joychioma19:
do you think that everything posted on nl by a poster means they are the victim?..

So how are we sure this is about you

No Yoruba mother would actually do that..

Hmm Mother and daughter is a different ball game if compared to Mother and son. Saying that, be firm(in a polite way) by letting her know that intrusion into your family affairs is a no go area. If she keeps it up, just go silent on her, minimize you calls to her or the duration of the calls. Create a phrase like "All is well" Short and simple. With time, she will know her place.

If that does not work, reverse the situation by being intrusive in her own affairs, while not giving her any info on your own side. This will irritate her and hopefully she will back off.

If that does work, tell her bluntly, to back off (No disrespect in doing that)

Wat u need to do is these....
1.Tell ur hubby cuz it obvious he knows
2.Let ur mother know ur stand and give her distance hoping she will change and adjust.
3.Pray harder dat she will not send u out of ur happy home,unintentionally........

I have never known what it feels like to have a mother atall but I think it's better to have an intrusive mother than a dead one...

joychioma19:
Good afternoon all. I got married last year June to my lover of 3years . I am currently pursuing my second degree program and my husband has been most helpful, encouraging and supportive.
I am the first child in a family of 7.ever since I got married,my mum has been wanting to know what is happening in my home. she expects me to tell her everything that happens in my home. She calls every day, sometimes as early as 6am when I will still be in bed with my husband. my husband doesn't complain, but I know he is not happy about it.
Recently, she called to tell me that ever since I got married that I have stopped buying things for my siblings which is not true because sometimes I send credit to them and that is all I can do for now. My mum tried to push the blame to my husband and I told her to keep my husband out of the matter,she got angry and cut the call, then she later sent me a text saying "thank God am not her only child and that I should marry my husband very well" meanwhile my husband bought her a very expensive Samsung phone in December and he constantly recharges it for her.
One week after she said that stuff, I fainted due to exam stress( meanwhile am heavily pregnant and almost due). my husband called to intimate her about it, but since then she has not called to know how am doing.
Mum has once asked me how much my husband earns and I told her I don't know. by the way money is not her problem because she has chains of business. she expects me to tell her everything that happens in my home, but I can't discuss my family, assuming she discussed hers, she wouldn't have built a stable successful home with dad. I have discussed with her and dad about this, but she still won't stop. she always insults me at will, she is used to blackmailing someone emotionally, then plays the victim.
So my fellow nairalanders, how can I get to stop her excesses and emotional blackmailing nature? am so tired of her, she stresses me mentally.

Know exactly what you mean and how you feel. My mum may not be as proficient as ur but she used to be quite good at blackmails and playing victim early in my marriage.
She did it to all my siblings and when she was doing it to.my I realised she does it out of worry. Its not that she reallyy means to be popnosy but cos she raised use she has this wry feeling that we wont survive without her. I had to sit her down and talk sense into her then gave her some distance till she decided it was time to let go.

Now what you too should remember is that an Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. One cant do what one doesn't know. We caught out elder sister doing similar things to her teenage daughter. Trying to control the girls life. Bear it mind human actions revolve round. So remember to hold yoursf back when you caught yourself soing similar to ur kids.

U can get rid of an outsider but when it comes to family matters u can't get rid of them u can only make them leave for a while. The connection will still be there.

...

I don't think your mum want your marriage to last,she should commits you and your husband in God's Hand and let you be,she is gradually becoming a monitoring spirit,and if she continue like this without you stopping her now,whatever you see later will be your own making,I don't trust mothers with their poke nosing into their children marriage.she should stay clear off your home.

Your mother is lucky she doesn't have a daughter like me. I hate such interference in marriage, and for her to ask about how much your husband earns is insulting and demeaning. My advice is for you to let her know how you feel about her bullshiites and the fact that she MUST put a stop to it.


My mom knows better than to try that with me, else once I put to bed I will call my dad's mother to come for amugho. Did I mention that the thing go pain her well well.Both women dont like each other. That one sef won't even bother to turn it down.Anything that would piss my mother off is gladly welcome by her.

joychioma19:
my dear, her own tigress attitude is overpowering.

see how u are addressing ur own mother, u r a bad child,ur a disgrace, I reject this kind of daughter in Jesus name, amen

Where is your dad

The final decision is yours. If you can bottle your issues then you don't have to tell her anything but understand very well she remains your mother, they are not two but one. Don't be tired of your mother as you said you are becos tomorrow is huge. Be absolute patient in dealing with her.

joychioma19:
Good afternoon all. I got married last year June to my lover of 3years . I am currently pursuing my second degree program and my husband has been most helpful, encouraging and supportive.
I am the first child in a family of 7.ever since I got married,my mum has been wanting to know what is happening in my home. she expects me to tell her everything that happens in my home. She calls every day, sometimes as early as 6am when I will still be in bed with my husband. my husband doesn't complain, but I know he is not happy about it.
Recently, she called to tell me that ever since I got married that I have stopped buying things for my siblings which is not true because sometimes I send credit to them and that is all I can do for now. My mum tried to push the blame to my husband and I told her to keep my husband out of the matter,she got angry and cut the call, then she later sent me a text saying "thank God am not her only child and that I should marry my husband very well" meanwhile my husband bought her a very expensive Samsung phone in December and he constantly recharges it for her.
One week after she said that stuff, I fainted due to exam stress( meanwhile am heavily pregnant and almost due). my husband called to intimate her about it, but since then she has not called to know how am doing.
Mum has once asked me how much my husband earns and I told her I don't know. by the way money is not her problem because she has chains of business. she expects me to tell her everything that happens in my home, but I can't discuss my family, assuming she discussed hers, she wouldn't have built a stable successful home with dad. I have discussed with her and dad about this, but she still won't stop. she always insults me at will, she is used to blackmailing someone emotionally, then plays the victim.
So my fellow nairalanders, how can I get to stop her excesses and emotional blackmailing nature? am so tired of her, she stresses me mentally.

How easy can it get?

Don't pick her calls, and whenever you do speak straight to the point.
Try this for a week you would have garnered enough respect for you and your husband.

Hey, it's her first child. So she has to know everything that's happening with you. It's isn't her fault, you think you are BIG & she thinks you are SMALL & NEED ATTENTION.

Sorry! some mothers just don't get it that their Lil child is now an adult and they just INTERFERE and try to TAKE CHARGE.

You have to let her know you are big now. It'll be difficult, because you might have to fight with her (not throwing punches o!). I mean you TACKLE her.

tell her she's disturbing you and it really irritates you.

After sometime everything go calm down eh?
You understand right, MY LOVELY GIRL??

CioAngels:
The final decision is yours. If you can bottle your issues then you don't have to tell her anything but understand very well she remains your mother, they are not two but one. Don't be tired of your mother as you said you are becos tomorrow is huge. Be absolute patient in dealing with her.

Right on point. If you go and say anything harsh without apology, in the nearest future you'll need her help. And remember she has experience than you.

ArchiPelago1:
I have never known what it feels like to have a mother atall but I think it's better to have an intrusive mother than a dead one...

Yes, because you never knew the feeling. But for people who have the feeling, been intrusive is bad & irritating.
Sorry for your loss.