life happens. If those promises are broken, where does that leave you? Most women today got married with such promises that the man never kept and is regretting it today.

I would not advice any woman to get married today without her being independent. Times have changed and there is nothing as good as a person ( man or woman ) being independent.


In all, I wish the best of luck and hope you make the best decision for yourself.

It depends on the kind of man ur fiance is. It's a common thing for pple to get married while schooling,turned well for some nd bad for others. Honestly, all the ones I hv seen it actually turned well for them and guess what they all had babies in school(in medical school).I think most parents object initially ,bt in the long run they give in.
It is not easy to get married while schooling, bt it isn't so hard . There are problems here and there bt u would pull thru as long as both of you really want to be with eachother.
Just make sure u are a matured,tolerant and considerate person, and he is d same too,that's all you need.

babygirlfl:
Romance007,

I would like to hug you and tell you what you would like to hear because you sound nice, intelligent and in love but I will tell you what I would tell a dear person in your situation.

It could go both ways. It could be the best or worse decision so you know your situation and know what's best for you but I would like to tell you a few things.

People break promises most of the time for selfish purposes but sometimes because life happens. If those promises are broken, where does that leave you? Most women today got married with such promises that the man never kept and is regretting it today.

I would not advice any woman to get married today without her being independent. Times have changed and there is nothing as good as a person ( man or woman ) being independent.


In all, I wish the best of luck and hope you make the best decision for yourself.

GBAM!my thoughts exactly@op onegai has outlined all you need to know..Infact,I have to give her an e-hug.People feel marriage is easy sailing.Coming from a family with 7 married aunts has opened my eyes to a lot of harsh realities about marriage.That is why,I can even remain engaged till 2017.I have understood that marriage is a lifetime affair.Why rush to a place you will eventually remain all your life?Marriage works better when 2 whole persons come together.Not when one is still struggling with her goals,and expecting the other to support.Let me quote my mum "To marry a nigerian man of this generation,you need to have your own money!"That's my concern for you o.My advice is..finish your education before you think of getting married.When I was serving as a mediator, many divorces I mediated on were borne out of financial issues and sex.For me o,at 21 I don't see you having the emotional maturity to deal with the challenges of marriage.Don't let emotions becloud your reasoning.Because in marriage,shi.t gets real o.You would be better insured with your certificate in your hands and a job/business that gives u ur own money.Besides,you don't expect your parents to continue paying your fees when you marry.Husband and father is different o..when you need money for school,that's where different complains will start because you are not working,and with time the guy is bound to be overwhelmed with different bills piling up.He will sooner or later take out the frustration on you.Do the smart thing and listen to your parents.They are right most of the time because they have more experience on life's issues.

Go for education first as your parents said.

Remember that this is a country with k-leg (a bad country).

byvan03:
If you feel you are ready , take the leap. I took this decision years back and am glad I did . if you aren't a very determined individual , you might have to think it through again . I had my kids in between schooling and service , ofcourse I spent only 4yrs in school . i don't know where people see this loser young married ladies scenerio they project here.
I am surrounded by go getters that married pretty early and juggling all the balls that counts . the youngest professor in my department was a woman who married at 19 . she was my HOD in school . My closest colleague at work is only 31 , she is on her PhD now, her last child is 7. I have so many people I know that didn't fit into this ridiculous scenerios posed here .
The older women that got married at 30 with supposedly lots of money , did they all make a happy home? If you are sure of this man , not because he gives you gifts but because you see a good heart in him , convince your parents . I don't see why I will wait for tomorrow what I can do today .
Child care can be mind blowing when you are without help and schooling , it surely blew my mind and i blew it right back . I can't talk enough on the spousal support I got , he was hands on .
Just be sure of this guy, good luck . A good marriage is a blessing not a curse, age = numbers . Trust me if you know what you are doing, you wont be needing advice from older women because a lot of them have an unbelievable notion of marriage . Make sure you are dealing with a mentally matured individual please .

finally someone agrees with me. From experience once the man is supportive and keeps to his words then they will be able to make it work together. I've seen it work time without number when both parties put their backs to it.

People have and will successfully marry at the age you plan to marry.


You can finish school and still not be ready for marriage, yes there are many late 20's and 30's that are not ready for marriage. What makes the difference is maturity. Maturity comes from knowledge gathered from personal and general life experiences. Some successfully young married girls armed themselves with maturity knowledge before marriage or in marriage. The truth is girls your age mingle with each other and as such know only things you said earlier but since you want to grow faster than your peers, mingle with women not girls, vorariously gather marriage knowledge from book and life from now till next year because your immaturity can frustrate him even if he is good. Then be very sure he is the right one. The success is up to you.

If you feel you are ready , take the leap. I took this decision years back and am glad I did . if you aren't a very determined individual , you might have to think it through again . I had my kids in between schooling and service , ofcourse I spent only 4yrs in school . i don't know where people see this loser young married ladies scenerio they project here.

I am surrounded by go getters that married pretty early and juggling all the balls that counts . the youngest professor in my department was a woman who married at 19 . she was my HOD in school . My closest colleague at work is only 31 , she is on her PhD now, her last child is 7. I have so many people I know that didn't fit into this ridiculous scenerios posed here .

The older women that got married at 30 with supposedly lots of money , did they all make a happy home? If you are sure of this man , not because he gives you gifts but because you see a good heart in him , convince your parents . I don't see why I will wait for tomorrow what I can do today .

Child care can be mind blowing when you are without help and schooling , it surely blew my mind and i blew it right back . I can't talk enough on the spousal support I got , he was hands on .

Just be sure of this guy, good luck . A good marriage is a blessing not a curse, age = numbers . Trust me if you know what you are doing, you wont be needing advice from older women because a lot of them have an unbelievable notion of marriage . Make sure you are dealing with a mentally matured individual please .

jadelyn007:
finally someone agrees with me. From experience once the man is supportive and keeps to his words then they will be able to make it work together. I've seen it work time without number when both parties put their backs to it.

Waiting to be a graduate and bag a job is no excuse in my opinion, you can still be a wife, a graduate, a mother if you want and still bag same job. I believe the man isn't a child, he saw matured working spinsters before he fell for an undergraduate. I also believe he is braced for the challenges ahead, once they are determined to make it work, it will work . Education first or marriage first guarantees nothing, isn't it better to take both on board if you are convinced you are with your man?

As a matter of fact, the younger you are married, the more time you will have in your hands to become whatever you want to be. At 30 your kids should be in primary school and you still have plenty time to do more with your life. You will enjoy early marriage with the right guy, nothing beats growing into maturity and building lots of youthful fond memories.

byvan03:




Waiting to be a graduate and bag a job is no excuse in my opinion, you can still be a wife, a graduate, a mother if you want and still bag same job. I believe the man isn't a child, he saw matured working spinsters before he fell for an undergraduate. I also believe he is braced for the challenges ahead, once they are determined to make it work, it will work . Education first or marriage first guarantees nothing, isn't it better to take both on board if you are convinced you are with your man?

As a matter of fact, the younger you are married, the more time you will have in your hands to become whatever you want to be. At 30 your kids should be in primary school and you still have plenty time to do more with your life. You will enjoy early marriage with the right guy, nothing beats growing into maturity and building lots of youthful fond memories.

gbam! Exactly! My cousin got married at 20 in year 1, she would leave her kids with her very sweet mother in-law who was a retired headmistress and her very supportive husband who bought her a car to make her commuting from home to school easy, she also had a maid. She ended up graduating with a first class degree. That is just one of the other family members who it worked for.
There is no rush and at the same time it is not to early

byvan03:




Waiting to be a graduate and bag a job is no excuse in my opinion, you can still be a wife, a graduate, a mother if you want and still bag same job. I believe the man isn't a child, he saw matured working spinsters before he fell for an undergraduate. I also believe he is braced for the challenges ahead, once they are determined to make it work, it will work . Education first or marriage first guarantees nothing, isn't it better to take both on board if you are convinced you are with your man?

As a matter of fact, the younger you are married, the more time you will have in your hands to become whatever you want to be. At 30 your kids should be in primary school and you still have plenty time to do more with your life. You will enjoy early marriage with the right guy, nothing beats growing into maturity and building lots of youthful fond memories.

Wanted to tag you but thought you would mind.

In this life, no absolutes.

As far as the guy is right and she knows the challenges, it will be well.

I love the last 3 or so comments coming from ladies with even experience. Those other ladies posting earlier painted us men like some horrible creatures,with all of us having tendencies of abusing women and being deceptive. Truth is, i got many aunts who are in their late 20s and early 30s, unmarried and though being graduates have not been able to land a beta job apart from private school jobs that pay 10-20k and overwork them. Am not happy when i see them desperate abt marriage and crying like small babies once a relationship they hope will end up in marriage goes gaga. One of them who after graduating with a law degree, went to law school, served and married at 28. After a year or so, she had a still birth and its 2 yrs now without another pregnancy. She once told me "if i had known, i would have married while in school, at least, i should hav one or two children now". Besides, she wont be in school forever. At most, 4yrs and she can also start supporting him once she lands a job.

Fact is girl, take your time to study this man. there are good men out there and i know i myself will make a good husband . If you got the right person, looked at all the consequences listed here for u and you are fully convinced it's a go, pls take the leap. If your parents still insists, then i think they care less about your happiness and are probably more concerned of the EGO they gonna get by people hailing them for sponsoring u to a degree . I dont even understand y they should insist on keeping u and spending more money just for someone to come and carry u away and benefit from their labor when they hav someone willin to take away the stress rightaway. Well, maybe they are well bucksd up.

Lastly, since u say u are a Christian, if they oppose, you could get your pastors to intervene. sometimes, they wield a very great influence especially if u are close to them or have spoken heart to heart with them. start getting close to ur spiritual leaders now if uve not done so. they can also advice u about your plans. [color=#000099][/color] Just make sure u are academically sound sha else carry overs fit punish u especially if u got a child. U are responsible for your actions ohh. Look b4 you leap. But dont wait and expire at home.

and for queenfav who can wear a 'waiting ring' till 2017, na una type dem Olukoya and Oyedepo dey complain abt. I wish u well on your path to widowhood cos as Gordons talk, "woman wey dey 40 and never marry don turn selfmade widow"
romance007, Wish U best of Luck.

.

donpata:
I love the last 3 or so comments coming from ladies with even experience. Those other ladies posting earlier painted us men like some horrible creatures,with all of us having tendencies of abusing women and being deceptive. Truth is, i got many aunts who are in their late 20s and early 30s, unmarried and though being graduates have not been able to land a beta job apart from private school jobs that pay 10-20k and overwork them. Am not happy when i see them desperate abt marriage and crying like small babies once a relationship they hope will end up in marriage goes gaga. One of them who after graduating with a law degree, went to law school, served and married at 28. After a year or so, she had a still birth and its 2 yrs now without another pregnancy. She once told me "if i had known, i would have married while in school, at least, i should hav one or two children now". Besides, she wont be in school forever. At most, 4yrs and she can also start supporting him once she lands a job.

Fact is girl, take your time to study this man. there are good men out there and i know i myself will make a good husband . If you got the right person, looked at all the consequences listed here for u and you are fully convinced it's a go, pls take the leap. If your parents still insists, then i think they care less about your happiness and are probably more concerned of the EGO they gonna get by people hailing them for sponsoring u to a degree . I dont even understand y they should insist on keeping u and spending more money just for someone to come and carry u away and benefit from their labor when they hav someone willin to take away the stress rightaway. Well, maybe they are well bucksd up.

Lastly, since u say u are a Christian, if they oppose, you could get your pastors to intervene. sometimes, they wield a very great influence especially if u are close to them or have spoken heart to heart with them. start getting close to ur spiritual leaders now if uve not done so. they can also advice u about your plans. [color=#000099][/color] Just make sure u are academically sound sha else carry overs fit punish u especially if u got a child. U are responsible for your actions ohh. Look b4 you leap. But dont wait and expire at home.

and for queenfav who can wear a 'waiting ring' till 2017, na una type dem Olukoya and Oyedepo dey complain abt. I wish u well on your path to widowhood cos as Gordons talk, "woman wey dey 40 and never marry don turn selfmade widow"
romance007, Wish U best of Luck.

thank u ooo.The fact is some of us actually plan our life.I won't join the bandwagon of ladies getting married every saturday to prove a point.There are things I have to put in place and get checked out before taking that step.And ooh..I forgot!Marriage to me is not the be all and end all of life, neither is it the holy grail..!If it were my problem,I would have been married sinceeeeee.So not every girl you meet has marriage as a top priority.There are many rushing out,so I see no need to rush in to please anyone.I'll do it when I am ready for the responsiblities and obligations it brings with it.I have some friends who rushed into marriage and are biting their fingers already.I am a divorce attorney who knows a lot more about the harsh realities of marriage than you obviously do.I have seen enough to know that its not how fast you go in,but how well prepared and enlightened you are,to stand the challenges in marriage and conquer it.It is not sth you go into acting on emotions.in fact,you have to make sure you are well insured against unforseen circumstances that may happen.If you assume its smooth sailing because the couples u know don't tell you their problems,then you seriously have to get off your high horse!I pity any lady who would get married because of parental/peer pressure or the fact that they want to start a family early.That's why cases of divorce is on the increase!I don't know it all ,but I know that I won't get married when I am not emotionally and financially ready for it.That's a risk I can't take.

Oh well...

queenfav:
thank u ooo.The fact is some of us actually plan our life. I won't join the bandwagon of ladies getting married every saturday to prove a point .There are things I have to put in place and get checked out before taking that step.And ooh..I forgot! Marriage to me is not the be all and end all of life, neither is it the holy grail..!If it were my problem,I would have been married sinceeeeee. So not every girl you meet has marriage as a top priority.There are many rushing out,so I see no need to rush in to please anyone.I'll do it when I am ready for the responsiblities and obligations it brings with it.I have some friends who rushed into marriage and are biting their fingers already. I am a divorce attorney who knows a lot more about the harsh realities of marriage than you obviously do.I have seen enough to know that its not how fast you go in,but how well prepared and enlightened you are,to stand the challenges in marriage and conquer it. It is not sth you go into acting on emotions. in fact,you have to make sure you are well insured against unforseen circumstances that may happen. If you assume its smooth sailing because the couples u know don't tell you their problems,then you seriously have to get off your high horse!I pity any lady who would get married because of parental/peer pressure or the fact that they want to start a family early.That's why cases of divorce is on the increase!I don't know it all ,but I know that I won't get married when I am not emotionally and financially ready for it.That's a risk I can't take.

I understand you care less about marriage and that's y in my first post, i warned her to be weary of people as U . In my posts, i gave 70% positive and 30% negative points. you and the other "No" "bandwagon" didnt do that. Instead, u made marriage look like not something worth being excited about. You painted a picture of 100% 'hellfire' for one who will combine marriage and schooling. I understand you are affected by your environment; of coz as a divorce attorney, u dont expect people with good homes to come to you. All those coming to you are those with troubles hence your general opinion. but, u cant use that to give an objective opinion if u realy wanna do. from ur submission, a lady of 30 who is not fully financialy stable should not marry cause of the posibility of troubles ahead. How can i go into marriage making contingent plans for possible divorce? It simply means that i have not studied my spouse or the situation before taking the leap. To me, making alternative plans for a divorce or betrayal or broken promise in marriage is the beginning of failure. It is to me utter foolishness for a woman to seek a job just cos she wanna prepare for any eventualities like divorce or failed promises. Rather, she should quest for a job cos she wishes to support her husband later in the marriage.

For emotional stability, i dont see any big difference between a 28year old unemployed divorcee and a 21year old unemployed divorcee. Both will likely rush to their parents and cry. I think the lady in question has not suggested any pressure from external quarters. I observe she is moved by her emotions within her and she appears to be carrying her brain with along with her. Love is essential for marriage. My point is, when advising, give someone the good side and also the bad sides so the person can make an informed decision. Mind u, there is no friendship in the world, between friends, nations, or even between God and Man that is a "smooth sail". But what i know is that even with trouble times, Marriage is good and soonest, am also "rushing" into it. . There are more excellent ones than the troubled ones. If all it took to make marriage work was mere emotional maturity and financial independence, the USA wont be having this much cases of divorce among it's teaming working class; neither will the divorce cases of high profile Nigerians ever be. GOD BLESS THEE FOR THY SUBMISSIONS.