Hi, so I have some serious issues regarding my social life
& it's a bit of a long story, but I'm gonna try to break it
down to the basics & what's relevant right now.I'm 18, not in uni yet nd I don't even know if I really have any
friends anymore.So now there are a few other people I'm acquainted/
friendly with, but I usually don't ever hear from them.
Really I can't exactly blame them since I tend to be too
anxious to be able to say anything - or even think of
anything to say. Sometimes I feel like I'll say something
wrong, but often I literally can't find a damn thing to say,
let alone talk about something we can bond over.
On top of this, I have few other problems that keep me
from having a social life:
feel so detached from almost everyone, including my
own family who I always lived with (& I don't think
there's even a way for me to fix that at this point)
the very few people who I can connect with at all are
very rare & seem to be even harder to come by
I don't know how to maintain any sort of friendship
with anyone, every time I try to initiate something I feel
like I'm being annoying/intrusive (& I know they
wouldn't be honest if asked them if I do come off like
that)
I can be a very emotional person & I've suppressed a
lot over the years partially due to this, so this tends to
show by bubbling up to the surface when I start talking
to people, which can be very unsettling for them since I
have absolutely no way of controlling how this comes
out
social anxiety, but that alone is the least of my worries
right now
I have comprehensive/expressive language issues
which worsen when I get emotional. Luckily these have
gotten much better over the years, but I still feel like
what I hear may still be unreliable (or some cases just
flat out hard to make out) & my expressive language
still needs a lot of improvement (I already saw a speech
person about this, not very helpful)it's hard/impossible for me to focus on anything more
than 3 seconds. Sometimes I'm only partially aware of
this, like my consciousness is "split", as if I'm
daydreaming & "focusing" at the same time - I'm
neither completely "here" nor "there". This obviously
doesn't help when I'm trying to follow or talk about
movies, books, etc or doing conversations in general
(sometimes this isn't just psychological, but also affects
my motor skills, as if the neurons are lagging)

I've tried noticing what people talk about to try prepare
myself for socializing, but it's mostly stuff like
hair, sports, who is hot, celebrities & who knows who/
who has done what, most of which I don't give a shit
about and/or can't follow. I can't stand small talk but I
also feel to incompetent/not knowledgable enough to talk
about bigger things no matter how much I was reading
into it the night or even minutes before (I think it has to
do with the attention/memory issues).And most of what I think about is not
healthy or conversation worthy (my own problems &
spending way too much time on the internet). So I've
been trying to work on having more hobbies. What's
peaked my interest so far they are:
dancing
drawing (though not as passionately as I used to be)
linguistics
some martial arts
parkourHopefully I'll find a way around it & that would help
somewhat, but for now I need help with whatever I can.
Do any of you deal with the same kind of problems?
How?
What should I do? What helps?
How do you know when people want to deal with you?
How do you reconnect with people in your life?
Especially with the kinds problems that I've listed?
How do you rebuild your social life when nobody seems
to really want to work with you?
I'm worried I don't have a lot of time left to really figure
this out (soon enough everybody will be busy
with kids & spouses).
Please I need help

in a world of over 1billion people, you are not alone.
search for what interest you and people of similar interest, the social media is a good place to start,drop comments,talk(compliment,share idea,fight,insult,debate,bring it all out) on nairaland,since it's a faceless fora,you'll improve with time.
at 18 you still have a long way to go,there are so many people, who didn't socialize till their 30's,so chill.
we all have insecurities.

not the worst thing that can happen to someone. you are an introvert.

you really don't need to fit into the mould the society wants you in. just be yourself. find strength within yourself and see if there's anything you share in common with those around you.

the worst thing you can do to yourself is to try to be a people-pleaser.

your family is important, so I'll say that you should try to develop a closer bond with them. especially your mother unless it's your family that scarred you right from childhood.

all in all, you are unique. accept yourself and others will accept you.

I'll advice you to take up writing. keep a personal journal and write.

it will help.

or painting. anything that let's you express your unique self.

OP there is nothing wrong with you, i go through exactly the same thing..we tend to be alone most of the times, run opposite what the rest of the world are running to.. the word trending" means nothing to you.. i had this same fear too, letting people in is very hard,your trust must be gained and you don't give it out easily..the people you love most and would rather spend your days with knows nothing bout how much you value them..no one knows whats in your head, people like you are best at expressing yourselves through writing or aesthetics..you just need to find that set of people, find people who are interested in you and yet knows when to give you your space...you're not abnormal....you are an introvert...i am an introvert...trust me don't let the thought that you'll be alone over shadow you, and don't let depression in....just be with people you trust already and you are drawn to, live your life in a good way, engage more times in your hobbies..somewhere deep down in you lies a genius that's begging for attention yet nobody knows so..you are special...find that genius and show the world

Loanness, the person above me has said it all.
Never try to fit in the muld the society has set for you. It might be too large or small, in other words, you will find pain, stress, hopelessness, sadness all the time.
Remember, the society is not one person, rather, its a large body of people of different characters and espectations. You cant please them all.

As for lonelyness, you will find your march, i promise you that. I found mine this year and have been happy with myself. That person will help you forcus.

Dont force yourself to fit-in. If you can't slild in, then it wasn't you place at all.

Wow! I used to be like you. I preferred being alone and my phone was my companion. I used my hands to communicate instead of my mouth. I went to school and couldn't boast of much friends 'cause I hardly talked. I hardly went out due to the fact that I hated crowd. Talking in class was a big problem. You only see me talk when I'm with family or few friends and you'll look at me and say "I didn't know you talk o".
If you want to get better, don't be shy to talk anywhere. You only learn from your mistakes so if you say an incorrect thing, you'll be corrected. Learn to smile! You probably don't do so it scares potential friends away. A faceless forum like this will also boost your confidence. Go out once in a while and meet people but first loosen up a bit with your family. You're not alone hunie. Like a poster above me wrote, we're "yuneehk" beings so be happy, improve on something you love to do and all will be well.

Yuneehk:
Wow! I used to be like you. I preferred being alone and my phone was my companion. I used my hands to communicate instead of my mouth. I went to school and couldn't boast of much friends 'cause I hardly talked. I hardly went out due to the fact that I hated crowd. Talking in class was a big problem. You only see me talk when I'm with family or few friends and you'll look at me and say "I didn't know you talk o".
If you want to get better, don't be shy to talk anywhere. You only learn from your mistakes so if you say an incorrect thing, you'll be corrected. Learn to smile! You probably don't do so it scares potential friends away. A faceless forum like this will also boost your confidence. Go out once in a while and meet people but first loosen up a bit with your family. You're not alone hunie. Like a poster above me wrote, we're "yuneehk" beings so be happy, improve on something you love to do and all will be well.

lwkmd, see who dey talk...

donbenedict:
lwkmd, see who dey talk...

huh? What?

donbenedict:
lwkmd, see who dey talk...

huh? What?

Yuneehk:

huh? What?

bbm

I used to be like you.

My introversion nearly drove me to suicide, infact at a point I actually picked up a knife and started cutting my wrist but the pain was too much so I stopped and couldn't go on. I had the mark of the knife on my wrist for a while and people saw it but nobody reached out to me.

I suffered seriously during those years and tried everything to overcome my problem from prayers to browsing for solutions. I felt so lonely, i always had panic attacks when in a crowd and when and in social situations because I just didn't know what to say or how to make conversations or tell stories of what happened to me. Infact I wouldn't wish that amount of lonliness and sadness on anyone.
I had exactly zero friends and nobody to confide in or be close to and although I desperately wanted friendship, I was too scared to get into any or start any because of the crippling phobia I had due to my very poor conversation skills.
What made me better was that there was a period I was forced to socialize everyday.
Every.
Single.
Day.
Except weekends for a whole year because of an office job I was doing.
It wasn't easy for me at all the first few months in that office, it was terrible, it was hell.
I was working with people who knew me from university as a quiet person and they used to bully me mercilessly and make fun of my attempts to make conversations.
I just had to bear the situation because that job paid so much money and I didn't want to quit.
As time went on I got better at talking both from constant practice and from listening to other people talk. I found that after that year I started finding it easy to talk to people and the panic attacks went away.

I have no problems socializing these days and visiting people and hosting visitors and conversing with them and I am immensely grateful for that one year experience.

I no longer talk to my coworkers who treated me like crap that year. I cut all of them out of my life, they are terrible people.
You can send me a PM if you want to talk more.

Goodluck!

winsley:
in a world of over 1billion people, you are not alone.
search for what interest you and people of similar interest, the social media is a good place to start,drop comments,talk(compliment,share idea,fight,insult,debate,bring it all out) on nairaland,since it's a faceless fora,you'll improve with time.
at 18 you still have a long way to go,there are so many people, who didn't socialize till their 30's,so chill.
we all have insecurities.

thank you, sorry for the late reply

Ioannes:
not the worst thing that can happen to someone. you are an introvert.

you really don't need to fit into the mould the society wants you in. just be yourself. find strength within yourself and see if there's anything you share in common with those around you.

the worst thing you can do to yourself is to try to be a people-pleaser.

your family is important, so I'll say that you should try to develop a closer bond with them. especially your mother unless it's your family that scarred you right from childhood.

all in all, you are unique. accept yourself and others will accept you.

I'll advice you to take up writing. keep a personal journal and write.

it will help.

or painting. anything that let's you express your unique self.

funny enough, i got a little journal back then 4yrs ago but later dey took it from me nd it got burned

kiddoiLL:
OP there is nothing wrong with you, i go through exactly the same thing..we tend to be alone most of the times, run opposite what the rest of the world are running to.. the word trending" means nothing to you.. i had this same fear too, letting people in is very hard,your trust must be gained and you don't give it out easily..the people you love most and would rather spend your days with knows nothing bout how much you value them..no one knows whats in your head, people like you are best at expressing yourselves through writing or aesthetics..you just need to find that set of people, find people who are interested in you and yet knows when to give you your space...you're not abnormal....you are an introvert...i am an introvert...trust me don't let the thought that you'll be alone over shadow you, and don't let depression in....just be with people you trust already and you are drawn to, live your life in a good way, engage more times in your hobbies..somewhere deep down in you lies a genius that's begging for attention yet nobody knows so..you are special...find that genius and show the world

i am not that worried abt depression dats why i play alot of video games when i start to feel depressed....its so comforting dat u understand me, thanks man

AbelTer1:
Loanness, the person above me has said it all.
Never try to fit in the muld the society has set for you. It might be too large or small, in other words, you will find pain, stress, hopelessness, sadness all the time.
Remember, the society is not one person, rather, its a large body of people of different characters and espectations. You cant please them all.

As for lonelyness, you will find your march, i promise you that. I found mine this year and have been happy with myself. That person will help you forcus.

Dont force yourself to fit-in. If you can't slild in, then it wasn't you place at all.

all the time d only thing i want from other people is to hear me out nd i also discovered people find it so hard to understand what i say nd it's so damn simple to me dats what pains me most

Yuneehk:
Wow! I used to be like you. I preferred being alone and my phone was my companion. I used my hands to communicate instead of my mouth. I went to school and couldn't boast of much friends 'cause I hardly talked. I hardly went out due to the fact that I hated crowd. Talking in class was a big problem. You only see me talk when I'm with family or few friends and you'll look at me and say "I didn't know you talk o".
If you want to get better, don't be shy to talk anywhere. You only learn from your mistakes so if you say an incorrect thing, you'll be corrected. Learn to smile! You probably don't do so it scares potential friends away. A faceless forum like this will also boost your confidence. Go out once in a while and meet people but first loosen up a bit with your family. You're not alone hunie. Like a poster above me wrote, we're "yuneehk" beings so be happy, improve on something you love to do and all will be well.

thank you sir...one day i stayed in my room witout seeing the daylight hit my eyes

Lamborghini:
I used to be like you.

My introversion nearly drove me to suicide, infact at a point I actually picked up a knife and started cutting my wrist but the pain was too much so I stopped and couldn't go on. I had the mark of the knife on my wrist for a while and people saw it but nobody reached out to me.

I suffered seriously during those years and tried everything to overcome my problem from prayers to browsing for solutions. I felt so lonely, i always had panic attacks when in a crowd and when and in social situations because I just didn't know what to say or how to make conversations or tell stories of what happened to me. Infact I wouldn't wish that amount of lonliness and sadness on anyone.
I had exactly zero friends and nobody to confide in or be close to and although I desperately wanted friendship, I was too scared to get into any or start any because of the crippling phobia I had due to my very poor conversation skills.
What made me better was that there was a period I was forced to socialize everyday.
Every.
Single.
Day.
Except weekends for a whole year because of an office job I was doing.
It wasn't easy for me at all the first few months in that office, it was terrible, it was hell.
I was working with people who knew me from university as a quiet person and they used to bully me mercilessly and make fun of my attempts to make conversations.
I just had to bear the situation because that job paid so much money and I didn't want to quit.
As time went on I got better at talking both from constant practice and from listening to other people talk. I found that after that year I started finding it easy to talk to people and the panic attacks went away.

I have no problems socializing these days and visiting people and hosting visitors and conversing with them and I am immensely grateful for that one year experience.

I no longer talk to my coworkers who treated me like crap that year. I cut all of them out of my life, they are terrible people.
You can send me a PM if you want to talk more.

Goodluck!

same thing is happening to me i can barely face of group of abt 5 people nd start talking.....suicide? I have given some thought countless times while staring at sharp objects

Hallack:
i am not that worried abt depression dats why i play alot of video games when i start to feel depressed....its so comforting dat u understand me, thanks man

ur wlc bro

Hallack:
funny enough, i got a little journal back then 4yrs ago but later dey took it from me nd it got burned

it's not too late to start. in fact this might be the perfect time to start another one.

Ioannes:


it's not too late to start. in fact this might be the perfect time to start another one.

will do, thanks man

It's because you're forced Introvert

You don't need to feel bad about yourself. I knw some people who have similar problems. Don't 4get 'The more people you chill with, the more problems you deal with'

Ruq:
It's because you're forced Introvert

'forced' introvert? Do u mean influence frm frnds nd such?

7Randall:
You don't need to feel bad about yourself. I knw some people who have similar problems. Don't 4get 'The more people you chill with, the more problems you deal with'

i thought only ugly people face these types of problems...but i was totally wrong

Hallack:
'forced' introvert? Do u mean influence frm frnds nd such?

You're subconsciously seeking acceptance and it's not matching. Now you won't know how much advantage it is that you don't fit in because you want to fit in. You don't want to be alone, you hate being idle, which is normal unlike an introvert who naturally appreciates being alone and wants to be alone . I'd say you're in the process of understanding self and it can be frustrating.

What was growing up like.

Ruq:


You're subconsciously seeking acceptance and it's not matching. Now you won't know how much advantage it is that you don't fit in because you want to fit in. You don't want to be alone, you hate being idle, which is normal unlike an introvert who naturally appreciates being alone and wants to be alone . I'd say you're in the process of understanding self and it can be frustrating.

What was growing up like.

I grew up alone when everyone depended on me so i never had anyone to confide in privately

I need help too

You are different......no big deal
try to love yourself and believe in yourself first and you will find that people will love and believe in you

Not everyone can/will be a social animal
Some people are just reserved

Many sociable people have their private hang ups too
You have your strengths
If only you look for them

Francheezy:
I need help too

Is ur case similar to mine, what's your situation currently? .....nd also you can create ur own thread on NL like i did which is helping me on seeing that i'm not alone.

tearoses:
You are different......no big deal
try to love yourself and believe in yourself first and you will find that people will love and believe in you

Not everyone can/will be a social animal
Some people are just reserved

Many sociable people have their private hang ups too
You have your strengths
If only you look for them

I am now getting used to the fact dat i'm different from other people. Thanks