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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Childhood Naughtiness – The Case Of The Mascot And The Mad Man (519 Views)
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Childhood Naughtiness – The Case Of The Mascot And The Mad Man by deturla: 4:50pm On Jan 09, 2016 |
My yansh itched again, As the sun’s heat permeated through my skin, Making me groan from inside. I began to think of the best way to scratch the stupid thing Without attracting attention to myself. It was Xmas period, I had been paid a very silly amount to be a mascot For a primary school having their Santa Claus show; My job was to stay in front of the school like a statue for three hours, While only changing positions un-noticeably at intervals. I was dressed in my customary uniform; My upper body left bare, while A white wrapper adorned my lower body. All uncovered sections of my body were smeared with thick coats of white paint. You would mistake me For a ‘Ojuju Calabar’ Imagine! All these, for a meager amount of 2,500 naira! (Pshew!) As the sun scorched, The heat became unbearable And my body itched more My body? Forgerit o! Na the yansh own bad pass. Kai! Come see me see wahala o! I robotically ‘scratched’ my ‘yansh’ As it started its Libya rebellion again, Praying also that my time will soon be up And I can collect the useless money and go home. While bemoaning my fate, And regretting ever subjecting myself to the mascot ‘wahala’; A mad man walked past. He must have heard me hiss Because he suddenly paused and looked back: He peered at me with interest. His curiosity got the better of him And he walked back towards me. Yee! Mo gbe! Mo ti daran! I began to sweat profusely as he walked towards me. I contemplated between running for my dear life And pretending I was a statue. Before I could make up my mind He stood right in front of me and studied me Like a student studying for JAMB. Suddenly he poked at my chest with his index finger. Me ke! Smart guy! I no even breathe not to talk of shaking. Na me go come mumu sotay mad man go re-arrange my life. He poked my forehead, I remained still. He cocked his head to one side and stared at me. He poked me again, This time around, On my paint covered tummy. I no shake lailai He arched his eyebrow and he pulled my nose. Still I did not move, But me know say I don dey enter am small-small. Suddenly he bent to pick a piece of wood That had been lying at my feet all the while. As he raised his hand to smack me with the wood, I farted loudly. Ol’ Boy! The mess loud no be small! The mad man paused as the sound and smell reached him, Giving me time to device a new plan. I thought about running But when I remembered my 2,5 I changed my mind. Before he could raise his hand again, I started a very slow robotic dance That caught his attention; He dropped the wood and watched me with interest. Before I could say ‘Amen’ Bros sef don join me for the dance. Ol’ boy! Come see as mad man dey dance running man. When he got engrossed in the dance I began to stylishly move from my spot. He must have noticed because he paused, Cocked his head again and Tore me two very hot slaps! Twack! Twack! The slap rang louder than any Chinko ringtone I ever heard in my life. As I saw him raise his hand for another slap Eewo! I moved! Kai! If you see me that day you go know say Usain Bolt no sabi run rara. The slap hot sotay I forget my money. Na how to comot the side dey my mind As for my 2,5….. Well, Maybe I go collect am tomorrow sha! http://deedeesblog.com/2016/01/09/childhood-naughtiness-the-case-of-the-mascot-and-the-mad-man/ |
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