pls read n advice accordingly. A childhood friend complaned of the challenges she's facing in her marriage. they a married fr 10yrs with 4 kids but her worries is that this man like sleeping with her housemaid. how? the woman is a working class so she lives her house early every mornig n leaves a grown up girl to look after her children the drama started when the grown up girl woke up one morning n told the ma that shes not staying again that shes going, the ma ask her what the prob is but she said nothing but insinst on going,the ma begged but she said no so she went n called the man frm the rm to help n beg the girl when the man shouted n tried to intimidate the girl by telling her that he will call police fr her fr violeting there agreement of going without prio notice, she shouted at the man n tell him to do his worst the madam was surprice at the girl's outbust cos she has not talk to them like that bf.tHAT ONE LEFT without reason.


after sometime she brought another one n she was gd but later changed by talking to the madam anyhow n even treating the children anyhow ma called the hus attn bt man overlooked her. this cont until oneday the woman got home frm wk one evening n was told that the girl left the children to buy things since aftnoon n came back late n the man told her to go back frm where shes coming frm, the girl went downstairs n wait fr the madam.as she come back, she met her at the staircase n ask why, d gl siad oga lock am out ,the madam ask oga how far n the oga said the gl is stubborn n that he doest want the gl in the house again THAT WAS WHEN D GL OPENED UP N STARTED telling ma how oga has been using her n that day in ques he wanted to have sex with her when she pretented that she s going to buy sthing,to avoid him, ma was shocked cos that was the last thing she exptd cos the oga na bornagain xtian dat pray in tongues the JIMJIM BROTHERS the ma quietly settle the gl to so that another per nogo hearam the oga denied flatly saying that the gl is a mad loose gl the ma kept cool n watch.

the ma bring another tenegegirl after coping fr stime with her children cos the oga doesnt put hand in housework at all as in helping the ma no way.THis time oga try to rape the gl cos shes a virgin and as a well trained fearless gl the gl is in sch with d ma children SO on that day he told the gl to send chldn to sch n come back to go n pay NEPA bill WHICH IN UNUSUAL inncently she went back home only fr the man to start chsing her abt in the house n she was shouting later the man had his way. THE gl ran out n wait fr madan outside, when she came back she met her crying outside n ask why ,d gl cld not say anything cos of shock, the ma pet n pet the gl to tlk bf she finally opened up again, ma was helpless doesnt kn what 2 do whether to kill or report the oga to police BUT that one na scandal.she quarelled n threatened the oga to tell evbody the oga talk say na DEVIL d ma wanted to leave the oga bt love fr the childn no greeam.shes still nursing her wound.she sent that one home

NOW ma came back this wkend only fr the 8yr old daughter to tell her that daddy said he will take NKECHI to hosp.(new gl)why? i dont knw, she called the gl to knw if shes not feeling fine bt gl said shes ok then why hosp.IT took ma time to convince the gl to open up n she said that oga sak her if she has made love bf n d gl said NO so the oga said he will take her to hosp to confirm.


So the ma ask the oga why he shld ask d gl such ques, he DENIED that he did not ask her such ques.now even if the gl is lying,is his daughter lying too. So d ma is smelling a rat n she vow to put him in jail if he tries this one agaain


nairalanders pls what do i tell this my friend. pls yr suggestion is needed

charcover i quite appreciate yr adv but the issue of resigning is difficult cos she's is the breadwinner if she resigns, the homefront will suffer i mean childn sch fees,feeding making childn look gd and other expences. he's a self imployed man with a merger allowance thats not even enough fr house rent.

coming to the issue of not hving help at all.we considered and tried it bt we find out that its affecting the woman cos d man is not helping at all .he comes home earlier than the woman to lie on the bed till d ma comes home prepare go to neighbours to get the childn back prep dinner n start washing n claening till arnd 12 am-1 am she will retire in bed fr the oga to demand fr sex which she will dutifully give.

i was the one that adved her to try another help after d second incident thinking dat d man has repented.

abt reporting her to d paster, d gl blow up the rape case n he was called by d elders of d church which i dont knw d outcome of d meeting.
shes thinkink of telling her sis inlaw cos she briefed her on d former incident bt how can we trust inlaws in comingout to tell the truth n deal with him
another thing she talking is reporting him to child abuse dept in d govt house in lag but she doesnt knw t\d add. once more thank u chaircover

I think y'all are just jumping into conclusion.
the first house girl could be blackmailing the man now and even the other ones, and cos he wanna take one to the hospital, how could that means that he dey sleep with am.
Get the facts be4 concluding.
Besides, he if he was truly doing all these and the madam still dey bring meat to the house for the cat, then, the woman too know something that y'all don't know.
Is the man not working? is he a stay home dad, or how does he get so much time in his hands and the wife dont?
There seems to be some missing links jare

francesoly:



abt reporting her to d paster, d gl blow up the rape case n he was called by d elders of d church which i dont knw d outcome of d meeting.
shes thinkink of telling her sis inlaw cos she briefed her on d former incident bt how can we trust inlaws in comingout to tell the truth n deal with him
another thing she talking is reporting him to child abuse dept in d govt house in lag but she doesnt knw t\d add. once more thank u chaircover

Are there no House[b]boys[/b] in lagos or is there any special prefrence for girls?
Is the husband not working?

ifyalways:

Are there no House[b]boys[/b] in lagos or is there any special prefrence for girls?
Is the husband not working?

Abi oh.

she has 4 daoghters so shes afraid of getting a houseboy.

coming to d sec ques he is self employed so he doesnt go to wk all the time.most atimes he stays at home sleeping or even if he will go out, its around10-11am when evertbody must have gone out.sometimes if he stays at home too much, ma will encourage him to go n look fr job but he will give excuses that either he is having leg pain or pains allover the body just an excuse to stay n sleep at home.

francesoly:

she has 4 daoghters so shes afraid of getting a houseboy.

coming to d sec ques he is self employed so he doesnt go to wk all the time.most atimes he stays at home sleeping or even if he will go out, its around10-11am when evertbody must have gone out.sometimes if he stays at home too much, ma will encourage him to go n look fr job but he will give excuses that either he is having leg pain or pains allover the body just an excuse to stay n sleep at home.

Then the ma is encouraging all these then, so no need to complain.
Let her enjoy the bed that she has helped in laying.

houseboys for her daughters double wahala

chisomquee:

houseboys for her daughters double wahala

Or cld it be that ma sef no trust herself?

francesoly:

she has 4 daoghters so shes afraid of getting a houseboy.

coming to d sec ques he is self employed so he doesnt go to wk all the time.most atimes he stays at home sleeping or even if he will go out, its around10-11am when evertbody must have gone out.sometimes if he stays at home too much, ma will encourage him to go n look fr job but he will give excuses that either he is having leg pain or pains allover the body just an excuse to stay n sleep at home.

hmmn,seems like the woman is married to an irresponsible lazy man.
The husband is at home now,so he shld not be overly worried abt Houseboys abi?Moreover,shes not even give it a trail so . . . .That aside,she needs to do something fast about the hubby,he needs to move his ass out of the house everymorning.
have the man been lazy or unemployed b4 marriage or he changed along the line?

fhemmmy ---- how is it her fault will she order the man or bundle him out of d house? if u are harsh on him, he will sauy its cos he doesnt have money thats why shes treating him like thatcos i rem a time when they have prob n i was among d pple called fr peace what d man was capitalizing was that she is treating him like a h\boy cos he doesnt have money WHICH IS NOT TRUE. d ppl that came dat time only adv the ma to soft peddal cos d man is financially frustrated which d ma has been abiding n avoiding.

fhmmmy if na u, u fit entrust yr growing daoghters in d hand of a h-boy talk true n shame d devil. have u ever seen where u keep yam n goat together.

lets face the fact

Ok this woman created the avenue . . .

Househelps for Oga During the day

Ma for Oga at night ( and sadly they both might not have strength for eachother)  

he was not that too lazy when they started.but as time goeshe grew worst

Oh,but she can do without househelps now,the daughters are almost grown-up,she surely can do without househelps . . .it might be stressful at first but she and the children wud adjust and get used to it.
The hubby too needs help,infact aside househlp issues,the couple needs counselling and serious talks btw themselves.the family seems to be torn apart  

francesoly:

fhemmmy ---- how is it her fault will she order the man or bundle him out of d house? if u are harsh on him, he will sauy its cos he doesnt have money thats why shes treating him like thatcos i rem a time when they have prob n i was among d pple called fr peace what d man was capitalizing was that she is treating him like a h\boy cos he doesnt have money WHICH IS NOT TRUE. d ppl that came dat time only adv the ma to soft peddal cos d man is financially frustrated which d ma has been abiding n avoiding.

It is the woman's fault.
the man has no job and i still have to get a househelp to work for his lazy ass? excuse me, i think the man shd replace the househelp and he will be rewarded at night and with food.
He is basically the stay home Father, so let his take care of the house while the wife is out there bringing home money to take care of the family.
he has no job and still cant help with upkeep, he is damn foolish.
Let him complain that it is cos he has no money, the woman shd respond, if you dont like it, go and get a job.

the first daughter is 7+,5,3 n 1+ so how will they stay alone aftersch ? cos of it d ma registered them in after sch lesson n after d lesson d teacher will bring dem back arnd 4pm n they will be roaming abt in the compd till there mummy comes back arnd 6 n 6.30 n with what is happening around us these its a high risk that was why i suggested another h\gl fr her. atleast to bring them back frm sch warm an already prepared fd fr them to eat cos the ma wakes early to prep their breakfast n lunch bf going to wk.

francesoly:

the first daughter is 7+,5,3 n 1+ so how will they stay alone aftersch ? cos of it d ma registered them in after sch lesson n after d lesson d teacher will bring dem back arnd 4pm n they will be roaming abt in the compd till there mummy comes back arnd 6 n 6.30 n with what is happening around us these its a high risk that was why i suggested another h\gl fr her. atleast to bring them back frm sch warm an already prepared fd fr them to eat cos the ma wakes early to prep their breakfast n lunch bf going to wk.

Oh My God, the freaking fool of a man has no job, why cant he wake up and get them ready and pick them up after school.
Damn, why do u keep making excuses for that bastard?
Why do i feel you the woman in question?

francesoly:

the first daughter is 7+,5,3 n 1+ so how will they stay alone aftersch ? cos of it d ma registered them in after sch lesson n after d lesson d teacher will bring dem back arnd 4pm n they will be roaming abt in the compd till there mummy comes back arnd 6 n 6.30 n with what is happening around us these its a high risk that was why i suggested another h\gl fr her. atleast to bring them back frm sch warm an already prepared fd fr them to eat cos the ma wakes early to prep their breakfast n lunch bf going to wk.

The woman is a single mother then.
I mean ,how can u have a stay-at-home hubby and still be worried abt househelps
Theres more to this story jare.
abi no bi de man born those kids

ifyalways:

The woman is a single mother then.
I mean ,how can u have a stay-at-home hubby and still be worried abt househelps
Theres more to this story jare.
abi no bi de man born those kids

too much missing links

I do not think there is any missing link here. You guys are forgeting that you are talking about a Nigerian man. Traditionally this is what they do. It happened to my adopted sister and she has finally left the man go. The man did not work but claimed he was a man of God. That was his full time job. Meanwhile my sister is working at NNPC during the day and chevron at night. Who works double shifts in Nigeria. Sometimes she did not even see her children for days because she had to work extra hours at chevron to make ends meet. The man beat her up so badly once she had to go get x-rays done. I despise this sense of entitlement they seem to have. They automatically think that because they are married they can then continue being useless as their mother's encouraged them to be. A few years ago I would have said I do not believe this story but since it happened to a loved one I can say that I know there are people out there that do this crap

I really feel for your friend.she s going through hell, i ve decided not to ve any housemaid at all and if ever i really need to ve, at most an 11 to 13 year old boy is okay.Let me give you a short story, my former neigbour in nigeria is a banker , top rank for that matter, she once had her husy s sister who lived with them and things were easier for her, later on the lady(husy s sis) got her own job and relocated and she had to get another house girl(an adult), she has four children, three girls and a boy, this house girl will wear see through night gown and even come downstairs to spread the childrens clothes knowing fully well that the womans husy goes to work around 10 cos hes a barrister,while the woman leaves around 6.30, the woman is a very hardworking woman.The woman was sharp enough to spot what the h/girl was up to and sent her home at once.

Now she has three housegirls and the eldest of them is about twelve years, they do everything and rotate their schooling,some morning section,some evening section, she also brought her mother(cool and educated) to stay with them for a while and oversee things while shes away

I know the two situations are not very similar but in your friends case,the man is a lazy irresponsible idiot and thats why he has time to chase around his housemaids, let her stop any housemaids for now and train her children since that is the main issue now, it will be difficult for her or at worst get a relative of the husy(12-13 year old boy)to stay with them and do the home chores and when hes getting to 16, send him home at once and settle him well for the safety of your daughters and then get another one, let me see if the husy will abuse him too , she can try this option if she cant cope without a helper at all.As for her being the bread winner let her just do it for the sake of her children for now, and also start looking out for a job that ll give her more time while she s in her present job.

people in the Uk find a way to manage too doing everything themselves.wish her good luck

To confirm this the woman should
1. bring a very ugly and shapeless h-girl.
2. Then inform the h-girl of what the hubby may likely attempt.
3. Then instruct her to record any advances from the hubby on audio tape.

If caught on tape then the man cannot deny.

@Pinkielove,having 11- 15 yr old boys as househelps is child abuse/labour,lets not encourage that.
@Topic,woman shld do away with househelps.let the husband take care of the children and home,if hes not comfortable,he shld dust his ass and go get a job.

Outstrip:

I do not think there is any missing link here. You guys are forgeting that you are talking about a Nigerian man. Traditionally this is what they do. It happened to my adopted sister and she has finally left the man go. The man did not work but claimed he was a man of God. That was his full time job. Meanwhile my sister is working at NNPC during the day and chevron at night. Who works double shifts in Nigeria. Sometimes she did not even see her children for days because she had to work extra hours at chevron to make ends meet. The man beat her up so badly once she had to go get x-rays done. I despise this sense of entitlement they seem to have. They automatically think that because they are married they can then continue being useless as their mother's encouraged them to be. A few years ago I would have said I do not believe this story but since it happened to a loved one I can say that I know there are people out there that do this crap

I think you are missing a point.
the an is an adult.
He is able and not disable.
he is just plain lazy and being an idiot, and such man aint man at all.
A man ought tp provide for the woman, financially, physically and emotionally, women works now, cos it is getting hard to make ends meet on just the man's paycheck, and i dont think a man shd take advantage of that to now enslave the woman.
i think the woman is just being a fool as well, trying to keep what will eventually leave, a man like that will dump her for a richer woman.
So hanging on to something that is foolish?
Get rid of his ass, or at least put him on probation.
The woman will work, bring money home, pay the bills, cook, and still screw him at night, what a slave she is.

pinkielove:

I really feel for your friend.she s going through hell, i ve decided not to ve any housemaid at all and if ever i really need to ve, at most an 11 to 13 year old boy is okay.Let me give you a short story, my former neigbour in nigeria is a banker , top rank for that matter, she once had her husy s sister who lived with them and things were easier for her, later on the lady(husy s sis) got her own job and relocated and she had to get another house girl(an adult), she has four children, three girls and a boy, this house girl will wear see through night gown and even come downstairs to spread the childrens clothes knowing fully well that the womans husy goes to work around 10 cos hes a barrister,while the woman leaves around 6.30, the woman is a very hardworking woman.The woman was sharp enough to spot what the h/girl was up to and sent her home at once.

Now she has three housegirls and the eldest of them is about twelve years, they do everything and rotate their schooling,some morning section,some evening section, she also brought her mother(cool and educated) to stay with them for a while and oversee things while shes away

I know the two situations are not very similar but in your friends case,the man is a lazy irresponsible idiot and thats why he has time to chase around his housemaids, let her stop any housemaids for now and train her children since that is the main issue now, it will be difficult for her or at worst get a relative of the husy(12-13 year old boy)to stay with them and do the home chores and when hes getting to 16, send him home at once and settle him well for the safety of your daughters and then get another one, let me see if the husy will abuse him too , she can try this option if she cant cope without a helper at all.As for her being the bread winner let her just do it for the sake of her children for now, and also start looking out for a job that ll give her more time while she s in her present job.

people in the Uk find a way to manage too doing everything themselves.wish her good luck

The neighbor of yours was practicing child labour and that is not nice.
Such man is not a man and should have been kicked out longest time

Outstrip:

I do not think there is any missing link here. You guys are forgeting that you are talking about a Nigerian man. Traditionally this is what they do. It happened to my adopted sister and she has finally left the man go. The man did not work but claimed he was a man of God. That was his full time job. Meanwhile my sister is working at NNPC during the day and chevron at night. Who works double shifts in Nigeria. Sometimes she did not even see her children for days because she had to work extra hours at chevron to make ends meet. The man beat her up so badly once she had to go get x-rays done. I despise this sense of entitlement they seem to have. They automatically think that because they are married they can then continue being useless as their mother's encouraged them to be. A few years ago I would have said I do not believe this story but since it happened to a loved one I can say that I know there are people out there that do this crap

Outsrip, thank you for cutting my story short. A breadwinner wife in Nigeria is expected to win the bread and beg the man to eat the bread on her two knees! Once the husband cries 'O she wants to control me because she has money, everybody turns to the wife to tear her apart.

I observed this morning that I have been seeing more Obituaries of women than men on walls nowadays.God forbid, but I think the poster's friend should be afraid of ending up the same way.

Let me add that the power (electricity)situation in Nigeria makes it difficult for women to cope without househelps and the poster has pointed out the particular situation her friend  is in.

Shinatu:


Outsrip, thank you for cutting my story short. A breadwinner wife in Nigeria is expected to win the bread and beg the man to eat the bread on her two knees! Once the husband cries 'O she wants to control me because she has money, everybody turns to the wife to tear her apart.

IF a woman would allow a man to treat her like that, then, she finds herself to blame, whatever happens to her, she will have to deal with it, how could u as a woman be a breadwinner, and feed the man with the bread on 2 legs and at night still expect you to be the woman, such man has changed role in the house.

Shinatu:

I observed this morning that I have been seeing more Obituaries of women than men on walls nowadays.God forbid, but I think the poster's friend should be afraid of ending up the same way.

This is the more reason, why most ladies, gotta be careful

Shinatu:

Let me add that the power (electricity)situation in Nigeria makes it difficult for women to cope without househelps and the poster has pointed out the particular situation her friend  is in.

Let us not blame things on things, the woman dont need no househelp, the man has no job, so let him do the house work, else, kick him to the curb

Report him to the police. He will not change, and eventually, he will move on to the children.

If your friend thinks she is ashamed of publicizing his sickness now, tell her to imagine how ashamed she will feel when one of her girls gets pregnant for their father.

lol speaking in tongues indeed

*rolls eyes*

Thank u all fr yr wonderful contributn n ipromise to print everything n sent to her then we will knw which step to take again. cos shes is saying that she will intimate d man elder sister that is staying with them.Though she has told d girl not to enter d oga rm fr anything even if d man threatened to beat or send her away n also each time the leave d house fr sch, she shld not come back home fr anything until sch closes even if d man sent her on errand that will warrant her coming back to give him feedback.

once more i thk u all.