if I had known, I would have stayed more with my dad on hos sick bed more, I was in ss2 then.....now his immediate family is in shambles because of the greed for his money, am left feeling broken with no one to talk to

Caracta:
Very nice thread. Thanks so much for sharing.

Now my question: How are you so sure they are going to die? Reminds me of when my dad was very ill. He had a heart disease and everyone thought he was going to die, including the doctor. Oh well, we said our goodbyes. We cried, we sang. Listened to a dying father bla bla bla.

This is the 5th year. My father is still alive.

I think we just like to wish things away. Like someone said, it's a culture thing. We just do not want to accept or 'give' up on our loved ones. I can't imagine a Nigerian widow sharing funny experiences of her late husband at his funeral. Even Linda Ikeji would blog about it.

I really appreciate this thread. I think it's a privilege to even know when one is dying.

popsy wasnt ready jare, no mind dat messenger of doom

the man has diabetes and all the complications dat comes with dat,

after a scan he was diagnosed with cancer, the thing has spread all over, his wife said wen she told him

he swore " bllody heck" u knw this british pple they are so reserved sometimes u wonder if they have feelings.

typical naija man wud ve been screaming '' i reject it ''

wman:


Only during the holidays. I'm in Osun state most of the time.

It will serve better if you're in Lagos, but you can join the TNC one month one book challenge here:
http://thenakedconvos.com/category/1m1b-club/

send me a mail and i'll tell you who to contact for the bookclub membership.

Royver:

This is a very deep and insightful topic. Kudos.
I remember one of the first deaths I experienced as a fresh intern just out of med school. The guy was a young dude in his late 20s and had HIV. I came to his bed when he was taking his last breaths. At that time HIV was still highly stigmatized disease and all his family had abandoned him to his fate. I saw his struggling and gasping for breath, sweat streaming down his face and very restless. I asked the nurse if anything could be done and she said no, he was already moribund. I could see the agony in his face as he struggled with death.
I had just finished watching an American movie where the guy had been talking to his comatose friend nd consoling him. And they say the last sense to go in death is hearing. So I bent close to him and whispered encouragement and told him he would be OK on the other side, that he shouldn't be afraid. The guy calmed down almost immediately. I squeezed his hand for a short while and then let go. It didn't take long after the fellow died. I honestly felt the talk helped him. It would be nice if people keyed more into this instead of screaming and sometimes hitting and pinching the dying.
Nice thread.

What a great post this is. I remember reading a book called 'Placebo' by Howard Pitman (I recommend this book to pretty much every believer) and he talked about his experience with death and how God spared him and gave him a second chance. He said one of the best ways to die is to be surrounded by friends and family on their death bed because that moment is the lonliest thing you could ever possibly experience and he said he couldn't imagine how terrible it must be for people who die by themselves. How awful that must be.

OP, great insightful post. It's good to take a break from the predominantly shallow and vain posts that seem to dominate this website at times. Thanks for sharing.

On a serious note, one of the powerful deception of the enemy is to convince us that we have enough time. It is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind for months now. That's why I have been praying lately that God would help me not to waste my time because time=life. I pray that God will teach us all to number our days and to redeem the time because the days are evil and everything seems to be designed to distract us. Amen.

davidif:
OP, great insightful post. It's good to take a break from the predominantly shallow and vain posts that seem to dominate this website at times. Thanks for sharing.
On a serious note, one of the powerful deception of the enemy is to convince us that we have enough time. It is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind for months now. That's why I have been praying lately that God would help me not to waste my time because time=life. I pray that God will teach us all to number our days and to redeem the time because the days are evil and everything seems to be designed to distract us. Amen.

True talk! That's why its important too that before doing or decide on something, we have to think with an end in mind. It's even good to think that we will die anytime, hence, we have to be ready for that time. Live life with goodness and love as if its your last day.

bebe2:
hello to u all,

its been a long time since i posted in this section,

i just want to share an experience i had in the past week, i hope someone can gain a thing or two from it.

sorry it abit lenghty

my kids sunday school teachers husband died on last week wednesday. ( got it? na the lady dey teach my children for church
her name is doris, her husbands name is mickey, they are English)

so, back to the reason for this write up,

we went to the ladys house on sunday to visit, met her at the door, she yelled a big hello and carried my daughter
into her house and began to show us round her house.

then we sat down and she began to tell us how it happened, i know the man has been sick for awhile
he had diabetes and had a leg amputated.

got sick on xmas day and was taken to the hospital, he got diagnosed of cancer 4days later and the thing has spread.
they said he didnt have long to live, 36hrs later he was dead. on the day he died he got very sleep drifting in and out of
consciousness. so family started to travel down to say their goodbyes, his niece arrived from portugal at about 10pm, held his hand and called his name, he responded by squeezing her hands.

At about 3am that night, It was just the wife and their daughter that were left with him. his wife said, she sat on his bed put his head on her thighs , held his hand and told him it was ok to go, that she will be fine.

being that the man used to be a lorry driver, she then called his name and told him that he was going on a very long journey, that he shud get in his truck, start the engine, and asked him if he was ready, he nodded gently, she then asked him to start to move away, and she started to sing with his nick name (king of the road) a few minutes later, he completely stopped breathing.

i just sat there crying my heart out, for me it was so emotional, my mind went to the few deaths i have experienced in my family, especially dat of my elder brother, when he was taking his last breath we were all going crazy, shouting, wailing and the doctor too was shouting telling us to stop shouting.

now i sit here wondering, if my brother knew wat was going on, and if he did how did dat make him feel?
wat if one or two of us was calm enuf to sit wit him hold him and just tell him watever happens, we will be ok, mummy will be fine,
ur kids will be looked after, just some calm words to ease him into the after world.

i hope this give someone strength wen they need it becos death is inevitable, but we as a pple shud learn to compose our thoughts and behaviour even under difficult circumstances. today was his funeral service and cremation, the whole family was there very emotional but restrained. his widow sat on my table, telling us funny stories about her husbands sometimes silly behaviour, we laughed and laughed.



I aso want to implore us to show love to the sick and dying, not just by buying medicine or paying their bills, reassure them, hug them if possible, sit calmly with them and gist them positive and uplifting things.

Reach out to ur grand parents and other older relatives , u will regret it if u don't.

If u come across the scene of an accident and you DECIDE to stop, don't just get ur phone out and start snapping, see if anyone is still alive, stay with them and encourage them, take ur outer shirt or scarf off and use it to cover them if u can. tell them help is on the way. Ask them questions if they are responsive, about address, family etc. Pls dont move accident victims unless they are in danger.

Watever happens after that u knw u did something good for a fellow human being.

May GOD give us strength in our Hour of need AMEN.


Crackhaus

there is one book call deaths of man, you may have to read it.

Comment is a bit late but your observation is very apt.

I see how various cultures deal with death.

In emergency room, it is total chaos when an African or a Southern hemisphere person is on his/her way out.
Personnel can sometimes come across as harsh when getting family members out of the way, to get space to work peacefully.

Caucasians tend to sort things out generally just in case: life insurance, will, funeral plan, etc.

Facing death, family members seek advice from counsellors if needs be. And the bereavement office later.

Culturally, if African, you might be branded a "witch" if you don't wail.

Hope we will gradually see death as part of it all, prepare for the inevitable and when the time comes, make a peaceful exit.