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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Am I A Bad Person? (3995 Views)
As A Family Man, Am I A Miser, Greedy Or Trying To Be Financially Smart? / Am I A Good Mum??? / Am I Really A Bad Son? (2) (3) (4)
Re: Am I A Bad Person? by cococandy(f): 12:46pm On Jul 21, 2016 |
Why I love you Onegai: |
Re: Am I A Bad Person? by elektra(f): 1:00pm On Jul 21, 2016 |
5minsmadness: And on what premise did you assume that I did not read the entire opening post based on my original post? I have stated again and again, that I am expressing myself from a particular sentence in her post. Haha, lost sleep? Try considering that we are in different time zones. 1 Like |
Re: Am I A Bad Person? by Onegai(f): 1:15pm On Jul 21, 2016 |
cococandy: I take cheques, tenkyiu verra mush OP, my cousin has only one child. He grew up in the village and swore that he was only having one child in his life. That child is now 33 years old. One of my exes was an only child, his father refused anymore. Heck, i met someone last year who is married and doesn't want any children at all. She has been married for 6 years now and is still confidently against having kids. All these people, they have money, not comfortable o, they have money. So lack of resources is not their issue. Don't let anyone tell you, you have a mental issue that needs help. Do you know if they are okay themselves 2 Likes |
Re: Am I A Bad Person? by crackhaus: 2:43pm On Jul 21, 2016 |
shrtermjbseeker:So he's not okay with your decision not to have more kids then? |
Re: Am I A Bad Person? by shrtermjbseeker(f): 7:12pm On Jul 21, 2016 |
crackhaus:he thinks one more is better but we are waiting until 3-5 years from now before the next child. |
Re: Am I A Bad Person? by shrtermjbseeker(f): 7:21pm On Jul 21, 2016 |
Onegai:Thanks to cococandy and you. wheeeeeew! I'm not sick. 2 Likes |
Re: Am I A Bad Person? by Onegai(f): 7:40pm On Jul 21, 2016 |
shrtermjbseeker: I think you're just a bit overwhelmed right now. You need a break. I'd make a bet that before the 3 years is up, you'll be wanting another bebe. 1 Like |
Re: Am I A Bad Person? by cococandy(f): 8:58pm On Jul 21, 2016 |
shrtermjbseeker:onegai is right though. The fact that you're worried you won't do it well means that you're concerned enough to want to do it right even perfectly. Some people reproduce just for the heck of it. You know the "we are married and therefore have to reproduce mindset". At one point in my adult life I didn't want kids. I was worried I may not be up to task of raising another human being. And even worse I was scared stiff about labor pains. Everything I'd heard about it was horrible. So I was seriously considering not having any. But you need to see me now. My DH even teases me that one day I'll tell him where I kept my other kids because I can't be doing this well without previous experience. If you're doing a good job of raising the one you have, you're perfectly alright. Who knows you maybe even change your mind about having another. 3 Likes |
Re: Am I A Bad Person? by crackhaus: 10:50pm On Jul 21, 2016 |
shrtermjbseeker:Ohh good, problem solved. 3-5years is enough time for you to change your mind. And on a personal note though, I don't know why anyone would want to have just one kid when there's nothing wrong with them medically...but that's just me. Cheers... 1 Like |
Re: Am I A Bad Person? by byvan03: 8:20am On Jul 22, 2016 |
shrtermjbseeker: You are actually very normal! Vast difference between theory and practical. A lot of women are scared of pregnancy when reality takes over fantasy. It's funny how some people here attribute everything to trauma or not telling the whole story. You are able to feel that way because you chose to think beyond norms. Child care is no child 's play. You are a good person for not popping out kids for birthing sake, you worry because you care. 3 Likes |
Re: Am I A Bad Person? by Jahblessme: 9:49am On Jul 22, 2016 |
Op, Nothing wrong or bad about not wanting to have more kids.Some people are not cut out to be mothers,its that simple.Some are born and happily nurture. Unfortunately in naija if you say it,people feel you don't know what you want or that something must be wrong with you or that you need more practice.Unlike here where not wanting kids is normal as its your decision and that of your husband I personally am not a kid or children person and I drew the line with my husband at 2 to fulfill all righteousness.I just know that in different circumstances,different upbringing i may have made a totally different decision.When you do not have natural maternal instincts you just know it deep down inside but you go along with society and make the best of it depending on your situation. My problem is that your post feels like it's not really about motherhood not cut out for you but more of fear. Fear can be conquered. Plus remember you cannot make that kind of decision without the agreement of your spouse after all he wanted two and you said three and you are now backtracking to one.You MUST both agree before moving forward. Being a mother is not easy and sometimes you feel like you are losing your mind.Its probably worth it in the end if they turn out the way you expect.I don't know. The good part is that you are accepting your limitations,if you truly do not want more and your hubby is fine with it,concentrate on building a beautiful life for your family.In the end,what people think doesn't really count especially if you are happy and at peace with your choices.I f all you can cope with is just one kid then by all means manage like that instead of having more and dying from frustration. Good luck. 3 Likes |
Re: Am I A Bad Person? by damiso(f): 11:11am On Jul 22, 2016 |
You are definitely not a bad person @ OP. Others have said all that needs to be said in terms of advice but also thought to let you know that those thoughts cross a lot of people' minds. I have two children and I honestly dread the thought of having another child. And this is not because I do not like children but because I am scared stiff of messing it up. I think raising children is such a HUGE responsibility and I do not want to unleash anymore damaged broken individuals into the world( I think we have more than enough at the moment). With the two I have, I am so mindful of how we are raising them. I worry about their education, their morals, their mental well being etc. People keep second guessing me(us) thinking its about finances or as someone said to me this weekend' you want cheaper holidays abi ' Well it is partly about finances and but it transcends that for me. It is so many things and I don't think I have anything more to give another child right now. Maybe in the future when this two are less dependent but by then I might have reached menopause Maybe i would adopt then sha. I keep getting 'this boy needs an aburo' every other day and I have even had someone say to me ' Why are you trying to stop Gods blessings' Now I don't even bother replying or encouraging the conversation. As long as me and the person who matters, my husband are on the same page its all good. I see babies and say awwwww ( I love how newborns look and smell ) but then I remember having to start all over gain and the aww stops I cuddle and hand back to the mother My son is going into reception this September and we finally get to have a reprieve on full time childcare plus it would also mean a bit more structure on the school run. I really admire people with large families but I don't think its for me. You will be fine. Follow Onegai's tips, they are really helpful. I know I struggled more as a first time mum and definitely found the transition from one to two less daunting than from 0 to 1. I think its a kind of ' been there done that' experience that you have with the first one. 2 Likes |
Re: Am I A Bad Person? by chizobamgbume(m): 7:34pm On Jul 22, 2016 |
You are not a bad person though I seriously pray you consider giving your son a playmate/sibling so that when you are in your adult world with hubby he won't be lonely in his little world. It's not always easy being an only child. Even if you like pamper and give him the whole world that emptiness would always be there. Speaking from experience. |
Re: Am I A Bad Person? by Nobody: 10:06am On Jul 24, 2016 |
shrtermjbseeker: You are very far from being a bad person. I and hubby just want one kid too. We don't want to spend all our money raising children. We want to travel the world and enjoy the money we make. There's nothing bad about that it's just our choice. 1 Like |
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