Marriage na wa oo
I was asked for an advise and since i'm still single, i cant advice a married woman on what to do. married people in the house biko say something.

The woman in question is a mother of 4 and has been married for 14years (unhappy marriage if you ask me )
The fresh problem started when she found out that her house help hasn't seen her period for over 3 months. she questioned the girl but the girl denied being pregnant. but further investigation revealed that though the help isn't pregnant but oga husband has been harassing the help anytime madam travels. (sexual harassment).

Madam decided to take her back to the village (she didnt tell the husband about her findings just because she wants peace)that is the genesis of the matter.
Husband flares up at any little thing the wife does, he complains about everything and called his mum to report the issue. He claims his wife doesn't want him to assist his house help or train her in school. He accused her of being wicked.

The problem is that since the help left, the house has been on fire. from one quarrel to the other until a week ago he abused her physically to the point that her left eye was shut and watery. stripped her naked in the compound in front of her 13yr old son. (he said the reason he did that was because his wife who never talked back at him when he talks now has the guts to talk back, he expected silence whenever he scolds her).
its about 6days now and today he sent her packing because she refused to apologise.

the question is should she bring back the help to save her marriage or leave to nowhere. (she doesnt work but a graduate of Biochem).

If I hear...

I think she should just bring bak d househelp and plant magun insyd her.


So that we shall see who is the rat.

Now I believe when one of the nl member said many Nigerian women are masochist.a man abused you,lied against you,cheated on you disgraced you and stripped you naked yet you want to go back to him

Is that a marriage

Anyway some people enjoy misery

Bring back which help? It's like she's crazy.

I don't have anything to say about her foolishness in enduring physical abuse but bring back someone's child to be molested in order to save her a marriage to an assholl? Where's her conscience? So the future of that girl is less important than her marital status?

She better leave the girl where she is. Safe and away from the randy husband.
Let her look for something else to appease her husband with. Maybe her two kidneys and the remaining eye. As long as they leave someone else's child out of their sick home and affairs.

Bring back which househelp to save what marriage?You said he sent her packing which means she is out of the house already.Where is she putting up?She had better stay there as long as she can.

He already called his mother to report so she might as well tell the whole story for whoever needs to hear.I
expect a woman who has been in marriage for 14yrs to have started a business no matter how small to bring in some income.A wife's jobless status is what abusers often take advantage of.

thorpido:
Bring back which househelp to save what marriage?You said he sent her packing which means she is out of the house already.Where is she putting up?She had better stay there as long as she can.

He already called his mother to report so she might as well tell the whole story for whoever needs to hear.I
expect a woman who has been in marriage for 14yrs to have started a business no matter how small to bring in some income.A wife's jobless status is what abusers often take advantage of.

she is still hanging around at a friends house but she cant stay there for long.
The mother supports him and wants the help returned to continue school because the help is related to the mother. The mother says the wife cannot take such decisions without her husband's consent.

it surprises me too that she doesnt have a business of her own because after having her babies he asked her to come stay with him and manage his second biz.

cococandy:
Bring back which help? It's like she's crazy.

I don't have anything to say about her foolishness in enduring physical abuse but bring back someone's child to be molested in order to save her a marriage to an assholl? Where's her conscience? So the future of that girl is less important than her marital status?

She better leave the girl where she is. Safe and away from the randy husband.
Let her look for something else to appease her husband with. Maybe her two kidneys and the remaining eye. As long as they leave someone else's child out of their sick home and affairs.

@Underlined. . .LMFAO!!

Because she talks back at him....she is at the risk of losing her eyes and other sense organ. Oh men

I started talking the first time I entered so that nobody will accuse me of growing wings. If you keep quiet they will mess you up. Look at the result now.


She should involve her family cos of the threat to her life and the humiliation she suffered unless she is into masosadistic fantasies.

Nnemuka:

she is still hanging around at a friends house but she cant stay there for long.
The mother supports him and wants the help returned to continue school because the help is related to the mother. The mother says the wife cannot take such decisions without her husband's consent.

it surprises me too that she doesnt have a business of her own because after having her babies he asked her to come stay with him and manage his second biz.

The mother supports him because she doesn't know why she sent the househelp away.She should let her know.

How about her family members?Doesn't she have someone she can stay with?

A graduate of Biochem don't know what to ? Or she knows but prefers to stay there because of the perks involved with being a Mrs housewife to somebody?

Typed from my Iced fish stall . . .

I have no advise for women that have sold their brain for a pair of scrotum. I feel nothing for her type, she should go ahead and bring back the house help to save her already dead and buried marriage.

Pls she should beg him
Kneel down in that same compound
Cry out loud and say sorry husband
Then pray and fast
There's no husband oo
Where will she go with 4 kids and one eye
Prayer is the key





Ijebus will say
Onoshi
Ashiwere
Mtcheweweeeewww

The responses on this thread!

Now this is exactly the sort of scenario I had in mind regarding stay at home mothers in Naija, 100% reliant on the man who go cap in hand begging for handouts while waiting meekly (and patiently) for him as he reluctantly counts the pennies / kobos for her to buy her sanitary pads.

A supposed "graduate" with nothing to show for after 14 years of marriage. Mtcheeew.

Cc: Edwife. Kimoni. Byvan03. Mindfulness.

Your views pls.

You realize that someone's child?

You recommend using her as a sexual bait.
What's wrong with you?

Cutehector:




I think she should just bring bak d househelp and plant magun insyd her.


So that we shall see who is the rat.

cococandy:
You realize that someone's child?

You recommend using her as a sexual bait.
What's wrong with you?

of course I do strrrrooongly recommend such. I'm not a weak person.. when it comes to punishment, I can be brutal..

And this is how people raise their daughters in Nigeria, to prefer death in marriage than peace while single.

Do not exploit that girl for any reason, God will punish even the woman for considering it.

EfemenaXY:


The responses on this thread!

Now this is exactly the sort of scenario I had in mind regarding stay at home mothers in Naija, 100% reliant on the man who go cap in hand begging for handouts while waiting meekly (and patiently) for him as he reluctantly counts the pennies / kobos for her to buy her sanitary pads.

A supposed "graduate" with nothing to show for after 14 years of marriage. Mtcheeew.

Cc: Edwife. Kimoni. Byvan03. Mindfulness.

Your views pls.

You are generalising and this is where the problem lies.I will repeat what I said on that thread:

1) Many women in Nigeria are not even stay at home mums by choice, the lack of jobs in the country force them to stay home and depend on their husbands. If everything the husband brings at home is spent on the family and they have nothing left, where and how will she raise a capital to start a business?

2)Not everyone has to have a white collar job, you can be a stay at home and as soon as the kids are of school age, you can decide to pursue other things and in a country like Nigeria, one needs to always think outside the box.Not many people are satisfied with their jobs, as long as it pays bills,they are okay.As much as I love what i do, i have plan to stop working for people and become my own Boss.

First of all, this woman has no excuse staying at home, she has kids in school and the eldest is 13 years old plus a house help, this is simply a case of a dummy woman. Saying stay at home women in Nigeria who rely 100% on their husbands beg for money to buy sanitary towel ?? Please Efe housewife gets level. Does Adaeze Yobo beg for sanitary towels? There are so many housewives who makes more than "working class" women out there that have savings,properties and assets.I didn't beg for sanitary towels... neither do I know any of my friends who did.

Just like there are some working class women who are still enslaved by their husbands; everything they make, the husband controls.....should I generalise it?

She is just an exception among many!

Are we talking of Nigeria, where people go to work and still save nothing? Where people graduate and still jobless for 7 years? Where people go to work today and get sacked because the company wants to downsize or there is no money to pay them? Where people work for years without pay? Where graduates are paid 25k? She can be a PHD degree holder, as long as you live in Nigeria and doesn't have common sense to think about anything other than a white collar job, you are senseless!

This woman and any other woman who thinks like her, is senseless and not a general case.I will repeat it again, it depends on the DYNAMIC of YOUR marriage.

KNOW WHO YOU MARRY!

ps: Why the emphasis on graduate? A graduate in Nigeria? Where some graduates can't even write a job application letter? What are the chances she even knows anything about the course she studied? Topic for another day.

Cutehector:
of course I do strrrrooongly recommend such. I'm not a weak person.. when it comes to punishment, I can be brutal..

who is being punished. The abused girl?

cococandy:
who is being punished. The abused girl?

Naaah. The mudafvcker of randy husband.

Cutehector:
Naaah. The mudafvcker of randy husband.

Yea punish the husband by using the girl as a bait for him.
How does it work? Put the magun as you said and let him sleep with her, then the thing will catch him so he can be punished. meanwhile the girl has been molested one more time.
How does that make sense or help the child in this situation?
I know it doesn't work but even if it does, it's a not a viable solution.

cococandy:

Yea punish the husband by using the girl as a bait for him.
How does it work? Put the magun as you said and let him sleep with her, then the thing will catch him so he can be punished. meanwhile the girl has been molested one more time.
How does that make sense or help the child in this situation?
I know it doesn't work but even if it does, it's a not a viable solution.

so what is the viable solution? Arrest him which of course he will later later granted bail of nothing higher than 50k? Den he still goes out there to feast on his next victim? Really

Cutehector:
so what is the viable solution? Arrest him which of course he will later later granted bail of nothing higher than 50k? Den he still goes out there to feast on his next victim? Really

It's better a criminal goes free than an innocent be punished.

This Cutehector is just too dumb for my liking, and even worse he tries to act smart and that makes him more dumb!

cococandy:

It's better a criminal goes free than an innocent be punished.

not in my dictionary.. the innocent has ta be freed from the criminal!

EfemenaXY:


The responses on this thread!

Now this is exactly the sort of scenario I had in mind regarding stay at home mothers in Naija, 100% reliant on the man who go cap in hand begging for handouts while waiting meekly (and patiently) for him as he reluctantly counts the pennies / kobos for her to buy her sanitary pads.

A supposed "graduate" with nothing to show for after 14 years of marriage. Mtcheeew.


Your views pls.

Well, my position on this has always been very clear. Make sure you are self-reliant before bringing kids into this world. There is nothing wrong with staying at home for some time but you must have a plan B. In this case it turns out that the husband is a pervert, in other scenarios the husband dies or falls sick. It is a mother's duty to ensure that she can take care of her family in such scenarios. My two cents.

EfemenaXY:


The responses on this thread!

Now this is exactly the sort of scenario I had in mind regarding stay at home mothers in Naija, 100% reliant on the man who go cap in hand begging for handouts while waiting meekly (and patiently) for him as he reluctantly counts the pennies / kobos for her to buy her sanitary pads.

A supposed "graduate" with nothing to show for after 14 years of marriage. Mtcheeew.

Cc: Edwife. Kimoni. Byvan03. Mindfulness.

Your views pls.

Edwife is right oo, I didn't beg, not when am the accountant general. I think she is married to a stingy man and failed to use her brain. I also don't believe she knows anything about the course she studied, maybe she didn't even graduate. Some beg cap in hand but many run that department so no need to beg.


Some women never worked in their life but do much to show for not working, why many work but could barely buy a decent pair of shoes. It truly depends on the dynamics of the marriage. This woman is married to a mad man, she should know better.

edwife:
You are generalising and this is where the problem lies.I will repeat what I said on that thread:

1) Many women in Nigeria are not even stay at home mums by choice, the lack of jobs in the country force them to stay home and depend on their husbands. If everything the husband brings at home is spent on the family and they have nothing left, where and how will she raise a capital to start a business?

2)Not everyone has to have a white collar job, you can be a stay at home and as soon as the kids are of school age, you can decide to pursue other things and in a country like Nigeria, one needs to always think outside the box.Not many people are satisfied with their jobs, as long as it pays bills,they are okay.As much as I love what i do, i have plan to stop working for people and become my own Boss.

There aren't any generalizations within my post Eds. I've categorically stated (in the previous thread you're referring to), that I see how it can and can't work from both ends of the spectrum. (i.e stay at home vs working mums, within or outside Naija, with either a supporting/understanding husband or a with a man with contrary views). This example completely fits in with the classical example of a stay at home mum in Naija with a man who is non-supportive.

The 1^st and 2^nd points you make are contradictory to your follow on text. You start of by saying not many women in Nigeria are stay at home mothers by choice, yet you go on to mention that not everyone is cut out for a white collar job? If a woman isn't a stay at home mum by choice, it means that she wants to work, yes? And wouldn't stop searching till she gets what she wants, irrespective of the type of job she lands herself with, as long as it pays, abi? So why make the distinction between white collar jobs and non-white collar jobs? Of what relevance is that to a stay at home mum wanting to get back into employment?

edwife:
First of all, this woman has no excuse staying at home, she has kids in school and the eldest is 13 years old plus a house help, this is simply a case of a dummy woman.

Really?

But you also said this:

edwife:


In Nigeria or anywhere in the world, you can still live a very fulfilled life as long as it's YOUR choice or a joint decision with YOUR spouse.

So how do you know it wasn't a joint decision initially made and agreed upon, by both of them, for her to stay at home and tend to the kids? Additionally, how can you be sure that just because the oldest is 13 years (don't know where you got that from), that the younger ones aren't of primary school age? Or that her last child might even be a toddler? Just because she's been married for 14 years doesn't automatically imply that they started having kids immediately they tied the knot. For all we know, the couple could have been late starters with very young kids in tow right now - and if that's the case, then going by your earlier assertion, there's nothing wrong with her wanting to be at home looking after the little ones till they are of secondary school age, yes? So why call her a dummy then?

edwife:


Saying stay at home women in Nigeria who rely 100% on their husbands beg for money to buy sanitary towel ??

Well, this lady obviously does and has been doing so for the last 14 years.

edwife:
Please Efe housewife gets level.

Really? Never heard of these "housewife levels".

edwife:
Does Adaeze Yobo beg for sanitary towels? There are so many housewives who makes more than "working class" women out there that have savings,properties and assets.

And for every Adaeze Yobo, how many thousands of destitute housewives are out there, forced into a life of destitution by the choice to park their education and brains aside?

edwife:
I didn't beg for sanitary towels... neither do I know any of my friends who did.

Don't personalize it. Stick to the topic pls. This isn't about you, your friends, or the choices you made, neither is anyone on here judging your decision. I asked for your opinion of this story and nothing else.

edwife:
She is just an exception among many!

How so?

You're only saying this now after 14 years of an unhappy marriage with nothing to show for. Would you still have held the same opinion if this lady was in her first 5 years of marriage?

edwife:
Are we talking of Nigeria, where people go to work and still save nothing? Where people graduate and still jobless for 7 years? Where people go to work today and get sacked because the company wants to downsize or there is no money to pay them? Where people work for years without pay? Where graduates are paid 25k? She can be a PHD degree holder, as long as you live in Nigeria and doesn't have common sense to think about anything other than a white collar job, you are senseless!

I'm lost.

Did I miss something in the story that alludes to this lady not working because she wasn't able to think about anything else other then securing a white collar job? What's your fixation with women in "white collar jobs"?

edwife:
This woman and any other woman who thinks like her, is senseless and not a general case.I will repeat it again, it depends on the DYNAMIC of YOUR marriage.

Now you're going directly against what you've been preaching:

edwife:


My problem with people is this; Why do people always want to find holes in others? Why is my lifestyle or the way i choose to live or do things bother you so much? I just don't get these kind of human beings.So I question what they represent,it's baffling to me.

I think Nigerians have a problem, they compare their marriages,families with others.We are not all married to the same spouses,our marriages are not the same,we don't come from the same families,we are all different.

Why're you judging this woman now?

edwife:
KNOW WHO YOU MARRY!

And you think after 14 years she still doesn't know whom she married?

edwife:
ps: Why the emphasis on graduate? A graduate in Nigeria? Where some graduates can't even write a job application letter? What are the chances she even knows anything about the course she studied? Topic for another day.

Tut, tut.

Now you diss the Nigerian educational system. A bit generalistic, no?

And let me get a little bit personal here. I'm a Nigerian graduate and I know how to write a job application letter, plus I believe I know quite a lot about what I studied back there.

byvan03:


Edwife is right oo, I didn't beg, not when am the accountant general. I think she is married to a stingy man and failed to use her brain. I also don't believe she knows anything about the course she studied, maybe she didn't even graduate. Some beg cap in hand but many run that department so no need to beg.

Some women never worked in their life but do much to show for not working, why many work but could barely buy a decent pair of shoes. It truly depends on the dynamics of the marriage. This woman is married to a mad man, she should know better.

Well, according to the story, she is a graduate.

So why're you lot dissing her educational background & qualifications?

Cutehector:




I think she should just bring bak d househelp and plant magun insyd her.


So that we shall see who is the rat.

Dis post reminds me of one lady that jokingly threatened the husband with magun for both her husband and his girlfriend. And he said she is diabolic.

Don't you think if magun catches both husband and the help, the husband will Say she is diabolic and may beat he'll out of her? By mere words a woman was sent out. then doing it na die for this woman.

Pls op, let the woman leave d marriage o before she becomes of of the figures of death from domestic violence

Mindfulness:


Well, my position on this has always been very clear. Make sure you are self-reliant before bringing kids into this world. There is nothing wrong with staying at home for some time but you must have a plan B. In this case it turns out that the husband is a pervert, in other scenarios the husband dies or falls sick. It is a mother's duty to ensure that she can take care of her family in such scenarios. My two cents.

1000+ Likes!

You couldn't have said it any better.

Dyt:
Pls she should beg him
Kneel down in that same compound
Cry out loud and say sorry husband
Then pray and fast
There's no husband oo
Where will she go with 4 kids and one eye
Prayer is the key

4 kids, 1 eye, prayer key....LMAO!!!

ifyalways:
A graduate of Biochem don't know what to ? Or she knows but prefers to stay there because of the perks involved with being a Mrs housewife to somebody?
Typed from my Iced fish stall . . .

cococandy:
Bring back which help? It's like she's crazy.

I don't have anything to say about her foolishness in enduring physical abuse but bring back someone's child to be molested in order to save her a marriage to an assholl? Where's her conscience? So the future of that girl is less important than her marital status?

She better leave the girl where she is. Safe and away from the randy husband.
Let her look for something else to appease her husband with. Maybe her two kidneys and the remaining eye. As long as they leave someone else's child out of their sick home and affairs.

Chei!