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Advice For Newlyweds - Tips For A Successful Marriage by Opeomoope: 10:17am On Oct 25, 2016 |
Don't listen to advice from anyone: When
someone is getting married especially the
bride, many people tend to give her advice
that will supposedly help her marriage;
some do it with good intention and others
don't. But good intention or not, some of
these advice are biased and are likely to
stress you out in your new life. For example
in Nigeria some will tell the bride 'never let
your husband's people live with you',
'monitor how much your husband spends
on his family' and so on.
And to the groom, 'don't always give in to
your wife else...', 'women need to always be
shown who the boss in the house is' and so
on.
Having said that, advice coming from your
parents who've been successfully married
for many years could be helpful.
Your spouse's family is also your
responsibility: I had to mention this
because it's something one of my brother's
wives always said to me while I lived with
them. She wouldn't let me cook and when
she does she wouldn't include my share.
And when I asked she'll say "my husband is
my only responsibility". Likely before she got
married someone had told her that she
should make sure her husband's sister
move out because immediately they got
married she was doing everything to ensure
that.
While I'd rather any family member doesn't
live with a married couple especially
newlyweds; sometimes there could be a
good reason for it and you'll have to
accommodate your spouse relations for
awhile.
For example the last time I visited my sister's
family I met the husband's nephew living
there and when I asked my sister why, she
said the owner of the house he was living
suddenly sold the house and asked them to
move out. Life is full of many unforeseen
occurrences, when a relation of your spouse
has a good reason to temporarily live with
you, it's not time for you to be territorial
instead be understanding and welcoming.
After all, if you love your spouse, you should
naturally also love those he or she loves.
When you marry you marry a family not just
your spouse.
Know when to be the fool: I keep telling
one of my neighbor's wives this because
she seem to be the type that if her husband
say abusive words to her, she must respond
with more cruel words. And I'm like can't
you just keep quiet when he's angry like
that?
Marriage isn't a competition for headship or
any other thing for that matter. When two
people are boiling with anger and no one is
willing to calm down and be the fool then
they could do real damage to each other.
Sometimes you may be even be right and
you feel your spouse is unnecessarily angry,
it's not time for you to also be angry
especially when he or she becomes abusive.
Keeping quiet and waiting to discuss
matters when your spouse is calm and
saying I'm sorry even when you're not really
at fault are not signs of weakness instead
signs of maturity and doing that you'll be
able to avoid serious quarrels.
Don't read meaning to everything learn to
laugh over some things.
Make God the third party in your marriage:
God is the institutor of marriage and he
provided guidelines in the bible for a
successful marriage. So anytime you need
advice turn to the bible for answers not
family and friends. See bible verses about
marriage.
Keep private matters private: The success
of your marriage depends on you and your
spouse not anyone else. So learn to deal
with your issues privately. Don't go running
to your mother or friends each time there's
a misunderstanding; trust me sometimes
they'll aggravate the whole thing. Moreover
there are some friends who are not happy
in their marriage and will take the
opportunity to create problems in yours.
Now you have to think Us not Me: Before
you were married you likely did things when
you wanted to without having to answer to
anyone and enjoyed your own space
without anyone to bother you. Now you're
married, you have to recognize that and
adjust where necessary. Don't go out
without telling your spouse, don't keep late
night without giving an explanation, don't
be unnecessarily territorial and consider
your spouse at all times.
Focus on the good things: No one has a
perfect spouse trust me. My parents are one
of the few long time happily married
couples I know. However on their 25th
anniversary my Dad admitted that their
success is not because they are perfect.
Every one of us have our great sides and not
so great sides. It's likely you won't be
satisfied with everything your spouse does,
however instead of focusing on those
things and gradually becoming bitter, focus
on the things you do love about him or her.
And if you're really bothered by something
he or she is doing, then discuss it and you
both should find a way that is fair to both of
you to improve on it.
Make the effort to have good marital sex:
There's a reason why many believe that
marital sex is boring. Some couples
obviously let things go once they're married
especially after having children.
Sex is part of the deal that comes with being
married. Although no one said you must
have sex while married and you could
decide not to if both of you are okay with it,
however if it's something important to the
two of you or one of you, then the other
must make real effort to deliver.
It's normal if two people don't have the
same intensity for sex. One person might be
more sexually demanding than the other but
instead of the other person to be turned off
by it, he or she should make workable
compromises. Keeping things interesting
could help. Not everyone will still be
interested if sex is always done traditionally.
Spice things up. Don't have a fixed time for
sex, instead go with the mood and carry
your partner along too.
Instead of being aroused and suddenly
asking your partner for sex, do things that
naturally arouse him or her too; things like
flirting, leaving a love note, giving surprises
and so on. This will not only make sex
interesting and satisfying but also makes
the other person feel special.
Be open-minded to the sexual needs of your
partner. And if there's a medical reason you
can't give your spouse a satisfying sex, then
see a doctor.
For more marital sex tips, read the following
articles:
Wedding night ideas
How to make first time sex on wedding
night feel good
How to have hot honeymoon night sex
Keep communication line open: Make it a
regular habit to sit and talk, talk about the
little and big things, get to know each other
better and build your trust for each other.
Before you both go to bed discuss how your
day went and don't let disagreement linger
on. That's what true friends do and that's
what you and your spouse should aim to be
since you'll be spending the rest of your
lives together.
Create memories that you can both look
back on with joy many years later.
Don't lose who you are: Your spouse
married you because of WHO YOU ARE. If you
lose that, then admiration and respect is
likely to diminish. So while you'll have to
make some compromises for your marriage,
make sure you don't lose who you are in the
process. And that include your physical
appearance and your lifestyle. If your spouse
married you while you were fitted he or she
likely prefers that stature so take care of
your physique and do your best to remain
your own person; don't get lost in your
spouse's shadow.
If you kept friends before, try to still keep in
touch with some of them. Make
arrangement to go out with close friends
once a while and have fun. If you had a job
keep your job or if you're the wife create a
work schedule that can allow you more
time. You can become an entrepreneur. The
point is, don't be nothing without your
marriage. Have activities going on in your
life that are just for you. You'll not only be
happier but having separate things you do
without your spouse gives you more to talk
about and connect with. And more reason
for your spouse to continue to admire and
respect you.
Respect each other: Deal with each other
with respect whenever there's a
disagreement; fight fair. A man is the head
of the house God made it so; so women
ought to be submissive and men ought to
be loving and know that their wives are
weaker vessels as the bible said. Compliment
each other regularly and show appreciation
more than you complain about things.
Without respect you'll end up tearing down
your relationship instead of building it.
Discuss finances: Now you're married, there
are more responsibilities so you can't be
selfish. Adding to your needs and perhaps
that of family members you support, now
you have your in-laws who may come to you
sometimes for financial support and you'll
be starting a family soon so you both have
to be wiser in the way you spend your
money.
Be understanding and cooperate with your
spouse in managing your resources. This is
not the time to be crazy over latest gadgets.
Instead both of you should come up with a
way to manage your resources properly.
You can decide on how much you both
want to allocate to monthly expenses,
emergency funds and savings for the month
and how much each of you should
contribute to each account. And then make
sure you don't significantly exceed the
amount for your monthly expenses each
month. And try to stay away from debt.
Explore/Support each other's interest: You
don't have to like what your spouse likes
but try to support it especially if he or she is
passionate about it.
For example many men are crazy about
football. If you're a Nigerian you know how
men who are passionate about football get
when their favorite club loses a match, some
become grumpy and even refuse to eat.
Personally I think it's stupid; why will they
be taking Panadol for someone else's
headache? The players, lose or win they'd
still be paid handsomely.
However it's something they are passionate
about. So if that's the case with your spouse
though you don't agree but don't start to
run him down either especially not when his
club loses a match, be supportive.
Also when you can watch the match with
your spouse it's always more interesting
when two or more people watches a match
together. This is just an example.
You can also find things that you both enjoy
doing together. Sharing interests continues
to build your bond for each other and keep
you connected. Also it helps make sure that
you two spend time together regularly.
Take 100% responsibility for the success of
your marriage. And I hope you put my
advice for newlyweds to use. |
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