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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! (8792 Views)
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Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by Nobody: 12:53pm On Apr 23, 2016 |
firstEVA: Pls do it really moved me, you should besides that's bad , how do you reads terms of agreements then ? |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by Nobody: 1:04pm On Apr 23, 2016 |
shaybebaby: Sorry dear |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by bukatyne(f): 1:06pm On Apr 23, 2016 |
Old story and I commented on a previous thread. However OP, what was Biyi supposed to divorce her husband for Wrong thread title. 1 Like |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by Nobody: 1:09pm On Apr 23, 2016 |
bukatyne: Not having a job and the wife handling the bills |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by bukatyne(f): 1:12pm On Apr 23, 2016 |
pcguru1: Is that a 'divorcable' offence? |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by Nobody: 1:16pm On Apr 23, 2016 |
bukatyne: Normally it shouldn't I guess certain women have certain break points they can't deal with . |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by bukatyne(f): 1:18pm On Apr 23, 2016 |
pcguru1: True. |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by cococandy(f): 3:32pm On Apr 23, 2016 |
bukatyne:is it even an offense? Except the fellow is deliberately refusing to try. Just that some ladies have their priorities messed up. They'd rather stick with a disrespectful wife-beating and cheating azz husband who 'provides' than an honestly loving one who's not so buoyant. See the friend that has a 'perfect' husband SMH. Sitting there collecting STDs, beatings and mouth lashing. When she is the one who should be looking for a way out of her toxic marriage. 1 Like |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by Lezzlie(m): 6:30pm On Apr 23, 2016 |
5minsmadness: You've been AWOL or MIA for long, bro. A lot has happened. But thank God you're back, hopefully for good this time. Check my signature for poetry and vote |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by Lezzlie(m): 6:35pm On Apr 23, 2016 |
cococandy:Divorce should be the last option in a failing marriage. Opting for it as a measure to curb a beating or cheating husband is like treating a disease whose cure is worse than the ailment 1 Like |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by cococandy(f): 7:40pm On Apr 23, 2016 |
Lezzlie:Well that's your opinion sir But in mine, being divorced is better than having a husband who belongs to everyone or has a side job as a panel beater who uses the wife to practice. 3 Likes |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by Lezzlie(m): 8:33pm On Apr 23, 2016 |
cococandy: You paint an extreem scenario, and I'll advise separation than an outright divorce in such circumstances. 1 Like |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by 5minsmadness: 8:27am On Apr 24, 2016 |
KevinDein: |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by EfemenaXY: 8:33am On Apr 24, 2016 |
Lezzlie: Would you in the same vein advocate for a separation if the tables were turned? Or is it one rule for her and a different rule for him? |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by 5minsmadness: 8:58am On Apr 24, 2016 |
shaybebaby: Awww, sorry to hear that. Happy Sunday! |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by Lezzlie(m): 9:10am On Apr 24, 2016 |
EfemenaXY: I believe in the indissolubility of marriage in most situations. Society and family unit is better for it. And I would seek same measures of separation in case as this than an outright divorce no matter who's on the wrong end of it. |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by 5minsmadness: 9:26am On Apr 24, 2016 |
bukatyne:The message here isn't on divorce per say~ more on the way women listen to and give advice to themselves. You see it a lot on this forum and in the real world: I won't take this, my man can't try that, I will divorce him straight, you must be a f00l to still be staying with him, you must be mentally retĪ±rded or a doormat to give him sex when he wants, you might as well be a widow, you don't know your self worth, (and my favourite) - divorce him! He doesn't deserve u They give extreme advice for relatively simple situations and give extreme examples to buttress their points (he must be sleeping with another woman, I know men, etc) Most women are very bad with their mouths and they can give very caustic advice in relationships that are not thiers while hiding their own deficiencies or rather painting their own relationship in a 'perfect light': I married my best friend My man serenades me every night My man takes me to the Bahamas every weekend We have been together for years and he has never raised his voice at me We agree on everything. Smiling and shining on the outside meanwhile they suffer even worse abuse from their 'perfect' partners in secret. Women should wise up on themselves. Don't compare your marriage with anyone else's. True, there are certain irredeemable situations where separation can be considered, but most issues out there are ones that can be ironed out and done without the woman taking a battleaxe into the fray because her friend told her if she was the one she won't stand for it, meanwhile that friend suffers much worse things at home. Bukatyne, I trust u will find at least one point here to disagree with 4 Likes |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by 5minsmadness: 9:33am On Apr 24, 2016 |
Lezzlie: Indeed a lot has happened. Bachelors have gotten married and women have given birth A dead person told me that time is a very valuable resource. Decided to listen to his advice. Nairaland uses other people's time to make money and it's owner doesn't share Am I speaking in parables? I have been reading your poetry on the low-key for a while now, I must say u have a way with words. I suspect that's how 1steva was conquered . Will definitely vote! Happy Sunday! 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by cococandy(f): 9:47am On Apr 24, 2016 |
Lezzlie:Because divorce is an extreme solution. So news flash: (for those who have difficulties with understanding) nobody should be recommending it because one person lost their job or bla bla bla inconsequential reasons. It is the solution in such 'extreme' cases like 'I painted' above. And what is the difference between separation and divorce except that both parties are still holding each other from moving on even though they clearly can't and don't want to live together? 1 Like |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by Lezzlie(m): 10:08am On Apr 24, 2016 |
5minsmadness: You've said so much in just one short post! And it's a fact, that's why I use NL as a pavement for my indulgences Thanks a lot man, I appreciate you. |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by Lezzlie(m): 10:28am On Apr 24, 2016 |
cococandy: Separation offers a window of opportunity for change and hope. A divorce is brutal finality and there's no true " moving on" in a divorce situation. The ghost of a failed marriage never ceases to haunt and hover over the next. A separation offers a chance of sober appraisal of the union while still offering a form of physical and emotional detachments for pure reflection. Marriage should be entered with care and even solved with greater care. Preach separation, not divorce. 3 Likes |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by shaybebaby(f): 10:50am On Apr 24, 2016 |
Lezzlie: Only if time hasn't been taken to reflect on the lessons of that failed union. It is possible to do such and apply the lessons in the next relationship. Marriage is no different to a relationship, it's still two people in it managing their interactions albeit within a formal contract. When that contract is broken, the only difference is that walking away has legal ramifications in addition to the emotional ones that comes with all relationship breakdowns. My marriage didn't fail because of the usual reasons i.e abuse, infidelity or even absence of love. Relationships are more complex than that. It failed because I believed I was the one fighting to keep it whilst the ex refused to acknowledge or even address our issues..burying his head in the sand so to speak. The power was in his hands if only he acknowledged the problem, he didn't. I had two choices, accept the status quo or walk away. I chose the latter. A year on, I mourn the death of our union but I am happier. I have found love again and so has he. Life happens but ultimately, the power lies in our hands to make what we want of it. Marriage, separation, divorce..it is up to us to shape as we want. 2 Likes |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by Lezzlie(m): 1:07pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
shaybebaby:You're statistically wrong, dear. Time and figure have proven tellingly this is not the case. shaybebaby:There's a world of difference between marriage and a romantic relationship. Not even a shack-up compares to marriage in form or relation. There's an unspoken, formless haze of responsibility and commitment that no other form of relationship carries except marriage. It could be down to the formalities, the vows, the witness, and convention, but it is nevertheless there. shaybebaby: When marriage breaks down, destinies are altered and sometimes the rift in the psyche never bridges with time. There's that nagging guilt, you could have done more, even when it isn't your fault. Ladies have this feeling more shaybebaby: The above is your personal life I feel I don't have the moral authority to play judge or a moral analyst --- at least not on a forum. I'm happy for you all the same. |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by cococandy(f): 1:15pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
Fair point. But like I said, divorce is an extreme solution required in extreme circumstances. So in my opinion there are situations requiring separation while there are some requiring outright divorce. There's no amount of idealism that changes the fact that sometimes one is better off divorced from a horrible partner. Some people have died because they preferred to bargain with the devil. Human beings can be wicked. If anyone unwittingly finds themselves married to such a person, the only solution is a divorce. And there is true moving on. Albeit never easy but always better than being limbo of prolonged separation. Now that is all I've to say on the matter. The topic is overflogged. Seems you're new to these parts Lezzlie: 1 Like |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by Lezzlie(m): 1:29pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
cococandy:Aye, it has become well-worn here but marriage is a real human phenomenon that's part of our reality. Is there really a time-frame for talking about it? And... I'm lezz, been around this part long enough, my bones were actually formed here before my mind wondered away. |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by shaybebaby(f): 1:29pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
Lezzlie:Despite all you have written, I have the benefit of ALL perspectives being experience from relationship, to marriage to parenthood and back again. Morality has no place in this discourse, rather reason. I reiterate, LIFE happens, without stating all the things that go wrong in everyone's life, it is part of living and no one is exempt. You cannot assert how it affects peeps, you have no knowledge or control of that. However how well anyone survives life is how adaptable they are, to the good and the bad. How they change perspectives in order to come out stronger..no different to evolution really. What do you mean by destinies by the way? That people must tow a path preordained and whatever lies along it must be endured? Anyone that keeps wondering what more they could have done obviously is not thinking the right way. What could have been done differently might be a more apt question. But seeing as we cannot answer that question for errant partners, we take our own answers and apply to the next relationship, perhaps picking a more suitable mate due to the lessons of the past. 5 Likes |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by cococandy(f): 1:32pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
Lezzlie:Oh. I just saw this before replying your last post. So there are some situations where you believe marriage can be dissolved? why going on like you're saying something different? I'd hate to have wasted all this time debating with someone who's saying the same thing with me. So which is it, do you or don't you believe that sometimes some situations require the marriage dissolved. Or was that a typo up there. 2 Likes |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by shaybebaby(f): 1:43pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
cococandy: The requirement is up to the individuals to decide. What bros Lezzlie is missing is that personalities are different so what works for some might be a deal breaker for another. Yes we all want to be happy but our definition of happiness varies greatly. Imagine someone who is a masochist in a physically abusive relationship, would that not be heaven for such a person to be married to a sadist? Yet for peeps with aversion to violence, we know the very thought is an anathema to them. We are not all cut from the same cloth o jare. |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by Lezzlie(m): 1:49pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
cococandy: @the emboldened, so what have you been arguing about then? In as much as you think of me as new to this part, I've been here very long to know you're pro-divorce. And I disagree with you that a beating husband has earned the penalty of a divorce anymore than a slovenly, abusive wive has. Your "extreme cases" are in most instances, going by your precedents, minor domestic scuffles. You are wont to often advocate divorce as a quicksilver approach to most marital malee. Divorce is only for the instance of actual intention to take life or a direct threat to it. Every other brawl should be settled with the option of divorce far off the table. 1 Like |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by cococandy(f): 2:07pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
What am I arguing about? Well in case you missed it here it is " it is better to be divorced than risk your life enduring physical abuse" @colored you see why it is futile to water time talking to some nairalanders? Why saying what I didn't say? It's obvious for some obtuse reason some of you enjoy putting words in other people's mouths and for whatever mischievous reasons I don't know. You've basically been arguing with me based on what you assume I'm thinking and not what I'm actually typing. Please can you tell me where I've advocated anyone divorcong their partner for flimsy reasons? Have I ever preached divorce in situations where it isn't abuse? Even after telling you divorce is an extreme solution for extreme situations you aren't ashamed to bold facedly accuse me otherwise? Gosh. This is so annoying and portrays you as insincere. Unfortunately I can't get back the time I've wasted on you. Pls refrain from quoting me in future if you're going to rile me up with lies and xtupid assumptions. And there I almost forgot the reason why I stopped debating with some nairalanders. Thanks for reminding me. Lezzlie: 1 Like |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by Nobody: 2:08pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
Lmao. I'm just giggling cause he probably bought her that perfume with her own money |
Re: Is He Not Meeting Up To Expectations? Divorce Him! by bennyrazz: 2:08pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
those that compare themselves by themselves are foolish. Women running to their friends for advice in their relationship usually end up getting the wrong advice. I wish people could learn from this, your best friend may be your greatest enemy it only takes a discerning spirit to recognize this. Nice article @op. 1 Like |
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