Tanna:

I am a portly woman (a big.thick woman). Whatever you want to call it (BBW).

My husband has always been attracted to me and thinks I am sexy, BUT, he is very opposite of me. he is very muscular and in-shape like an athlete. A very strong looking man.

The problem is- now that I am going to  Nigeria for the first time he is pressuring me to lose weight- and is becoming angry with me for my lack of progress. he says we should both look healthy. Well- i am healthy- I'm just overweight.

His mom and dad already know i am big- they have visited here last year and saw me-- but now that we are going to Naija and will meet his brothers and sisters for the first time, Suddenly, my weight is of concern to him.

I don't think this is fair to me, he is now acting embarassed and impatient of my size- now that we are going to Naija.

If I eat anything (even breakfast) he gets angry and says "Aren't you trying to lose weight?"
EVERYDAY- he wants to know what exercise I have done, and gives me the silent treatment if i report that I had not exercised that day.

[b]Our 4 children have their visas to go to Nigeria, but mysteriously, mine has not arrive yet.
Now I am thinking he is withholding my visa based on whether or not  lose weight.[/b]

This is supposed to be a fun trip to finally see his homeland, but now it just seems like stress and pressure to put on a beauty show for him.

Any advice for how to deal with this--- and how important is MY size in Yoruba culture.

Fhemmmy:

i am sorry that you have to go thru this, however,  i have some questions.
1. have you always been thick, i mean while you were dating, were you BBW then as well?
2. Did you guys applied for all the Visa at same time?

Explain to your husband that you are comfortable the way you are, and that he loved you the way you are, and why is he worried about what people in Nigeria will think, he needs to love who you are and not what you look like.
Tell him to let you talk to the embassy and know why your visa is yet to be given.
Tell him u need some encouragement with losing weight and you wont mind, if he can be going with you.
Good luck

stillwater:

Yeah, she needs more encouragement from her husband.
But BBW before four kids can be different from after four pregnancies.

Fhemmmy:

So it is OK for the woman to change what she looks like, not because the man dont like it, but cos the man is worrying about what others might think?

Fhemmmy:

Very true, but the man knew he married a BBW, and that belle make them bigger, and if he is so worried about it, he wld have stopped at 2 kids, but keep popping them with the lady and now time to go see grandma and grandPa, the dude is spitting fire.
[b]This is why i always say, make sure you with someone u can show off jare[/b]

stillwater:

I know that's just not right from the man's part but losing some pounds won't kill her either.

GEW:

and the lovely femi cant show off BBW?

Fhemmmy:

Everyone has their own likes and tastes.
So if BBW is my taste, i will show her off, and if Lepa is, so it shall be.
But if you wanna know what my taste is, then, follow my yarn and u might be able to.

GEW:

didnt know bible quoting women loving people like you show off women let alone love throphy women.

i like your form of religion.

GEW:

and the lovely femi cant show off BBW? what about loving people for who they are rather trying to change them to what they are not? if this woman start resenting the man would you say it is worth the weight loss?

stillwater:

Why when we talk about weight people start saying love me for who I am bla bla whereas being overweight is a health issue. If I am blowing up day by day, I expect my loved ones to put me in order. The only problem I see here is her husband's manner of approach on her losing weight.

Tanna:

Any advice for how to deal with this--- and how important is MY size in Yoruba culture.

stillwater:

Hahahaha, you're crazy.

~Sauron~:

Don't bovver about your size if you are coming to Lagos.
After the 3rd week, your weight will reduce after the day-to-day stress you are bound to encounter in Lagos.
Sumo wrestlers have turned to skeletons in Lagos. . . . .U have no problem at all.

~Sauron~:

Stilly. . . . . .Why na?
Don't pretend you dunno what Lagos is like.
The temperature will lap up 10 stones from the OP. . . . .Never mind the traffic, fumes, sound pollution, etc.

Fhemmmy:

You are too much.
but you real sha.

stillwater:

Hahahaha, how about owanbe parties every Saturday? After she dances from dusk to dawn on the street she won't need a gym.

Tanna:

Well- i am healthy- I'm just overweight.

~Sauron~:

It's the gospel truth. . . . . .

U really expect an American woman to dance to Owanbe songs? This is not Usher or Jay-Z. . . . .
Can one lose weight dancing Makossa and Yahooze?

stillwater:

What is there? We dance to Usher why shouldn't she dance to ours? The length of the dancing can make one lose the pounds. You start making use of fat as energy when in a prolonged vigourous activity.

stillwater:

Spikedcylinder, you're not serious.

Tanna:

3. I am not huge. I have been asked to model since I have been this size. Men check me out or flirt with me all the time, american and otherwise. so its not like I'm not attractive.