yesterday I and my hubby had a dispute abt his mother coming over to our house in Lagos becks I asked him for how long his mother would be staying, following the fact DAT we are just a new couple abt 1 year old in marriage.

this morning while he was preparing for work I tried to let him know my reasons for asking the duration of his mother stay at our place and DAT i'm not against his mother coming over to visit but her visit should be for a duration and not to stay.

while explaining my reasons , I took him of one or two periods I counted on him to stand by me DAT he failed me. reason one : when one of our neighbors had a dispute with me when he was at work and at night while my hubby was returning from work; dat my neighbor met my husband on the stair case and told him I had a dispute with her, to my greatest surprise my husband came home and started shouting at me not even asking me of my own side of the story. I felt heart broken and disappointed that my own husband could believe an outsider over his own wife, knowing DAT I had Neva had an dispute with any neighbors before .

second reason: was when I went for an interview and was stranded at the interview becos I had exhausted all the money I had on me on tfare going there, after the interview I called my husband to tell him I was stranded and had no money to come back home , to my surprise my hubby said to me over the phone " what to you want me to do; find your way". again he disappointed me and I felt bad, I had to call my elder sisteu to assist me.

all these above reasons made me defensive when he told me his mother was coming over to our place. becos i felt he could team up with his mother and frustrate me in our house especially since they are Edo while I'm Igbo.

now today he got back from work and I saw a slippers and a snack I normally like he bought. soi taught he bought them for me but rather he kept the slippers at the shoe rack without even telling me if he bought th em for me or not. and when I asked him about the snack he ignored me . I'm beginning to wonder is this the man I married .

prayer is the key my sister, continue praying and God will see u through.

This lady sef carry small pikin sense enter marriage. Kilode? ?
Abi make your husband give you breast suck?

OEmiohe:
yesterday I and my hubby had a dispute abt his mother coming over to our house in Lagos becks I asked him for how long his mother would be staying, following the fact DAT we are just a new couple abt 1 year old in marriage.

this morning while he was preparing for work I tried to let him know my reasons for asking the duration of his mother stay at our place and DAT i'm not against his mother coming over to visit but her visit should be for a duration and not to stay.

while explaining my reasons , I took him of one or two periods I counted on him to stand by me DAT he failed me. reason one : when one of our neighbors had a dispute with me when he was at work and at night while my hubby was returning from work; dat my neighbor met my husband on the stair case and told him I had a dispute with her, to my greatest surprise my husband came home and started shouting at me not even asking me of my own side of the story. I felt heart broken and disappointed that my own husband could believe an outsider over his own wife, knowing DAT I had Neva had an dispute with any neighbors before .

second reason: was when I went for an interview and was stranded at the interview becos I had exhausted all the money I had on me on tfare going there, after the interview I called my husband to tell him I was stranded and had no money to come back home , to my surprise my hubby said to me over the phone " what to you want me to do; find your way". again he disappointed me and I felt bad, I had to call my elder sisteu to assist me.

all these above reasons made me defensive when he told me his mother was coming over to our place. becos i felt he could team up with his mother and frustrate me in our house especially since they are Edo while I'm Igbo.

now today he got back from work and I saw a slippers and a snack I normally like he bought. soi taught he bought them for me but rather he kept the slippers at the shoe rack without even telling me if he bought th em for me or not. and when I asked him about the snack he ignored me . I'm beginning to wonder is this the man I married .

He is the man u married nd he was able to hide his true color til d very last moment. Trust me he doesnt love u....for me i feel sick wen i try to hurt the pipo i love

femmefetale:
This lady sef carry small pikin sense enter marriage. Kilode? ?
Abi make your husband give you breast suck?

Shut up! If u don't av any meaningful contribution 'it is a common sense

Josphine4good:
prayer is the key my sister, continue praying and God will see u through.

Hian! !
Prayer for this kind mumu character again?
I tire for una oooo, to get common sense again need prayers again? ?
That woman need to give her husband a break! Jesus! !!

A new wife already quarrelling with a neighbor already? ? Na only she don marry? SHIORRRR! !!!

ThaCarter:
Shut up! If u don't av any meaningful contribution 'it is a common sense

Shut up too, if your foolishness is way beyond par

Things like this scare me sha..
These sudden change of behaviours after weddings.

Anyways..Patience is the Key and Agape love

My Dear Sister..........Firstly you have to forgive your husband.Those things you mentioned that he has done wrongly aren't cool but then,still forgive him and don't refer to them anymore.Do not transfer anger /disappointment from a past issue to the present otherwise you won't be happy within you.Remember this man is your husband, you won't keep remembering all his wrong all your life .

2ndly....continue bn a good baby to your husband. Find time to talk well.......myb after a lovely dinner outside the house.Tell him he kinda made you sad though you v long forgiven him .Don't be too formal or serious but be firm.Let him read btwn the lines of truthfulness and playfulness.


Finally,Mama is coming....not bad,you didn't have to ask him outrightly how long mama is staying......like inbtwn your leisure time....Baby,shebi mama is coming this weekend abi....is she going to be playing with us for long?blah blah.He won't realise you meant something rather,he'll feel you are just asking!.

Dear,a year into marriage is quite still young to be disappointed and frustrated. You are still in the Forming stage,don't allow Storming in.

Ma'am to be candid....you hav serious issues(no offence).lets take it one after the other

1:you are IGBO' and he's EDO
That to me does not count.

2:you had issues with your neibor n your hubby didnt bother to hear yours....its vrry normal for some men to behav that way.

3:you went for an invite and became stranded,you called your hubby and he responded harshly.did you bother to check welda he had cash on him?

4:madam you hav to learn how to overlook some things...not everything you take to heart.


Please stop fightin yourself...leave his mum alone and sinc you knew you aint from same locality...why den did you agree to marry him

ahnie:
guess he never shee shuntin...pls pardon him.

Lol. I don leave am jare.
As for op, she really need to calm down jare. Suffery Suffery catche monkey does it.

When 2 kids are marrying each other that what happen.

I know for sure that 2 Nigerian Ladies can't be in the same roof, Ask Ur self, will my son's wife ask him the same question years to come?


Treat your Mother In law with care, She made your husband what he is.


meanwhile go buy and read "The power of A Praying wife" by Stormie Omartian. Thank Me later.

God bless your marriage peacefully! Amen

ahnie:
Ma'am to be candid....you hav serious issues(no offence).lets take it one after the other

1:you are IGBO' and he's EDO
That to me does not count.

2:you had issues with your neibor n your hubby didnt bother to hear yours....its vrry normal for some men to behav that way.

3:you went for an invite and became stranded,you called your hubby and he responded harshly.did you bother to


4:madam you hav to learn how to overlook some things...not everything you take to heart.


Please stop fightin yourself...leave his mum alone and sinc you knew you aint from same locality...why den did you agree to marry him

She kept creating unnecessary emphasis on being igbo like say igbos don't accommodate in laws.

Infact quarrelling with a neighbor in less than a year is just some fuccked up shiite. Is there a trophy for being vain?

And then calling your husband because you don't have transport, Jesus! ! Should he fly from the office to attend to her? She need to start making calculations right. So if her hubby isn't around and baby is sick and need urgent medical attention, this type go first go find where to buy recharge card to call oyoyo dim instead of rushing to the hospital first . Nna mehn

ThaCarter:
Shut up! If u don't av any meaningful contribution 'it is a common sense

thank you very much for that

pendusky:
When 2 kids are marrying each other that what happen.

I know for sure that 2 Nigerian Ladies can't be in the same roof, Ask Ur self, will my son's wife ask him the same question years to come?


Treat your Mother In law with care, She made your husband what he is.


meanwhile go buy and read "The power of A Praying wife" by Stormie Omartian. Thank Me later.

God bless your marriage peacefully! Amen

like seriously is it a crime to ask for how many days will you be staying? Is that one too a reason for anyone to feel offended?

Isn't it a question


Op you married a man that can't stand up for you so just tread softly and let things go if not you'll just be fighting him every day and before you know it you'll have become contentious and overbearing

If mama come stay on your lane.just keep giving her the fake smile

I'm still trying to figure out what will irk me more than a woman that will revolt or question my decision of my mum or any relative coming to live with us, whether short or long term basis. Except if I'm not the one offsetting the rents of that house. The man did well to ignore you, I'd do likewise.

You women always find it appropriate for your relations to come over but once it's the man's you rebel. And when the man insist and his relatives moves in you start creating non-existing problems. Nonsense.

ahnie:
Ma'am to be candid....you hav serious issues(no offence).lets take it one after the other

1:you are IGBO' and he's EDO
That to me does not count.

2:you had issues with your neibor n your hubby didnt bother to hear yours....its vrry normal for some men to behav that way.

3:you went for an invite and became stranded,you called your hubby and he responded harshly.did you bother to check welda he had cash on him?

4:madam you hav to learn how to overlook some things...not everything you take to heart.


Please stop fightin yourself...leave his mum alone and sinc you knew you aint from same locality...why den did you agree to marry him

Nne,no to number 3.
He should have empathised with her and profer solutions over the phone like ;
Try and borrow from someone.
Is there an atm there.
bla bla bla!

When God said "Love your neighbour as yourself",we tend to dash 10ngn to a beggar and think that counts.

Well it does but you crossed the line by asking how long mama gon be staying.

What reasons did you give him?

Nne nwanne m,you better learn to overlook things happily in your marriage.

Marriage bukwa "enete aghalu"

Itinye kwa anya gi n'ihe nile...inwufuo. ..chukwu ekwekwana!

Sit down and try hard to be pleasant even to your neighbours.
Aru agbakasizina gi.

You need a healthy body and mind to conceive.
Stop nagging too...It disgusts men.
Take care of yourself.

Why will u fight with ur nebo? Its embarrassing , always mind ur business...u are a trouble maker, fight ur husband, fight ur nebo, soon u will fight ur MIL

@OP, Why are you already so sure you will have a problem with the woman? You might be surprised to find out she's nice. Give people a chance first before labeling them. So far, she hasn't done anything to you but you seem convinced that you guys won't get along.
That could affect how you treat her when she comes and in turn create the problems you're afraid of. The nicest people do not belong to a certain tribe. They are distributed evenly.

I'm sorry if you want to live with your relative on a long term basis without being questioned about it, then stay married to them.

Once you're married, your wife deserves the respect of at least being consulted before such decisions are made. Afterall if she wanted to live with your relative forever, she would have gotten married to that particular person instead of you.

ronald4lif:
I'm still trying to figure out what will irk me more than a woman that will revolt or question my decision of my mum or any relative coming to live with us, whether short or long term basis. Except if I'm not the one offsetting the rents of that house. The man did well to ignore you, I'd do likewise.

You women always find it appropriate for your relations to come over but once it's the man's you rebel. And when the man insist and his relatives moves in you start creating non-existing problems. Nonsense.

OP, are you tribalistic? You knowingly married an Edo man, and now you're crying foul that he's Edo and will gang up with his Edo relatives against you.
Was that what you also intended to do to him with your own relatives?
If not, then why are you thinking the worst of your husband?
Does he feel you've got reservations against him because he's not your tribe, and maybe feels you married him because your biological clock was ticking, and not because he was your choice?
You feel he took sides with your neighbor, but that was in the privacy of your home not outside.
Maybe he felt even if you were offended should have known better to show restraint, and not be shouting abuses or even getting physical in public. Some people dislike such public displays, and even if you were right, that act alone has negated your being right.
He bought snack, and slippers and didn't say a word to you about it. So maybe he's still sulking? Or maybe he bought the snack for himself and the slippers for his mum. Leave him to get over it and he will tell you if the slippers is for you or for someone else. If you don't want to eat the snack, ask him to go keep it in the fridge. Probably that's his own way of extending the olive branch/making peace if the things are for you.
Stop stressing yourself out.
Regarding his mum coming to stay over I doubt if she's coming to stay forever, else he would have told you.
But you will still need to find out, and since its such a touchy topic for him you need to do it stylishly.
Don't give out the vibes that you don't like his mother else he gets defensive, and thinks you wished his mom was dead.

Op,are you trying to conceive(TTC)?You seem apprehensive.
Your hubby could be frustrated about something,maybe something at work.He gives a vibe of such.Nevertheless,you two should communicate more.There must have been a reason why you married him and I want to believe there is love.Try to stoke the fire of that love again.

Forget you being igbo and your husband edo,you hear?You knew that before you married him and I believe you must have thought about it and asked yourself questions before saying I do.I didn't marry from my tribe,so I don't see it as a tribe issue.It's about knowing who(and the family) you are marrying.

When your MIL comes,just relate with her as you will do with your mother.

Sorry to say ma, you married an egoistic man who doesn't care about your opinions. But all is not lost, talk to him calmly and suggest couple therapy.

I dont know why you guys are jumping down her throat. You dont know what happened with the neighbour that led to the quarrel, the husband should have asked her and its very normal for neighbours to quarrel especially if you have nosey neighbours that cant mind their business. If she was stranded he should have at least empathized with her if he didnt have money to send to her for him to start shouting is wrong the man seems like an impatient person. There is no reason why she cannot ask how long the mom is staying for, i ask my husband that when his people come to stay so i can make proper arrangements after all I am the one that buys food in the house so i need to know how many mouths i will be feeding and for how long. Even if i am not the one buying food, and i dont contribute financially someone is going to be in my personal space i need to know for how long so i can prepare my mind. When my people are coming i inform my husband and i let him know for how long. Marriage is not a master slave relationship where one person barks orders at the other and the other person is supposed to take it and not say anything or offer a contrary opinion. A true leader carries everyone along and strives to get the buy in of all affected parties and if they cant agree they reach some form of compromise. So pls leave her alone. Madam I feel your pain. I think your husband might be under alot of pressure, try and find something doing to relieve him of some of the financial burden he has

The distrust is building already....
I do not support intertribal marriage, call me names i don't care.
You think love will conquer...hahahaha..love doesn't conquer tribes or ethnicity, maturity does. Op, you are not matured enough to venture into this institution you are now in. You see tribe in everything. Are you going to cook and eat Edo black soup for that spouse of yours Huh. You stay in school or urban cities forming Mr and Mrs Smith forgetting that tribe matters in this country where we find ourselves.

Your husband is not there to worship and neither does he seems as the dependable type, man up and try to erase his uncaring attitude from your mind. Well, if you're the revengeful type ...maybe...maybe you do your own back in a subtle manner let him know how painful it is.

Be the best you can be to MIL, hope for the best and prepare for any unusual.
Keep yourself busy. Subscribe fully and log on to www.Alison.com and do as many online courses as possible to boost your CV. It will take your mind off any frivolities like neighbours, it will prevent you from uttering insensitive remarks that may comeback to bite you in the butt and most importantly it will keep you occupied from MIL issues.


Best of luck. Remember she gave birth to your "hubby"

OP, do something for me right now: cluck and run around like a chicken. Oya! Keep clucking, flap your hands like a chicken. Because you're acting like one, ruffled feathers and all.

Since your last thread, you've been clucking upandan "my MiL is coming, she's Edo and I'm Igbo". It doesn't seem to anyone reading this (and most likely your husband) that you're comfortable with her tribe. I mean, that seems to be one of your issues with her. So how on earth did you marry an Edo guy?? Was it arrangee, did you only get to meet him on the day of the wedding and realised his name was Osato and yours was Nneka?? Or was your biological clock ticking too loudly only in your mind and you refused to let this opportunity pass you by when Eromosele smiled at you and you forgot you would have a problem with the fact that he wasn't Chinedu?? Do you realise that Socio-culturally and Governmentally your kids will most likely end up as Abieyuwa and Esohe and not Nnamdi and Chioma?? If that is going to be a problem for you, I suggest you quietly end this marriage now, before it gets older and much more complicated.

Secondly, from your thread and today's thread, I tend to believe your neighbour more than you. I mean, you're here flapping your hands and clucking like a chicken with upset over someone you haven't seen, I'm pretty sure you did worse to the neighbour you had seen.

So! How do you turn yourself from a chicken to a human being again? Simples! Shut the fvck up and let his mother come. Act and treat her like you have good manners (be polite, welcoming friendly and helpful. I know you think you're a "Christian" so act Christ-like to his mother). After she's been there for about 2 weeks and 5 days and you've (hopefully) treated her nicely, speak to him one day before sleep and say "sorry i was being sorta like a chicken earlier. I just wanted to know how long mumsie was coming over so I could prepare. She's always welcome in OUR home for visits, though I realise we need time to ourselves to build us into a better couple".

Can you do that? Does this sound like a plan to you? Nod your head affirmatively and put your flapping hands down and stop clucking. Also, go and learn how they greet in Edo (is it Bini or Esan you're married into?) so when his mum comes, you make her feel welcome by doing so.

Btw, don't be offended that I called you a chicken, because I like chickens! I've always kept them as pets so I understand their temperament. Shout out to my last one, Glorinda, I miss you! I hope you're in chicken heaven, eating bread and scratching the ground and running around

Hmnnn!I have observed that the first few years of marriage are always challenging, different funny and serious issues up and down that surprisingly, could lead to the end of most marriages before their 5th year anniversary. The key to survive this period is prayer, extra patience and forgiveness. You need to be very patient with your hubby and in-laws and you have to learn to FORGIVE and FORGET,you will really need it. You cannot continue to keep records of your husband's past mistakes, it kills love gradually. Yes, it might hurt you but learn to forgive and to also take things lightly. Life is too beautiful to be taking irrelevant things too serious.