By Olusola Aladejebi

‘Mummy, don’t be silly’, the teenage boy told his mum. The Nigerian guest in their home gasped audibly. When she protested the kind of language, the boy’s mother explained the he didn’t really mean it that way; and that in UK it was considered normal. After witnessing that the Nigerian woman vowed never migrate to UK while her children were still young.

When I was growing up, you dared not ask if your elder ones were silly, let alone your mother! Even if you were high on drugs, there were some boundaries that were uncrossable. But these days, the lack of manners is settling down in our African society too. Many children are not taught to say thank you when given something. They don’t see the need to greet elders. They enter people’s houses without knocking. Children now don’t see it as any big deal to tell their parents if someone gifted them money. If they are offered drink as guest in another’s house, they presumptuously ask for their preferred drink rather than asking politely or even thankfully enjoying the offer nevertheless. Finally, they don’t know how to read mothers’ eyes. We were able to read almost a paragraph of instructions from those eyes! But maybe today’s mothers rarely send messages with their eyes anymore. Home training is fading.

Home training is the set of instructions children receive at home on basic politeness, courtesy, respect and good behaviour. For children (who will surely grow into adults) who are unfortunate not to receive this kind of training, no amount of schooling can adequately compensate for it.

In the past, (I am talking 30 years ago or earlier) instruction on home training was given by fathers and mothers and grandparents. Mothers didn’t work as much and as long. Some of them were teachers who closed by 2:30 pm. Even for those who ended work as late as 4pm there were relatives who resided with them and who filled in, to a large extent, adequately while the parents were away till late afternoon. Since these relatives themselves were raised in households where home training were a given, they could impart same to the children. But that was many years ago.

Today, both parents are out of the home early and come back when children are asleep and so ‘outsource’ their responsibility of guidance to the house helps. Businesses outsource non-core functions. They retain core functions. Banks can outsource their cleaning or parking/security. They won’t outsource customer management. That is core. Banks absolutely want to have under their control how customers’ problems are being resolved. A brewery can outsource procurement of grain. It won’t outsource the actual brewing. The quality of the final beer is core. For a family, instructing the children on home training is core.

Home training is actually what it is—training. Trainings are not always palatable. The trainer exerts himself. The trainees sometimes dislike the process. But nothing good ever comes easy. A child is born selfish, egoistic, foolish and without manners. Somebody has to train the child to know how to live in a social environment. If somehow he misses such instruction, he goes about carelessly (but unknowingly) behaving shamefully in relationship with others. This continues into his adulthood. She runs into issues with her boss at work due to deficiency in home training. Needless in-law ‘enemies’ are bred unwittingly.

If a grown woman receives a package from another person with the left hand while the right hand is obviously free, the gesture is offensive but most likely no one offers to correct her. Certainly not the person selling to her if she were making a purchase. A young man sees the friend of his mother carrying something a little heavy into their home and continues to chat away on his phone without offering to assist. He barely even greets her. It is a sorry sight.

It is becoming very common for people to keep chatting and scrolling on devices while someone is communicating with them. It is simple courtesy to ask a little time from the person speaking to you to conclude whatever one is doing on the phone so you can properly listen. Except the communication is a simple information or question, it is disrespectful to keep doing stuff on the phone while the other person is explaining something. Parents need to teach children to give proper attention while speaking to them and demand same from them. It could be as serious as seizing the device of a recalcitrant child for a few days.

Proper upbringing is not done in virtual reality. Real worthwhile relationships are built face to face. For me I am even learning to have a no phone/tab period of time while with my family. When the chips are down, those we rely on are our family and close friends. They are not the likers of our IG photos or those who comment on our fb post. Building meaningful deep relationship with family and close friends requires that we sometimes give them undivided, unfettered attention.

‘Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it’, says the Holy Book.

http://mouthpiece.com.ng/home-training-a-disappearing-art/

OMG !! I am FTC, signs of great things coming my way!!!!!! I DEDICATE THIS FEAT TO EVERY NAIRALANDER THAT FEELS LIKE GIVING UP AND DISCOURAGED, BE STRONG MY DEAR, THINGS WILL WORK OUT FINE, KEEP HUSSLING AND HAVE MORE FAITH, STAY POSITIVE...........Now back to you @op, Home training still exists in some quarters... Although the decadence of moral values is really disturbingly saddening...my take....

The level of moral decadence in this present society is quite alarming and has left me bewildered countless times.

The wrong is now seen as the Right and the right seen as the wrong.

yes, It exist, I still do Bleep my uncles wife while he is away, there is nothing sweet like having sex with your aunt, mother in law or ur cousins.... its so cool

Though our economy is very harsh, but one has to strike a balance between making money and instilling moral values in their wards.

THE COUNTRY IS NOT SETTLED, THE LEADERS ARE NOT SETTLED, THE PARENT ARE NOT SETTLED, THE CHILDREN ARE NOT SETTLED EVEN YOU YOUR NOT SETTLED, HOW WILL HOME TRAINING BE SETTLED WHEN THERE ARE NO SETTLED MINDS ? CALCULATE THE % IT HAS GONE UP COS EVERYONE IS HUZZLING AND THE HUZZING IS NOT ENOUGH. I DISLIKE THIS GOVT. THEM FYN LIKE MUMU.

Yes! Though, not as much as it was before but some families still find time to give quality home training to their children!

Gone and forgotten

No

It is relative.

Taaah it stopped Long ago


indomie generation mum everywhere

bedspread:
BREAKING NEWS: MOURINHO HAS BEEN SACKED!!
!

Oh no.
Liverpool why?!

I liked the "paragraph from mother's eye" part that is so true

In these days when house maids are the ones who bring up most kids?

It a forgotten stuff...cause we Africans now focus on foreign characters..

Is it not the ones that were hometrained, ruling this country?

As far as I am concerned, Nigerians are just pretentious people. The youths these days are just tired of pretending.

Also the advent of Instagram mothers and beardgang fathers. Those ones that think parenting is about fine pictures and wearing to-match clothes.

In all, home training is still very much in place. Though we now see it as old-school.

k


https://pulsenaija.com.ng/news/2019-doyin-okupe-challenges-apc-list-43-achievements-of-pdp/

Home training given by Africans are filled will pretense and superstitions. Do as I say but not as I do. How will that work?

Is it not time to do away with left hand superstition? That's why we have a lot of timid youths every where.

Ever wondered why we who proclaim to be cultured can't even produce good leaders while those abroad you criticize have a conducive environment many of you are running to?

Think!!!!!!!

yes, Na somebody teach me how to play bet on NaijaBet.

and i go still play today's games too

I doubt that much look at nairaland most nairalanders lack home training.

Home training means Childhood way of life which have an effect on Children, therefore it exist.

I doubt it does

Anyway, you can visit www.motivate.com.ng to learn about Jerry Rawlings, Lee Yuan Kew, Thomas Sankara..... and also the success strategies of Ben Carson, Albert Einstein, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates......

WIZDOM081:
Home training means Childhood way of life which have an effect on Children, therefore it exist.

senseless post

We worry too much

yes... but we have the worst set of children born of a generation.... very unstable and out of control.....,,

bedspread:
BREAKING NEWS: MOURINHO HAS BEEN SACKED!!


It should be for LACK OF TRAINING too!!!

They need an Italian coach.
Conte
Sinisa Mihajlovic