My wife and I have been living peacefully,but there's ds issue with one of her elder sisters who is also married.
The elder sister in question is married with 3 kids but has been having issues with the husband who from all indication isn't responsible. The problem now is my wife tend to take the matter up most amongst her siblings,and a point to note is my wife is the last born. I try to tell her not to get too involved especially being at the forefront of trying to defend her sister,trying to fight (not physical) the sisters husband,but she always thinks am not being fair. I even told her she is supposed to allow the elder siblings handle the issue more instead of being at the front but she feels am supporting the irresponsible husband. My wife isn't a troublemaker but then,i wish I can share some of the things the sister's husband did here,but den this story will b longer than ds.
In the past few days,the sister have been having another fresh issue with the husband, and just this morning,i got a call from my wife saying she is going to the sister's place with their mum and dad with maybe one of the elder brothers wch I can't ascertain if d elder brother is actually going with dem,to pack the sister's load out of the husband's house and bring her back to their parents house.
I got angry over the phone,but tried to keep myself in check,coz am at work and didn't want to say anytn I might regret.
I don't know if am not seeing this issue d way I should, but is this right, that my wife should get involved this much with the sister's family,to the extent of following them to pack the sister's things back to their house?
I need matured views pls from matured family men and women pls.
Am gonna get back home later in the evening,i hope this doesn't make things turn sour btw us Coz I hate the level of involvement ,esp being the last born.

I'm sorry sir for commenting cos am not married but still feel like saying something.

Since she's not going alone and like u said "not physical fight" let her satisfy herself so dat won't bring problem to your own family.

U need not to get angry over this.

List the man's 'sins' here first.

Is her life endangered?

I can do anything for my sisters and I won't be happy if someone tries to stop me from doing it.

Topestbilly:
I'm sorry sir for commenting cos am not married but still feel like saying something.

Since she's not going alone and like u said "not physical fight" let her satisfy herself so dat won't bring problem to your own family.

U need not to get angry over this.

Thanks. Ur point is well taken. Didn't mean for married alone persay,just dat sometimes some immature folks message-bomb or gatecrash someone's thread without any meaningful contribution on a serious topic.
Thanks again for contributing.

You want your wife to mind her own business when you are not minding yours?

Your wife sticks her nose in her sister's marriage and you yours into your wife's relation with her sister.

Teach by example.

Mindfulness:
You want your wife to mind her own business when you are not minding yours?

Your wife sticks her nose in her sister's marriage and you yours into your wife's relation with her sister.

Teach by example.

Kindly read the topic of this thread again and do the needful.

henrygale:

Thanks. Ur point is well taken. Didn't mean for married alone persay,just dat sometimes some immature folks message-bomb or gatecrash someone's thread without any meaningful contribution on a serious topic.
Thanks again for contributing.

alright sir, am glad u appreciate my little quarter.

If your wife's sister's life is at risk, I mean if her husband is physically abusive, I support your wife 100%.

We have lost so many people to death due to abusive partners who ain't stopped nor fought back with.
Please, let her be, by the time she's back,(thank God she didn't go there alone), she would tell you why they have to take the action they took.

Life is too precious to loose because of marriage. One can only remain married if one is still alive.

greatgod2012:
If your wife's sister's life is at risk, I mean if her husband is physically abusive, I support your wife 100%.

We have lost so many people to death due to abusive partners who ain't stopped nor fought back with.
Please, let her be, by the time she's back,(thank God she didn't go there alone), she would tell you why they have to take the action they took.

Life is too precious to loose because of marriage. One can only remain married if one is still alive.

I actually support them separating coz of the gross irresponsibility of the husband,i don't think he physically abused her,but den,there r tns worse Dan beating partners do to eachodas dat can make the oda person almost commit suicide wch has been d case severally. she is emotionally broken.

henrygale:
My wife and I have been living peacefully,but there's ds issue with one of her elder sisters who is also married.
The elder sister in question is married with 3 kids but has been having issues with the husband who from all indication isn't responsible. The problem now is my wife tend to take the matter up most amongst her siblings,and a point to note is my wife is the last born. I try to tell her not to get too involved especially being at the forefront of trying to defend her sister,trying to fight (not physical) the sisters husband,but she always thinks am not being fair. I even told her she is supposed to allow the elder siblings handle the issue more instead of being at the front but she feels am supporting the irresponsible husband. My wife isn't a troublemaker but then,i wish I can share some of the things the sister's husband did here,but den this story will b longer than ds.
In the past few days,the sister have been having another fresh issue with the husband, and just this morning,i got a call from my wife saying she is going to the sister's place with their mum and dad with maybe one of the elder brothers wch I can't ascertain if d elder brother is actually going with dem,to pack the sister's load out of the husband's house and bring her back to their parents house.
I got angry over the phone,but tried to keep myself in check,coz am at work and didn't want to say anytn I might regret.
I don't know if am not seeing this issue d way I should, but is this right, that my wife should get involved this much with the sister's family,to the extent of following them to pack the sister's things back to their house?
I need matured views pls from matured family men and women pls.
Am gonna get back home later in the evening,i hope this doesn't make things turn sour btw us Coz I hate the level of involvement ,esp being the last born.

Let's have us a little twist, shall we.

If it was your sister having those issues with her husband, would you meddle or not?

crackhaus:

Let's have us a little twist, shall we.

If it was your sister having those issues with her husband, would you meddle or not?

I will,being a guy,and also the first son......won't allow my sisters or younger ones be much involved.
Note also that my real point isn't that she shouldn't be involved,but taking it up most while the elder ones are stylishly withdrawing is what I don't like about the whole issue. Also note she is the last born here too. Just so tomorrow they won't turn around and say she spearheaded breaking up her sister's home. Also,i think if the sister isn't comfortable with the union anymore,she should be the one to take a walk and not dat she be forced out........like I do say, marriage shouldn't b a do or die affair.
Sometimes last year,d sister came back with her luggage to the parents house,everyone was saying she finally took the bold step,but she went back herself one day unknown to them all to the d husband again! So u c my issue with the over involvement of my wife.

OP. Your wife is a meddler. And so are her family members. Your point of her being the last child and so should take a backseat doesn't hold much ground, as being the eldest doesn't give her the right to interfere in any of her siblings' marriage.

You should call her to order and remind her as far as her sister's marriage is concerned, she and her family are outsiders.

It should be her sister's discretion to park out if she wants and not for any of them to enforce.

Let her know what goes around comes around and she wouldn't like someone else, even your own siblings to break her home when they feel she's at fault in a misunderstanding.

henrygale:

I will,being a guy,and also the first son......won't allow my sisters or younger ones be much involved.
Note also that my real point isn't that she shouldn't be involved,but taking it up most while the elder ones are stylishly withdrawing is what I don't like about the whole issue. Also note she is the last born here too. Just so tomorrow they won't turn around and say she spearheaded breaking up her sister's home. Also,i think if the sister isn't comfortable with the union anymore,she should be the one to take a walk and not dat she be forced out........like I do say, marriage shouldn't b a do or die affair.
Sometimes last year,d sister came back with her luggage to the parents house,everyone was saying she finally took the bold step,but she went back herself one day unknown to them all to the d husband again! So u c my issue with the over involvement of my wife.

Maybe your wife is the closest sibling to her eldest sister and as such feels the most pain regarding the situation.

I understand you though, seeing as I don't like to meddle in things myself...but what serious outcome are you scared could result for your wife in this whole brouhaha, apart from being blamed for breaking up her elder sister's home?

Two wrongs never make a right.
If what you said is TRUE, i would advice you to talk to your wife calmly about the length she's going about this issue. I can say she is doing BUSYBODY in another couple affairs no matter how close or pained she is about her sister's plight. She is married and should understand that issues of the marriage can be restored rather than helping her sister to PACK-OUT.
Has she ever PRAY for her sister's marriage?
Has she ever FASTED for/with her sister concerning the marriage?
Has she ever contributed to the betterment of her sister's marriage in anyway?
Yet, she want to help her sister PACK-OUT of her husbands house/marriage.
It's unheard of.
Truth is, she is contibuting to her sister's Destruction of marriage with other folks involved. She should be ashame of this.
Am not supporting any part on this, but there should be a kind of responsibleness and responsibility from both couple's families/relatives in resolving their issues.
Can't they solve the problem?
Can't they call both party to order?
Can't both families settle the couples marriage issues amicably as elders?
.
Talk to your wife to withdraw from where she is dipping her legs. She should understand how marriage works. You don't interfer to some extent in other peoples' marriage to some extent.
#I just hope she wont put you in trouble.
Talk to your wife! Talk to your wife!!

crackhaus:

Maybe your wife is the closest sibling to her eldest sister and as such feels the most pain regarding the situation.

I understand you though, seeing as I don't like to meddle in things myself...but what serious outcome are you scared could result for your wife in this whole brouhaha, apart from being blamed for breaking up her elder sister's home?

I just don't want my wife labeled and indirectly labelling my family for any reason especially in respect of going to another man's to pack her load!

Olasco93:
Two wrongs never make a right.
If what you said is TRUE, i would advice you to talk to your wife calmly about the length she's going about this issue. I can say she is doing BUSYBODY in another couple affairs no matter how close or pained she is about her sister's plight. She is married and should understand that issues of the marriage can be restored rather than helping her sister to PACK-OUT.
Has she ever PRAY for her sister's marriage?
Has she ever FASTED for/with her sister concerning the marriage?
Has she ever contributed to the betterment of her sister's marriage in anyway?
Yet, she want to help her sister PACK-OUT of her husbands house/marriage.
It's unheard of.
Truth is, she is contibuting to her sister's Destruction of marriage with other folks involved. She should be ashame of this.
Am not supporting any part on this, but there should be a kind of responsibleness and responsibility from both couple's families/relatives in resolving their issues.
Can't they solve the problem?
Can't they call both party to order?
Can't both families settle the couples marriage issues amicably as elders?
.
Talk to your wife to withdraw from where she is dipping her legs. She should understand how marriage works. You don't interfer to some extent in other peoples' marriage to some extent.
#I just hope she wont put you in trouble.
Talk to your wife! Talk to your wife!!

Ok

Your wife is taking it too far, it's not her duty to practically pack her sister's things out her matrimonial home. All you can do is talk and let her be, don't bring another man's issue to your home.

henrygale:

I actually support them separating coz of the gross irresponsibility of the husband,i don't think he physically abused her,but den,there r tns worse Dan beating partners do to eachodas dat can make the oda person almost commit suicide wch has been d case severally. she is emotionally broken.

if that's the case, then leave your wife and her people to liberate her from the bondage called marriage she put herself into. Or do want her dead ni.

In Yoruba land, there's an adage that says........." Dada ko le ja, sugbon o laburo to gboju.


Let your wife fight for her sister. I can do the same.

There's a friend of mine who is still regretting not helping her gentle sister to pack out of her abusive marriage. The woman died as a result of hostilities/cruelty from the husband.

Abeg, a stich in time saves nine.

henrygale, your wife belonged to a family before you married her. being your wife doesn't mean she should cut off from her family. If your own sister has family problems,I bet you will interfere too. as long as it's her sister, she has ever right to fight for her sister.

Don't you think you should also talk sense into your sis-in-law's husband? as in man to man talk?

henrygale:

I just don't want my wife labeled and indirectly labelling my family for any reason especially in respect of going to another man's to pack her load!

Lol, dicey... So your only issue then is her going to help the sister move out her belongings.

Your wife sure has a lot of time on her hands...
The best you can tell your wife is to sit back while her mum, dad, and possibly elder brother goes for the intervention.
However, if you can't talk your wife into not going along, then there's very little we can do to help from here.

byvan03:
Your wife is taking it too far, it's not her duty to practically pack her sister's things out her matrimonial home. All you can do is talk and let her be, don't bring another man's issue to your home.

@byvan, long time.....
I would have agreed with you if I haven't seen someone close to me who died as a result of this mindset. We were actually minding our business until it led to her death, it was then we realised that we shouldn't have minded our business, we should have at least helped her out of the marriage. but it was too late for us to realise.

I'm not a troublesome person myself, but there are some people who are too weak to take appropriate actions they need to be helped before it's too late.
The op said he want them separated, but what if the woman do not have the gut to pack out by herself, don't you think she needs someone's help.

greatgod2012:




@byvan, long time.....
I would have agreed with you if I haven't seen someone close to me who died as a result of this mindset. We were actually minding our business until it led to her death, it was then we realised that we shouldn't have minded our business, we should have at least helped her out of the marriage. but it was too late for us to realise.

I'm not a troublesome person myself, but there are some people who are too weak to take appropriate actions they need to be helped before it's too late.
The op said he want them separated, but what if the woman do not have the gut to pack out by herself, don't you think she needs someone's help.

My dear I dey, hope your squad is cool. OP mentioned that she has been rescued before, only for her to run back to the husband. At this point I personally will never get involved till she needs me. I don't subscribe to forcing a full grown woman out of her marriage, she should have sense enough to leave when she is tired. What if you help her pack and the next day she runs back, the circle repeats severally. You will certainly get tired at some point.


I really don't have much patience for unusually weak people, I just hope that reality knocks them awake at some point. You can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved.

byvan03:



My dear I dey, hope your squad is cool. OP mentioned that she has been rescued before, only for her to run back to the husband. At this point I personally will never get involved till she needs me. I don't subscribe to forcing a full grown woman out of her marriage, she should have sense enough to leave when she is tired. What if you help her pack and the next day she runs back, the circle repeats severally. You will certainly get tired at some point.


I really don't have much patience for unusually weak people, I just hope that reality knocks them awake at some point. You can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved.

I'm cool. Thanks.

Okay!

What is your problem OP

How is your wife's actions affecting you negatively? Would you complain less or feel better if she had invited you to tag along?

I don't actually get why you are bothered ?

ifyalways:
What is your problem OP

How is your wife's actions affecting you negatively? Would you complain less or feel better if she had invited you to tag along?

I don't actually get why you are bothered ?

Hope u know whatever affects a man in marriage also affects the woman partner.
Also try read thru the comments and responses from various contributors first to get the point.
Thanks for your contribution.

henrygale:

I actually support them separating coz of the gross irresponsibility of the husband,i don't think he physically abused her,but den,there r tns worse Dan beating partners do to eachodas dat can make the oda person almost commit suicide wch has been d case severally. she is emotionally broken.

Imagine the situation her sister is going through and you're telling your wife to 'mind her business' . You're just a selfish individual. .
We all need shoulders to lean on when things ain't going right. . Stop being inconsiderate. . She's her blood for God's sake...
Your wife may be the closest to her.. nothing wrong with helping her get her life back if she can..
You too may need help sometime in life and I really wonder how you would feel if your family 'minds their business'...
Whether she's the first born or not is so immaterial, whoever can help should help, they're all adults. ..

PresVA:
Imagine the situation her sister is going through and you're telling your wife to 'mind her business' . You're just a selfish individual. .
We all need shoulders to lean on when things ain't going right. . Stop being inconsiderate. . She's her blood for God's sake...
Your wife may be the closest to her.. nothing wrong with helping her get her life back if she can..
You too may need help sometime in life and I really wonder how you would feel if your family 'minds their business'...i
Whether she's the first born or not is so immaterial, whoever can help should help, they're all adults. ..

If u read my post well,u will c a part I said d lady have been brought back before,but she left and went back without dem knowing one day.
Dey keep indulging her and she keeps making things worse.........and now my wide is spearheading a pack out when her oda siblings are kinda withdrawing.
Just think of it,........i feel if the woman is really tired of her home, she can call a cab,pack her tns herself and leave d house. like I said before,matriage shouldn't be a do or die affair!
Thanks for ur contribution

henrygale:

If u read my post well,u will c a part I said d lady have been brought back before,but she left and went back without dem knowing one day.
Dey keep indulging her and she keeps making things worse.........and now my wide is spearheading a pack out when her oda siblings are kinda withdrawing.
Just think of it,........i feel if the woman is really tired of her home, she can call a cab,pack her tns herself and leave d house. like I said before,matriage shouldn't be a do or die affair!
Thanks for ur contribution

I understand you. . But going by what you said her sister' s situation is: a situation that could trigger suicide. .. it wouldn't be right if they abandon her because she moved back before. . You don't the know psychological effect the whole situation has had on her...
They should take her to a counsellor when she's brought back..it's lack of self esteem/self worth that makes her keep going back to danger. .. she needs to get her life back...

I don't support any minding of business. .she needs her family now more than ever!

Olasco93:
Two wrongs never make a right.
If what you said is TRUE, i would advice you to talk to your wife calmly about the length she's going about this issue. I can say she is doing BUSYBODY in another couple affairs no matter how close or pained she is about her sister's plight. She is married and should understand that issues of the marriage can be restored rather than helping her sister to PACK-OUT.
Has she ever PRAY for her sister's marriage?
Has she ever FASTED for/with her sister concerning the marriage?
Has she ever contributed to the betterment of her sister's marriage in anyway?
Yet, she want to help her sister PACK-OUT of her husbands house/marriage.
It's unheard of.
Truth is, she is contibuting to her sister's Destruction of marriage with other folks involved. She should be ashame of this.
Am not supporting any part on this, but there should be a kind of responsibleness and responsibility from both couple's families/relatives in resolving their issues.
Can't they solve the problem?
Can't they call both party to order?
Can't both families settle the couples marriage issues amicably as elders?
.
Talk to your wife to withdraw from where she is dipping her legs. She should understand how marriage works. You don't interfer to some extent in other peoples' marriage to some extent.
#I just hope she wont put you in trouble.
Talk to your wife! Talk to your wife!!

Shebi, if the sister dies from d abuse of the marriage, the said outsider will be d one to bear d grief n sorrow. Can u watch ur sister or brother suffer without interfering? Na so marriage don hold water reach?
U r talking of her praying n fasting, The question is, is d man ready to change? Abi person go just dey abandon food cos of one yeye man?
Abeg help us fast n pray make Buhari bring d change wey he promise ooo. Since ur own prayer n fasting dey cause wonders.

thelish:

Shebi, if the sister dies from d abuse of the marriage, the said outsider will be d one to bear d grief n sorrow. Can u watch ur sister or brother suffer without interfering? Na so marriage don hold water reach?
U r talking of her praying n fasting, The question is, is d man ready to change? Abi person go just dey abandon food cos of one yeye man?
Abeg help us fast n pray make Buhari bring d change wey he promise ooo. Since ur own prayer n fasting dey cause wonders.

I got your point dear. But try and understand what i said. ''Helping and Supporting your ELDER sister to pack out of her matrimonial home'' is never a solution.
And last i checked, talking about if the man is willing to change'' you have to note that 'You cannot change anybody, only if you LET God intervene...'

PresVA:
I understand you. . But going by what you said her sister' s situation is: a situation that could trigger suicide. .. it wouldn't be right if they abandon her because she moved back before. . You don't the know psychological effect the whole situation has had on her...
They should take her to a counsellor when she's brought back..it's lack of self esteem/self worth that makes her keep going back to danger. .. she needs to get her life back...
I don't support any minding of business. .she needs her family now more than ever!

OK. Noted. Thanks for ur contribution