As i write this i'm totally broken, never been this sad and betrayed in my entire life, i don't know what to do anymore.
Yesterday my sis called me after work and told me she wanted to tell me something, that she can't tell me over the phone, i was with my fiance during the phonecall, lately i've been staying with him, nd we have been planing a wedding in the next few months, my sister said i don't know the kind of person i'm staying with nd she still insisted on not saying anything till wen we meet on sunday (my free day).
At that statement, i became curious nd comfronted my fiance if he had any disagreement with my sister, he said no, so i told him what she said, immediately, his countenance changed nd i knew that something was definitely wrong, he said he has a confession to make but don't know how to tell me, i became angry nd said i was goin to my parent house to ask my sister since he was'nt saying anything.
He started begging me, telling me to remember all we have been through together, and seriously we both started as family frnds for a long time before it led to a relationship, we started a business together when we had nothing, not even a house, now we have achieved so many things together and started living comfortably to some extent, my school fee, everything comes from the business, my parent don't assist me in anyway, although he brought like 80% of capital into the business.we have been dating for almost 4 years.
Now he confessed that he slept with my sister once while we were like 3 months together, that she was all over him, that he never knew we will come this far, i actually came to visit him that day with my younger sister, when i left them to get something from the market was when it happend, this is someone i've given everything to and totally trust, he has kept this as secret for over 3 years and nw he's begging me to forgive him, i'm lost at what to do, i know my sister to be wayward but i never imagined she could do this to me i'm just 24 yrs, pls advise me people and forgive my typo errors

Itz simple dear. Move on wt ur life wt him. Thou is hard fr u to bear being d fact dat he kept it from u fr 3 yrs buh b considerable abt it bcux u hv neva fr once come across issues like dis wt him even while u r stayin wt him. Evry man has a secret dey wunt tell dia lover. (Sme as woman). Wat reli matas hia is d luv you guys share. Like he said, he neva knew u guys wil cum dis far buh yet u guys came, saw n conquered. jux 4gv him n u knw nobody is above mistake. U might even b in his shoes n he might forgive u as well.

AND

As for ur SISTER, she is jux a home breaker bcux as at den wen d act (sleepin wt him) happened, she did nt tell u anytin. Why now dat u guys r plannin to get married dat she decided tellin u. Anyway I wunt say much on her buh she is still ur blood ok. Jux overlook tins n trend careful wt her. Forgv her as well. I remember a frd did same wt me ( gist my babe n start sleepin wt her) I laughed. I still talk wt him as pals even if d gal is around. Buh ryt now dey r nt togetha n she evn had a daughter fr him (such is life). Jux let evrytin go n continue ur marriage plans ok. DNT FEEL BETRAYED

Since you know your sister as a wayward person you shouldn't have put a cat as a CSO to fried meat. Forgive your guy.

My opinion though.

Wow. But why should he withold it until your sister decided to confess.

Damn!! 2 Bloody back stabbers in one person's life...how harder can it get? Op truth be told you're gonna forgive them but you wont be the same you anymore, the thought of it being your sister,put into consideration fact that you'll find it hard to trust him again, my guess is %80 of your trust will be dead, the feelings of insecurities you'll be living with, you all can bash me but this dude aint worth OP.. good 3 years and if the sister chose to stay mute forever,he wont talk and oh please dont give me the "i never knew we'd come this far" bullshit, i hate that line, in the first place as matured guys and ladies why go into a relationship if not to build something beautiful?....OP i am not saying you should ditch em both, I am in no position to say what will happen tomorrow, seek advice from elder people, even your parents and whatever you decide please make sure your happiness is top priority

madridguy:
Since you know your sister as a wayward person you shouldn't have put a cat as a CSO to fried meat. Forgive your guy.

My opinion though.

It's now Op's fault abi? She should go around shielding every "wayward" girl from her guy? Cos the guy has no control abi?

Op, Asides the betrayal 3yrs ago, has he shown any tendencies of a cheat?

You guys have really built a lot together, breaking up will be so hard... but then living with the memory of your 'husband' fcking your sis may be harder
This is a decision you alone can make, you know how psychologically strong you're. ..

All the best

Pls forgive & move on with ur marriage life, it was just once, mistake has been made. You might loose all you have work for. Don't take irrational decisions and that u will regret later.

did he try to hit your sister twice?

all this while you two are together is he showing your sister any kind of special attention?

if your answers are 'no' please forgive and by all means forget. it's a one time mistake and one he won't try again ever, atleast with your sister.

you said the little brat is wayward. who knows weda she been disturbing your man to have a taste again and he refused, leading to her blackmail.

Since its just once, that doesn't make him a cheat. Forgive both of them and move on with the wedding plans.

Take a break from the relationship.Give yourself time to clear your head.
You could decide to forgive him and continue with the relationship or you could quit.
If you decide to forgive him,what assurance is there that they still won't have something together in the future?

darkenkach:
Since its just once, that doesn't make him a cheat. Forgive both of them and move on with the wedding plans.

Once doesn't make one a cheat?You remind me of the statement,'i could not have gotten her pregnant because i only slept with her once'.

thorpido:
Take a break from the relationship.Give yourself time to clear your head.
You could decide to forgive him and continue with the relationship or you could quit.
If you decide to forgive him,what assurance is there that they still won't have something together in the future?

best advice so far

Without giving a hint about hearing this secret, listen to what your sis intends to tell you just maybe you'll be able to deduce one thing or the other.

I never faulted the OP.

PresVA:
It's now Op's fault abi? She should go around shielding every "wayward" girl from his guy? Cos the guy has no control abi?

Op, Asides the betrayal 3yrs ago, has he shown any tendencies of a cheat?

You guys have really built a lot together, breaking up will be so hard... but then living with the memory of your 'husband' fcking your sis may be harder
This is a decision you alone can make, you know how psychologically strong you're. ..

All the best

thorpido:
Once doesn't make one a cheat?You remind me of the statement,'i could not have gotten her pregnant because i only slept with her once'.

For the sake of this relationship I think once (three years ago) is not enough reason to call it off.

darkenkach:


For the sake of this relationship I think once (three years ago) is not enough reason to call it off.

I'll leave Op to make her decision.Once can be enough reason sometimes(we're yet to even know if it was once,my intuition tells me it wasn't just once).
If i started dating a girl known to my family and I get to hear she slept with my brother after we started dating,except it was a case of rape,the relationship is off.

Op, I feel lyk slapping that ur guy ryt now!

Bt wait! D problem is dat he bedded ur sis abi? Wat about other random gals u don't know?

Maybe I will advice u to kil dat bi. Ch of a sister(I will become ur sister after dat)

Na who holy pass?

I know I'm sounding insensitive, yea its intentional!!

I know u ar seriously bruised, yes!

But pls
NEVER THROW THE BABY WITH THE BATHING WATER!!

Listen to your sister,

find out why she decided to come clean after four years, she may know more than you think about that spouse of yours

Now to save face, your guy will claim your sis wants to blackmail him with the incident between them. That is not to say ITS NOT HER INTENTION! I don't know!!

Find out if you can manage this two people for the rest of ur life cos their part will continue to cross if the marriage should hold!

Convince yourself that your guy will not relapse(he might cheat again) bt be sure he will never bed ur sister again if you are not convinced....

QUIT THE RELATIONSHIP.

UR sister will always be ur sister no matter what!

He was silly to sleep with your sister just because you stepped out to the market! What if you travel? I'm in d north east for 5months now and my wife is nt panicking haba!!

What happened to self control

Have you talked to your sister yet? What did she say?

umehmj:


you said the little brat is wayward. who knows weda she been disturbing your man to have a taste again and he refused, leading to her blackmail.

Op listen to this.

dorocent:
I remember a frd did same wt me ( gist my babe n start sleepin wt her) I laughed. I still talk wt him as pals even if d gal is around. Buh ryt now dey r nt togetha n she evn had a daughter fr him (such is life). Jux let evrytin go n continue ur marriage plans ok. DNT FEEL BETRAYED

Prettynerd, this poster asking you to forgive and plan your marriage, did not take his own advice when his girl slept with his friend (he broke up with her and kept his friendship). Remember, most people will do opposite of whatever they advise you to do.

Now, let's talk about your wedding day! You, smiling beside your groom, beaming to take pictures, your sister wearing family asoebi and standing beside your man to join in the picture....

Or will you tell her not to attend the wedding because of the fact she and your man has sex whilst you were dating? How about when babies come, is she still going to be allowed to visit? What if your mum says she should join her to do the omugwu, will you start having panic attacks every night your "darling husband who could not hold his body for the short time you want to the market", goes to the toilet? What if the kids are older and you need to travel wihout them and mum is not available and she asks "tell your sister to stay, na"? And you panic again?

Can you live like that? For the rest of your life? If you can live with this and get over it, sure.

All I know is, the longer I held onto stuff, thinking whatever was out there was worse, when I eventually or go, things were always better. Different but better. Fear of the unknown keeps one back. But people have been in your situation and gone on to marry the man.

Take some time off from relationship, listen to what your sister said happened that day, switch off your phones afterwards and THINK. You're already giving him an excuse: your sister is wayward. Ignoring the fact that wayward or not, he had NO justification to sleep with her. What next, every single friend of yours looking attractive will be accused of trying to seduce him? A lot of married women are like that, "don't send my husband birthday greetings, you're yellow/pretty/busty/have arse/etc" and end their friendships because of it.

Will he be so understanding if you slept with his father? Yes, there are plenty cheating fathers out there, why not take a chance with his?

He sampled your sister and may be even tasted you that night or the next, high-fiving himself in congratulations (thats how guys are, sexual prowess is something they cheer themselves on). Did he even use a condom? You and your sister have shared everything: a womb, food, toys, clothes, a man. How nice

PresVA:
It's now Op's fault abi? She should go around shielding every "wayward" girl from his guy? Cos the guy has no control abi?

Op, Asides the betrayal 3yrs ago, has he shown any tendencies of a cheat?

You guys have really built a lot together, breaking up will be so hard... but then living with the memory of your 'husband' fcking your sis may be harder
This is a decision you alone can make, you know how psychologically strong you're. ..

All the best

no he hasn't

your sister is wayward and your boyfriend has no self control..... such is life

Can you ever trust him again?

This requires wisdom and you need to thread carefully here, he slept with your sister because he didn't think you would go this far, Really? is that an excuse, no be somewhere relationship dey start from before it blossom into a long one, to me that's not an excuse and he might not have mentioned it if your sister didn't call. As for your sister, why not talk to her, she made a statement of you not knowing the guy you want to marry, what if the story is the other way round? what if it's a case of rape and not seduction? you never can tell. But it seems you telling us your sister is wayward means you believe your fiance and you are trying to justify his actions, try talk to your sister and hear her side of the story before laying blames, she is your sister remember? and sisters have always got their back (although not all) and the guy might just be sweet talking the whole issue so he wouldn't be blamed for it, he cheated and you mentioned you guys were family friends meaning your sister is like a younger sister to him, why should he sleep with her even "if she seduced him". I can't tell you to stay or leave, it's your decision, you guys should talk it out, I mean the three of you together.Just pray and ask God for guidance. But do what's best for you. Make sure it's a decision that you won't regret in years to come. Good luck

Before you make any decision, hear your sister's side of the story. If there is any difference, confront him with it. If he twists the story, go back to your sister and verify, if he lied, run not walk away. If all he has told you now is the whole truth and nothing but the truth, please go ahead with your wedding plans.

@OP

3 months into your relationship with him and he slept with your sister.

Well,go get your sister's version of the story first. It may be a little more detailed than his. But for a man to be so comfortable sleeping with a woman while being in a relationship with his sister must be a special man in a very negative way. You should think very clearly about this.



Bukky dear, dear bukatyne here I am again
The hour has come upon us
Sorry I have to pop in
I still need you, your graceful magic
Your favour once more



Byvan03, I don't mean to barge in but please extend the same kind grace of yesterday one more time today. Thanks alot!

Please pull your friends along!



https://www.nairaland.com/3178760/miss-nairaland-contest-2016-elimination

Pls remember the format :

I vote mimzy

Cc: NLjega


Thanks alot!!!

quit the relationship. You guys are not married yet! Its one thing for him to cheat but to cheat with your sister thats disgusting. And as for your sister keep her at arms length

prettynerd:
As i write this i'm totally broken, never been this sad and betrayed in my entire life, i don't know what to do anymore.
Yesterday my sis called me after work and told me she wanted to tell me something, that she can't tell me over the phone, i was with my fiance during the phonecall, lately i've been staying with him, nd we have been planing a wedding in the next few months, my sister said i don't know the kind of person i'm staying with nd she still insisted on not saying anything till wen we meet on sunday (my free day).
At that statement, i became curious nd comfronted my fiance if he had any disagreement with my sister, he said no, so i told him what she said, immediately, his countenance changed nd i knew that something was definitely wrong, he said he has a confession to make but don't know how to tell me, i became angry nd said i was goin to my parent house to ask my sister since he was'nt saying anything.
He started begging me, telling me to remember all we have been through together, and seriously we both started as family frnds for a long time before it led to a relationship, we started a business together when we had nothing, not even a house, now we have achieved so many things together and started living comfortably to some extent, my school fee, everything comes from the business, my parent don't assist me in anyway, although he brought like 80% of capital into the business.we have been dating for almost 4 years.
Now he confessed that he slept with my sister once while we were like 3 months together, that she was all over him, that he never knew we will come this far, i actually came to visit him that day with my younger sister, when i left them to get something from the market was when it happend, this is someone i've given everything to and totally trust, he has kept this as secret for over 3 years and nw he's begging me to forgive him, i'm lost at what to do, i know my sister to be wayward but i never imagined she could do this to me i'm just 24 yrs, pls advise me people and forgive my typo errors

Firstly, he slept with your sister because he was not taking your 3months relationship then.

Secondly, he denied it, then eventually he confessed when he found out your sister was going to snitch.

Thirdly, if he had the conscience to go for your sister, how hard will it be hard for him to approach any other wayward female who is not related to you?

If he truly loved you he would have confessed his mistakes to you willingly and let you decide on whether to continue or not, instead of continuing the lie for another 3years until he was forced to confess.

My dear marriage is not like a relationship that you can just break off by ignoring calls and texts or by simply saying its over. Make sure you commit to the right person.

@prettynerd, do the following
1. Ask your sister what happened. Remember he could be lying about sleeping with her only once.
2. Ask your sister her motive for exposing him now. It could be because she actually cares for you, or she's jealous of you and wants to break up your relationship.
3. Clarify grey areas from your fiance
4. When you know the truth, seek God's face for direction.
5. Take a decision that gives you peace acording to the will of God.
6. Forgive all concerned. Life is too short to be carrying grievances around.

Hmmmm, Di's betrayer is strong oh. Hear ur sis side of d story first, d deed has been done. Learn to 4give dem, ur sis will always remain ur sis. As 4 ur guy,give him a break and think things over. Don't bring other ppl into d matter, in case u decide to marry him later,it won't b so shameful....

It's ur life, if u can 4get everything and continue with him fine....if u can't, move on with ur life. Such is life, I wish u all d best in ur decision.

OP I can scarce believe this. What must you be feeling right now? Betrayal by two people that should have been the closest to you for pretty much the rest of your days. You must be disconsolate. Pele, please be comforted.

This must be very hard for you. There's a "sharedness" in this relationship, even in a way that some marriages may not have attained. Growing a business from scratch and going through the ups and downs of start-up, means you are heavily invested. How do you even begin to separate the personal from the business? You have to think long and hard about this.

Your sister:
She may well have your best interest at heart, what she did may have been a youthful indiscretion, at a time when she was insecure, wanted to be like you, or was a little envious of you. Or foolishly drawn to, or overwrought by the guy.

Hear her side of the story. Is this driven by jealousy, the desire to harm you, or genuine concern for her blood sister? It will be painful whatever the case, what she has done is the one fixed thing here, but long-term please find it in your heart to forgive her.

Your fiancé:
As he stated, was his initial approach to the relationship merely casual? What was yours? You've heard him out, do you believe him? Was he a different person, and was the relationship a different thing back then? Why was he not forthcoming earlier? I can however, see how it may have never seemed like the right time to come clean, with events and the changing nature of the relationship overtaking things.

You:
Can you live with this? Especially if you are not totally sure of the truth, and if indeed it was no more than a tragic one-off. Think back, what seemingly innocent things made you wonder about the two of them?

Can/will you ever be able to get your trust back with this guy? Are you sure there will be no lingering doubt whatever the case? Please don't put your business investment before your long-term psychological well-being. He may be all you think he is and all you desire, but you could do a lot worse than a clean break right now.

Looking at your sister and knowing what she did will hurt for a long time, and may always be hard. Looking at them both, and having uninvited thoughts run across your mind, doubly so. Cutting him loose will may hurt in the immediacy, but help in the long-term.

I pray this drives you to faith, so you can take your cues direct from above.

Take heart, be comforted. All the very best.


TV

^{NSBM. Ladies, consummate your unions after marriage, not before. Men and women are totally different in their perceptions and judgements about the opposite sex, and how things impact their decisions. How many men would marry a woman that had dated - let alone slept with - his brother? You know!}