You came, you saw, you left
With chains, you brought me death
You are guilty from all indications
Because you came with no invitation

A year ago, my pockets were fat
My neck bore lockets and cash
Thoughts pure with no distillation
Until you came with no invitation

We played, we talked, we fought
'We're mates', subconscious thought
It too fell for your dictation
Although you came with no invitation

We kissed, we sexed, we fight
You hissed, I'm vexed, you're right
'We' have no destination
And you came with no invitation

I hate I loved you, Lady
I hate my love ain't fading
I need you back in my station
You can come with no invitation



©Jigs

Not bad dude. Your theme keep changing from disappointment to lovelorn and heartbreak then to pleading.

Your rhyme scheme doesn't follow any particular pattern, it's erratic and your lines enjabbed into each other.

Still nice work. Keep it up.

timpaker:
Is 'Before I self destruct' a collection of poems? Because I read some which theme centers on love, sex and hate here.

it is a collection. 15 more to come

SalomonKane:
Not bad dude. Your theme keep changing from disappointment to lovelorn and heartbreak then to pleading.

Your rhyme scheme doesn't follow any particular pattern, it's erratic and your lines enjabbed into each other.

Still nice work. Keep it up.

I though think the rhymes are perfect as can be. you're right about the theme, but the main thing is that even after everything, I still want her back.

thanks

JigsawKillah:



I though think the rhymes are perfect as can be. you're right about the theme, but the main thing is that even after everything, I still want her back.

thanks

Oh really. So can you identify the rhyme scheme for me please?

SalomonKane:
Oh really. So can you identify the rhyme scheme for me please?

aabb in all stanzas

JigsawKillah:



aabb in all stanzas

Oh really.. Lemme check it out.

Modify.

Nope. Your rhyme scheme are erratic. Am I allowed to show you?

SalomonKane:
Oh really.. Lemme check it out.

Modify.

Nope. Your rhyme scheme are erratic. Am I allowed to show you?

please do

JigsawKillah:

You came, you saw, you left A
With chains, you brought me death B
You are guilty from all indications C
Because you came with no invitation D

A year ago, my pockets were fat A
My neck bore lockets and cash E
Thoughts pure with no distillation D
Until you came with no invitation D

We played, we talked, we fought A
'We're mates', subconscious thought A
It too fell for your dictation D
Although you came with no invitation D

We kissed, we sexed, we fight A
You hissed, I'm vexed, you're right A
'We' have no destination D
And you came with no invitation D

I hate I loved you, Lady F
I hate my love ain't fading G
I need you back in my station D
You can come with no invitation D

©Jigs

Left and death don't rhyme. Indications and invitation don't rhyme. The (s) at the end of indication (s) makes it not to rhyme with invitation. Etc.

I'll give it a thorough check later though.

SalomonKane:
Left and death don't rhyme. Indications and invitation don't rhyme. The (s) at the end of indication (s) makes it not to rhyme with invitation. Etc.

I'll give it a thorough check later though.

ever stumbled upon the words: slant rhymes? I'm still thinking the rhymes are perfect and at worst slant. but honestly, I forgot there was an (s) there

thanks though
anything else i am forgetting?

JigsawKillah:


ever stumbled upon the words: slant rhymes? I'm still thinking the rhymes are perfect and at worst slant. but honestly, I forgot there was an (s) there

thanks though
anything else i am forgetting?

I see. If the rhyme slant then shouldn't it be prudent to make all the other rhyme slant as well?

Nope. Non I can think of at the moment.

SalomonKane:
I see. If the rhyme slant then shouldn't it be prudent to make all the other rhyme slant as well?

Nope. Non I can think of at the moment.

slant rhymes can coexist with perfect rhymes. if it's slant, it doesn't have to be slant all through. matter of fact, perfect rhymes are always the best but slants are also accepted and can be forgiven