My friend needs your advice

She just got married recently (about 8 months ago) and moved to the US to meet her husband. She came from a very comfortable life and was doing very well in Nigeria. Fast forward to her relocation, she has to spend months at home processing her papers because in order to be able to work and start life properly in the US , you need a green card. However, finance is currently a big issue between her and her husband. The man has refused to be financially supportive considering the fact that she's not earning income currently and can't work. She's currently using her savings to foot her bills and take care of her self. NB: this wasn't the agreement prior to the wedding. The man gave the impression that he would be financially responsible for her after she relocated until she is able to get a job which is common sense and expected of him. The man's excuse is that he is going through a professional program and barely has time to work, therefore he doesn't have the means to support her at this point. Apart from the financial issue, he also spends a lot of time focusing on his program, she mostly alone most of the time. Now she's currently thinking about moving back to nigeria to work and stabilize her self a bit since her husband is unable to take care of her. The question now is, what would you suggest she does? Be patient and stay? Or go back for sometime and stabilize herself? Is a temporary long distance marriage advisable? (she doesn't intend to stay away for too long).... Your opinions will be appreciated

This is a tough one

In USA, hmm, can she babysit
Can she do hair,
Can she work at African stores

Maybe that husband is worried if she finds a job she will leave him

I live in the US and I know how challenging it is for someone who just relocated from another country to the US. The green card process is first come, first served. There is no mago mago or man know man regarding this matter.
You have no choice but to wait for approval.
The husband should have allowed the wife to wait in Nigeria until he is financially capable of taking care of his responsibilities before bringing her over.
Nevertheless, the program he is going through is something that will be beneficial to the family in the long run.
I sense that the husband might have intimated his wife with this development but the wife might have insisted in joining him ASAP. I say this because Iam going through something similar to this.
My advice is that the wife should endure until her temporary green card comes and she applies for a social security card then she can go back to Nigeria and wait until her spouse has completed his course.
While in Nigeria she can start applying for jobs online while bearing in mind that you may not be able to secure the type of work you had in Nigeria due to lack of job experience in the US. Wish them all the best.

I don't think d matter is dat he can't take care of her, is it not to just feed her and give her allowances according to hw he can afford wch they agreed? I sense something more serious like things may have changed from previous plan..I mean financially. The program may be consuming more than what he planned. Beside why did he not tell her d situation of things b4 she went.

Or she's probably expecting a luxurious lifestyle wch d man may not be able to afford for this moment of his program..I belive they both knew of the program b4 they got married and planned ahead of it. They shd cut dia coat according to dia size.

women will only tolerate a man when there seems to be a halogen lamp at the end of the tunnel.

They obviously have communication issues.I hope they really know each other and this was not an obodo oyinbo marriage.
I think she should endure a bit while trying to secure her papers.That length of time will give her emough time to make a decision of whether to stay after getting her papers or move back to Nigeria to stabilise.The hubby's program may be taking its toll on finances now but they should have considered that before deciding on relocating.

gottliebglobal:
I live in the US and I know how challenging it is for someone who just relocated from another country to the US. The green card process is first come, first served. There is no mago mago or man know man regarding this matter.
You have no choice but to wait for approval.
The husband should have allowed the wife to wait in Nigeria until he is financially capable of taking care of his responsibilities before bringing her over.
Nevertheless, the program he is going through is something that will be beneficial to the family in the long run.
I sense that the husband might have intimated his wife with this development but the wife might have insisted in joining him ASAP. I say this because Iam going through something similar to this.
My advice is that the wife should endure until her temporary green card comes and she applies for a social security card then she can go back to Nigeria and wait until her spouse has completed his course.
While in Nigeria she can start applying for jobs online while bearing in mind that you may not be able to secure the type of work you had in Nigeria due to lack of job experience in the US. Wish them all the best.

Happy new year!

What kinda financial responsibility does she need from her husband? Cos probably the man must be bringing money for feeding and other essentials. .

I suspect your friend is someone that can't 'manage' considering she was living well in Nigeria before travelling. .she should be patient with her husband since he's currently involved in a big financial programme that takes most of his money... Except her husband is lying to her!

Your friend can also start doing some lil works to earn some income. ..

It's just all about communication. ..I don't advise leaving your marriage whether temporary or otherwise, except you're starving. ...

diva90:
My friend needs your advice

She just got married recently (about 8 months ago) and moved to the US to meet her husband. She came from a very comfortable life and was doing very well in Nigeria. Fast forward to her relocation, she has to spend months at home processing her papers because in order to be able to work and start life properly in the US , you need a green card. However, finance is currently a big issue between her and her husband. The man has refused to be financially supportive considering the fact that she's not earning income currently and can't work. She's currently using her savings to foot her bills and take care of her self. NB: this wasn't the agreement prior to the wedding. The man gave the impression that he would be financially responsible for her after she relocated until she is able to get a job which is common sense and expected of him. The man's excuse is that he is going through a professional program and barely has time to work, therefore he doesn't have the means to support her at this point. Apart from the financial issue, he also spends a lot of time focusing on his program, she mostly alone most of the time. Now she's currently thinking about moving back to nigeria to work and stabilize her self a bit since her husband is unable to take care of her. The question now is, what would you suggest she does? Be patient and stay? Or go back for sometime and stabilize herself? Is a temporary long distance marriage advisable? (she doesn't intend to stay away for too long).... Your opinions will be appreciated

She needs a lot of patience now, temporary long distance marriage is not advisable, it can break the marriage completely coupled with her experience now. The marriage needs divine intervention, let her not loose hope and source for as much help she and the husband can get. That marriage can still turn out excellent.

Must she go to hamerika? What's wrong in staying in Nigeria

Aitee1:


Happy new year!

I wish you the same.

SAMBARRY:

Must she go to hamerika? What's wrong in staying in Nigeria

yes na. Is it not her husband she went to?

The real question is WHY she went to the US without adequate papers to work in the first place. She brought this on herself.

Why didn't said husband file for her when she was in Nigeria.

Did she go to the US claiming she was single?

Did he even come to Nigeria for the supposed wedding or did the marriage happen by proxy.


Was her relocation to where he is part of their plan.

Honestly women should reason with their brains biko instead of walking into mud and then asking for ambulance.

I'm pretty sure said husband did not tell her to come.

I still know someone who got married to her husband who simply had work permit, but because she proves she has sufficient ties to Nigeria she visits him on tourist visa for 3-4months a year and he uses all his leave days with her in Nigeria. Till date she does not have immigration issues. If her husband eventually get PR he will apply for her.

I'm beginning to doubt if the story you put here the husband has legal stay in the U.S..
All this talk should be what she and husband should talk about abi which kain marriage be dat?

She should have used her savings to apply for the green card herself instead of waiting for her hubby to pay for it.

They clearly have communication problems (unless you guys are not telling the whole truth).

If she already spent all her savings, then she can ask her parents to loan her the money.

She really needs to talk to her hubby about the future of their marriage.

Double post.

This is one of the reasons modern marriages are failing. You guys just got married and all you guys are thinking of is career and professional programme. Am not married but I know that early stage of marriage should be spent in trying to know & understand each other better. Am sure their courtship was a distance one and now they are married and are staying together yet they mile apart from each other emotionally. Career will come and go but family stays forever.

tough question. I will neva advise her to leave a long distance marriage dnt work most times. She can look for this low paying jobs like house care or wateva to use to sustain herself or do freelancing stuffs. Na U.S she dey na no wahala dere. Its d man dat i pity if d lady wise up he will bite his finger in regret even if he dnt av money he ought nt leave to like bear it alone. Let ur friend think of wat to do to save her marriage and God will be with her