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Why Early Marriage Pays- By Punch Ng by favouryemmy: 4:52pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
At 26, I was ready for marriage – mentally,
psychologically, spiritually, physiologically
– but my pocket was not! As the
Academic Staff Union of Universities is
wont to say: My take-home was not taking
me home. In spite of that, I was counted
among the lucky few who got a job shortly
after graduation. Many saw me as
privileged because I went to work in suit
and sometimes the office car took me to
meetings and events.
However, since my salary was not enough
to sustain me, I felt it would be selfish of
me to bring in a girl to join me at that
time. Having a child then would have
worsened a bad situation.
I was not looking for a billion naira. I just
wanted to have enough funds to take care
of the basic needs of a family. And I didn’t
want my family to take care of my wedding
or to feed my children and clothe my wife
for me.
So, I waited.
I eventually got ready at 32 and married at
33. That was late by my expectation, but
that was the earliest I could marry. I wish I
was ready earlier. I would have married at
about 28.
I have noticed a gradual rise in the
marriage age of men and women. My
father married at 24 in the 1950s. His
brothers and friends married at about that
same age. My elder brother married at 29
in the 1980s – our father disturbed him for
a while before he got married. He bought a
brand new Peugeot 504 Serie 2 car and
built his own house close to our father’s
before he got married. I married at 33 in
the 2000s. Many of my friends and
relatives married at about that same age.
Today, I have noticed that many of the
young men around me are getting married
at between 35 and 40 years.
And the more men delay marriage, the
more the marriage age of women moves
up, because in our clime, men still marry
women, not the other way round. Thirty
years is therefore looking like 20 years
among ladies now because many men who
are 35 still think that it is too early for
them to get married.
Among the Igbo, this is more prevalent.
Igbo people have this tradition that the
man has to be wholly responsible for the
cost of all the customary marriage rites as
well as the church wedding expenses. And
these events need to be impressive. There
is also this attitude that a man needs to
have a very good apartment or house, a
good car, a good amount of money in the
bank, before he could get married. So, the
young men wait and wait to get ready
financially. They soon realise that they are
over 35 years old but still not ready.
I used to admire the Yoruba attitude
towards early marriage. At 30, a Yoruba
man would not only be married but would
also have one or two children, while his
Igbo counterpart at the same level in the
same office would not even be thinking
about marriage. But in recent times, I have
noticed that the late marriage bug has
bitten some Yoruba guys, as I have seen
many Yoruba guys in their 30s, who have
good jobs, but are not even talking about
marriage. They either think they are not
old enough or are not financially ready.
There is no doubt that the single most
crucial reason for late marriage is finance.
A young man graduates from the university
at 24 years, after losing two years to
strikes and demonstrations. Then, at 25, he
completes one-year compulsory national
service. He spends two or three years
searching for a job. Maybe, at 28, he
eventually gets a job, but it is not his
dream job. He hangs in there for two or
three years before getting another job. By
now, he is about 31 years old. He gives the
job another four years before he feels that
he is ripe for marriage. By then, he is 35
years old. Even at that, many people would
see him as having moved fast, for some
don’t get a job three years after
graduation. Many have to start one form of
business or the other: either buying and
selling cloths and shoes or driving a cab.
No wonder, the Nigeria Police Force
advertised to fill 10,000 positions but got
about 800,000 applications.
Therefore, many people have a very good
reason not to marry early. It is not good
for someone who cannot take care of his
basic needs to bring in a woman and
children to compound that problem and
make the woman and children eternally in
want.
But sometimes, money is not the reason.
It is a desire to have enough money to
have a marriage ceremony that will be the
talk of town for a long time; to have
enough money to buy a big car and even
car for the bride; to have enough money to
send the wife to the United States of
America to have her babies, so that the
children can become American citizens.
These are not basic needs.
When a man marries in his late 20s and is
lucky to have a child soon after, he will be
about 50 years by the time his first child is
graduating from the university. He may still
be working when his last child graduates.
But if he marries at 38 or 40, by 70 years,
he may still be paying school fees. If he is
not financially buoyant then, it becomes a
big problem taking care of his children.
Even though the World Health
Organisation’s figures show that life
expectancy in Nigeria has increased to
53.4 years for men and 55.4 years for
women, it is still not high enough, neither
does it determine how long a person will
live. So, if the man passes on even at 60,
the children will still be in school. It
becomes a financial struggle for the
woman.
Even medically, men and women in their
20s and early 30s are said to be best
suited for conception and delivery. The
older the couple, the higher the risks
associated with reproduction.
It is very important that people are
psychologically ready for marriage. But
those who truly want to marry early tune
themselves up psychologically. They start
reading about marriage and learning about
marriage. They start dropping some
baggage that cannot be brought into a
marriage that is expected to be a happy
one.
Financial stability is good for marriage, but
abundant wealth is not a necessity to start
a family.
Besides, there is strength in the power of
two. Somehow money flows in when a
woman enters. What looked difficult
becomes easier.
If a man is financially stable at 28, let him
start planning to marry before 30, for the
saying is true that he who finds a wife
finds a good thing and obtains favour from
the Lord. Source http://www.punchng.com/why-early-marriage-pays/ |
Re: Why Early Marriage Pays- By Punch Ng by ify84(m): 5:06pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
30years.... A man shd marry... I finished school 28, nysc 29... Married at 30+.... Financially, it has not been easy but I am better off. And in d long run, it's perfect. |
Re: Why Early Marriage Pays- By Punch Ng by PresVA: 5:16pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
Whether 'early' or 'late', just marry someone you're compatible with, shikena... |
Re: Why Early Marriage Pays- By Punch Ng by rheether(f): 5:22pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
If you can't have 10million nair@ In your account after marriage why bother? |
Re: Why Early Marriage Pays- By Punch Ng by santafe(m): 4:39am On May 03, 2016 |
I married at 26 and had all my three kids by 31.Courted for about 6 years before Marriage. If i have to do it all over again, i will probably like to marry at about 35 and enjoy my bachelorhood some more. My 2 cents. 1 Like |
Re: Why Early Marriage Pays- By Punch Ng by marbee(f): 10:22am On May 03, 2016 |
Everything that has disadvantage has advantage. |
Re: Why Early Marriage Pays- By Punch Ng by Project400: 10:47am On May 03, 2016 |
Do what you think is right for you, not what the society expects of you. Societal perception is the leading cause of depression among Nigerian men. The society expects that a man: should not cry, be wealthy, be employed, own a car, build a house, and die (perhaps)? The continuous drive to fulfil these demands kills faster than any known ailment. DO WHAT YOU ENJOY, WHEN YOU WANT TO, AND HOW YOU WANT IT. 1 Like |
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