How did you feel The First Time you Met you In-Laws?

Hello, this thread is for married peoples or those in serious relationships.

Well, I had wanted to start this thread before I went on the trip, but I was hopping from one end of Nigeria to the other so fast that all I could do online was just catch up with my mails.

I have this trepidation when I was going, what made it worse for me wa the fact that we are from different part of Nigeria.I am Yoruba and she is Ibo.

Although I have been talking with the Mum on phone(her Dad is late), I still have this funny "will she accept me?" feeling, to the extent that I refused to enter their house the fist time I went(All the way to Umuahia).

While gisting later in the house, the Mum asked something like this "I wonder what you guyz are looking for all the way down south?", trust me, I did not have an answer to the question, and I did not bother to reply.

She thinks I am naughty "boy" though.

I want you guys to share your experience, I wuold have been better prepared if I had that chance.

Hope to read more from you people.

One Love

aXePrince

@axeprince, i guess one will always have doubts in the last minute cos u're like will they like me or not? its only natural.
i had those feelings myself but it all disappeared once i met them.

i was more than worried.
i being Igbo and he, yoruba.
couldn't speak his language fluently
Had never knelt down to greet anyone in my life before that time and worried badly if i'd do correctly or end up embarrassing myself.
wondered when to get up after the greeting. ( it turned out exactly as i had feared. almost fell down while trying to get back on my feet. )
wondered if they'd like me.
was worried for days, had my heart in my mouth throughout.
it was a huge burden on my shoulders till after the meeting.
i only exhaled after the meeting.
Looking back to that day, now , i cant help but ask myself what was the big deal?

Me,too.I am very apprehensive. I am Igbo,he is Yoruba and I am going to meet his parents.Hope I don't fall off too while greeting them.Hmmmm,I don't know what to expect.

I think it's a good thing that I started the thread then, it seems more people are seeing inter tribal mariage as a way forward.

I am really enjoying my relationship athe moment, and hope it last 4ever.

I actually enjoy talking to the Mum too,

and guess what? Her text just came in now, telling me she has only 65naira on her phone and can't watse it on me.

My lungs are busting with laughter right now.

More postings abeg

I'm so glad that I found this topic! I'm white, living in the US, my boyfriend is Nigerian (Yoruba). Him meeting my parents does not concern me, my parents are so laid back that they won't make a peep either way. Meeting his parents scares the daylights out of me though. His parents are coming here to the US in May and while they are here visiting they plan on coming here to visit him, which means I will meet them for the first time. Please, any suggestions on what is considered traditional behavior? Things I should avoid doing? I really don't want to offend them and I know that first impressions last a lifetime. Any help would be wonderful, thanks!!!

Hey! The first Advise is to be yourself. Don't try to change your behavior just to impress your future in-laws. Ask your partner what his/her parents are like,and what he expects from you.
I remember going to visit my partner's family in 1997. Am from Cross River and she is from Oyo state. The father was so cold,and the mother patronizing. They were rich and I was a poor youth corper(or so they thought). And they were speaking Yoruba and making derogatory comments. Little did they know(even my partner),that I understand some Yoruba. Imagine my wife's shock when she later realized I had heard all their discussions. Today we are married with 2 girls,and we practically carry all the family load. I don't begrudge anybody, BUT I was interested in their daughter not them! Anyone who refuses to marry someone because the family does not not approve of the person,should ask his/family to choose a partner for them, abi?! But it is still quite common in Nigeria for family members  to resist marriage from certain tribes,simply because of stereotyping if we were to listen to this, a lot of people will remain single for life!

Meeting his parent's were no problem. I wasn't the least bit worried. . . ok, maybe a bit but not much.

Its not bout a tribal thing now cos even people of same tribe have problems sometimes so i would say just be natural ,be urself .

It is really very taxing the first encounter, when one does not know what to expect.
My ex came from the middle belt and I am Ibo.
The first time we travelled to his home I just felt like a jo-jo : up and down, up and down Trying hard to keep my eyes on the ground etc.
My ex is an orphan but his sisters are allot older than him.
Now I did a really good job of it. the greeting and serving them on my knees, and they were all very happy. But then my husband requested for his food and after I gave him his food and went into the room. HE stormed into the room: I had apparently insulted and disgraced him in front of his sisters-I should have served him his food on my knees
Youcan imagine my shock. We had met in Lagos and i actually considered us as a very modern couple

Haaahaaa nawah, thats sooo funny. He wanted you to put up a show for his sisters and you didnt understand! Men sha and there wahala ! Well,I also had to go on my knees to greet my in-laws when I first met them. Still do sha cos they're yoruba and thats there style. But sometimes I just do my thing, they're not too particular about such sha so am cool with them.

Please don´t laugh oh!

It was not a show. that was what he set out to enforce in our marriage. HE did not mention it again uuntil much later when he got posted to the north. Then he used to bring home fellow officers home everyday for lunch and I would find myself pounding yam for almost 10 people .After some days I asked him if he did not pity me and why the did not go to the mess sometimes.

Oga did not answer me. In the evening he suggested we go for a drive. He drove down a ddeserted express, then he stopped his car and insisted we take a walk. We left the road and I was kind of scared. there was no one miles away. After some distance he just stood still and pulled out his gun and told me he could kill me and no one would find my body.
HE said I should thank God I have a husband to cook for and from this day on I should not only serve him his food on my knees, but wait for him to finish eating and then thank him for eating my food.

This was a man who claimed he first got attracted to me when he saw me in my mini

I am not an advocate for divorce, but I hope youre not still leaving in his house! Thats some mean sh*t! Military men sha.

@ nawah, na real wah o
so what happened after?

alheri: she had to flee the country. Check out the threads on divorce and men that rule their homes with terror.

Seun is right but that was only years later. Alot of water went under the bridge.

Thanks seun, will check it out.My God! May you be delivered from such in the future!

well u have to give it up to obj, if he tries to kiss a lovely girl, abi, the man is not that ugly , to be scared or wonder what will happen if he kiss one, ! nawah

"Never thought that love could feel like this and you changed my world with just one kiss, how can it be that right here with me there's an angel?" , just wanted to go off the line here, sorry, but hope kool.

"Never thought that love could feel like this and you changed my world with just one kiss, how can it be that right here with me there's an angel?

henry whats up? your posts above has nothing to do got with the topic of this thread?  anyway you're new here. welcome to nairaland.

@ nawah,
my sister i was shocked at your experience o, can't believe it. omo na real wa o. thank God for deliverance.

, am sorry girl, dont mind to go off, the line there, was just trying to , check u guy's put, , hope u liked it, even if i went off the line, thanks, well i dont know how i will look like when i go to my in-laws place, cuz i am a shy guy, i bet i will go and pray for strenght , from GOD lol,

@ Shanon.

Am yoruba

Ask him to tell u the kind of people his parents are, and thier expectations of a daughter in law.Dads and mums have different personalities, and have different degrees of openess and acceptance, which of them is more open and accepting by nature . Ask him

Ask him if he has told them frankly that u are white American - and what / how did they feel

Being yoruba, ill tell u his parents may be just as apprehensive as u are.Reasons, ?? - yoruba women like to have a very very close relationship with daughter in laws. in fact yoruba women consider a daughter in law , to be her own daughter - she will be wondering how both of u can click being from differnt cultures .

Be freindly, try to make break the ice, make them relax, show u are nice warm and freindly - BE AS RESPECTFUL AS POSSIBLE WITHOUT BEING STIUPID OR SUBSERVIENT.

Be urself

My younger brother is Nigerian American.he is married to an African American - my parents, especially mum was very apprehensive - her reason was simply - how am i going to get along and make freinds with an American, ?? how will she be like my daughter, ??.

They did are getting along and are good freinds - however ill give u funny examples of some sources of tension between them

(a) She complains that her daughter in law calls her mrs( her maidien name) - instead of mummy like the other Nigerian wives of her other sons - advice - dont do what u wont feel comfortable with call her what u think is most appropriate, comfortable for u and u deem respectful enough

(b) her daughter in law has not grasped, understood and accepted the extended family system way of life of Africans - u should expect , visits and to host ur inlaws , and relatives often - they simply expect u to be nice , accepting and accomodating - my mum sensed that her daughter in law did not like her coming often to thier home in the US - her feeling was HOW CAN SHE NOT WANT ME TO VISIT MY SON IN HIS HOUSE, .

(C) The socio-economic background of his family is an important factor to help u judge certain things - is he from a rich, average or poor Nigerian background ?? - this will dictate if he is - a major breadwinner for immediate and extended family and therefore also cloud how u will be percieved - a future barrier towards contact with thier son - if they are a comfortable family - thet will percieve u as less of a threat
.
GENERALLY JUST ASK HIM THOSE QUESTIONS, BE RESPECTFUL, FREINDLY ,WARM, FLEXIBLE AND READY TO BE SLIGHTLY AFRICAN IN NATURE, LEARN QUICK FROM HIM YORUBA EXPECTATIONS FROM A DAUGHTER IN LAW. -

nice post nubian.