Hello wonderful NLander,

I have a friend who is my age mate. She's two weeks younger than me. We are in our early thirties and both of us are "single" at the moment. Recently, I have been contemplating whether or not to move to the next level or we just remain as friends. She has an MSc and is currently working. I am currently a PhD student.

Thank you all!

Marry her na.
Do you fancy her?Does she have qualities you desire in a woman?
Age should not be a limitation.We all age with time.

thorpido:
Marry her na.
Do you fancy her?Does she have qualities you desire in a woman?
Age should not be a limitation.We all age with time.

Many thanks! She does has a fair deal of the qualities I consider important. Though there are still others we are on the opposite side of the divide. I am more "old school" and believe in modesty while she is more of the classy type, two ear-rings/ear sometime, fairly heavy make-up etc.

Age is not a barrier, but if I were you, I would consider the difference in lifestyle/modesty.

We both share the same belief system (modesty). Heavy make-up, thigh exposing & revealing outfits are a turn-off for me when the focus is MARRIAGE. Yeah! We (men) love to deceive ladies a lot; we can date anything (40 earrings per ear, 20 on the nose), but when it comes to MARRIAGE, we are HIGHLY 'picky'.

Do not waste your time trying to make it work if your beliefs differ! More importantly, do not try to change her if she's not willing; she'll find her man, you will find yours.

Acidosis:
Age is not a barrier, but if I were you, I would consider the difference in lifestyle/modesty.

We both share the same belief system (modesty). Heavy make-up, thigh exposing & revealing outfits are a turn-off for me when the focus is MARRIAGE. Yeah! We (men) love to deceive ladies a lot; we can date anything (40 earrings per ear, 20 on the nose), but when it comes to MARRIAGE, we are HIGHLY 'picky'.

Do not waste your time trying to make it work if your beliefs differ! More importantly, do not try to change her if she's not willing; she'll find her man, you will find yours.

Thanks bro!

EagleEyez505:


Many thanks! She does has a fair deal of the qualities I consider important. Though there are still others we are on the opposite side of the divide. I am more "old school" and believe in modesty while she is more of the classy type, two ear-rings/ear sometime, fairly heavy make-up etc.

Marriage is about compromise.You both can always meet at the middle when it comes to issues.
I'm for modesty too.I will always have issues with a lady who wants to show off all the time.
Maybe you should date and see how it goes.

thorpido:
Marriage is about compromise.You both can always meet at the middle when it comes to issues.
I'm for modesty too.I will always have issues with a lady who wants to show off all the time.
Maybe you should date and see how it goes.

Many thanks!

EagleEyez505:
Hello wonderful NLander,

I have a friend who is my age mate. She's two weeks younger than me. We are in our early thirties and both of us are "single" at the moment. Recently, I have been contemplating whether or not to move to the next level or we just remain as friends. She has an MSc and is currently working. I am currently a PhD student.

Thank you all!

Firstly, well done for asking serious questions about marriage and what it entails. First understanding, and then duly considering, goes a long way to establishing solid unions.

Second, advise apart, you are a man, you take responsibility for whatever action you choose to take. Having said both of those things, here is my take.

Primarily, it's this; age should always be a consideration. Especially with the long-term demands and management of marriage and family.

Consider your situation; would she expect to have children straight away - she is after all early 30's - or be willing to wait a few more years until your studies are complete, you have started work and/or established a career?

Maybe it's not a big factor? Are either of you are from wealthy backgrounds, or have independent means? If you are not, or don't, how will you cope?

If she is willing to wait, how long? Fertility can be an issue when age starts to creep up - say ^35 - but there are other considerations such as family size etc.

If you do proceed - and it will take say a year to get down the altar - and you plan for 2 kids fairly quickly, you probably won't have a shedload of physical action in the first few years and have the stress of providing for a young family quite soon.

The fact is the effort, stress and time taken, means that in 5-6 years when you get to that point of marriage-kids-somewhat settled, she will have passed through and probably not be as physically attractive.

You will have worked hard, taken on a big burden, seen a total change in lifestyle, with potentially lots of sacrifice. Are you prepared for that? Or the various other scenarios that could unfold? It's more of a critical time for her than it is for you. In all;

1. Please consider your level of care and willingness to commit to this lady long-term, whatever the scenario
2. If you are unsure, free her to find her way. To take her time and then disappoint her is simply wrong.

Don't just see things as they are, but how they will likely turn out. Whomsoever you eventually marry, there will be challenges. Yours is to prepare yourself, think strategically, and for marriage, commit wholly. Be considered, be bold, be a man

All the very best
TV

thorpido:
Marriage is about compromise.You both can always meet at the middle when it comes to issues.
I'm for modesty too.I will always have issues with a lady who wants to show off all the time.
Maybe you should date and see how it goes.

Many thanks bro! I am very grateful!

TV01:

Firstly, well done for asking serious questions about marriage and what it entails. First understanding and duly considering goes a long way to establishing solid unions.

Second, advise apart, you are a man, you take responsibility for whatever action you choose to take. Having said both of those things, here is my take.

Primarily, it's this; age should always be a consideration. Especially with the long-term demands and management of marriage and family.

Consider your situation; would she expect to have children straight away - she is after all early 30's - or be willing to wait a few more years until your studies are complete, you have started work and/or established a career?

Maybe it's not a big factor? Are either of you are from wealthy backgrounds, or possess have independent means? If you are not or don't, how will you cope?

If she is willing to wait, how long? Fertility can be an issue when age starts to set up - say ^35 - but there are other considerations such as family size etc.

If you do proceed - and it will take say a year to get down the altar - and you plan for 2 kids fairly quickly, you probably won't have a shedload of physical action in the first few years and have the stress of providing for a young family quite soon.

The fact is the effort, stress and time taken, means that in 5-6 years when you get to that point of marriage-kids-somewhat settled, she will have passed through and probably not as physically attractive.

You will have worked hard, taken on a big burden, seen a total change in lifestyle, with potentially lots of sacrifice. Are you prepared for that? Or the various other scenarios that could unfold? It's more of a critical time for her than it is for you. In all;

1. Please consider your level of care and willingness to commit to this lady long-term, whatever the scenario
2. If you are unsure, free her to find her way. To take her time and then disappoint her is simply wrong.

Don't just see things as they are, but how they will likely turn out. Whomsoever you eventually marry, there will be challenges. Yours is to prepare yourself, think strategically, and for marriage, commit wholly. Be considered, be bold, be a man

All the very best
TV

Many thanks bro! That was really comprehensive and apt. I do some job to pay my bills. I am also looking to do multiple jobs if I decide to get married in the next one year or there about. She's from a wealthy family and has a good job here in Canada but I am the kind of person who don't count on others to support me. I rely on what I have. I have always considered having two kids.

I am considering all the variables carefully before drawing a "final" conclusion.

EagleEyez505:
Many thanks bro! That was really comprehensive and apt. I do some job to pay my bills. I am also looking to do multiple jobs if I decide to get married in the next one year or there about. She's from a wealthy family and has a good job here in Canada but I am the kind of person who don't count on others to support me. I rely on what I have. I have always considered having two kids.

I am considering all the variables carefully before drawing a "final" conclusion.

You are most welcome. Marriage is a great thing. And it blesses my heart to see young men taking it seriously. It really is a matter of choice, preferences and ones ability and determination to optimise it - always enhanced by understanding and insight.

I am very fit and health conscious. So I wanted someone of like mind I found trying to force it did not work - women were happy to lie, or make half-hearted efforts to please me. But I realised they wouldn't hold to it long-term.

So I found a woman who came with an exercise culture independent of my prompting. Years down the line and after two kids, is she the same? Absolutely not, but she's only slightly bigger, makes a real effort and I love her for so many other reasons and in so many other ways.

However, any 1 thing may not be that important to you, or you may be willing to live with it because of other qualities and/or how much she means to you. Achievements, background etc., are good, but above all it's about character traits.

Just be sure in your mind what is really important, that you are willing to commit, and endure the not so great times if they come. And her qualities will help and make it worthwhile if they do.

Once again, all the very best.


TV

TV01:

You are most welcome. Marriage is a great thing. And it blesses my heart to see young men taking it seriously. It really is a matter of choice, preferences and ones ability and determination to optimise it - always enhanced by understanding and insight.

I am very fit and health conscious. So I wanted someone of like mind I found trying to force it did not work - women were happy to lie, or make half-hearted efforts to please me. But I realised they wouldn't hold to it long-term.

So I found a woman who came with an exercise culture independent of my prompting. Years down the line and after two kids, is she the same? Absolutely not, but she's only slightly bigger, makes a real effort and I love her for so many other reasons and in so many other ways.

However, any 1 thing may not be that important to you, or you may be willing to live with it because of other qualities and/or how much she means to you. Achievements, background etc., are good, but above all it's about character traits.

Just be sure in your mind what is really important, that you are willing to commit, and endure the not so great times if they come. And her qualities will help and make it worthwhile if they do.

Once again, all the very best.


TV

y
You nailed it bro! I do not care about a person's background, tribe etc. I am more concerned about who the individual is (i.e. the content).

Thank you once again! I am grateful.

TV01:

You are most welcome. Marriage is a great thing. And it blesses my heart to see young men taking it seriously. It really is a matter of choice, preferences and ones ability and determination to optimise it - always enhanced by understanding and insight.

I am very fit and health conscious. So I wanted someone of like mind I found trying to force it did not work - women were happy to lie, or make half-hearted efforts to please me. But I realised they wouldn't hold to it long-term.

So I found a woman who came with an exercise culture independent of my prompting. Years down the line and after two kids, is she the same? Absolutely not, but she's only slightly bigger, makes a real effort and I love her for so many other reasons and in so many other ways.

However, any 1 thing may not be that important to you, or you may be willing to live with it because of other qualities and/or how much she means to you. Achievements, background etc., are good, but above all it's about character traits.

Just be sure in your mind what is really important, that you are willing to commit, and endure the not so great times if they come. And her qualities will help and make it worthwhile if they do.

Once again, all the very best.


TV

Counsellor TV, welldone oh....
I don't dey consider marriage, how we go do am nah

EagleEyez505:

y
You nailed it bro! I do not care about a person's background, tribe etc. I am more concerned about who the individual is (i.e. the content).

Thank you once again! I am grateful.

You are most welcome sir. Here's wishing you a fantastically blissful union .

njokusboy:

Counsellor TV, welldone oh....
I don't dey consider marriage, how we go do am nah

Ah, ah, Njokusboy, you must be one of the most switched on guys around here. What's up? You probably have too many options . All I've said previously still holds. Will of course post if you ask me to. I may at best bring a little more objectivity.

All the very best.


TV