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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / Before I Self Destruct (then Days Went By) (563 Views)
Before I Self Destruct (psycho) / Before I Self-destruct (hold Me Down) / Before I Self Destruct (no Invitation) (2) (3) (4)
Before I Self Destruct (then Days Went By) by JigsawKillah(m): 3:14pm On Sep 12, 2016 |
Before I Self Destruct (Then Days Went By) I woke up at 5am, I got on my knees I prayed, and said Amen, then felt for my D's I look, I don't see you, I paused to review I remembered pecking you, that was true Your side of the bed, is unusually cold Felt like you haven't slept, you aren't home I scrambled to get my phone, I make a dial I feel chills down in my bones, I force a smile Your phone rings thrice, you wouldn't pick I rubbed my eyes and blinked twice, I'm still asleep I tried to recall midnight; I feel so weak The goodnight kiss feels nice, I go to sleep I called your mother, she said call later Then she said don't bother, about my daughter I called her other, he called me a gold chaser Who talked was your brother, like a man oughta I thought we was the best, opinions differ I brought the gun to my chest, smoked a reefer The gin I had laid to rest, I downed a litre Some words off my chest, before I click the heater You said I was secure, you only leave when you die His intentions were pure, then days went by You're all I had ever loved, I wish you well Before I Self Destruct, see you in hell ©Jigs 5 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Before I Self Destruct (then Days Went By) by benega: 3:15pm On Sep 12, 2016 |
Opinion loadiog 1 Like |
Re: Before I Self Destruct (then Days Went By) by JigsawKillah(m): 3:26pm On Sep 12, 2016 |
Joseph1832 Timpaker Texanomaly Firestar noble4d oahray et all criticise brutally please need to sharpen my pen |
Re: Before I Self Destruct (then Days Went By) by timpaker(m): 4:19pm On Sep 12, 2016 |
Another good one from Jigs! My brutal opinion. Lolz. First, I don't understand the word "Ds" . Secondly, I believe the change in secondary rhymes in your second verse is intentional. I also observed you wrote as if the event has occurred and yet you used present tense(s) notable in verse 2 & 3 (especially verse 2 line 3 & 4). Thirdly, I think there is a typo in verse 4 line 3, I guess you meant to write "brother" huh? Lastly, the poem depicts a heartbroken fella, lonely and depressed that his lover left him... But seeing her in hell is suicidal....... Oops! Yeah, before I self destruct..... I get it. Extra: I so much love your poetry collections on " Before I Self Destruct" and your writing style is dope and hood! 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Before I Self Destruct (then Days Went By) by JigsawKillah(m): 5:43pm On Sep 12, 2016 |
timpaker: i meant D**k lol Secondly, I believe the change in secondary rhymes in your second verse is intentional. I also observed you wrote as if the event has occurred and yet you used present tense(s) notable in verse 2 & 3 (especially verse 2 line 3 & 4). I was trying to let the reader see what I was seeing in the shortest way possible. I think I should use present tenses all through. you? Thirdly, I think there is a typo in verse 4 line 3, I guess you meant to write "brother" huh? I meant other. her(mother) other is supposed to be her husband Lastly, the poem depicts a heartbroken fella, lonely and depressed that his lover left him... But seeing her in hell is suicidal....... Oops! Yeah, before I self destruct..... I get it. tuale Boss! |
Re: Before I Self Destruct (then Days Went By) by firestar(f): 9:45am On Sep 13, 2016 |
My critique. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Before I Self Destruct (then Days Went By) by joseph1832(m): 11:46am On Sep 14, 2016 |
Nice Jigs. I noticed you used internal rhymes, rather than your usual end or slant rhyme. Why the change? 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Before I Self Destruct (then Days Went By) by JigsawKillah(m): 2:42pm On Sep 18, 2016 |
joseph1832: checking if I still had that rhyming skill |
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